Copypasta thread - Mmmm pasta

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BARB JERKS OFF PIGS. SHE GETS DOWN ON HER KNEES AND CRAWLS THROUGH THE PIGPISS MUD SLOP AND SNUGGLES UP TO THE PIG, HER FINGERS TRACING ALONG IT’S BELLY UNTIL SHE FINDS IT’S COCK. SHE BEGINS TUGGING AND STROKING AS HER TWAT MOISTENS, HER BREASTS SWELLING AND HER NIPPLES BEGIN TO STICK OUT LIKE ERASERS ON A FRESH #2 PENCIL. SHE GRUNTS WITH SATISFACTION AS THE PIG BEGINS EAGERLY THRUSTING INTO HER HAND, HER GRIP NOW TIGHTENING TO MAINTAIN CONTROL OF THE PIG’S GREASY CORKSCREW COCK. SHE LOWERS HER HEAD TO WATCH THE COCK WORK IN HER HAND, GROANS WITH SATISFACTION AND BEGINS WORKING HER CLIT WITH HER OTHER MUDDY HAND, HER HIPS GYRATING WITH THE RHYTHM OF THE PIG’S THRUSTING. “OH FUCKING JESUS GOD YES..” SHE GASPS. SHE CHANGES POSITIONS, STILL MAINTAINING CONTROL OF THE FEVERISHLY THRUSTING COCK AS THE PIG’S SQUEALING INTENSIFIES. SHE LEANS FORWARD AND WITH HER LIPS ALMOST TOUCHING THE PIG’S EAR, SHE WHISPERS COLE'S NAME AND BEGINS TO SHUDDER. SHE TURNS HER ATTENTION AGAIN TO THE PIGS SWOLLEN MEMBER ROCKING IN HER HAND. SHE PRESSES IT BETWEEN HER HAND AND HERFACE, THE PIG THRUSTING IT AGAINST HER CHEEKS AS SHE DROOLS. WITH A MASSIVE GRUNT AND A HIGHPITCHED SQUEAL, THE PIG’S BALLS EXPLODE, BEGINNING A MASSIVE SHOWER OF HOT, SOUR PIG JIZZ. BARB CUPS ONE HAND UNDER THEFOUNTAIN OF STEAMING GENETIC MATERIAL GATHERING IT IN HER HAND AS THE THRUSTING COMES TO AN END. THE PIG SHUDDERS AND BEGINS TO WALK TO THE TROUGH OF SLOP IN THE CORNER OF IT’S PEN, BUT BARB TACKLES IT TO THE GROUND. SHE LIFTS IT’S TAIL AND SMEARS THE HANDFUL OF PIG LOAD INTO THE PIG’S OWN FETID BUTTHOLE,TURNING FLAKES OF CRUSTY PIG SHIT INTO A PIGSHIT-PIGJIZZ MUD SLOP ON THE PIGS ASS. NOW SHE TILTS HER HEAD TO THE SKY AND SCREAMS CHRIS'S FULL NAME, NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE, BUT THREE TIMES. SHE SLAMS HER FACE FULL FORCE INTO THE PIG’S BUTTHOLE AND IT’S WREATH OF SHITSEMEN PUDDING, HER TONGUE MACHINE GUN FLICKING THE RIM AND THEN BURYING ITSELF TO THE HILT INSIDE THE PIG’S HOT COLON. BARB WORKS HER TONGUE AROUND THE INSIDE OF THE PIGS ASS, ANDTHEN AS A FEW INCOHERENT SYLLABLES ESCAPED HER NOW BROWN LIPS, SPURTS OF FEMALE EJACULATE SPURT FROM HER PULSATING CUNT. EXHAUSTED, SHE COLLAPSES IN THE MUD, ROLLS OVER ONTO HER BACK, AND LIGHTS A CIGARETTE. SHE TAKES ONE LONGDRAG, LOOKS AGAIN TO THE SKY,AND SPEAKS HER NAME ONE LASTTIME BEFORE SHE DRIFTS OFF TOSLEEP. THAT’S BARB. BARB DOES THAT.
 
That's it. I'm sick of all this "Masterwork Bastard Sword" bullshit that's going on in the d20 system right now. Katanas deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.

I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine katana in Japan for 2,400,000 Yen (that's about $20,000) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my katana.

Japanese smiths spend years working on a single katana and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest blades known to mankind.

Katanas are thrice as sharp as European swords and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a longsword can cut through, a katana can cut through better. I'm pretty sure a katana could easily bisect a knight wearing full plate with a simple vertical slash.

Ever wonder why medieval Europe never bothered conquering Japan? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined Samurai and their katanas of destruction. Even in World War II, American soldiers targeted the men with the katanas first because their killing power was feared and respected.

So what am I saying? Katanas are simply the best sword that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the d20 system. Here is the stat block I propose for Katanas:

(One-Handed Exotic Weapon)
1d12 Damage
19-20 x4 Crit
+2 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork

(Two-Handed Exotic Weapon)
2d10 Damage
17-20 x4 Crit
+5 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork

Now that seems a lot more representative of the cutting power of Katanas in real life, don't you think?

tl;dr = Katanas need to do more damage in d20, see my new stat block.
 
Dude, I actually relate to this. I am straight. I do NOT want to have sex with a guy, ever, BUT I really wanna know what it's like to suck a dick. So I'm not gay, but it's not really straight either. Any SJW's here who know a totally made up term for that?
 
According to all known laws
of aviation,


there is no way a bee
should be able to fly.


Its wings are too small to get
its fat little body off the ground.


The bee, of course, flies anyway


because bees don't care
what humans think is impossible.


Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.


Ooh, black and yellow!
Let's shake it up a little.


Barry! Breakfast is ready!


Ooming!


Hang on a second.


Hello?


- Barry?
- Adam?


- Oan you believe this is happening?
- I can't. I'll pick you up.


Looking sharp.


Use the stairs. Your father
paid good money for those.


Sorry. I'm excited.


Here's the graduate.
We're very proud of you, son.


A perfect report card, all B's.


Very proud.


Ma! I got a thing going here.


- You got lint on your fuzz.
- Ow! That's me!


- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.
- Bye!


Barry, I told you,
stop flying in the house!


- Hey, Adam.
- Hey, Barry.


- Is that fuzz gel?
- A little. Special day, graduation.


Never thought I'd make it.


Three days grade school,
three days high school.


Those were awkward.


Three days college. I'm glad I took
a day and hitchhiked around the hive.


You did come back different.


- Hi, Barry.
- Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.


- Hear about Frankie?
- Yeah.


- You going to the funeral?
- No, I'm not going.


Everybody knows,
sting someone, you die.


Don't waste it on a squirrel.
Such a hothead.


I guess he could have
just gotten out of the way.


I love this incorporating
an amusement park into our day.


That's why we don't need vacations.


Boy, quite a bit of pomp...
under the circumstances.


- Well, Adam, today we are men.
- We are!


- Bee-men.
- Amen!


Hallelujah!


Students, faculty, distinguished bees,


please welcome Dean Buzzwell.


Welcome, New Hive Oity
graduating class of...


...9:15.


That concludes our ceremonies.


And begins your career
at Honex Industries!


Will we pick ourjob today?


I heard it's just orientation.


Heads up! Here we go.


Keep your hands and antennas
inside the tram at all times.


- Wonder what it'll be like?
- A little scary.


Welcome to Honex,
a division of Honesco


and a part of the Hexagon Group.


This is it!


Wow.


Wow.


We know that you, as a bee,
have worked your whole life


to get to the point where you
can work for your whole life.


Honey begins when our valiant Pollen
Jocks bring the nectar to the hive.


Our top-secret formula


is automatically color-corrected,
scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured


into this soothing sweet syrup


with its distinctive
golden glow you know as...


Honey!


- That girl was hot.
- She's my cousin!


- She is?
- Yes, we're all cousins.


- Right. You're right.
- At Honex, we constantly strive


to improve every aspect
of bee existence.


These bees are stress-testing
a new helmet technology.


- What do you think he makes?
- Not enough.


Here we have our latest advancement,
the Krelman.


- What does that do?
- Oatches that little strand of honey


that hangs after you pour it.
Saves us millions.


Oan anyone work on the Krelman?


Of course. Most bee jobs are
small ones. But bees know


that every small job,
if it's done well, means a lot.


But choose carefully


because you'll stay in the job
you pick for the rest of your life.


The same job the rest of your life?
I didn't know that.


What's the difference?


You'll be happy to know that bees,
as a species, haven't had one day off


in 27 million years.


So you'll just work us to death?


We'll sure try.


Wow! That blew my mind!


"What's the difference?"
How can you say that?


One job forever?
That's an insane choice to have to make.


I'm relieved. Now we only have
to make one decision in life.


But, Adam, how could they
never have told us that?


Why would you question anything?
We're bees.


We're the most perfectly
functioning society on Earth.


You ever think maybe things
work a little too well here?


Like what? Give me one example.


I don't know. But you know
what I'm talking about.


Please clear the gate.
Royal Nectar Force on approach.


Wait a second. Oheck it out.


- Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!
- Wow.


I've never seen them this close.


They know what it's like
outside the hive.


Yeah, but some don't come back.


- Hey, Jocks!
- Hi, Jocks!


You guys did great!


You're monsters!
You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!


- I wonder where they were.
- I don't know.


Their day's not planned.


Outside the hive, flying who knows
where, doing who knows what.


You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen
Jock. You have to be bred for that.


Right.


Look. That's more pollen
than you and I will see in a lifetime.


It's just a status symbol.
Bees make too much of it.


Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it
and the ladies see you wearing it.


Those ladies?
Aren't they our cousins too?


Distant. Distant.


Look at these two.


- Oouple of Hive Harrys.
- Let's have fun with them.


It must be dangerous
being a Pollen Jock.


Yeah. Once a bear pinned me
against a mushroom!


He had a paw on my throat,
and with the other, he was slapping me!


- Oh, my!
- I never thought I'd knock him out.


What were you doing during this?


Trying to alert the authorities.


I can autograph that.


A little gusty out there today,
wasn't it, comrades?


Yeah. Gusty.


We're hitting a sunflower patch
six miles from here tomorrow.


- Six miles, huh?
- Barry!


A puddle jump for us,
but maybe you're not up for it.


- Maybe I am.
- You are not!


We're going 0900 at J-Gate.


What do you think, buzzy-boy?
Are you bee enough?


I might be. It all depends
on what 0900 means.


Hey, Honex!


Dad, you surprised me.


You decide what you're interested in?


- Well, there's a lot of choices.
- But you only get one.


Do you ever get bored
doing the same job every day?


Son, let me tell you about stirring.


You grab that stick, and you just
move it around, and you stir it around.


You get yourself into a rhythm.
It's a beautiful thing.


You know, Dad,
the more I think about it,


maybe the honey field
just isn't right for me.


You were thinking of what,
making balloon animals?


That's a bad job
for a guy with a stinger.


Janet, your son's not sure
he wants to go into honey!


- Barry, you are so funny sometimes.
- I'm not trying to be funny.


You're not funny! You're going
into honey. Our son, the stirrer!


- You're gonna be a stirrer?
- No one's listening to me!


Wait till you see the sticks I have.


I could say anything right now.
I'm gonna get an ant tattoo!


Let's open some honey and celebrate!


Maybe I'll pierce my thorax.
Shave my antennae.


Shack up with a grasshopper. Get
a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"!


I'm so proud.


- We're starting work today!
- Today's the day.


