Corrupt-a-Wish

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Congrats! You sprouted wings! But you're shot down for flying in restricted airspace.

I wish I wasn't hated for my beliefs.
 
You're no longer hated for your beliefs, but you forget what you believed in.

I wish I was a fish like Don Knotts.
 
You get noticed, but then @Ride stalks you for the rest of your life, leading to your eventual rape and murder.

I wish that I had a magnum dong!
 
Listen up kiddo, God isn't real. If God was real, when I looked up at the sky I would see a bearded man in robes wouldn't I? Your fakey pakey bible is nothing but a place for me to blow a vape cloud on. My god, is evolution, my God is science, my god is the belief that there is no God, but only science. Have you ever seen Cosmos? Have you ever heard Carl Sagan speak? You better look out buddy, because I don't appreciate these "religious people" acting like they own the godless world. Every time I hit my vape pen I just reminisce about how stupid religion is, every time I go to crossfit I discuss why I am an atheist with my fellow gym-mates. You need a reality check Mr. Religion. Maybe if you didn't spend so much time worshipping your spider armed smurf monster or whatever you Catholics believe in, you'd see the truth that there is no god, only Spaghetti and Charles Dawkins. If you really think some great buddha is going to come help you with your stupid fucking uneuphoric problems just because you ask him to nicely, you're dumber than you seem. On the hopefully good chance you decide to renounce your disgusting faith, well, r'amen to that, but don't think it washes away the stupid useless shit you've done. Did you know that 100% of all wars are based on religion? World War 2 was because of the Jews, the Revolutionary War was because Protestants or whatever the fuck they're called, the uneuphoric cuntnuggets, wanted to practice their stupid rituals and make believe. Without that, there would be one country in the world, a united Earth that is peaceful and absolutely perfect and futuristic. It would be just like Futurama, my favorite thing, and I wouldn't have to use my Turanga Leela body pillow because she'd be there and love me for not being a stupid religious moron. But you've stopped that from happening. I hope you're fucking happy, you've doomed the world, bananacock, all with your Moses and Jesus and Mohammad and Bagavad Gheeta. That's right, I know what you people believe in, you think I haven't studied your stupid beliefs before? I have, just to see how stupid you all are. I have given many lectures over the internet on why religion is literally the worst thing that's ever happened to anything ever, and I'm just as right as the day I started.


I wish I could grow an even beard without a mysterious thin spot on the left side.
 
You now grow an even beard, but there's a mysterious thin spot on your chin that spells out lol.

I wish I could shave without cutting myself.
 
Granted, you never miss a hair, but are forced to pluck them all out with your fingers.

I wish I was a better poster.
 
You're a better poster, but every time the next post after yours is always more interesting and steals all the attention your post would have gotten.

I wish I was Big Boss from Metal Gear Solid.
 
Shaftie said:
You're a better poster, but every time the next post after yours is always more interesting and steals all the attention your post would have gotten.

I wish I was Big Boss from Metal Gear Solid.
Click to expand...

Granted. You vanish from real life, because Big Boss isn't real.

I wish leftovers didn't taste like crap.
 
Congrats! They don't taste like crap! But you lost the ability to taste!

I wish I had a date with the right person.
 
Granted. The right person is a corrosive slime creature whose very presence fills every inch of your body with unimaginable agony.

I wish I hadn't been eaten.
 
GeneralFriendliness said:
Granted. The right person is a corrosive slime creature whose very presence fills every inch of your body with unimaginable agony.

I wish I hadn't been eaten.
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You weren't eaten, but you were rescued by ADF and he expects a date with a minimum of one kiss (without mouthwash) as a reward.

I wish I could grow unlimited fresh fruits and vegetables, regardless of season.
 
Sailor_Jupiter said:
You weren't eaten, but you were rescued by ADF and he expects a date with a minimum of one kiss (without mouthwash) as a reward.

I wish I could grow unlimited fresh fruits and vegetables, regardless of season.
Click to expand...

Granted, but you are a chattel slave on a South Carolina plantation for the rest of your days they profit immensely off of your abilities.

I wish my cat loved me.
 
Gym Leader Elesa said:
Granted, but you are a chattel slave on a South Carolina plantation for the rest of your days they profit immensely off of your abilities.

I wish my cat loved me.
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Kitty loves you, but wakes you up in the middle of the night to"shampoo" your head with her claws and teeth, because you don't smell enough like kitty spit and that needs to be corrected.

I wish to be a decent artist.
 
Congrats! They do! But this person's nethers are covered in bloody duct tape and the smell of sadness.

I wish I was a wizard.
 
your powers go haywire

I wish wildchild was unbanned
 
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