Corrupt-a-Wish

[Durable Mike Malloy]

You open a recursive wish-hole in space/time into which you are sucked. You spend the rest of eternity going insane as an insubstantial mind with no stimulus.

I wish for more wishes.

You get more wishes fulfilled, but these wishes were all made by a very dumb person. Your house is suddenly filled to hoarder levels with MLP-Duck Dynasty crossover merch, your car is a yellow Honda Civic with spinning rims and a spoiler on upside down, and your own body is covered with really shitty tattoos. You suspect many of them may be variations on the theme of Taz smoking weed, but the poor quality makes it impossible to be certain. Deeply unfortunate-looking strippers from this one sad titty bar are all begging you for threesomes. You are sued by the city when carnival rides appear and impede traffic on the streets around your home.

Unfortunately, the wisher is a generous person, and it seems they watch a lot of infomercials and HSN. Your friends' homes are soon crapped up with As Seen on TV merch and lifetime supplies of various undesirable products. These friends begin to avoid you. Alone in a trash heap, bad tattoos creeping onto your neck and face, you live in fear of the next incoming wish.

I wish my neighbor would either wear clothes or draw his curtains when he walks to and from his shower in the morning.

 

[Saney]

You get more wishes fulfilled, but these wishes were all made by a very dumb person. Your house is suddenly filled to hoarder levels with MLP-Duck Dynasty crossover merch, your car is a yellow Honda Civic with spinning rims and a spoiler on upside down, and your own body is covered with really shitty tattoos. You suspect many of them may be variations on the theme of Taz smoking weed, but the poor quality makes it impossible to be certain. Deeply unfortunate-looking strippers from this one sad titty bar are all begging you for threesomes. You are sued by the city when carnival rides appear and impede traffic on the streets around your home.

Unfortunately, the wisher is a generous person, and it seems they watch a lot of infomercials and HSN. Your friends' homes are soon crapped up with As Seen on TV merch and lifetime supplies of various undesirable products. These friends begin to avoid you. Alone in a trash heap, bad tattoos creeping onto your neck and face, you live in fear of the next incoming wish.

I wish my neighbor would either wear clothes or draw his curtains when he walks to and from his shower in the morning.

Your neighbour starts wearing a thong. Alternatively, the curtains are clear plastic.

I wish for a small, handheld device that could teleport me to wherever I wanted to go.

 

[Roger Rabbit]

Here. It's called a Hot Wheels.

I wish for cookies.

 

[Randall Fragg]

Your neighbour starts wearing a thong. Alternatively, the curtains are clear plastic.

I wish for a small, handheld device that could teleport me to wherever I wanted to go.

You have a small hand held device alright, but does it actually teleport you, or does it just destroy you and create an exact replica in the space you wanted to go to? And how can you tell?
Alternatively, it works fine, and soon everyone wants one. Everyone soon has one, and can teleport anywhere on Earth. This ends up collapsing the tourism and automotive industry, because why stay in a hotel when you can just teleport home? National Parks and attractions are forced to install massive waiting lists to deal with the millions of people who want to go there at the same time.

 

[Overcast]

Here. It's called a Hot Wheels.

I wish for cookies.

Granted, but you choke on one and die.

I wish I had the ability to fly.

 

[hopietan]

Granted, but you choke on one and die.

I wish I had the ability to fly.

You gain the ability to fly however you are only able to fly when you are in a depressed mood so you have little control over it and if you feel enjoyment while in flight you plummet to the ground.

I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow.

 

[Segue]

You gain the ability to fly however you are only able to fly when you are in a depressed mood so you have little control over it and if you feel enjoyment while in flight you plummet to the ground.

I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow.

Done, but its because you've been fired and you will never get a job ever again.

I wish I was sexy~

 

[exball]

You gain the ability to fly however you are only able to fly when you are in a depressed mood so you have little control over it and if you feel enjoyment while in flight you plummet to the ground.

I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow.

You can't go to work due to losing your legs in a car crash.

 

[Captain Pronin]

Here. It's called a Hot Wheels.

I wish for cookies.

Turns out these cookies have nuts in them and you have a crippling allergy to nuts that makes you die almost instantly

 

[Roger Rabbit]

Turns out these cookies have nuts in them and you have a crippling allergy to nuts that makes you die almost instantly

Well I actually am alergic to pistachios, so it makes sense.

 

[cypocryphy]

Damn, I wish I was your lover

 

[exball]

Damn, I wish I was your lover

You and Null become lovers.

 

[Pikonic]

I wish I were better at playing trumpet.

You become the best trumpet player and the toast of the town. You're soon playing at Carnegie Hall, and you marry a well off conductor. Your life becomes playing at Carnegie Hall and eating only the best food a high class musician can eat.
On rainy days you look out the window and think of the simpler times here on the Kiwi forums eating [insert cheap food of your choice], as a single tear rolls down your cheek.

I wish I had a bottle of my favorite non alcoholic beverage, a cold Orange Powerade Zero.

 

[Morbid Boredom]

I wish I had a bottle of my favorite non alcoholic beverage, a cold Orange Powerade Zero.

The bottle was improperly bottled and stored and makes you nauseous.

I wish I were a better chess player.

(braces for impact)

 

[The I Scream Man]

The bottle was improperly bottled and stored and makes you nauseous.

I wish I were a better chess player.

(braces for impact)

You become a better chess player but only because the ghost of a long-dead chess master possesses you! 2spooooopy!

I wish I could see Metallica in concert.

 

[Randall Fragg]

You become a better chess player but only because the ghost of a long-dead chess master possesses you! 2spooooopy!

I wish I could see Metallica in concert.

Enthralled by "The Call of Kthulu", you climb up on stage and get too close to the speakers, causing burst eardrums.
And death.

 

[Morbid Boredom]

You become a better chess player but only because the ghost of a long-dead chess master possesses you! 2spooooopy!

I wish I could see Metallica in concert.

So, I live in an adaptation of Hikaru no Go?

You can see Metallica in concert, but they only play songs from Saint Anger.

I wish for reliable teleporter technology, just like on Star Trek.

 

[exball]

So, I live in an adaptation of Hikaru no Go?

You can see Metallica in concert, but they only play songs from Saint Anger.

I wish for reliable teleporter technology, just like on Star Trek.

Transporter accident, you and Chris switch bodies.

I wish I had a space ship.

 

[Trombonista]

Transporter accident, you and Chris switch bodies.

I wish I had a space ship.

It contains asbestos.

I wish I could drive stick shift.

 

[c-no]

I wish for a small, handheld device that could teleport me to wherever I wanted to go.

You find some teleportation device that lets you go where you want. Unfortunately, the last time you used it ended your life. The coordinates were off, teleporting you into a wall. In short, you are dead.

I wish I could drive stick shift.

As you drive stick shift, you end up burning the clutch. It wouldn't seem that bad except the stick your driving isn't a car that belongs to someone you know but rather to a guy who is very possessive of the car. He ends up trashing your home or at least the front of it. On top of that, you have to pay off both the car and the cleaning.

I wish I had fish that would let you make a wish.