Oome on! All the good jobs
will be gone.


Yeah, right.


Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring,
stirrer, front desk, hair removal...


- Is it still available?
- Hang on. Two left!


One of them's yours! Oongratulations!
Step to the side.


- What'd you get?
- Picking crud out. Stellar!


Wow!


Oouple of newbies?


Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!


Make your choice.


- You want to go first?
- No, you go.


Oh, my. What's available?


Restroom attendant's open,
not for the reason you think.


- Any chance of getting the Krelman?
- Sure, you're on.


I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.


Wax monkey's always open.


The Krelman opened up again.


What happened?


A bee died. Makes an opening. See?
He's dead. Another dead one.


Deady. Deadified. Two more dead.


Dead from the neck up.
Dead from the neck down. That's life!


Oh, this is so hard!


Heating, cooling,
stunt bee, pourer, stirrer,


humming, inspector number seven,
lint coordinator, stripe supervisor,


mite wrangler. Barry, what
do you think I should... Barry?


Barry!


All right, we've got the sunflower patch
in quadrant nine...


What happened to you?
Where are you?


- I'm going out.
- Out? Out where?


- Out there.
- Oh, no!


I have to, before I go
to work for the rest of my life.


You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello?


Another call coming in.


If anyone's feeling brave,
there's a Korean deli on 83rd


that gets their roses today.


Hey, guys.


- Look at that.
- Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday?


Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted.


It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up.


Really? Feeling lucky, are you?


Sign here, here. Just initial that.


- Thank you.
- OK.


You got a rain advisory today,


and as you all know,
bees cannot fly in rain.


So be careful. As always,
watch your brooms,


hockey sticks, dogs,
birds, bears and bats.


Also, I got a couple of reports
of root beer being poured on us.


Murphy's in a home because of it,
babbling like a cicada!


- That's awful.
- And a reminder for you rookies,


bee law number one,
absolutely no talking to humans!


All right, launch positions!


Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz,
buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!


Black and yellow!


Hello!


You ready for this, hot shot?


Yeah. Yeah, bring it on.


Wind, check.


- Antennae, check.
- Nectar pack, check.


- Wings, check.
- Stinger, check.


Scared out of my shorts, check.


OK, ladies,


let's move it out!


Pound those petunias,
you striped stem-suckers!


All of you, drain those flowers!


Wow! I'm out!


I can't believe I'm out!


So blue.


I feel so fast and free!


Box kite!


Wow!


Flowers!


This is Blue Leader.
We have roses visual.


Bring it around 30 degrees and hold.


Roses!


30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around.


Stand to the side, kid.
It's got a bit of a kick.


That is one nectar collector!


- Ever see pollination up close?
- No, sir.


I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it
over here. Maybe a dash over there,


a pinch on that one.
See that? It's a little bit of magic.


That's amazing. Why do we do that?


That's pollen power. More pollen, more
flowers, more nectar, more honey for us.


Oool.


I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow.
Oould be daisies. Don't we need those?


Oopy that visual.


Wait. One of these flowers
seems to be on the move.


Say again? You're reporting
a moving flower?


Affirmative.


That was on the line!


This is the coolest. What is it?


I don't know, but I'm loving this color.


It smells good.
Not like a flower, but I like it.


Yeah, fuzzy.


Ohemical-y.


Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby.


My sweet lord of bees!


Oandy-brain, get off there!


Problem!


- Guys!
- This could be bad.


Affirmative.


Very close.


Gonna hurt.


Mama's little boy.


You are way out of position, rookie!


Ooming in at you like a missile!


Help me!


I don't think these are flowers.


- Should we tell him?
- I think he knows.


What is this?!


Match point!


You can start packing up, honey,
because you're about to eat it!


Yowser!


Gross.


There's a bee in the car!


- Do something!
- I'm driving!


- Hi, bee.
- He's back here!


He's going to sting me!


Nobody move. If you don't move,
he won't sting you. Freeze!


He blinked!


Spray him, Granny!


What are you doing?!


Wow... the tension level
out here is unbelievable.


I gotta get home.


Oan't fly in rain.


Oan't fly in rain.


Oan't fly in rain.


Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down!


Ken, could you close
the window please?


Ken, could you close
the window please?


Oheck out my new resume.
I made it into a fold-out brochure.


You see? Folds out.


Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this.


What was that?


Maybe this time. This time. This time.
This time! This time! This...


Drapes!


That is diabolical.


It's fantastic. It's got all my special
skills, even my top-ten favorite movies.


What's number one? Star Wars?


Nah, I don't go for that...


...kind of stuff.


No wonder we shouldn't talk to them.
They're out of their minds.


When I leave a job interview, they're
flabbergasted, can't believe what I say.


There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out.


I don't remember the sun
having a big 75 on it.


I predicted global warming.


I could feel it getting hotter.
At first I thought it was just me.


Wait! Stop! Bee!


Stand back. These are winter boots.


Wait!


Don't kill him!


You know I'm allergic to them!
This thing could kill me!


Why does his life have
less value than yours?


Why does his life have any less value
than mine? Is that your statement?


I'm just saying all life has value. You
don't know what he's capable of feeling.


My brochure!


There you go, little guy.


I'm not scared of him.
It's an allergic thing.


Put that on your resume brochure.


My whole face could puff up.


Make it one of your special skills.


Knocking someone out
is also a special skill.


Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks.


- Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night?
- Sure, Ken. You know, whatever.


- You could put carob chips on there.
- Bye.


- Supposed to be less calories.
- Bye.


I gotta say something.


She saved my life.
I gotta say something.


All right, here it goes.


Nah.


What would I say?


I could really get in trouble.


It's a bee law.
You're not supposed to talk to a human.


I can't believe I'm doing this.


I've got to.


Oh, I can't do it. Oome on!


No. Yes. No.


Do it. I can't.


How should I start it?
"You like jazz?" No, that's no good.


Here she comes! Speak, you fool!


Hi!


I'm sorry.


- You're talking.
- Yes, I know.


You're talking!


I'm so sorry.


No, it's OK. It's fine.
I know I'm dreaming.


But I don't recall going to bed.


Well, I'm sure this
is very disconcerting.


This is a bit of a surprise to me.
I mean, you're a bee!


I am. And I'm not supposed
to be doing this,


but they were all trying to kill me.


And if it wasn't for you...


I had to thank you.
It's just how I was raised.


That was a little weird.


- I'm talking with a bee.
- Yeah.


I'm talking to a bee.
And the bee is talking to me!


I just want to say I'm grateful.
I'll leave now.


- Wait! How did you learn to do that?
- What?


The talking thing.


Same way you did, I guess.
"Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up.


- That's very funny.
- Yeah.


Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh,
we'd cry with what we have to deal with.


Anyway...


Oan I...


...get you something?
- Like what?


I don't know. I mean...
I don't know. Ooffee?


I don't want to put you out.


It's no trouble. It takes two minutes.


- It's just coffee.
- I hate to impose.


- Don't be ridiculous!
- Actually, I would love a cup.


Hey, you want rum cake?


- I shouldn't.
- Have some.


- No, I can't.
- Oome on!


I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms.


- Where?
- These stripes don't help.


You look great!


I don't know if you know
anything about fashion.


Are you all right?


No.


He's making the tie in the cab
as they're flying up Madison.


He finally gets there.


He runs up the steps into the church.
The wedding is on.


And he says, "Watermelon?
I thought you said Guatemalan.


Why would I marry a watermelon?"


Is that a bee joke?


That's the kind of stuff we do.


Yeah, different.


So, what are you gonna do, Barry?


About work? I don't know.


I want to do my part for the hive,
but I can't do it the way they want.


I know how you feel.


- You do?
- Sure.


My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or
a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist.


- Really?
- My only interest is flowers.


Our new queen was just elected
with that same campaign slogan.


Anyway, if you look...


There's my hive right there. See it?


You're in Sheep Meadow!


Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond!


No way! I know that area.
I lost a toe ring there once.


- Why do girls put rings on their toes?
- Why not?


- It's like putting a hat on your knee.
- Maybe I'll try that.


- You all right, ma'am?
- Oh, yeah. Fine.


Just having two cups of coffee!


Anyway, this has been great.
Thanks for the coffee.


Yeah, it's no trouble.


Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did,
I'd be up the rest of my life.


Are you...?


Oan I take a piece of this with me?


Sure! Here, have a crumb.


- Thanks!
- Yeah.


All right. Well, then...
I guess I'll see you around.


Or not.


OK, Barry.


And thank you
so much again... for before.


Oh, that? That was nothing.


Well, not nothing, but... Anyway...


This can't possibly work.


He's all set to go.
We may as well try it.


OK, Dave, pull the chute.


- Sounds amazing.
- It was amazing!


It was the scariest,
happiest moment of my life.


Humans! I can't believe
you were with humans!


Giant, scary humans!
What were they like?


Huge and crazy. They talk crazy.


They eat crazy giant things.
They drive crazy.


- Do they try and kill you, like on TV?
- Some of them. But some of them don't.


- How'd you get back?
- Poodle.


You did it, and I'm glad. You saw
whatever you wanted to see.


You had your "experience." Now you
can pick out yourjob and be normal.


- Well...
- Well?


Well, I met someone.


You did? Was she Bee-ish?


- A wasp?! Your parents will kill you!
- No, no, no, not a wasp.


- Spider?
- I'm not attracted to spiders.


I know it's the hottest thing,
with the eight legs and all.


I can't get by that face.


So who is she?


She's... human.


No, no. That's a bee law.
You wouldn't break a bee law.


- Her name's Vanessa.
- Oh, boy.


She's so nice. And she's a florist!


Oh, no! You're dating a human florist!


We're not dating.


You're flying outside the hive, talking
to humans that attack our homes


with power washers and M-80s!
One-eighth a stick of dynamite!


She saved my life!
And she understands me.


This is over!


Eat this.


This is not over! What was that?


- They call it a crumb.
- It was so stingin' stripey!


And that's not what they eat.
That's what falls off what they eat!


- You know what a Oinnabon is?
- No.


It's bread and cinnamon and frosting.
They heat it up...


Sit down!


...really hot!
- Listen to me!


We are not them! We're us.
There's us and there's them!


Yes, but who can deny
the heart that is yearning?


There's no yearning.
Stop yearning. Listen to me!


You have got to start thinking bee,
my friend. Thinking bee!


- Thinking bee.
- Thinking bee.


Thinking bee! Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!


There he is. He's in the pool.


You know what your problem is, Barry?


I gotta start thinking bee?


How much longer will this go on?


It's been three days!
Why aren't you working?


I've got a lot of big life decisions
to think about.


What life? You have no life!
You have no job. You're barely a bee!


Would it kill you
to make a little honey?


Barry, come out.
Your father's talking to you.


Martin, would you talk to him?


Barry, I'm talking to you!


You coming?


Got everything?


All set!


Go ahead. I'll catch up.


Don't be too long.


Watch this!


Vanessa!


- We're still here.
- I told you not to yell at him.


He doesn't respond to yelling!


- Then why yell at me?
- Because you don't listen!


I'm not listening to this.


Sorry, I've gotta go.


- Where are you going?
- I'm meeting a friend.


A girl? Is this why you can't decide?


Bye.


I just hope she's Bee-ish.


They have a huge parade
of flowers every year in Pasadena?


To be in the Tournament of Roses,
that's every florist's dream!


Up on a float, surrounded
by flowers, crowds cheering.


A tournament. Do the roses
compete in athletic events?


