Craigslist Cringe Thread

Chuggernaut said:
A personal favorite of mine:
cave.jpg


And the response: "Well, I must admit that this ad was so well articulated and straight to the point. First of all may I offer condolences to the passing of your friend and brother of the secret cave order. At first I passed it up as jut a CL hoax but then I began thinking about missing a golden opportunity in the event that this is on the up and up. It almost seems to be a tailor made dream to be a part of something so enlightening, so exclusive, so liberating, so manly. As a white male, 50 years young at heart, I love to jack off. I find it to be the most satisfying of all forms of releasing. I am a professional classical musician. I would be honored and cherish to opportunity to be a part of your secret club and would do all that is required to be a member in good standing. If I can provide any further information please do email me at your earliest convience."
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JO... JO? "JO"?? Jay-Oh...??? WTF does this mean... is this some secret manly code for manly things manly men do when they meet in caves and feel the old campfire thrill of prehistory awaken in their DNA?
Oh wait... um... never mind.
 
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Here's a downright depressing one about a woman banging a carny!

I know it's a long shot but I am looking for a man I met back in August of 1999 at Riverfest in (redacted). If I remember correctly he was 21 at the time. He worked at a game stand for Rainbow Valley Rides out of (redacted) at the time. He had several tattoos, one of which was a large crown across his stomach. We hung out for a while after the carnival was over, driving around town looking for beer. We parked and talked for quite a while. One thing led to another and we had sex. That next day I went to see him again and started hearing rumors from some of his coworkers that he was married and expecting a baby any day. Of course he denied it, but I started seeing a very pregnant blond girl near him more and more after that. During our conversation I also recall him saying something about either going to (redacted university) or wanting to go to (redacted university) and play basketball. I know it was a very long time ago but if you are this man or think you may know this man, please contact me. We never kept in touch and I had no idea how to contact you but that night we were together I got pregnant. I'm not looking for a payday or any kind of help or anything, but I have a daughter who is almost 16 now and desperately wants to meet the man who gave her life. I'm not trying to cause any trouble, I just think she deserves to know where she came from and you deserve to know that you have a daughter out there.
 
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geodestro said:
Here's a downright depressing one about a woman banging a carny!

I know it's a long shot but I am looking for a man I met back in August of 1999 at Riverfest in (redacted). If I remember correctly he was 21 at the time. He worked at a game stand for Rainbow Valley Rides out of (redacted) at the time. He had several tattoos, one of which was a large crown across his stomach. We hung out for a while after the carnival was over, driving around town looking for beer. We parked and talked for quite a while. One thing led to another and we had sex. That next day I went to see him again and started hearing rumors from some of his coworkers that he was married and expecting a baby any day. Of course he denied it, but I started seeing a very pregnant blond girl near him more and more after that. During our conversation I also recall him saying something about either going to (redacted university) or wanting to go to (redacted university) and play basketball. I know it was a very long time ago but if you are this man or think you may know this man, please contact me. We never kept in touch and I had no idea how to contact you but that night we were together I got pregnant. I'm not looking for a payday or any kind of help or anything, but I have a daughter who is almost 16 now and desperately wants to meet the man who gave her life. I'm not trying to cause any trouble, I just think she deserves to know where she came from and you deserve to know that you have a daughter out there.
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Holy shit it's a real life Britta from Community
 
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meatslab said:
They gotta charge their JO crystals in the sesh.
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I've heard that one heartfelt JO sesh with your bros can result in a power charge that will save you one month on electricity.
geodestro said:
Here's a downright depressing one about a woman banging a carny!

I know it's a long shot but I am looking for a man I met back in August of 1999 at Riverfest in (redacted). If I remember correctly he was 21 at the time. He worked at a game stand for Rainbow Valley Rides out of (redacted) at the time. He had several tattoos, one of which was a large crown across his stomach. We hung out for a while after the carnival was over, driving around town looking for beer. We parked and talked for quite a while. One thing led to another and we had sex. That next day I went to see him again and started hearing rumors from some of his coworkers that he was married and expecting a baby any day. Of course he denied it, but I started seeing a very pregnant blond girl near him more and more after that. During our conversation I also recall him saying something about either going to (redacted university) or wanting to go to (redacted university) and play basketball. I know it was a very long time ago but if you are this man or think you may know this man, please contact me. We never kept in touch and I had no idea how to contact you but that night we were together I got pregnant. I'm not looking for a payday or any kind of help or anything, but I have a daughter who is almost 16 now and desperately wants to meet the man who gave her life. I'm not trying to cause any trouble, I just think she deserves to know where she came from and you deserve to know that you have a daughter out there.
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It's really sad that I know exactly where this woman is from... Riverfest gave it away for me.
 
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25 yr old man looking for Nightwish Fan

I am a single 25 year old guy looking to meet a young lady who is into metal music, gothic style, and the symphonic rock group Nightwish!

I have 2 VIP Meet and Greet tickets to see Nightwish live in Montreal in February, and am open to establishing a friendship or relationship with a cool young woman with similar tastes to get to know and establish a relationship with, in which this concert could ultimately be an enjoyable and memorable date night!

I also enjoy playing music in my spare time myself, as well as writing and traveling!
 
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