Chris's resume

[PacSol]

Thank you for the analysis, JULAY. That was very informative (and pretty funny, too).

To be honest, though, I'm not sure how I'd get a job under Chris's circumstances. He's... his only real jobs were a scam and getting fired from a fast food place after three months. How... (shakes head)

 

[CatParty]

Sonichu would like to inform you of something, Miss Mary Lee Walsh... CURSE-YE-HA-ME-HAAAAAA!

Hmm, yeah.

goddamn his neck roll thing on his medallion his huge.

and the sweatband around the necklace is big too

 

[Kosher Dill]

I bet he would do it for a potential heartsweet. If she made it a condition.

Kacey tried that already. After much foot-dragging he claimed to have gone for an interview at Target, but who knows if that was a lie or not.

 

[pickleniggo]

I bet he would do it for a potential heartsweet. If she made it a condition.

Kacey tried that already. After much foot-dragging he claimed to have gone for an interview at Target, but who knows if that was a lie or not.

According the Chris, he went on the interview and awkwardly complimented the female conducting it. That is evidently the only detail he can remember about the interview itself. Creep.

 

[Saney]

I bet he would do it for a potential heartsweet. If she made it a condition.

Kacey tried that already. After much foot-dragging he claimed to have gone for an interview at Target, but who knows if that was a lie or not.

Didn't Jackie try to motivate him to get a job too, with the same results?

 

[Butta Face Lopez]

Maybe I can blame this "Googling prospective employees" business for my lack of luck in finding a better job so far.

Because according to a Google search of my name, I'm a junkie, and also dead.

 

[Anchuent Christory]

Maybe I can blame this "Googling prospective employees" business for my lack of luck in finding a better job so far.

Because according to a Google search of my name, I'm a junkie, and also dead.

Being deceased and being a junkie are both Skills that are more marketable than anything on Chris' resume.

 

[MysticMisty]

Decided to try Googling my name to see what a potential employer would see before an interview. I barely showed up in the results. Compared to Chris who has god knows how many pages of Google results (I only skimmed through ten and did not find any evidence of a link to a different Christian Weston Chandler). But that's assuming that someone would look at his resume and be further interested in hiring him.

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

I bet he would do it for a potential heartsweet. If she made it a condition.

Kacey tried that already. After much foot-dragging he claimed to have gone for an interview at Target, but who knows if that was a lie or not.

Didn't Jackie try to motivate him to get a job too, with the same results?

Yep. I think he made some talk about applying at a McDonalds once and then giving up. He did his best to ignore Jackie advising him that job hunting takes time and you need to apply at numerous places, therefore his one failed application at McDonalds doesn't count as an excuse to stop trying.

Of course, I don't believe he actually even applied there. I think he intended to never do it and say he did, just like with Kacey he intended to never get healthy or eat right but just say he did.

Decided to try Googling my name to see what a potential employer would see before an interview. I barely showed up in the results.

If you google my name, about the top 8 or so links are to some coroner's report about the untimely death of a great uncle of mine I didn't even know I had. Beneath that, you might find an old-ass livejournal entry by a guy I went to high school with saying I suck. That's about it.

 

[Kosher Dill]

Compared to Chris who has god knows how many pages of Google results

The really funny thing is, he could get rid of all his Google results in one shot by simply going as Chris Chandler rather than "Christopher Christian Weston Chandler, The TRUE Creator of Sonichu and Rosechu".
I go by my middle name in real life and don't even put my first name on my resume. No one's ever given me any trouble over it.

 

[Stratochu]

Just googled my name: I get references to the serial killer victim I share a name with, a bunch of LinkedIn and Facebook profiles (not my own, since I broke the rules and used an alias, albeit a very plausible one), a real-estate agent, but next to nothing about me and almost everything related to the Leonard Lake/Charles Ng case in which a victim shares a name with me.

 

[CatParty]

i mean if we all listen to him and "IGNORE ALL GOOGLE RESULTS" he seems like a pretty decent guy. but still the resume alone will keep him from ever being hired.

 

[DJAndyMD]

he is basically unemployable though through the new ways companies hire people. the first two things hr people do these days is google the prospective employee (IGNORE ALL GOOGLE RESULTS) and check the social media sites (sure a comapny will hire a guy making batshit crazy public facebook posts)

I thought using Facebook to get info on prospective employees was illegal.

In the United States?

It's illegal in Maryland, but I don't know about elsewhere. Apparently Maryland was the first state to pass a law about that and we did it about a year ago.

I am from Maryland and it is illegal to do that. Though with Chris' information being leaked almost anywhere, yeah it will not reflect well.

 

[JULAY]

Thank you for the analysis, JULAY. That was very informative (and pretty funny, too).

To be honest, though, I'm not sure how I'd get a job under Chris's circumstances. He's... his only real jobs were a scam and getting fired from a fast food place after three months. How... (shakes head)

Thank you for the complement!

Listen, Chris's only hope of getting a job is through a program that helps people with disabilities find (and keep) work. He's never, ever, under any circumstances going to get a job on his own. He's too lazy, his resume would never get him considered for anything, and I hesitate to think about how he would respond in an interview setting. At best, he's fit for janitorial work, or bundling newspapers for recycling, or other menial repetitious tasks that need to be done but are of no great significance. Basically, it's probably a good thing that Bob got him the Tugboat, because he's completely unprepared to have a job, at least one devoid of constant oversight to make sure that he's doing what he is supposed to do.

I used to volunteer to teach Special Olympians how to play basketball, and they all worked at a local co-op doing all sorts of small jobs with someone always there to keep an eye on them. Some of these people had much, much more severe disabilities than Chris, and accordingly needed to be watched over more than he would based on their impairment, but with the proper guidance, they were capable of doing the stuff that was asked of them. In Chris's case, it's not so much that he is incapable, but that he would bitch and moan about the grand number of things that he was told to do, then stress sigh and probably shit himself.

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

i mean if we all listen to him and "IGNORE ALL GOOGLE RESULTS" he seems like a pretty decent guy.

Ha, no he doesn't. He's rude, condescending, short-tempered, and duplicitous even under the most optimal of circumstances.

 

[mendoza]

He might as well post a link to the CWCki with a disclaimer IGNORE ALL NEGATIVE COMMENTS lol.

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

He might as well post a link to the CWCki with a disclaimor IGNORE ALL NEGATIVE COMMENTS lol.

That's exactly what he did when various sweethearts asked him to tell him things about himself and explain stories about him, but he was too lazy to do so.

 

[Anchuent Christory]

So here's a challenge guys, does anybody want to take the information on Chris' resume and attempt to rewrite it in a way that makes him look vaguely employable?

I'm certainly not up to it, i find it hard enough to sell myself to potential employers

 

[IanBrannanSOMETHING]

I have to give thanks to this thread; I'm job hunting at the moment and reading this inspired me to give my CV a big ol' overhaul.

I'm far happier with it now.

 

[Kosher Dill]

So here's a challenge guys, does anybody want to take the information on Chris' resume and attempt to rewrite it in a way that makes him look vaguely employable?

Can't be done. Removing all the garbage, all he has is Wendy's and Cutco a decade ago for a few months each. Anyone in charge of hiring will say, "Well what happened between now and then?", to which there's no good honest answer. If Chris wants a job, he needs to either go to a placement agency that specializes in cases like his, or use personal connections to find someone willing to give him a chance. Or simply apply to jobs that don't care if you have no work experience whatsoever.