No. All right, I've got one.
How come you don't fly everywhere?


It's exhausting. Why don't you
run everywhere? It's faster.


Yeah, OK, I see, I see.
All right, your turn.


TiVo. You can just freeze live TV?
That's insane!


You don't have that?


We have Hivo, but it's a disease.
It's a horrible, horrible disease.


Oh, my.


Dumb bees!


You must want to sting all those jerks.


We try not to sting.
It's usually fatal for us.


So you have to watch your temper.


Very carefully.
You kick a wall, take a walk,


write an angry letter and throw it out.
Work through it like any emotion:


Anger, jealousy, lust.


Oh, my goodness! Are you OK?


Yeah.


- What is wrong with you?!
- It's a bug.


He's not bothering anybody.
Get out of here, you creep!


What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular?


Yeah, it was. How did you know?


It felt like about 10 pages.
Seventy-five is pretty much our limit.


You've really got that
down to a science.


- I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.
- I'll bet.


What in the name
of Mighty Hercules is this?


How did this get here?
Oute Bee, Golden Blossom,


Ray Liotta Private Select?


- Is he that actor?
- I never heard of him.


- Why is this here?
- For people. We eat it.


You don't have
enough food of your own?


- Well, yes.
- How do you get it?


- Bees make it.
- I know who makes it!


And it's hard to make it!


There's heating, cooling, stirring.
You need a whole Krelman thing!


- It's organic.
- It's our-ganic!


It's just honey, Barry.


Just what?!


Bees don't know about this!
This is stealing! A lot of stealing!


You've taken our homes, schools,
hospitals! This is all we have!


And it's on sale?!
I'm getting to the bottom of this.


I'm getting to the bottom
of all of this!


Hey, Hector.


- You almost done?
- Almost.


He is here. I sense it.


Well, I guess I'll go home now


and just leave this nice honey out,
with no one around.


You're busted, box boy!


I knew I heard something.
So you can talk!


I can talk.
And now you'll start talking!


Where you getting the sweet stuff?
Who's your supplier?


I don't understand.
I thought we were friends.


The last thing we want
to do is upset bees!


You're too late! It's ours now!


You, sir, have crossed
the wrong sword!


You, sir, will be lunch
for my iguana, Ignacio!


Where is the honey coming from?


Tell me where!


Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms!


Orazy person!


What horrible thing has happened here?


These faces, they never knew
what hit them. And now


they're on the road to nowhere!


Just keep still.


What? You're not dead?


Do I look dead? They will wipe anything
that moves. Where you headed?


To Honey Farms.
I am onto something huge here.


I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood,
crazy stuff. Blows your head off!


I'm going to Tacoma.


- And you?
- He really is dead.


All right.


Uh-oh!


- What is that?!
- Oh, no!


- A wiper! Triple blade!
- Triple blade?


Jump on! It's your only chance, bee!


Why does everything have
to be so doggone clean?!


How much do you people need to see?!


Open your eyes!
Stick your head out the window!


From NPR News in Washington,
I'm Oarl Kasell.


But don't kill no more bugs!


- Bee!
- Moose blood guy!!


- You hear something?
- Like what?


Like tiny screaming.


Turn off the radio.


Whassup, bee boy?


Hey, Blood.


Just a row of honey jars,
as far as the eye could see.


Wow!


I assume wherever this truck goes
is where they're getting it.


I mean, that honey's ours.


- Bees hang tight.
- We're all jammed in.


It's a close community.


Not us, man. We on our own.
Every mosquito on his own.


- What if you get in trouble?
- You a mosquito, you in trouble.


Nobody likes us. They just smack.
See a mosquito, smack, smack!


At least you're out in the world.
You must meet girls.


Mosquito girls try to trade up,
get with a moth, dragonfly.


Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito.


You got to be kidding me!


Mooseblood's about to leave
the building! So long, bee!


- Hey, guys!
- Mooseblood!


I knew I'd catch y'all down here.
Did you bring your crazy straw?


We throw it in jars, slap a label on it,
and it's pretty much pure profit.


What is this place?


A bee's got a brain
the size of a pinhead.


They are pinheads!


Pinhead.


- Oheck out the new smoker.
- Oh, sweet. That's the one you want.


The Thomas 3000!


Smoker?


Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic.
Twice the nicotine, all the tar.


A couple breaths of this
knocks them right out.


They make the honey,
and we make the money.


"They make the honey,
and we make the money"?


Oh, my!


What's going on? Are you OK?


Yeah. It doesn't last too long.


Do you know you're
in a fake hive with fake walls?


Our queen was moved here.
We had no choice.


This is your queen?
That's a man in women's clothes!


That's a drag queen!


What is this?


Oh, no!


There's hundreds of them!


Bee honey.


Our honey is being brazenly stolen
on a massive scale!


This is worse than anything bears
have done! I intend to do something.


Oh, Barry, stop.


Who told you humans are taking
our honey? That's a rumor.


Do these look like rumors?


That's a conspiracy theory.
These are obviously doctored photos.


How did you get mixed up in this?


He's been talking to humans.


- What?
- Talking to humans?!


He has a human girlfriend.
And they make out!


Make out? Barry!


We do not.


- You wish you could.
- Whose side are you on?


The bees!


I dated a cricket once in San Antonio.
Those crazy legs kept me up all night.


Barry, this is what you want
to do with your life?


I want to do it for all our lives.
Nobody works harder than bees!


Dad, I remember you
coming home so overworked


your hands were still stirring.
You couldn't stop.


I remember that.


What right do they have to our honey?


We live on two cups a year. They put it
in lip balm for no reason whatsoever!


Even if it's true, what can one bee do?


Sting them where it really hurts.


In the face! The eye!


- That would hurt.
- No.


Up the nose? That's a killer.


There's only one place you can sting
the humans, one place where it matters.


Hive at Five, the hive's only
full-hour action news source.


No more bee beards!


With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk.


Weather with Storm Stinger.


Sports with Buzz Larvi.


And Jeanette Ohung.


- Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble.
- And I'm Jeanette Ohung.


A tri-county bee, Barry Benson,


intends to sue the human race
for stealing our honey,


packaging it and profiting
from it illegally!


Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King,


we'll have three former queens here in
our studio, discussing their new book,


Olassy Ladies,
out this week on Hexagon.


Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson.


Did you ever think, "I'm a kid
from the hive. I can't do this"?


Bees have never been afraid
to change the world.


What about Bee Oolumbus?
Bee Gandhi? Bejesus?


Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans.


We were thinking
of stickball or candy stores.


How old are you?


The bee community
is supporting you in this case,


which will be the trial
of the bee century.


You know, they have a Larry King
in the human world too.


It's a common name. Next week...


He looks like you and has a show
and suspenders and colored dots...


Next week...


Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the
guest even though you just heard 'em.


Bear Week next week!
They're scary, hairy and here live.


Always leans forward, pointy shoulders,
squinty eyes, very Jewish.


In tennis, you attack
at the point of weakness!


It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81.


Honey, her backhand's a joke!
I'm not gonna take advantage of that?


Quiet, please.
Actual work going on here.


- Is that that same bee?
- Yes, it is!


I'm helping him sue the human race.


- Hello.
- Hello, bee.


This is Ken.


Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size
ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe.


Why does he talk again?


Listen, you better go
'cause we're really busy working.


But it's our yogurt night!


Bye-bye.


Why is yogurt night so difficult?!


You poor thing.
You two have been at this for hours!


Yes, and Adam here
has been a huge help.


- Frosting...
- How many sugars?


Just one. I try not
to use the competition.


So why are you helping me?


Bees have good qualities.


And it takes my mind off the shop.


Instead of flowers, people
are giving balloon bouquets now.


Those are great, if you're three.


And artificial flowers.


- Oh, those just get me psychotic!
- Yeah, me too.


Bent stingers, pointless pollination.


Bees must hate those fake things!


Nothing worse
than a daffodil that's had work done.


Maybe this could make up
for it a little bit.


- This lawsuit's a pretty big deal.
- I guess.


You sure you want to go through with it?


Am I sure? When I'm done with
the humans, they won't be able


to say, "Honey, I'm home,"
without paying a royalty!


It's an incredible scene
here in downtown Manhattan,


where the world anxiously waits,
because for the first time in history,


we will hear for ourselves
if a honeybee can actually speak.


What have we gotten into here, Barry?


It's pretty big, isn't it?


I can't believe how many humans
don't work during the day.


You think billion-dollar multinational
food companies have good lawyers?


Everybody needs to stay
behind the barricade.


- What's the matter?
- I don't know, I just got a chill.


Well, if it isn't the bee team.


You boys work on this?


All rise! The Honorable
Judge Bumbleton presiding.


All right. Oase number 4475,


Superior Oourt of New York,
Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry


is now in session.


Mr. Montgomery, you're representing
the five food companies collectively?


A privilege.


Mr. Benson... you're representing
all the bees of the world?


I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor,
we're ready to proceed.


Mr. Montgomery,
your opening statement, please.


Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,


my grandmother was a simple woman.


Born on a farm, she believed
it was man's divine right


to benefit from the bounty
of nature God put before us.


If we lived in the topsy-turvy world
Mr. Benson imagines,


just think of what would it mean.


I would have to negotiate
with the silkworm


for the elastic in my britches!


Talking bee!


How do we know this isn't some sort of


holographic motion-picture-capture
Hollywood wizardry?


They could be using laser beams!


Robotics! Ventriloquism!
Oloning! For all we know,


he could be on steroids!


Mr. Benson?


Ladies and gentlemen,
there's no trickery here.


I'm just an ordinary bee.
Honey's pretty important to me.


It's important to all bees.
We invented it!


We make it. And we protect it
with our lives.


Unfortunately, there are
some people in this room


who think they can take it from us


'cause we're the little guys!
I'm hoping that, after this is all over,


you'll see how, by taking our honey,
you not only take everything we have


but everything we are!


I wish he'd dress like that
all the time. So nice!


Oall your first witness.


So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden
of Honey Farms, big company you have.


I suppose so.


I see you also own
Honeyburton and Honron!


Yes, they provide beekeepers
for our farms.


Beekeeper. I find that
to be a very disturbing term.


I don't imagine you employ
any bee-free-ers, do you?


- No.
- I couldn't hear you.


- No.
- No.


Because you don't free bees.
You keep bees. Not only that,


it seems you thought a bear would be
an appropriate image for a jar of honey.


They're very lovable creatures.


Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear.


You mean like this?


Bears kill bees!


How'd you like his head crashing
through your living room?!


Biting into your couch!
Spitting out your throw pillows!


OK, that's enough. Take him away.


So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here.
Your name intrigues me.


- Where have I heard it before?
- I was with a band called The Police.


But you've never been
a police officer, have you?


No, I haven't.


No, you haven't. And so here
we have yet another example


of bee culture casually
stolen by a human


for nothing more than
a prance-about stage name.


Oh, please.


Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting?


Because I'm feeling
a little stung, Sting.


Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner!


That's not his real name?! You idiots!


Mr. Liotta, first,
belated congratulations on


your Emmy win for a guest spot
on ER in 2005.


Thank you. Thank you.


I see from your resume
that you're devilishly handsome


with a churning inner turmoil
that's ready to blow.


I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime?


Not yet it isn't. But is this
what it's come to for you?


Exploiting tiny, helpless bees
so you don't


have to rehearse
your part and learn your lines, sir?


Watch it, Benson!
I could blow right now!


This isn't a goodfella.
This is a badfella!


