Corrupt-a-Wish

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Picklechu said:
It no longer exists.

I wish that I could kick this caffeine addiction.
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You refuse to have any caffeine for the rest of your life. Because you are now much more tired, you sleep through a days worth of work. You get fired. Because you have no income, you lose your residence. You die in your sleep on a bus stop bench, alone and cold.

I wish that I could relive my childhood.
 
Like Benjamin Button, you grow backwards.

I wish that I had a trust fund.

And the joke's on you, I'm unemployed! Hahahaha! Hahaha... (:_(
 
Your trust fund turns you into a privileged, entitled SJW who uses a Patreon to stay unemployed. You then lose any cred with actual people.

I wish I had legit PC copies of Fallout 4 and MGS V The Phantom Pain on my computer that aren't viruses.
 
The discs are scratched. :'(

I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard and-and I don’t want any zombie turkeys, I don’t want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don’t want any other weird surprises. You got it?
 
The sandwich is actually quite delicious and completely normal. Unfortunately, rye seeds come from a grass, and thus an allergic reaction to it is quite common and often goes undetected until problems arise.
You asphyxiate before ever finishing the sandwich.

How about a creative challenge? I want a Macallan 50-year Scotch in the Lalique bottle, but no cirrhosis or over-indulgence bits.
 
Oh you get your war games alright but not with a mouse and keyboard. Mandatory military service for everybody and you have to do war simulations. That means you have to WALK.

I wish I was a gentleman thief like Arsene Lupin. Not stealing for personal gain but to mess with people.
 
John Titor said:
I wish I was a gentleman thief like Arsene Lupin. Not stealing for personal gain but to mess with people.
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The government declares that any theft not for the purpose of personal survival is malicious and thus you are a fugitive for the rest of your life with the punishment being death by bamboo impalement
I wish that I could create an optimal political system in which there is no corruption
 
autisticdragonkin said:
The government declares that any theft not for the purpose of personal survival is malicious and thus you are a fugitive for the rest of your life with the punishment being death by bamboo impalement
I wish that I could create an optimal political system in which there is no corruption
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You lose the right to vote.

I wish my eczema would disappear.
 
You receive a bootleg version of Adobe ColdFusion. It comes in the form of fourty-nine CDs; one contains a .txt file of the 1994 The Fantastic Four script, another has a ROM of Windows '95 for NES, a third has a five hour and sixteen minute long track of white noise, and the other fourty-six are blank.

I wish I could predict what the next big fiction sensation (a la Harry Potter, Twilight, Walking Dead, Hunger Games, etc) will be and be the one to jump start the bandwagon.
 
The next big fiction sensation is the Cthulhu mythos. You realize in horror that your prediction was sent to you by a real old one looking for worshippers and the worshippers sacrifice you and everyone else on the planet.

I wish I could be reincarnated far into the future where humans have transformed as a species into a more evolutionary stable species (assuming that we are in a transitional state now). Tradition rules the world due to everything having been discovered and everyone is happy and productive
 
You live in a more traditional society, however, the traditions dictate human sacrifice and you're chosen.
I wish I was a weeb.
 
Abethedemon said:
You live in a more traditional society, however, the traditions dictate human sacrifice and you're chosen.
I wish I was a weeb.
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I'd just grant that wish, because it's not like I could do anything worse to you.

I wish all my fetishes were obligatory for all people.
 
You go to the doctor and discover you don't actually have a cold, but a new and incurable disease. You become patient zero for an outbreak that kills millions, including yourself.
I wish I could turn my hair naturally any color without having to dye it.
 
Each time you change your hair color, a little bit falls out until you are completely bald.
I wish I could travel anywhere I want, without having to pay for it.
 
grilledcheesesandwich said:
Each time you change your hair color, a little bit falls out until you are completely bald.
I wish I could travel anywhere I want, without having to pay for it.
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Granted, but you're constantly being chased by the authorities for not paying your fares.
I wish I could find a recipe for a delicious cake.
 
You get the recipe for a delicious cake only to find out the cake itself is rather bland.

I wish I had an uzi to shoot that dang yellow in the diner bathroom.
 
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