Cooking with Kat (and DSP) thread

[Schmeckel]

i'd like to knows what phil's definition of "home made" is, food that made it into the home?

If there is one iota of warming up of a substance, it is officially considered "home made" in the eyes of Dave. Hungry man TV dinners, box casseroles where you just have to add water and a minor amount of shoulder power, day-old take-out that needs to be nuked for 30 seconds... Those all constitute home made meals in the Gouter Rim. Just remember that you have to tack on a bunch of extra modifiers to obfuscate the point that whatever was re-heated was probably garbage in the first place. Examples of these modifiers may include: gourmet, one-of-a-kind, from scratch, slaved away, own recipe, custom, improvised, or any combination of those (plus a bunch of others I'm too lazy to list because I'm too sauced on 100% custom, home made, slaved away for 8 minutes, perfectly spiced, extra brandied, my own recipe cobbled together after years of experimentation, egg nog).

Phil wouldn't know a home made meal if it bit him on his dumpy ass and mentioned him in a tweet saying "I'm a home made meal, you greasy ass-clown."

 

[TheGoutburglar]

Now that I think about it there's no way either of those two retards successfully made scrambled eggs.

They're not even hard to do, but given that Phil feels the need to emphasize that something was home-made, I'm given no choice but to agree.

My question is: how much of Khet's reluctance to cook, and limited understanding of the culinary arts, a result of living with Phil for this long? Because for one thing, no matter what you already know how to do, he's going tell you that you do it wrong, and otherwise give you reasons to wish he would just choke on the next Hot Pocket he stuffs in his mush mouth.

 

[Big Brown Schlub]

My question is: how much of Khet's reluctance to cook, and limited understanding of the culinary arts, a result of living with Phil for this long? Because for one thing, no matter what you already know how to do, he's going tell you that you do it wrong, and otherwise give you reasons to wish he would just choke on the next Hot Pocket he stuffs in his mush mouth.

That's something I've never considered but it makes perfect sense. Before he bitched out of posting any more Khet cooking updates the food itself looked reasonably well prepared, it didn't look mouth-watering and amazing and it was all just low-effort meals, but nobody expected it to look like something made by a pro chef and nobody expected her to make complex, dare I say, gourmet-style dishes. At least it looks better than all the monstrosities Phil churned out in his Poorly Cookin' with the Pig series. The thing that was hilarious about it was the way he hyped up the food like he just took a picture of a dish that came straight out of the kitchen at Gordon Ramsay's at Royal Hospital Road to feed his ego and to make it seem like he's a Mature Adult with an amazing Mature Adult wife to round out their Mature Adult relationship.
However when you look at the bigger picture concerning the meals, they still looked disgusting because most of them were just a mass of mashed potatoes with meat, no veggies to be found anywhere. Wouldn't be surprised if it was due to Phil's request because of his horrible palate, then eventually he'd start bitching about the way the individual items in the dishes were prepared, then Khet just went fuck it just buy pre-cooked flash-frozen dreck because it isn't worth expending any more effort than that since Phil has got the palate of an 80 year old man at a nursing home whose mental faculties have already been completely ravaged by Alzheimer's.

 

[TheGoutburglar]

That could also be another reason why he doesn't like being left behind when she goes shopping. He needs control over what she gets or else his meals won't be as shit as he likes them to be.

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

Swiped from the main thread:

First, a flex that's weird even by Phil standards:

That is a weird flex and whether he got it from IHOP or not isn't really the issue. He's talking about what he had for breakfast then flexing on his parents for only having toast. I mean they're old and normally old folk don't eat that much Christmas morning or not. But he just had to tweet about what he had for breakfast. But I'm thinking it wasn't IHOP because if it was he probably would have grammed it to show what a big, bountiful breakfast they had at the gout mansion.

Meanwhile that's nothing to even flex on in the first place.

 

[TheGoutburglar]

Possibly, but since we spot his bullshit so easily, he may have refrained from doing that for some plausible deniability. Then again, the fact he claims it was all home-made but posted no photos is a big red flag. He should really bother to remember that he and Khet are quite well known for hardly ever cooking anything.

 

[OverlySensitive]

I think its important to remember Phil LIKED mince pre packaged pies and while im a lazy scum who has tried to find a decent one, none exist. in a pre packaged form I have encountered. Zero. They all use basic bad orange marmalade and shit raisons.

This man liked those pies and while I have an undying love for canned brown raison bread these "pies" are indeed shit. Every single one no matter the brand.

This motherfucker LIKED mince prepackaged pies.

NO ONE, myself included, LIKES mince pies pre made and to boot unheated.

 

[Iron Hamster]

Possibly, but since we spot his bullshit so easily, he may have refrained from doing that for some plausible deniability. Then again, the fact he claims it was all home-made but posted no photos is a big red flag. He should really bother to remember that he and Khet are quite well known for hardly ever cooking anything.