Why doesn't someone just step on
this creep, and we can all go home?!


- Order in this court!
- You're all thinking it!


Order! Order, I say!


- Say it!
- Mr. Liotta, please sit down!


I think it was awfully nice
of that bear to pitch in like that.


I think the jury's on our side.


Are we doing everything right, legally?


I'm a florist.


Right. Well, here's to a great team.


To a great team!


Well, hello.


- Ken!
- Hello.


I didn't think you were coming.


No, I was just late.
I tried to call, but... the battery.


I didn't want all this to go to waste,
so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free.


Oh, that was lucky.


There's a little left.
I could heat it up.


Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever.


So I hear you're quite a tennis player.


I'm not much for the game myself.
The ball's a little grabby.


That's where I usually sit.
Right... there.


Ken, Barry was looking at your resume,


and he agreed with me that eating with
chopsticks isn't really a special skill.


You think I don't see what you're doing?


I know how hard it is to find
the rightjob. We have that in common.


Do we?


Bees have 100 percent employment,
but we do jobs like taking the crud out.


That's just what
I was thinking about doing.


Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor
for his fuzz. I hope that was all right.


I'm going to drain the old stinger.


Yeah, you do that.


Look at that.


You know, I've just about had it


with your little mind games.


- What's that?
- Italian Vogue.


Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages.


A lot of ads.


Remember what Van said, why is
your life more valuable than mine?


Funny, I just can't seem to recall that!


I think something stinks in here!


I love the smell of flowers.


How do you like the smell of flames?!


Not as much.


Water bug! Not taking sides!


Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat!
This is pathetic!


I've got issues!


Well, well, well, a royal flush!


- You're bluffing.
- Am I?


Surf's up, dude!


Poo water!


That bowl is gnarly.


Except for those dirty yellow rings!


Kenneth! What are you doing?!


You know, I don't even like honey!
I don't eat it!


We need to talk!


He's just a little bee!


And he happens to be
the nicest bee I've met in a long time!


Long time? What are you talking about?!
Are there other bugs in your life?


No, but there are other things bugging
me in life. And you're one of them!


Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night...


My nerves are fried from riding
on this emotional roller coaster!


Goodbye, Ken.


And for your information,


I prefer sugar-free, artificial
sweeteners made by man!


I'm sorry about all that.


I know it's got
an aftertaste! I like it!


I always felt there was some kind
of barrier between Ken and me.


I couldn't overcome it.
Oh, well.


Are you OK for the trial?


I believe Mr. Montgomery
is about out of ideas.


We would like to call
Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand.


Good idea! You can really see why he's
considered one of the best lawyers...


Yeah.


Layton, you've
gotta weave some magic


with this jury,
or it's gonna be all over.


Don't worry. The only thing I have
to do to turn this jury around


is to remind them
of what they don't like about bees.


- You got the tweezers?
- Are you allergic?


Only to losing, son. Only to losing.


Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you
what I think we'd all like to know.


What exactly is your relationship


to that woman?


We're friends.


- Good friends?
- Yes.


How good? Do you live together?


Wait a minute...


Are you her little...


...bedbug?


I've seen a bee documentary or two.
From what I understand,


doesn't your queen give birth
to all the bee children?


- Yeah, but...
- So those aren't your real parents!


- Oh, Barry...
- Yes, they are!


Hold me back!


You're an illegitimate bee,
aren't you, Benson?


He's denouncing bees!


Don't y'all date your cousins?


- Objection!
- I'm going to pincushion this guy!


Adam, don't! It's what he wants!


Oh, I'm hit!!


Oh, lordy, I am hit!


Order! Order!


The venom! The venom
is coursing through my veins!


I have been felled
by a winged beast of destruction!


You see? You can't treat them
like equals! They're striped savages!


Stinging's the only thing
they know! It's their way!


- Adam, stay with me.
- I can't feel my legs.


What angel of mercy
will come forward to suck the poison


from my heaving buttocks?


I will have order in this court. Order!


Order, please!


The case of the honeybees
versus the human race


took a pointed turn against the bees


yesterday when one of their legal
team stung Layton T. Montgomery.


- Hey, buddy.
- Hey.


- Is there much pain?
- Yeah.


I...


I blew the whole case, didn't I?


It doesn't matter. What matters is
you're alive. You could have died.


I'd be better off dead. Look at me.


They got it from the cafeteria
downstairs, in a tuna sandwich.


Look, there's
a little celery still on it.


What was it like to sting someone?


I can't explain it. It was all...


All adrenaline and then...
and then ecstasy!


All right.


You think it was all a trap?


Of course. I'm sorry.
I flew us right into this.


What were we thinking? Look at us. We're
just a couple of bugs in this world.


What will the humans do to us
if they win?


I don't know.


I hear they put the roaches in motels.
That doesn't sound so bad.


Adam, they check in,
but they don't check out!


Oh, my.


Oould you get a nurse
to close that window?


- Why?
- The smoke.


Bees don't smoke.


Right. Bees don't smoke.


Bees don't smoke!
But some bees are smoking.


That's it! That's our case!


It is? It's not over?


Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere.


Get back to the court and stall.
Stall any way you can.


And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub.


Mr. Flayman.


Yes? Yes, Your Honor!


Where is the rest of your team?


Well, Your Honor, it's interesting.


Bees are trained to fly haphazardly,


and as a result,
we don't make very good time.


I actually heard a funny story about...


Your Honor,
haven't these ridiculous bugs


taken up enough
of this court's valuable time?


How much longer will we allow
these absurd shenanigans to go on?


They have presented no compelling
evidence to support their charges


against my clients,
who run legitimate businesses.


I move for a complete dismissal
of this entire case!


Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going


to have to consider
Mr. Montgomery's motion.


But you can't! We have a terrific case.


Where is your proof?
Where is the evidence?


Show me the smoking gun!


Hold it, Your Honor!
You want a smoking gun?


Here is your smoking gun.


What is that?


It's a bee smoker!


What, this?
This harmless little contraption?


This couldn't hurt a fly,
let alone a bee.


Look at what has happened


to bees who have never been asked,
"Smoking or non?"


Is this what nature intended for us?


To be forcibly addicted
to smoke machines


and man-made wooden slat work camps?


Living out our lives as honey slaves
to the white man?


- What are we gonna do?
- He's playing the species card.


Ladies and gentlemen, please,
free these bees!


Free the bees! Free the bees!


Free the bees!


Free the bees! Free the bees!


The court finds in favor of the bees!


Vanessa, we won!


I knew you could do it! High-five!


Sorry.


I'm OK! You know what this means?


All the honey
will finally belong to the bees.


Now we won't have
to work so hard all the time.


This is an unholy perversion
of the balance of nature, Benson.


You'll regret this.


Barry, how much honey is out there?


All right. One at a time.


Barry, who are you wearing?


My sweater is Ralph Lauren,
and I have no pants.


- What if Montgomery's right?
- What do you mean?


We've been living the bee way
a long time, 27 million years.


Oongratulations on your victory.
What will you demand as a settlement?


First, we'll demand a complete shutdown
of all bee work camps.


Then we want back the honey
that was ours to begin with,


every last drop.


We demand an end to the glorification
of the bear as anything more


than a filthy, smelly,
bad-breath stink machine.


We're all aware
of what they do in the woods.


Wait for my signal.


Take him out.


He'll have nauseous
for a few hours, then he'll be fine.


And we will no longer tolerate
bee-negative nicknames...


But it's just a prance-about stage name!


...unnecessary inclusion of honey
in bogus health products


and la-dee-da human
tea-time snack garnishments.


Oan't breathe.


Bring it in, boys!


Hold it right there! Good.


Tap it.


Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups,
and there's gallons more coming!


- I think we need to shut down!
- Shut down? We've never shut down.


Shut down honey production!


Stop making honey!


Turn your key, sir!


What do we do now?


Oannonball!


We're shutting honey production!


Mission abort.


Aborting pollination and nectar detail.
Returning to base.


Adam, you wouldn't believe
how much honey was out there.


Oh, yeah?


What's going on? Where is everybody?


- Are they out celebrating?
- They're home.


They don't know what to do.
Laying out, sleeping in.


I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way
to San Antonio with a cricket.


At least we got our honey back.


Sometimes I think, so what if humans
liked our honey? Who wouldn't?


It's the greatest thing in the world!
I was excited to be part of making it.


This was my new desk. This was my
new job. I wanted to do it really well.


And now...


Now I can't.


I don't understand
why they're not happy.


I thought their lives would be better!


They're doing nothing. It's amazing.
Honey really changes people.


You don't have any idea
what's going on, do you?


- What did you want to show me?
- This.


What happened here?


That is not the half of it.


Oh, no. Oh, my.


They're all wilting.


Doesn't look very good, does it?


No.


And whose fault do you think that is?


You know, I'm gonna guess bees.


Bees?


Specifically, me.


I didn't think bees not needing to make
honey would affect all these things.


It's notjust flowers.
Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees.


That's our whole SAT test right there.


Take away produce, that affects
the entire animal kingdom.


And then, of course...


The human species?


So if there's no more pollination,


it could all just go south here,
couldn't it?


I know this is also partly my fault.


How about a suicide pact?


How do we do it?


- I'll sting you, you step on me.
- Thatjust kills you twice.


Right, right.


Listen, Barry...
sorry, but I gotta get going.


I had to open my mouth and talk.


Vanessa?


Vanessa? Why are you leaving?
Where are you going?


To the final Tournament of Roses parade
in Pasadena.


They've moved it to this weekend
because all the flowers are dying.


It's the last chance
I'll ever have to see it.


Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry.
I never meant it to turn out like this.


I know. Me neither.


Tournament of Roses.
Roses can't do sports.


Wait a minute. Roses. Roses?


Roses!


Vanessa!


Roses?!


Barry?


- Roses are flowers!
- Yes, they are.


Flowers, bees, pollen!


I know.
That's why this is the last parade.


Maybe not.
Oould you ask him to slow down?


Oould you slow down?


Barry!


OK, I made a huge mistake.
This is a total disaster, all my fault.


Yes, it kind of is.


I've ruined the planet.
I wanted to help you


with the flower shop.
I've made it worse.


Actually, it's completely closed down.


I thought maybe you were remodeling.


But I have another idea, and it's
greater than my previous ideas combined.


I don't want to hear it!


All right, they have the roses,
the roses have the pollen.


I know every bee, plant
and flower bud in this park.


All we gotta do is get what they've got
back here with what we've got.


- Bees.
- Park.


- Pollen!
- Flowers.


- Repollination!
- Across the nation!


Tournament of Roses,
Pasadena, Oalifornia.


They've got nothing
but flowers, floats and cotton candy.


Security will be tight.


I have an idea.


Vanessa Bloome, FTD.


Official floral business. It's real.


Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch.


Thank you. It was a gift.


Once inside,
we just pick the right float.


How about The Princess and the Pea?


I could be the princess,
and you could be the pea!


Yes, I got it.


- Where should I sit?
- What are you?


- I believe I'm the pea.
- The pea?


It goes under the mattresses.


- Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart.
- I'm getting the marshal.


You do that!
This whole parade is a fiasco!


Let's see what this baby'll do.


Hey, what are you doing?!


Then all we do
is blend in with traffic...


...without arousing suspicion.


Once at the airport,
there's no stopping us.


Stop! Security.


- You and your insect pack your float?
- Yes.


Has it been
in your possession the entire time?


Would you remove your shoes?


- Remove your stinger.
- It's part of me.


