Chris's resume

[Marvin]

So here's a challenge guys, does anybody want to take the information on Chris' resume and attempt to rewrite it in a way that makes him look vaguely employable?

Can't be done. Removing all the garbage, all he has is Wendy's and Cutco a decade ago for a few months each. Anyone in charge of hiring will say, "Well what happened between now and then?", to which there's no good honest answer. If Chris wants a job, he needs to either go to a placement agency that specializes in cases like his, or use personal connections to find someone willing to give him a chance. Or simply apply to jobs that don't care if you have no work experience whatsoever.

Just apply at some fast food joint. You don't bring resumes to jobs like that, you just fill out the application.

 

[mendoza]

Primary caregiver for terminally ill father who recently passed away (can provide hospital bills and death certificate for proof if asked).

Not sure whether it would fly, but it could get him a second look out of sympathy.

He'd better use some variation of his name that won't turn up on a google search though or he is SOL.

 

[BigAltheGreat921]

I googled my name and the top links were about some random video game character.

 

[CatParty]

i googled my name and just a dead slightly famous film maker came up

 

[QI 541]

Gee I wonder who would come up if we google Hulk Hogan's name.

 

[Anchuent Christory]

I googled my name and the top links were about the main character from Call of Duty Black Ops.

Um, does that mean we all know your real name now? ]P

Or were you just joking?

 

[Big Bob Pataki]

i googled my name and wouldn't you know it, i am the beeper king

they also say i'm a shitty parent and a jackass. slanderous trolls are jealous cause they don't have as many beepers as i do

 

[Tubular Monkey]

2012: Helped fight childhood cancer.

 

[CatParty]

2012: Helped fight childhood cancer.

"june 2012-june 2012 circuit city

primary duties: helped cultivate a cure for childhood cancer by raising a grand amount of monies as an employee for alex's lemonade stand
Good people/social skills, great memorization of the salesman routine, elbow-greased strength, quick construction skills from scratch, speed thinking"

 

[BigAltheGreat921]

I googled my name and the top links were about the main character from Call of Duty Black Ops.

Um, does that mean we all know your real name now? ]P


Or were you just joking?

Yeah it's my name. Sorry if I mini-doxed myself.

 

[Anchuent Christory]

I googled my name and the top links were about the main character from Call of Duty Black Ops.

Um, does that mean we all know your real name now? ]P


Or were you just joking?

Yeah it's my name. Sorry if I mini-doxed myself.

That's almost Chris-worthy!

May want to edit the original post and take out the name of the game mate.

 

[mendoza]

Don't sweat it Big Al, You have a common name so it doesn't really matter. Someone could throw up a CWCki about you and it would get still buried by hundreds of pages of other ____ ____'s.

 

[sparklemilhouse]

2012: Helped fight childhood cancer.

"june 2012-june 2012 circuit city

primary duties: helped cultivate a cure for childhood cancer by raising a grand amount of monies as an employee for alex's lemonade stand
Good people/social skills, great memorization of the salesman routine, elbow-greased strength, quick construction skills from scratch, speed thinking"

lol, it wasn't even at circuit city, instead Chris set up his stand at the church when he found out that the "trolls" found out about the circuit city location (right?).

 

[Fuzzy Wuzzy]

Don't sweat it Big Al, You have a common name so it doesn't really matter. Someone could throw up a CWCki about you and it would get still buried by hundreds of pages of other ____ ____'s.

I Googled my name and the first result is a firm manager for a multinational company. Yet in general, Chris gets more attention than those firm managers simply because of his online antics and his shitty resume thing.

 

[Saney]

Turns out my name is more common than I thought. Which is kind of weird, because I have a fairly uncommon surname (although, my first name is common as dirt, so...). You'd have to go through a fair few pages to find anything relevant to me, and even then you still wouldn't find very much.