Chris's excuses for being unemployed / pretending to be overworked megathread

Status
Not open for further replies.
Metalrain-01 said:
Found a picture regarding the court mandated program Chris had to take. Called the “Therapeutic Docket”. As you can imagine, the program did jack shit for Chris.
Info
View attachment 1482225
Click to expand...

It failed because @The Captain was more focused on shielding Chris from tormentors than actually correcting the damage caused by the Idea Battalion.

I actually relive that moment a lot on here. It was so fun being one of the people who called out how imprudent it was for Chris to squeal on a methed up, gun toting psycho like Bryan Silva.

Nevermind Sockness, Silva would have been capable of murdering Chris, and he lives in the same area.
 
  • Disagree
  • Agree
  • Winner
Reactions: Cardboard Box Mountain, Fapcop, The Un-Clit and 2 others
Autumnal Equinox said:
My first job was unloading trucks at a grocery store. Part time, no interaction with customers, just unload the freight with your crew in a timely manner, open and process it and have it ready to be stocked. It was simple work any idiot could do. I'd suggest it would be something even a mong like Chris could handle (we did have one slow-in-da-mind on the team who was a decent worker) but that's optimistic of me.

Could he even handle a basic monkey job like sorting glass or mopping floors?
Click to expand...
I don't think so. Chris hates work, even when he was given the opportunity to make money off Sonichu by selling comics and medallions he gave up and resorted to begging online and selling the trash from his horde. Chris is also pretty egotistical and would probably hate having a boss give him orders or telling him there's an emergency in another department and they need every available hand. Something like that would stress him out too much.

Fapcop said:
Holy...

Fucking...

Shit...

Imagine the poor court appointed psychologist who walks into his office, only to be greeted by THAT sight.

I’ll bet you the poor fucker turned right back around, walked back to his car, and drank deep and long from the bourbon he keeps on the glove compartment for days like this.
Click to expand...
Is it any surprise why they pushed him through the program even though he wasn't following the rules? No therapist wants to deal with a 40 year old man who dresses like a little girl going on about how his job is Goddess of Imaginationland.
 
  • Agree
  • Like
  • Feels
Reactions: Cardboard Box Mountain, Rice of Nishiki, Abarefiller and 4 others
Strange Wilderness said:
I don't think so. Chris hates work, even when he was given the opportunity to make money off Sonichu by selling comics and medallions he gave up and resorted to begging online and selling the trash from his horde. Chris is also pretty egotistical and would probably hate having a boss give him orders or telling him there's an emergency in another department and they need every available hand. Something like that would stress him out too much.


Is it any surprise why they pushed him through the program even though he wasn't following the rules? No therapist wants to deal with a 40 year old man who dresses like a little girl going on about how his job is Goddess of Imaginationland.
Click to expand...
It's like the state social worker scenes in the joker movie, except I think Arthur fleck would be better company and at least dressed decently
 
  • Like
Reactions: Broseph, Hogar Grupal, Peru oso donas and 1 other person
Fapcop said:
Holy...

Fucking...

Shit...

Imagine the poor court appointed psychologist who walks into his office, only to be greeted by THAT sight.

I’ll bet you the poor fucker turned right back around, walked back to his car, and drank deep and long from the bourbon he keeps on the glove compartment for days like this.
Click to expand...
I get the feeling Chris is the reason a lot of people in his neck of the wood acquired a drinking habit.
 
  • Feels
  • Like
  • Agree
Reactions: Rice of Nishiki, Broseph, Hogar Grupal and 2 others
Honestly, "Sonichu" right now has zero excuse not to look for a job. His "Mama" is working hard on the merge in the other dimension, so that's covered. He claimed that Barb is gonna survive the merge, so she doesn't need to be taken care of anymore. Further more, Sonichu wasn't "traumatized" like Chris did nor does he have autism. Besides, "Sonichu"'s reputation wasn't tarnished like Chris did. So all "Sonichu" has to do is send in some resumes and tell his employers that he is Sonichu and not Chris.
 