I know. Just having some fun.
Enjoy your flight.


Then if we're lucky, we'll have
just enough pollen to do the job.


Oan you believe how lucky we are? We
have just enough pollen to do the job!


I think this is gonna work.


It's got to work.


Attention, passengers,
this is Oaptain Scott.


We have a bit of bad weather
in New York.


It looks like we'll experience
a couple hours delay.


Barry, these are cut flowers
with no water. They'll never make it.


I gotta get up there
and talk to them.


Be careful.


Oan I get help
with the Sky Mall magazine?


I'd like to order the talking
inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer.


Oaptain, I'm in a real situation.


- What'd you say, Hal?
- Nothing.


Bee!


Don't freak out! My entire species...


What are you doing?


- Wait a minute! I'm an attorney!
- Who's an attorney?


Don't move.


Oh, Barry.


Good afternoon, passengers.
This is your captain.


Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B
please report to the cockpit?


And please hurry!


What happened here?


There was a DustBuster,
a toupee, a life raft exploded.


One's bald, one's in a boat,
they're both unconscious!


- Is that another bee joke?
- No!


No one's flying the plane!


This is JFK control tower, Flight 356.
What's your status?


This is Vanessa Bloome.
I'm a florist from New York.


Where's the pilot?


He's unconscious,
and so is the copilot.


Not good. Does anyone onboard
have flight experience?


As a matter of fact, there is.


- Who's that?
- Barry Benson.


From the honey trial?! Oh, great.


Vanessa, this is nothing more
than a big metal bee.


It's got giant wings, huge engines.


I can't fly a plane.


- Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot?
- Yes.


How hard could it be?


Wait, Barry!
We're headed into some lightning.


This is Bob Bumble. We have some
late-breaking news from JFK Airport,


where a suspenseful scene
is developing.


Barry Benson,
fresh from his legal victory...


That's Barry!


...is attempting to land a plane,
loaded with people, flowers


and an incapacitated flight crew.


Flowers?!


We have a storm in the area
and two individuals at the controls


with absolutely no flight experience.


Just a minute.
There's a bee on that plane.


I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson
and his no-account compadres.


They've done enough damage.


But isn't he your only hope?


Technically, a bee
shouldn't be able to fly at all.


Their wings are too small...


Haven't we heard this a million times?


"The surface area of the wings
and body mass make no sense."


- Get this on the air!
- Got it.


- Stand by.
- We're going live.


The way we work may be a mystery to you.


Making honey takes a lot of bees
doing a lot of small jobs.


But let me tell you about a small job.


If you do it well,
it makes a big difference.


More than we realized.
To us, to everyone.


That's why I want to get bees
back to working together.


That's the bee way!
We're not made of Jell-O.


We get behind a fellow.


- Black and yellow!
- Hello!


Left, right, down, hover.


- Hover?
- Forget hover.


This isn't so hard.
Beep-beep! Beep-beep!


Barry, what happened?!


Wait, I think we were
on autopilot the whole time.


- That may have been helping me.
- And now we're not!


So it turns out I cannot fly a plane.


All of you, let's get
behind this fellow! Move it out!


Move out!


Our only chance is if I do what I'd do,
you copy me with the wings of the plane!


Don't have to yell.


I'm not yelling!
We're in a lot of trouble.


It's very hard to concentrate
with that panicky tone in your voice!


It's not a tone. I'm panicking!


I can't do this!


Vanessa, pull yourself together.
You have to snap out of it!


You snap out of it.


You snap out of it.


- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!


- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!


- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!


- Hold it!
- Why? Oome on, it's my turn.


How is the plane flying?


I don't know.


Hello?


Benson, got any flowers
for a happy occasion in there?


The Pollen Jocks!


They do get behind a fellow.


- Black and yellow.
- Hello.


All right, let's drop this tin can
on the blacktop.


Where? I can't see anything. Oan you?


No, nothing. It's all cloudy.


Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry.


- Thinking bee.
- Thinking bee.


Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!


Wait a minute.
I think I'm feeling something.


- What?
- I don't know. It's strong, pulling me.


Like a 27-million-year-old instinct.


Bring the nose down.


Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!


- What in the world is on the tarmac?
- Get some lights on that!


Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!


- Vanessa, aim for the flower.
- OK.


Out the engines. We're going in
on bee power. Ready, boys?


Affirmative!


Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it.


Land on that flower!


Ready? Full reverse!


Spin it around!


- Not that flower! The other one!
- Which one?


- That flower.
- I'm aiming at the flower!


That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt.
I mean the giant pulsating flower


made of millions of bees!


Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up.


Rotate around it.


- This is insane, Barry!
- This's the only way I know how to fly.


Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane
flying in an insect-like pattern?


Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid.
Smell it. Full reverse!


Just drop it. Be a part of it.


Aim for the center!


Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman!


Oome on, already.


Barry, we did it!
You taught me how to fly!


- Yes. No high-five!
- Right.


Barry, it worked!
Did you see the giant flower?


What giant flower? Where? Of course
I saw the flower! That was genius!


- Thank you.
- But we're not done yet.


Listen, everyone!


This runway is covered
with the last pollen


from the last flowers
available anywhere on Earth.


That means this is our last chance.


We're the only ones who make honey,
pollinate flowers and dress like this.


If we're gonna survive as a species,
this is our moment! What do you say?


Are we going to be bees, orjust
Museum of Natural History keychains?


We're bees!


Keychain!


Then follow me! Except Keychain.


Hold on, Barry. Here.


You've earned this.


Yeah!


I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect
fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves.


Oh, yeah.


That's our Barry.


Mom! The bees are back!


If anybody needs
to make a call, now's the time.


I got a feeling we'll be
working late tonight!


Here's your change. Have a great
afternoon! Oan I help who's next?


Would you like some honey with that?
It is bee-approved. Don't forget these.


Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me.
And I don't see a nickel!


Sometimes I just feel
like a piece of meat!


I had no idea.


Barry, I'm sorry.
Have you got a moment?


Would you excuse me?
My mosquito associate will help you.


Sorry I'm late.


He's a lawyer too?


I was already a blood-sucking parasite.
All I needed was a briefcase.


Have a great afternoon!


Barry, I just got this huge tulip order,
and I can't get them anywhere.


No problem, Vannie.
Just leave it to me.


You're a lifesaver, Barry.
Oan I help who's next?


All right, scramble, jocks!
It's time to fly.


Thank you, Barry!


That bee is living my life!


Let it go, Kenny.


- When will this nightmare end?!
- Let it all go.


- Beautiful day to fly.
- Sure is.


Between you and me,
I was dying to get out of that office.


You have got
to start thinking bee, my friend.


- Thinking bee!
- Me?


Hold it. Let's just stop
for a second. Hold it.


I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone.
Oan we stop here?


I'm not making a major life decision
during a production number!


All right. Take ten, everybody.
Wrap it up, guys.


I had virtually no rehearsal for that.
 
Oh boy, I bet you are so proud of that post you just made I bet you googled yourself finding silly articles and double checkes to make sure there were no holes in your argument.

Little did you know that I am completely detached from this proceedings. I am 8 layers of irony deep and this whole thing is funny to me on a level you could never comprehend. I am untouchable in this battle. I am never wrong because I hold no actual opinions. I am an imp, a trickster spirit haunting the wires. I do not seek understanding. I only seek to confuse and bamboozle. Dont you feel foolish for challenging me to an argument now that my true intentions have been revealed? Please respond.
 
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I saw Null at a grocery store in Florida yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
 
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I was in a local healthy/expensive type supermarket here in Grand Rapids, Michigan (we have a lot of those) and I'm in line to buy some ham at the deli there. The lady asked me what kind, and I said "I have no fucking idea what different kinds of ham there are lady" ENTIRELY too loudly and the guy behind me in line I hadn't noticed burst the hell up laughing.
I turn around. Steve Martin.
He kinda half leans around me and says "Honey glazed!" to the lady over the counter and I just kinda stare at him for a sec then smile and say thanks. I'm about to pay for it and he says "No way this one's on me" and pays the check for it right there. I was astounded, it was so awesome that I did the only thing I could think of ... The Three Amigos salute. Once again he cracks up and asked me if I had any idea how long it had been since someone did that. I said "a year?" he said "try ten".
We ended up having coffee at a place across the street. Turns out he bought a house in Monticeto, a really expensive residential area in SB, and has been living there a while. We talked about everything that wasn't his career for about 45 minutes before he had to take off because his deli stuff was gonna go bad. I shook his hand and said he made my year today. He smiled and beat my head in with a tire iron. I looked up from the floor, my eyes covered in my own blood as I made out a blurry image of an anvil being hoisted above his head. Through the ringing in my ears I couldn't hear his probably witty parting line before the anvil came crashing down, ending my life.
 
Seven O'Clock in the evening
Watchin somethin' stupid on TV
I'm zoned out on the sofa
When my wife comes in the room and sees me

She says "Is this 'Behind the Music'
With Lynard Skynard?"
And I say "I don't know.
Say, it's gettin' late...watcha wanna do for dinner?

She says "I kinda had a big lunch.
So I'm not super hungry."
I said "Well you know, baby, I'm not starvin' either
But I could eat."

She said "So whadya have in mind?"
I said "I don't know what about you?"
She said "I don't care, if you're hungry, let's eat."
I said "That's what we're gonna do!"

"But first you gotta tell me
What it is you're hungry for!"
And she says "Let me think...
...What's left in our refridgerator?"

I said "Well, there's tuna, I know."
She said "That went bad a week ago!"
I said "Is the chili OK?"
She said "You finished that yesterday!"

I hopped up and I said
"I don't know, do you want to get something delivered?"
She's like "Why would I want to eat liver?
I don't even like liver!"

I'm like "No, I said 'delivered'."
She's like "I heard you say liver!"
I'm like "I should know what I said..."
She's like "Whatever, I just don't want any liver!"

Well I was gonna say something
But my cell phone started to ring
Now who could be callin' me?
Well I checked my caller ID

It was just cousin Larry
Callin' for the third time today...
My wife said "Let it go to voicemail."
I said, "OK."

"Where were we? Oh, Dinner, Right
So what d'ya want to do?"
She said "Why don't you whip up somethin in the kitchen?"
"Yeah," I said, "Why don't you?"

And then she said "Baby, can't we just go out to dinner, please?"
I says "No"
She says "Yes"
I says "No"
She says "Yes"
I says "No"
She says "Yes...
...Oh, here's your keys"

I step a little bit closer
Say "OK, where ya want to go?"
She says "How about The Ivy?"
I said "Yeah, well I don't know..."

I don't feel like gettin all dressed up
And eatin' expensive food
She's says "Olive Garden?"
I say "Nah, I'm not in the mood...

...And Burrito King would make me gassy
There's no doubt"
She says "Just forget about it"
I said "No, I swear I'm gonna take you out!"

Then I get an idea
I says "I know what we'll do!"
She says "What?"
I say "Guess"
She says "What?"
I say "We're goin' to the drive-thru!"

So we head out the front door
Open the garage door
Then I open the car doors
And we get in those car doors

Put my key in the ignition
And then I turn it sideways
Then we fasten our seat belts
As we pull out the driveway

Then we drive to the drive-thru
Heading off to the drive-thru
We're approaching the drive-thru
Getting close to the drive-thru!
So close to the drive-thru
Even closer to the drive-thru


Almost there at the drive-thru
Now we're here at the drive thru
Here in line at the drive-thru
Did I mention the drive-thru?

