I have always believed that if you are a good person, and you do good, you think good thoughts, you take care of the nature around you, you don’t destroy the Earth, you don’t destroy people, that you yourself would be taken care of! Somehow, miraculously, you would be okay!
I am not okay! I have given everything in me, and I am not okay! I am depleted!
41 years old, couch surfing sucks! Not having a space of my own, because I am extremely introverted, sucks! Not having my cats sucks! Not knowing our next step sucks!
And yet I am painting hand fans, and just the dreams and hope that one day, I can sell those and someone can enjoy them on the beach at Pier 60! Because that is the only dream I can hold on to right now! I don’t know where I am gonna live! I don’t know where I’m gonna sleep! But all I know is that is the dream! Is to sell my hand fans on Pier 60 in Clearwater Beach, Florida!
It is such a simple dream! So why is this so hard? I don’t get it! Is this, is this life this hard for everybody else?! ‘Cause from where I sit, there’s a lot of houses, a lot of cars. And it seems like a lot of people got their stuff together, and they figured it out earlier in life and I still can’t figure it out! And every time I thought I figured it out, well… I’ve crashed within months! I keep crashing my life and I don’t know how to make it! I don’t know how to stop! I don’t know how to fix it! I don’t know!
And no one’s advice is going to work in this situation! So don’t even give advice! I don’t want it, I don’t care! Your advice will be null and void! Because I guarantee you will not have a full grasp of my entire situation! Thank you for trying!
I just needed someone to hear me tonight! Someone, because truth is, I am really, really alone!