  • Like
  • Thunk-Provoking
  • DRINK!
Reactions: Rice of Nishiki, Abarefiller, ToroidalBoat and 9 others
Real G said:
Honestly, "Sonichu" right now has zero excuse not to look for a job. His "Mama" is working hard on the merge in the other dimension, so that's covered. He claimed that Barb is gonna survive the merge, so she doesn't need to be taken care of anymore. Further more, Sonichu wasn't "traumatized" like Chris did nor does he have autism. Besides, "Sonichu"'s reputation wasn't tarnished like Chris did. So all "Sonichu" has to do is send in some resumes and tell his employers that he is Sonichu and not Chris.
Click to expand...

Finally someone can fill in the "Special Talents" part of an application like they're one of the X-men.
 
  • Like
Reactions: ToroidalBoat, Hogar Grupal and Grumpy Pickle Rick
Real G said:
Honestly, "Sonichu" right now has zero excuse not to look for a job. His "Mama" is working hard on the merge in the other dimension, so that's covered. He claimed that Barb is gonna survive the merge, so she doesn't need to be taken care of anymore. Further more, Sonichu wasn't "traumatized" like Chris did nor does he have autism. Besides, "Sonichu"'s reputation wasn't tarnished like Chris did. So all "Sonichu" has to do is send in some resumes and tell his employers that he is Sonichu and not Chris.
Click to expand...
Apparently he's just as much a lazy dumbass as his "mama."
 
  • Agree
  • Like
Reactions: ToroidalBoat, Broseph, Hogar Grupal and 2 others
Papadopoulos said:
I don't think a mom and pop pizza shop would hire Chris even if they were extremely desperate for employees and in million dollar debt to the Mafia. Homebolio will never understand what putting in work is like.
Click to expand...
Nevermind the fact that during a global pandemic, cleanliness is emphasized more than ever in the foodservice industry. Chris would complain about being unable to breathe in his face mask and take it off periodically; He'd get chewed out by either a manajerk or a customer, and I've seen fistfights break out over people ignoring the mask rule. Though I do want to see Chris get his first legitimate ass whupping.
 
  • Optimistic
  • Agree
  • Like
Reactions: Rice of Nishiki, Abarefiller, Broseph and 2 others
So idk if it's still possible with covid but I did work a temp job once passing out copies of time out New York in battery park a few years ago.

All Chris would have to do is stand around outside handing out free mags like time out...but I don't know if Charlottesville has any magazine publishers like that. And if course even that would be too much for him he'd find something to complain about
 
  • Like
Reactions: Rice of Nishiki, Broseph and Hogar Grupal
Strange Wilderness said:
I don't think so. Chris hates work, even when he was given the opportunity to make money off Sonichu by selling comics and medallions he gave up and resorted to begging online and selling the trash from his horde. Chris is also pretty egotistical and would probably hate having a boss give him orders or telling him there's an emergency in another department and they need every available hand. Something like that would stress him out too much.
Click to expand...
A while back, I was re-listening to the Alec Benson Leary calls, and at one point Alec points out that Sonichu is basically Chris' job. Chris' response was that he hated it when Sonichu was put in the perspective as being his job. He concedes that he wants Sonichu to be his moneymaking franchise, but he seems to want it both ways where it's his work of art but he doesn't want to think of it as actual work. Chris is so averse to work that the instant he thinks of Sonichu as a job, he doesn't find it fun anymore and would rather shit his pants and do nothing, which is probably why Sonichu went on a years-long hiatus and why he regularly failed to deliver on his promises of merchandise.
 
  • Agree
  • Winner
  • Like
Reactions: Rossacciu, The Un-Clit, Spergichu and 10 others
Hogar Grupal said:
The only jobs where I can see Chris being at is working as a volunteer for conventions, or working a hobby store like The Game Place or The End Games.

However, I can see Chris try to sell his own messed up card game and get fired.
Click to expand...

I like to think that Chris could've gotten a job at the Game Place back in the day if he wasn't such a fucking mongoloid.

He could've made a good impression with the management there by volunteering to help out with the games (that one time he claims he "volunteered" to fill in for somebody doesn't count) and he could've helped customers by recommending what games would be good for them and actually made the kids there have a fun time by playing Pokemon with them instead of yelling at kids everytime he lost and generally acting like an overgrown 10 year old with autism.
 
  • Feels
  • Agree
Reactions: Hogar Grupal, The Un-Clit and Fart
LOL at meditation, since it's pretty much just turning your brain off while conscious.
 
If Chris's cult has actual followers, and expected to do ritual routine, he'll ditch the whole merge bullshit because it's work.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back