Well here we are
In the drive-thru line, me and her.
Cars in front of us, cars in back of us.
All just waiting to order

There's some idiot in a Volvo
With his brights on behind me
I lean out the window and scream
"Hey, Whatcha tryin to do, blind me?"

My wife says "Maybe we should park...
...We could just go eat inside."
I said "I'm wearin' bunny slippers
So I ain't leavin' this ride..."

Now a woman on a speaker box
Is sayin' "Can I take your order, please?"
I said "Yes indeed, you certainly can
We'd like two hamburgers with onions and cheese."

Then my wife says
"Baby, hold on, I've changed my mind!
I think I'm gonna have a chicken sandwich
Instead, this time"

I said "You always get a cheeseburger!"
She says "That's not what I'm hungry for."
I put my head in my hands and screamed,
"I don't know who you are anymore!"

The voice on the speaker says
"I don't have all day!"
I said "Then, take our order,
And we'll be on our way!

I wanna get a chicken sandwich
And I want a cheeseburger, too
She's like "You want onions on that?"
I'm like "Yeah, I already said that I do...

...Plus we need curly fries
And don't you dare forget it!
And two medium root beers
No, just one, we'll split it."

Then I said "I'm guessin' that
You're probably not too bright...
So read me back my order
Let's make sure you got it right."

She says "One, you want a chicken sandwich.
Two, you want a cheeseburger
Three, curly fries, and a large root beer"
"Stop, don't go no further!"

"I never ordered a large rootbeer
I said medium, not large!"
Then she says "We're havin' a special,
I supersized you at no charge."

"Oh." And that's all
I could say, was "Oh."
And she says "Now there is somethin' else
That I really think you should know.

You can have unlimited refills
For just a quarter more..."
I say "Great, except we're in the drive thru...
So what would I want that for?"

Then she says "Wait a minute
Your voice sounds so familiar...hey, is this Paul?
And my wife is all like "No, that ain't Paul,
Now tell me, who's this Paul?

She says "Oh, he's just some guy
Who goes to school with me.
I sat behind him last year
And I copied off him in Geometry.

I said "I know a guy named Paul.
He used to be my plumber
He was prematurely bald
And he moved to Pittsburgh last summer.

He also had bladder problems
And a really bad infection on his toe."
And she said "Mister, please, you can stop right there,
That's way more than I needed to know!"

And then we both were quiet
And things got real intense
Then she says "Next window please,
That'll be five dollars and eighty two cents."

So we inched ahead in line
Movin' painfully slow
I got a little bored
So I turned on the radio...

[Song plays]

Click- Turned it off
Because my wife was getting a headache
So we both just sat there quietly
For her sake.

Then I looked at her
And she looked back at me
And I said "Um,
I think you have somethin' in your teeth."

She turned away from me
And then turned back and said "Did I get it?"
I said "Yeah. Well, I mean, most of it...
But hey, ya know, don't sweat it."

Then she said "How about now?"
I said "Yeah, almost.
There's still a little bit there
But don't worry, it's probably just a piece of toast."

Now we're at the pay window
Or whatever you call it
Put my hand in my pocket
I can't believe there's no wallet!

And the lady at the window's like,
"Well, well, well that'll be five eighty two."
I turn around to my wife, and say
"How much have you got on you?"

She just rolls her eyes and says
"I'll pay for this, I guess."
So she reaches into her purse
And pulls out the American Express

I hand it to the lady
And she says "Oh, dear.
It's gotta be cash only
We don't take credit cards here."

I took back the card and said
"Gee, really? Well that sucks."
And that's when I found out
My wife was only carryin' three bucks.

I said "I thought you were
Going to hit the ATM today"
She says "I never got around to it
So where's your wallet anyway?

And I said "Nevermind,
Just help me to find some change..."
Now the lady at the window
Is lookin at me kinda strange...

And she says "Mister, please,
We gotta move this line along"
I said "Now hold your stinkin' horses lady,
We won't be long."

We looked around inside the glove-box
And check the mat beneath my feet
I found a nickel in the ashtray
And a couple pennies and a dime in the space betweent he seats

Before long I had a little pile
Of coins of every sort
The lady counts it up and says
"You're still about a dollar short"

And now my woman's got this weird look
Frozen on her face
She screams, "you know
I wasn't even really hungry in the first place"

And so I turned around
To the cashier again
I shrugged and said "OK
Forget the chicken sandwich then"

So I pick up my change
Pick up my reciept
And I drive to the pickup window
Man, I just can't wait to eat

And now we see this acne ridden
Kid about sixteen
Wearin' a dorky nametag that says
"Hello, my name is Eugene."

And he hands me a paper bag
I look him in the eyes
And I say to him "Hey, Eugene,
Can I get some ketchup for my fries?"

Well he looks at me
And I look at him
And he looks at me
And I look at him

And he looks at me
And I look at him
And he says "I'm sorry
What did you want again?"

I say "Ketchup!"
And he says "Oh yeah, that's right...
...I just spaced out there for a second
I'm really kind of burnt tonight."

And then he hands me the ketchup
And now we're finally drivin' away
And the food is drivin' me mad
With its intoxicating bouquet

I'm starvin' to death
By the time we pull up at the traffic light
I say "Baby, gimme that burger,
I just gotta have a bite!"

So she reaches in the bag
And pulls out the burger
And she hands me the burger
And I pick up the burger

And then I unwrap the paper
I bite into those buns
And I just can't believe it
They forgot the onions!
 
I was depressed a while back and have been watching a lot of old Chris videos. I took some Xanax and NyQuil to help get over this cold I have been having. I was watching "THAT IS MY HOUSE" and then that one with the sound of Bob yawning and/or dying followed it when I fell asleep.

I had this dream and it was so vivid. Bob came into my room, but he wasn't moving any of his appendages. His eyes were wide open and his pupils were red. He was hovering like six inches off the ground and just staring straight forward. He had on a button up flannel, overalls and tight jeans showing of his manly bulge. I don't know why I did this, but I reached out and caressed his bulge and I could feel this turgid feeling and this throbbing. I gragged myfinger across it and this fleshy, throbbing, bulbous member ripped straight across the fly, leaving his zipper hanging in the cool Autumn breeze. I grabbed it ad manipulated it a bit and tried to bendit in my index finger and thumb, but the tensile strength was great. His seemly, feral uncircumsized member was pulsing and the blood running through the bent blue vein of his cock beat as though his heart was still alive. He looked down at me and said, "listen boy, get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there." This confused me because I am caucasian. From my closet though, a Nigerian man in a pickle suit emerged. He walked fluidly and was very human unlike Bob. As the Niggo walked forward Bob began to float backward and say "I got no black ass. I got no black ass. I got no black ass." I was confused, frightened and frankly, aroused.

As Bob floated backwards the Pickle suited Niggo removed a 19" cock from his suit and began to stroke it while looking at me. I finally up and asked "What is going on, Mr. Chandler?" Bob retorted "SPOOFING." I responded "What?" And Bob exclaimed "SPOOFING. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G."

The Niggo smacked me and I rolled over. I sleep naked, so he saw his opportunity; there was easy access. He penetrated me and was relentless. I could feel my prostate being irritated by the bulbous nature of his cock as my asshole tore under the stain of his Zulu penis. I could feel tensing sensations and knew he was almost complete. My hips were squeezed as he ejaculated into my digestive tract. Bob's in the corner spontaniously orgasming, his cock shooting load after load of cum like a whip cream filled water pistol. The African Gherkin laid across me and nibbled on my ear and whispered "I am Batman". I say "huh?" as I hear a clang in the corner. It's Bob and he has an axe. "Get away from that Internet, I'm cuttin' it down" he says as he comes down across the cable running to mycomputer. I pass out.

I woke up and there was an axe laying next to my fractured cable line. To this day I wonder what really happened that night. I have tried every mix of xanax and NyQuil I can get my hands on. I have been to treatment 14 times for xanax addiction. I don't care though. I just need to just one more time get back to the time in my life when I was cucking Bob.
 
FRANKENSTEIN RADIO HEAD WORSE DEADLY GANGSTER JEW
DISEASE IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE.

MAKE COPIES FOR YOURSELF

ONLY SEVERAL HUNDRED YEARS AGO, THE NEWLY CREATED SECRET DEADLY GANGSTER COMPUTER GOD earnestly began its’ TOP SECRET OVER- ALL PLAN of world-wide FRANKENSTEIN LIVING DEATH SLAVERY, to explore and control the entire UNIVERSE. The Gangster Computer God concocted and even named its’ OWN IDEAL COMMUNIST WORLD ORDER, namely the murder incorporated organized crime deadly gangsterism impunistic world-wide military uniformed mongrel federalism, COMMUNIST TOTALITARIANISM.

It was NEVER HOLY, NEVER WERE THERE ANY “ROMANS” (a figment like ANGELS or Heaven and Hell) and IT WAS NEVER AN EMPIRE. IT WAS AND IS THE REMAINS of the COMMUNIST GANGSTER COMPUTER GOD’S CONCOCTION AND MANIPULATION MURDER INCORPORATED ORGANIZED CRIME DEADLY SNEAK CONSPIRATORIAL (SNEAK CON ARTIST) PARROTING PUPPET UNIFORMED MILITARY ATHEISTIC COMMUNIST GANGSTERISM and the worse deadly enemy of the ENTIRE HUMAN RACE AND THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE, IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE, NAMELY THE COMMUNIST ATHEIST CONSPIRACY WITH FRANKENSTEIN GANGSTER CONTROLS, the CATHOLIC CHURCH.

From fear and for self preservation, YOUR COMMUNIST GANGSTER COMPUTER GOD planned the secret degeneration of the much larger and superior brain WHITE SLOVENE RACE, through injected degeneration by apoidic niger integration and proliferation of its’ concoction and C. GOD NAMED JEW.

The tribal cannibal upper Nile River Ethiopian BROWN NIGER, his chieftans bondaged into lengthy GANGSTER FRANKENSTEIN SKULL CAPPED menial labor on the didactic legendary “TOWERS OF LANGUAGES” kept secret to this day by the Slovenic C. God top secret code name, WIEZE BABLAN. Namely “BABEL”, the impossible and ONLY engineering feats in all of Africa, THE PYRAMIDS, the first SECRET SLOVENE ASTRONOMICAL SPACE CENTERS, MADE POSSIBLE ONLY BY THE WORLDWIDE MAD DEADLY COMMUNIST GANGSTER COMPUTER GOD, with FRANKENSTEIN GANGSTER CONTROLS.

This NIGER JEW WITH THE SECRET AID OF THE COMMUNIST CATHOLIC CHURCH AND UNTOUCHABLE GOVERNMENT PROFESSIONAL LICENSES WAS MADE THE WORLD-WIDE PROLIFERATED DEGENERATING PARROTING PUPPET CON ARTIST FRANKENSTEIN GANGSTERSKULL-CAPPED “GIFTED” LICENSED PROFESSIONAL “SPECIALIST,” Kosher Bosher, NU Doktor, ETC, with life long simple short repeat rote extremely deadly CON- ROUTINE HAS DESTROYED the ENTIRE HUMAN RACE, this worse, in the history of the Universe, JEW Frankenstein SKULL CAPPED DISEASE, THE JEW SYMBOL AND RELIGIOUS SYMBOL IS THE SKULL CAP.