This is my guess:

 

[Cyber Bowling]

One of the amusing things with the apparent conversation Phil had with his parents is it highlights how little he has to talk about and his obsession with food. He wants to flex on someone, so he resorts to saying he had a better meal with them. It's like he didn't even think to try and flex by talking about having a great relationship with his wife or having a big celebration or whatever because, to Phil, that matters significantly less then food. It's also a weird flex since when you think Christmas meals, dinner is what typically comes to mind, not breakfast.

 

[Iron Hamster]

One of the amusing things with the apparent conversation Phil had with his parents is it highlights how little he has to talk about and his obsession with food. He wants to flex on someone, so he resorts to saying he had a better meal with them. It's like he didn't even think to try and flex by talking about having a great relationship with his wife or having a big celebration or whatever because, to Phil, that matters significantly less then food. It's also a weird flex since when you think Christmas meals, dinner is what typically comes to mind, not breakfast.

The fact he has to have his parents buy whatever he eats for thanksgiving dinner makes this faggy flex even more disturbing.

 

[Autism Spectroscopy]

Now that I think about it there's no way either of those two retards successfully made scrambled eggs.

Don't underestimate Kat. Those scrambled eggs were delicious and crunchy!
E: Spelling

 

[TheGoutburglar]

he didn't even think to try and flex by talking about having a great relationship with his wife or having a big celebration or whatever because, to Phil, that matters significantly less then food. It's also a weird flex since when you think Christmas meals, dinner is what typically comes to mind, not breakfast.

Even if food wasn't so huge to Phil, he can't flex with his relationship and even he knows it. FFS, he didn't even get the type of meal right, trying anything more complicated than that is just suicide for him.

The fact he has to have his parents buy whatever he eats for thanksgiving dinner makes this faggy flex even more disturbing.

Has to? No, I think it's more like "chooses to". Phil seems to get off on being able to command people without ever actually issuing a command, a sure sign just by itself that his momma spoiled her little lumpy dumpling. Just look at how he treats his paypigs.

 

[Gloomy guest]

I don't believe for a minute Phil or Kat cooked that breakfast: you have to consider Phil was probably drunk the night before so he couldn't be bothered, doubt Kat would go to the trouble since shoving pre-made food into an oven is already hard enough work... He also said "including" so there was definitely a couple of hash browns he didn't mention. The flex on his parents is weird and out of left-field: he almost certainly had an argument with them on the phone and tweeted out a passive aggressive response that they won't read to make him feel like the mature adult again.

 

[Kosher Dill]

Even if food wasn't so huge to Phil, he can't flex with his relationship and even he knows it.

I want Dave Sr. to reply back, "We may be eating toast but at least my wife loves me."

 

[GunnlaugurSassoon]

In my mind, Pa Burnell is eating his regular breakfast of toast, a habit developed by the necessary asceticism of the jungles of Da Nang (and his wife eats the same because her taste buds are dead from decades of constant smoking). As he's hanging up the phone call with his son, his only child, DarkSydePhil, he hears a faint "Toast huh? Duhuhuhu"

 

[TheGoutburglar]

he almost certainly had an argument with them on the phone and tweeted out a passive aggressive response that they won't read to make him feel like the mature adult again.

That's what I think, too. Total DSP move.

I want Dave Sr. to reply back, "We may be eating toast but at least my wife loves me."

If what I suspect is the case, he may actually have done something like that. Or at least been thinking it.

 

[OverlySensitive]

If what I suspect is the case, he may actually have done something like that. Or at least been thinking it.

I agree with you, I think if Phil had have mainly talked to his mom he would have said "I talked to mah mom!". I think he got dad and dad has probably been getting pissy having to support two households on top Christmas having to buy the gifts too. Probably told Phil he's going to have to consider getting his shit together at some point.

 

[TheGoutburglar]

I'm thinking more along the lines of Dave telling Phil that he and Linda are done with him, completely. If they weren't a united front on this, we would be seeing a very different reaction from Phil.

 

[OverlySensitive]

I'm thinking more along the lines of Dave telling Phil that he and Linda are done with him, completely. If they weren't a united front on this, we would be seeing a very different reaction from Phil.

I don't know about this. I'm very hesitant to agree. I just get the overall impression Phil is exactly like his mom. A hoarder who likes to spree shop to escape reality. I don't know if she would back Dave up on that without caving in quickly, like before the call ended. Maybe a budgeting plan for Phil something like " We can only afford to pay these bills as well as a monthly allowance of *such and such* and we wont be giving you anymore than that." Type of thing. Cut him down a bit spending wise but I don't see her cutting Phil off from her teet.

 

[TheGoutburglar]

Phil wouldn't have flexed on both of them simultaneously if it were a situation where dad said "No", but mom said "Yes". And maybe they haven't cut him off entirely, but there is definitely less desire on their part to help him.

I don't think it's just from being tired of doing so, either. I think Dave did some digging and is now onto Phil's bullshit.