حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

Which Connor is the most amusing?

  • Semi-Motivated Connor, aka "I've written 200 words on my new story and took a walk with my grandma."

    Votes: 125 13.1%
  • Depressed Connor, or "Give me one reason why I shouldn't blow my brains out."

    Votes: 73 7.7%
  • Edgy Rebel Without a Cause Connor, or "Shut the fuck up you stupid motherfuckering faggots!"

    Votes: 528 55.3%
  • Smug Pseudo-Intellectual Connor or "I've read Bret Easton Ellis, you guys!"

    Votes: 228 23.9%

  • Total voters
    954
The Husbando and I came up with a theory that Eva actually suffers a rare neurological disorder triggered by a magnification flaw in her bifocal lenses that causes her to perceive the world as ugly and dangerous. It would explain why no one but Eva actually seems to notice to anything horrible going on, and also why the story keeps repeating the word "bifocals."
That would make the twist ending pretty good--in the end, the "weird" stuff Eva notices is her imagination. The nurse recommending heroin? Didn't happen. She was actually suggesting a peppermint. "THE MEEK SHALL NOT INHERIT"? Didn't exist. The rain? Nope. It's sunny. Holden takes her a licensed psychiatrist, which she imagines as being a dark, scary tower. She visits Dr. Krieger, who is actually a real doctor with an office. On his table is a small stuffed gorilla he names Abe. Or something.
 
You guys have cover the important stuff, so I'm just going to :story: at Connor being upset at someone else's plagiarism.

But Connor, I'm sure they were just going to put their own original spin on your tropes! That's totally not plagiarism!

The thing that cracked me up is that Connor thought he was serious. Like, the guy was obviously fucking with him & Connor completely fell for it.

. . .wait. . .
 
Connor must have dug up some major dirt on this TallyMan guy to have him so eagerly defend him against the most innocuous of teasing.
 
@BOLDYSPICY! - that is an amazing drawing. You actually got the horse looking annoyed (rather than just trampling Connor for his "leftovers" comment -- my niece is adopted, and she was chosen, via the most reputable and expensive international-adoption agency in the US, because her parents wanted her and not another baby, and today she's a completely fun kid who is a budding gymnast, dancer, swimmer, actor, soccer player... I could go on), and you even worked my frizzy hair texture in there. Well done, yo.
 
I love how Connors thread when he's away is a hub for people to speak of the productive things they're all doing/going to do/did and we get to sit around happily knowing we aren't Connor, and we won't let ourselves become Connor. He's transcended past a Lolcow at this point... Connor has become an ideal. A shining beacon of beautiful autism that brings out the best of everyone simply by existing.

Shine on you crazy spastic.
 
I love how Connors thread when he's away is a hub for people to speak of the productive things they're all doing/going to do/did and we get to sit around happily knowing we aren't Connor, and we won't let ourselves become Connor. He's transcended past a Lolcow at this point... Connor has become an ideal. A shining beacon of beautiful autism that brings out the best of everyone simply by existing.

Shine on you crazy spastic.

We have people chanting "shut up Connor" as a mantra to ward off negative or unproductive thoughts. I think that's amazing, and admittedly I've tried it a few times myself. Oddly enough it works!
 
Connor, I've waffled from being downright A-loggy at you, to trying to sincerely be helpful to your rather pathetic personal situation in life. It varied by day. You'd say something inane, I'd get pissed, yell at you, but my deep-down feeling that everyone is capable of personal improvement would win out in the end, and I'd honestly do my best to give you relevant advice. To try to reach out to a fellow human being to improve their situation.

With the above comment, you have both proven me wrong, and quite frankly- earned my deepest contempt. As an adopted person, I take deep personal offence at you comparing both me, and my adoptive parents loving relationship to a fucking goodwill jacket or Tupperware of leftover noodles. Your comment proves you emotional shallowness, intellectual buffoonery, and an almost titanium carbide resistance to accepting anything remotely approaching what constitutes a healthy emotional relationship in our society.

And not to put too fine a point on it, If I had you in arm's reach right now, I'd disjoint you like a fucking chicken. I'm that goddamn angry with your bullshit.

But simply put, you're not worth being made a personal project. All told, you're simply a pathetic know-nothing tryhard bag of bullshit and misogyny, leeching off the sweat of others for you living, impotently posturing as an "oppressed misunderstood intellectual" while you masturbate and dream of sadistic acts you would never have the balls or backbone to actually preform in the real world.

With the intell both you and this site have provided into your situation, I can think of no more appropriate fate to a total waste of biomass like yourself.

Enjoy your own personal hell. It's been forged by your own willful ignorance and apathy. You made your bed, now lie in it. It's no one's fault but your own.
In a perfect world I could rate this Winner and Feels infinitely, forever. One of either will have to suffice instead. :)

I really agree with your assessment of Connor's character (or lack thereof): even the most autistic person could understand why it's not ok to devalue kids, which leads me to believe that Connor's primary problem is that he's a horrible little monster, irrespective of any other issues.
 
@BOLDYSPICY! - that is an amazing drawing. You actually got the horse looking annoyed (rather than just trampling Connor for his "leftovers" comment -- my niece is adopted, and she was chosen, via the most reputable and expensive international-adoption agency in the US, because her parents wanted her and not another baby, and today she's a completely fun kid who is a budding gymnast, dancer, swimmer, actor, soccer player... I could go on), and you even worked my frizzy hair texture in there. Well done, yo.
Thank you so much! I was really worried, since it's been a while since I've even been around horses. I. . .also didn't know about your hair? My younger sister's had this gorgeous draft pony for over ten years now, & back when she & Blondie were still showing, she'd crimp her mane & give her a pseudo-perm. Blondie fucking loved it, & would strut around like she was the classiest pony ever. & that's where that came from, I guess? Also, that's so great about your niece. She sounds like a pretty cool kid.

I love how Connors thread when he's away is a hub for people to speak of the productive things they're all doing/going to do/did and we get to sit around happily knowing we aren't Connor, and we won't let ourselves become Connor. He's transcended past a Lolcow at this point... Connor has become an ideal. A shining beacon of beautiful autism that brings out the best of everyone simply by existing.

Shine on you crazy spastic.
Connor is, to use one of his beloved TV Tropes, my Paranoia Fuel. All lolcows are.
 
I've spent the past few weeks mainly sleeping in, playing video games, surfing the Internet, and occasionally skipping class. I can't remember the last time I exercised, I haven't been doing much reading recently, I eat like shit, and on the weekends I sometimes don't even leave the house.

But at least I'm not Connor.
 
Guys, don't you think Connor deserves to join the hallowed ranks of these lolcows?

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We could even stick him next to Vade, since they're twins separated at birth and everything.
 
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