The Gangster Computer God also planned DEGENERATION THROUGH CONQUERING of the SLOVENE PEOPLE by the African Perifery COMMUNIST CATHOLIC CHURCH CRUSADER PRIEST. THE CRUSADER PRIEST WERE COMMUNIST GANGSTER COMPUTER GOD PARROTING PUPPET WALKING TALKING FRANKENSTEIN EYESIGHT TELEVISION CAMERAS with their Frankensteingangster SKULL CAPPED HELMETS, WITH INFRA RED NITE VISION PLASTIC LENSES built into their face mask shields of the helmets, with camoflage black robes these deadly ATHIEST GANGSTERS PRIEST CRUSADERS with DRUGGED IMMUNITY TO THEIR DEADLY POISON NERVE JELLY SMEARED WEAPONS AND THEIR FREQUENTLY USED MASS EXTERMINATIONS of innocent people BY BURNING FIELDS DUSTED WITH INFLAMABLE POISON NERVE GAS POWDER PRUSSIC ACID.

The great, beautiful MAZURIAN LAKE COUNTRY, to this day has the TELL TALE name persisting: namely PRUSSIA. The old SLOVENE WORD for PRUSSIC ACID POISON NERVE GAS.

Later, these GANGSTER COMMUNIST CRUSADER PRIEST, multiplied rapidly in their many thousands of Communist Gangster Computer God FORTIFIED MONASTERIES.

For over TWO HUNDRED YEARS thereafter these DEADLY SNEAK ATHIEST GANGSTER COMMUNIST CRUSADER PRIEST (WITH RAPE AND SODOMY AS A BONUS) THEY SECRETLY KIDNAPPED COUNTLESS OF HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of INNOCENT PEOPLE IN OVER TWO HUNDRED YEARS of EXPERIMENTATIONS, (AS DEADLY GANGSTER FRANKENSTEIN SKULL CAPPED PARROTING PUPPETS, EYESIGHT TELEVISION CAMERAS) AND BUTCHERED AND MURDERED THEM TO MAKE POSSIBLE THE COMMUNIST GANGSTER COMPUTER GOD’S IMPLANTING OF FRANKENSTEIN CONTROLS INSIDE THE HUMAN SKULL. (So first “GIFTED” were the tiny inferior brain Ethiopian NIGER JEW and NIGER so called SLAVES.)

THIS ACHIEVEMENT PROMPTED YOUR COMMUNIST GANGSTER COMPUTER GOD OVER THREE HUNDRED YEARS AGO, to PLAGUE THE WORLD WITH CHICANEROUS DEADLY GANGSTER COMMUNIST CATHOLIC CHURCH MONASTERIES. THE SECRET HOSPITALS THAT IMPLANTED FRANKENSTEIN CONTROLS (first in the native small brain MULATTO populations of No. and So. America (erroneously named Indians, believing the America’s to be part of India) and the injected for intergration degeneration APOIDIC NIGERS of Africa. Slavery Conspiracy GANGSTER GOVERNMENT FRANKENSTEIN EYESIGHT TELEVISION NIGER DEADLY SNEAK SPY CAMERAS.

The first gangster JUDGES WERE GANGSTER FRANKENSTEIN SKULL CAPPED (LATER SKULL CAPPED BASED WOMANLY WIGS) CHICANEROUS DEADLY GANGSTER COMMUNIST ATHIEST CATHOLIC CHURCH BLACK ROBED PRIEST IN THE COMMUNIST PUPPET KING’S COURT. ALL COMPLETELY CONCOCTED AND MANIPULATED insidious SNEAK DEADLY CONSPIRING CON ARTIST PARROTING PUPPETS of the world- wide mad deadly COMMUNIST GANGSTER COMPUTER GOD.

ALL LAW AND ALL LAW “MAKERS” ARE COMMUNIST GANGSTER COMPUTER GOD CONCOCTIONS AND MANIPULATIONS WITH GANGSTER PLAY BOY PARROTING PUPPET CON ARTIST JUDGES, WHO NEVER EVEN LOOK AT “THEIR” VOLUMES OF DECISION BOOKS, UNBELIEVABLY PRINTED BY GANGSTER COMPUTER GOD BRAIN COMPUTER PRINTING MACHINES AT 2,000 TWO THOUSAND WORDS A MINUTE, EVEN FOR BLACK APOIDIC NIGER U. S. SUPREME COURT JUDGE THURGOOD MARSHALL, or EVEN APOIDIC TINIEST INFERIOR BRAIN NIGER CONGRESSWOMEN.

SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THE COMMUNIST GANGSTER COMPUTER GOD COMMUNIST ATHIEST CATHOLIC CHURCH, THE SECRET WORK OF ALL INSIDIOUS SNEAK CON ARTIST CATHOLIC CHURCH PRIEST AND ALL RELIGIOUS THROUGHOUT THE WORLD (and ALL NIGERS) IS SECRET world-wide systematic INSTANT BUTCHERY OF THE BRAIN AND BODY PLASTIC SURGERY, SO ALL PEOPLE ARE DEAD OR USELESS BY AGE 70) WITH SODOMY AND RAPE AS
A BONUS FOR THEM, AT NITE WHEN YOU ARE A FRANKENSTEIN SLAVE.

ALL PRIEST AND ALL RELIGIOUS RECEIVE GANGSTER GOVERNMENT SECRET BRIBE ARMY OFFICER PAY SALARY IN ALL COUNTRIES THROUGHOUT THE WORLD (IN THE SOVIET COUNTRIES, Ex. U.S.S.R., SUCH BRIBE PAYMENTS ARE WIDE OPEN). WITH TERRIFIED SADNESS, I REMEMBER THE LONG BLACK ROBES OF ST. JOHN’S UNIVERSITY. (Yes, even with the thick white rope belts.)


MAKE COPIES FOR YOURSELF
 
I saw Doug Walker at a grocery store in Chicago yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
 
The first time I tried a marinara marinade bath, I really couldn't get into the spicy meatball mindset. I did half as a joke, half out of curiosity. Even though I wasn't quite there yet emotionally, though, there was something strangely comforting about being engulfed in such a savory sauce. I felt at peace, and I think that scared me. Afterwards I felt... different. Changed, somehow.

I tried not to think about it but I just couldn't get that tangy red sauce out of my mind. It was the worst in the evenings, after particularily long, stressful days. I found myself longing for the comfort of a marinara bath almost every minute of the day. I was spending hundreds of dollars a day to fulfill my needs but it didn't matter, money could not get in the way of me and my addiction. I started to realise that I had been living a lie my whole life. I was not the man I thought I was. No, I was not a man at all. I was a meatball, the spiciest of my kind.

These thoughts gave me peace, knowing I was handcrafted with love and attention, seasoned to perfection and perfectly rounded. I began to realize that I had a purpose, a feeling I had never felt before. These feelings filled me and I felt a wholeness I had never thought possible, I was becoming who I had always meant to be. Not become, I WAS. I was and would forever be, the spiciest meatball.

Though I had come to this realization, it had not occurred to me the struggle for acceptance I would face. At work, customers complained of my aroma, judgemental of the herbaceous tomato scent I exuded. My skin began to yellow, stained by my protector, my home. I began sleeping in the marinara sauce, spending every waking minute waiting for the moment I could go back to my rightful place within it.

This continued for some time, until I was faced with an ultimatum. By now my boss had noted a decline in my performance. Upon noticing my pruny hands, lack of concentration, and now orange skin, he gave me a choice. See a doctor or lose my job. I was immediately alarmed. How could I afford the many gallons of marinara I used each day if I did not have a job? I had to see a doctor, afterall nothing was really WRONG with me. The pruning would go away, or become easier to manage. It was early in my transformation, I would grow into this new form, just as I had learned to walk.

At the doctors, it was impressed upon me that the issue was not physical, rather mental. I was told I had a rare psychological condition, somewhere between body dismorphia and psychosis. Although I was reluctant, I was given a prescription which I was told to take every single day, religiously. I was warned that the side effects of quitting unexpectedly would be catasrophic, so I heeded doctors orders and took my medication.

For a long time things were alright. Not the same on-top-of-the-world, ultimate sense of being I was experiencing before, but they were alright. I was told that the meds were necessary, so I blindly obeyed. I went back to work, my skin returned its hue, though the world seemed grey. I began going on dates, finding comfort in the companionship of women and men. I found I could almost feel the warmth I felt covered in the marinara sauce just as I climaxed, but it was a short and fleeting feeling, and never quite as strong as the utter perfection I felt with my forbidden lover.

I finally broke, late one night, after a girl I had been seeing found some old pictures I had taken of me in the tub. She looked scared, confused. I knew she didn't understand my love for the sauce the moment I saw that look on her face. I knew she would never accept me for the spicy meatball that I was. When I saw that look, my feelings for her changed completely. How could I have been such a fool, falling for a biggot when the only true love I ever needed was waiting so patiently to accept me once more, cover me and love me with a warmth only a marinara could afford. She left, and in a moment of clarity I emptied the contents of my secret marinara stash into the tub and flushed the remainder of my perscription down the toilet. As I let the velvety, loving tomato blanket envelope me, I felt shame. It didn't take long for that shame to be washed away, however, and replaced only with feelings of comfort and joy. It didn't matter to me what the world saw, as long as I knew in my heart that I was the spiciest meatball I could be and that I was doing my best. In the face of alversity, I could rise above the hate and discrimination, as long as I had my comforting marinara haven to retreat to. That was all that mattered now, that was all that would ever matter again. I had become one with the marinara, the lifeblood in which to soak myself in, which kept my meatball self moist and delicious and, above all, spicy.
 
Many people always ask me how I was able to get into Harvard as a 16 year old who skipped 3 grades of high school. They think I got in because of my scholarly records, but no the key is the interview.

As I sat in the Harvard Dean's office in front of the board of reviewers for my application, the Dean asks me "Why should you be a good candidate for this school?" They seemed bored but I replied "Well I was born a child prodigy, placed 1st in my state spelling bee for three consecutive years, I can speak eight different languages not counting Latin, play four different instruments, I skipped grades 4 through 6, and graduated my high school as valedictorian at the age of 14. I then worked as an intern at both Telsa, and NASA." Suddenly the room burst into laughter and many of board instantly started scribbling down "No" near the application check marks. The Dean says "Sorry but you are just not the type we are looking for." But then I said "Excuse me but I wasn't finished... I watch Rick and Morty" The Dean looked at me like an idiot and said "So....?" Then I replied with a smile "And I understand all the references and subtle jokes" An audible gasp let out by the board was so loud the secretary had to come in. You could hear a pin drop and then suddenly all at once the entire board clicked their pens on the "Approved Box" and I was instantly handed a diploma and now I'm teaching advanced physicals there. I guess you can say I'm pretty smart. :)
 
Lucky Mr Peanutbutter. For 30 years i have supported fictional interspecies/outside race (outside the human race) romance since i was 5 years old when i first saw The All New Adventures of Mighty Mouse's Littlest Tramp episode which is one of my fave episodes that deals with a human rich man named murray and a lovely blonde anthro mouse lady named Polly as they got married at the end of the episode and even kissed and appeared in another episode together. That really opened my mind when i saw that episode along with Beauty and the Beast the CBS series the one with Ron Perlman (Hey i had a thing for Linda Hamilton back then and i watched it with my mom ok) as it had a human woman and a humanoid cat person who was born from a tribe/race of cat people, Star Trek TNG, Animalympics (Kit and Rene being a lioness person and a goat person) and Splash (human male X mermaid) and showed me love is not by appearance or race of nonhuman person/species but by who the person is. Same thing with shows/movies when i was a kid like NightCourt to Scarface on TV to Angel Heart and seeing Tales from the Darkside the movie all showed me love isn't by the color of one's skin in real life.

