Chris's epitaph

[BurtyDrappedCreifs]

When Chris dies, what would you choose as a suitable epitaph to place on his gravestone?

A Fool Lies Here

 

[José Mourinho]

On 20 February 2009, this is what he shouted, "JULLLLAAYYY!!!"

 

[Griffintown]

First, I wont think Chris will get a proper tombstone. If he's staying on his slow-burn self-destructive path, I assume that he will die alone and completely broke. So this might happen to him:

Virginia cuts aid for indigent burials

[...] The cases are called indigent burials, but that is often a misnomer because many end in cremation. Until now, cities in South Hampton Roads provided a maximum amount of assistance of $500 to $750. The state covered 62.5 percent of the cost.

Virginia Beach and Chesapeake will continue to offer up to $500, officials there said. Suffolk, which also offers $500, was undecided as of last week on whether it would stick with that amount, a spokeswoman said.[...]

[...]For an indigent cremation, Gardner provides a cardboard box with a plywood slab on the bottom to transport the body. The state requires a container, so a sheet or bag won't do, he said.[...]
http://hamptonroads.com/2010/06/virgini ... nt-burials

Up to that point, if a benevolent soul is ready to pay for a proper lot at the cemetery and a tombstone, I assume that within the week some troll would had written "JULAY" on it.

 

[Kosher Dill]

And if Chris goes first I get the nasty feeling she'll add his corpse to the hoard, like some hoarders with dead pets.

But if she doesn't hold a funeral, how can she request cash in lieu of flowers?

 

[Princess Robee]

This is what I thought of when I read the thread title.

 

[RagtimeRoastBeefy]

When Chris dies, what would you choose as a suitable epitaph to place on his gravestone?

In his last days, years after Barb has departed this Earth, Christian Weston Chandler will be surrounded by people who care for him, but don't care about him.

And then, with a final fleeting thought of Sonichu, his magnum opus, he will die.

And his gravestone, which will go untended, will just say:

FAG

Read by original narrator LOL

strapped for cash in his last words he will give the Christian love day speech to the person in charge of taking down the epitaph. When the person says "you can't afford that" he will just utter "sonichu"

 

[Big Buns]

I wouldn't be surprised if Barb already has a plot set up for Chris to be buried next to her (and Bob?). She seems to be the kinda person who would want that.

 

[Picklepower]

"Now the Heavenly father, will cut down his internet."

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

"If found, please dig up and bury with Patti.

Stay safe,

Christian Weston Chandler, original creator of Sonichu, Rosechu, and the city of Cwcville; autistic warrior, heterosexual tomgirl artist, and corpse."

I wouldn't be surprised if Barb already has a plot set up for Chris to be buried next to her (and Bob?). She seems to be the kinda person who would want that.

Well, if she were really being thrifty, she could just have him share a coffin with her. Spoon forever!

 

[CatParty]

Spoiler

this one's for The Dude

 

[Judge Holden]

I wouldn't be surprised if Barb already has a plot set up for Chris to be buried next to her (and Bob?). She seems to be the kinda person who would want that.

Well, if she were really being thrifty, she could just have him share a coffin with her. Spoon forever!

That is both disturbing and disgusting.... but horrifyingly plausable

 

[Donald Duck]

And if Chris goes first I get the nasty feeling she'll add his corpse to the hoard, like some hoarders with dead pets.

But if she doesn't hold a funeral, how can she request cash in lieu of flowers?

She could still try to take him home afterwards... especially if they cremate him.

Speaking of which, and I think this has been asked before quite a few times so forgive me for asking again, but would Barb even be able to afford a proper funeral for him if Chris does die first? I believe their financial situation is rather tight right now and I highly doubt Chris has any life insurance to cover himself. For that matter, would Chris even be able to afford a funeral for Barb? Most elderly folks I understand have insurance to at least cover their own funeral expenses to take away the burden on their family, but would they even be able to afford it or would Barb even have that kind of consideration for her son?

 

[CatParty]

And if Chris goes first I get the nasty feeling she'll add his corpse to the hoard, like some hoarders with dead pets.

But if she doesn't hold a funeral, how can she request cash in lieu of flowers?

She could still try to take him home afterwards... especially if they cremate him.

Speaking of which, and I think this has been asked before quite a few times so forgive me for asking again, but would Barb even be able to afford a proper funeral for him if Chris does die first? I believe their financial situation is rather tight right now and I highly doubt Chris has any life insurance to cover himself. For that matter, would Chris even be able to afford a funeral for Barb? Most elderly folks I understand have insurance to at least cover their own funeral expenses to take away the burden on their family, but would they even be able to afford it or would Barb even have that kind of consideration for her son?

would "consumed by the hoard" count as a funeral?

 

[Kosher Dill]

Only if she says a few words first to remember him by.
"Mine.... mine.... mine"

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

I think it's obvious, his tombstone will just say "Playstation 3" on it.

Since, you know... his tombstone will just be his actual PS3.

 

[Butta Face Lopez]

Well, if she were really being thrifty, she could just have him share a coffin with her. Spoon forever!

I don't remember exactly where I put it, but I believe it was in one of those hypothetical "What happens when Barb dies" type threads, but this was my response...which seems to have already been covered, but here's a visual anyway.

 

[Kosher Dill]

I think it's obvious, his tombstone will just say "Playstation 3" on it.

Since, you know... his tombstone will just be his actual PS3.

What, instead of an eternal flame he'll have an eternal PS3 running the Death Tutorial in LBP?

 

[Lady Houligan]

"A glooming peace this morning with it brings;
The sun for sorrow will not zap to the extreme.
Go hence to have more talk of these sad things,
Some shall be pardoned, and most punished,
For never was there a story of more woe
Than this of Christian Chandler and his Sonichu."

(yeah, woe and Sonichu don't rhyme, I know.)

 

[Male]

"l"

 

[BillRiley]

"A glooming peace this morning with it brings;
The sun for sorrow will not zap to the extreme.
Go hence to have more talk of these sad things,
Some shall be pardoned, and most punished,
For never was there a story of more woe
Than this of Christian Chandler and his Sonichu."

(yeah, woe and Sonichu don't rhyme, I know.)

A mighty effort, never-the-less. Well done!