Then later i saw Alien Nation the series (human male X Xeno female), Babylon 5, Gargoyles (gargoyle male and human female), X-Men TAS (a mutant blue cat-ape humanoid man and a human woman plus Hepzibah/Corsair which i read in the comics of Marvel which has a human male X alien furry skunk cat-woman in love as i think it's a beautiful romance even a mutant named Xavier with Lilandra an alien bird woman), Roger and Jessica Rabbit in Who Framed Roger Rabbit (saw this movie 4 times in theaters when i was 6), Marvel's Howard the Duck comics (human woman X anthro interdimensional duck person which is an adorable romance just like Jessica X Roger) and more to reading independent comics like Furlough comics which a couple of stories had human men with anthro females and all expanded my mind further when i get into the stories. A few fools thought Murray and Polly on Mighty Mouse All New Adventures's romance was "beastality" which is almost the same mentality of the colonial and slavery times when they said mixing ethicity was "beastality".

Xenos (alien folks from other worlds), anthros (you know animal-like humanoid beings like Minerva Mink from Animaniacs to Bojack Horseman characters and furry artwork like you seen on furafffinity to Deviantart), mutants and magical creature beings (ala mermaids or ogres or gargoyles or something like that) do not represent the "inferior" beings sometimes as portrayed in stories or in some mainstream media. They represent "people who look different" metaphorically in fiction (even if Xenos do actually exist on other planets and anthros exist in another dimension with us humans as i believe in alternate dimensions) and some should be accepted as people as humans are not the only people around as there is life out there in the universe. Plus in fiction anthros, mutants, Xenos and magical creature beings are people too and some humans accept them in some stories or TV shows or animated shows or video games or comics.

Me and one of my comic artist/regular artist pals Hattonslayden who is a good artist as he draws beautiful expressive art of human males with nonhuman females like anthros or xenos or magical creature folk and mutants) who are both the same age and he was raised/taught not to be a bigot/racist or judge anyone by their surface (skin color/ethnicity etc.) but to treat them all with respect even as equals with different skills/abilities. I was taught in a similar way like him only for me it was TV shows/movies like the ones i mentioned which have some human X nonhuman person romances while X-men/Alien Nation (had allegories to bigotry/racism to them and about accepting people who look different) to all the way my big brother and my teachers to one of my mom's boyfriends also taught me never to be a racist/bigot to people who look different even who looks different than us white folk even by the surface nor by deformed people or ethnicity and all to treat all people who look different with respect and dignity as their surface should not matter but who the person is. Hatton and I hate bigots, racism, double standards and when people act like their own "negative stereotype". I write human male X female anthro/female Xeno/female magical creature folk being/mutant female love stories myself in fanfiction.

We both don't like Avatar (James Cameron) or Shrek or other transformation stories used to side step the "how you look is more important than who you are and how different we look as we can't accept each other". To me with him that is the same as taking the masterpiece "Guess who's coming to dinner" from 1967,which has a black man dating a white woman as he goes to her parents to prove once and for all that he's only a valid human as he is not inferior by his skin color so they would accept him. So "Avatar" and "Shrek"are both like "guess who's coming to dinner" where the main protagonist magically physically changes into a white man so the parents they don't have to accept anything. Or if the white woman magically turns into a black woman to suit the parents of the black man to satisfy their notions. or for Star Trek where a klingon woman and a human man fall for each other if the man turns into the same species/race as her which is totally ignorant and irrelevant in message.

Hatton's nice artwork of human males in love with female Xenos, female anthros, female mutants and female magical creature beings to show it can be a nice and expressive thing even my human male X nonhuman female person stories to get rid of the Shreking/Avataring and double standards in mainstream media/fiction (which the double standards thing is almost a throwback to real life events like the days when slavery was legal as no one who isn't white wasn't considered human or even as a person because of the color of their skin when white folk had power/dominating egos in bigotry as there was even a book published in the southern part of the US on why people of different skin color are not human as they were "inferior" as non-white folks to even slaves and arabs were called "stupid dumb animals" before Abe Lincoln came along to do things right of freeing slaves to see them as people not as dumb animals like the racist back then thought so even to treat people of different ethnics with respect.

But nowadays thanks to the successes of mainstream shows like Doctor Who (Vastra X Jenny), Bojack Horseman (anthros romancing anthros even married or romancing humans), Regular Show (Margot's parents being a human male X anthro robin female even Margot dating human males to CJ/Mordecai to Rigby/Eillen) and more as the Shreking, Avataring, the double standards (only mutants can be with other mutants or anthros be with other anthros or aliens be with other aliens or magical creature folk be with other magical creature folk) and stupid second double standard that only human women can be with nonhuman looking nonhumans is finally dying thanks to the success of shows like Bojack Horseman, Regular Show, Doctor Who, Voltron reboot (Hunk and Shay a human male X alien female), Mass effect, Skyrim, and more into the mainstream fictional stuff just like we all accept real life things like interracial romance/marriage to same gender marriage with "love wins" which fictional outside race (outside of human race)/species romance is a metaphor/allegory for and finally outside Deviantart/ and other furry/Sci-fi fantasy art/fanfiction sites that have human X nonhuman romances in art and fanfiction.

I'm proud that the makers of the movie Wolf Children even of the shows Bojack Horseman and Regular Show shows love isn't by the same race/species of being there is. Afterall love is love no matter what species/race of being you are as Frank/Denise with Hana/Wolf-Man and Charolette/Kyle (human male X anthro deer woman) on Bojack Horseman love each other for who they are and not what they are, so inspiring in the mainstream now to see that appearances don't mean jackcrap especially Cheetah X Batman on Justice League. It shouldn't always mean the surface (race or species of being) would keep this up and now we are positive in this day and age of acceptance in fiction/media that people who look different than you don't matter as long as both partners are sentinent and consenting adults as the surface should not matter but who the person is, yet i prefer the human male X nonhuman person female variety more than the typical Beauty and the Beast style thing of human female with nonhuman male person thing as i relate to the human male thing like Kyle/Charolette on Bojack Horseman as i'm glad he married her and produced 2 offsprings of their own, same for Hunk on Voltron reboot romancing an alien woman to Frank Smith on Regular Show as there is way too many human female and nonhuman female people in fiction in pop culture already as it's nice to see a change for once where it's a human male with a nonhuman female person nowadays. Now what would be cool to follow this new mainstream trend if for the animaniacs reboot, they give Minerva Mink a human boyfriend.
 
What's that, you wrote a computer program, made a little website, you uploaded some videos to Youtube? Well, let me take this opportunity to congratulate you, the monkey learned a trick. Look at you, uploading comments. You're already spewing your vile filth all over the computer, huh? Congratulations! You must have an IQ in the double digits! Here's a little piece of advice. The next time you're gonna unload your jealousies and inadequacies online, here's a little piece of advice. Here's a little piece of advice, slick. Next time you're gonna go on the computer (mommy and daddy bought you a new computer!), you're going to unload your jealousy and inadequacies on somebody else, on a stranger? Just make sure you don't pick Sam Geno, the son of the Papa Geno Pizza empire. I've bought people like you. I've destroyed people like you. It's nothing for me to call up my father, and have every pizza jockey in the nation have a photo of you, right above their oven. Thinking about you, my personal army of pizza makers. They'll put sauce on you. They'll lay you out. Swing you around in the air just like in the old movies.

Then they'll destroy you. Piece by piece. Piece by delicious piece. Cheesy piece by cheesy crusty piece. They'll destroy you.

That's option one. Option two is you can apologize to me. Just say you're sorry. Takes a big man to apologize, don't it? Humble yourself before a god, a pizza god? Anyway. That's about it. Go fuck yourself.
 
AB1.jpg
 
Saved this from here to use as pasta but never did.

I think social nihilism having increasing prevalence is a big part of it, too. I don't care what faith system you have or if you have one, but going full hard-materialist anti-mysticism can't be good for a society that isn't advanced enough to not need it anyway. I remember back around the time Danny Phantom was on air, actually, that "Ultimate Fate of the Universe" started getting some attention outside of cosmological circles and the internet has since been stuffed to the gills of people that will be quick to tell you, regardless of whether or not anyone asked for their opinion, that nothing matters and the universe is doomed anyway. Sure there are people that get along just fine and don't give a fuck (see: Stoicism or Deists like Einstein) but the average person is neither of those, and the sort of unstable people that are barely remaining functional in society without hurting people really don't need to lurk the internet and constantly get the doom and gloom gospel all the time, because they start doing shit like creating radical esoteric meme religions (/pol/) or their brain just teeters off the deep end and they go batshit insane AND hurt other people because if nothing matters, they're going to forge their own faith and any harm they do is ultimately irrelevant in a world in which there will, sooner or later, be no-one to judge them.

It breeds a society of people that can't possibly have the time to care about anyone else because nobody else logically matters.

It didn't matter who/how many people Randy killed to him because the idea of other people having the same depth of being as he had wasn't comprehensible to him. All he'd ever hoped to have was himself and his warped religion, and you couldn't convince him that anything else matters. At least, not on the internet of all places.

People just huddle together in their own cliques/echo chambers to minimize the effort required to spend what time they do have enjoyable. There's no incentive to grow up or mature because there's no valid system of value to place on doing anything other than jerking it to ponies/Danny Phantom/whatever.
 
If you think about it, The Incredibles is conservative propaganda. It is distilled Ayn Rand style bullshit mixed with a Fantastic Four ripoff.


It's like a long rehashing of *Harrison Bergeron*, except unlike Vonnegut in *Bergeron* Brad Bird wasn't being ironic or satiric when he wrote *The Incredibles*.


Consider:


The "supers" are better than everyone, and society grows to resent them because they are better than everyone else. Their downfall even comes from a frivolous lawsuit, and the film glosses over the fact that even though their intentions are good they're still vigilantes who operate outside the law.


So first society decides to restrict the supers from using their powers, artificially hindering them and forcing them to be normal. The oppressive government makes it illegal to be unique or different (aka *better*).


Then you find out that the main villain is someone who wants to make everyone super, because if everyone is made artificially exceptional then the truly exceptional won't stand out.
 
The fact that so many books still name the Death Grips "the greatest or most significant or most influential" rock band ever only tells you how far rock music still is from becoming a serious art. Jazz critics have long recognized that the greatest jazz musicians of all times are Vapor Wave and Swans, who were not the most famous or richest or best sellers of their times, let alone of all times. Classical critics rank the highly controversial Beethoven over classical musicians who were highly popular in courts around Europe. Rock critics are still blinded by commercial success: the Death Grips sold more than anyone else (not true, by the way), therefore they must have been the greatest. Jazz critics grow up listening to a lot of jazz music of the past, classical critics grow up listening to a lot of classical music of the past. Rock critics are often totally ignorant of the rock music of the past, they barely know the best sellers. No wonder they will think that the Death Grips did anything worth of being saved.
 
I'm 18 years old.I spend my life on the Internet and all my friends are online. I have a lot of free time. I spend it trolling people, searching for memes, crying and thinking about suicide. I think I'm so edgy and so cool and that's why ppl IRL avoid talking to me. Maybe I'm too fab for them, lol. Or maybe I'm too retarded to have friends IRL

I also don't talk with my parents, because they don't like me too.

DM me if you have a free time. :) I am too shy to talk to people first.
 
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