Craigslist Cringe Thread

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>tfw half of these read like ads have posted.

and the other half sound like good ideas

Then there's this


I want a 16 yr old slut - m4w


I am older..I want to take u out as my sister and act in appropriate plus much more! I'm real and attractive!! Pics to share! Put I'm real in subject line!

http://detroit.craigslist.org/okl/cas/5271836494.htm
l

Zeke 18 - m4m (Plymouth)
00E0E_hEUNGmC65XU_600x450.jpg

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00P0P_hlwGnqLIMH4_600x450.jpg

00h0h_3Q84nDLSUAT_600x450.jpg

00808_jYoAROabORi_600x450.jpg

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height : 6'1" (185cm)



Looking for a guy friend 18-22 send headshot and bodyshot. I like clean cut white guys. 16 and 17 is cool under Michigan age of consent law. Plymouth and Novi. I like cute sweet guys.

http://detroit.craigslist.org/okl/cas/5262301297.html


Hello im looking for a girl and her mom for some family fun. Call me daddy and let's all play. Ive been with 2 ladies at the same time a few times including mom and daughter. Im thinking college or high school teen and a mom who maybe had the daughter when she was college age or younger herself. A former teen mom who now has a teen daughter and you both want to share a guy together or separate would be optimal. Daughter need not be very experienced at all. Prefer both of you to be unattached. Im sure this isnt for everyone and some may find it unseemly but i wont judge you if you wont judge me. If you're just looking for a fun time, so am i. If this post isn't to your liking, please just move along to the next one. For girls or moms who are interested, im white but you dont have to be. Just be open minded and looking for a unique experience. Write me back with some details about you both, photos are always helpful, and what you 2 might be interested in doing. Lions fired the guys running the team and now women are running things. So I know you are real and not spam please change the title of your reply to Pair.

http://detroit.craigslist.org/okl/cas/5304253437.html

I really could go on. My area is a pedo paradise pretty much I guess.
 
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I think I won guys. From missed connections.

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i watch you masturbate - m4m

I live next door to you. I'm not sure if you know but I stand outside your window and watch you jerk off. You are tall thin and very good looking. A few weeks ago you locked yourself out of your home and I helped you get in. Tell me how I was able to get you into your home so I know its really you. I would love to be in the room with you the next tome you are masturbating. I can help or just watch in silence. I hope to hear back!
 
Kelly ripa look alike

Hello I am looking for Kelly ripa similarities she is very cute and I would like to meet someone like her

*** Suspicious Spouse ? *** Get an Alibi *** (Pittsburgh)


Is you spouse suspicious?

Is you wife questioning that hunting trip?

Is you husband giving you a hard time about that weekend away with your girlfriends?

Need receipts to prove where you were?

We have you covered! Please see www.onlinealibi for more info.


Black street whores (East liberty)

does anybody here remember the black street whores there's about four of them they always hung out around black street or Columbo street and I believe they're white


Adult Nursing Relationship (ANR) - m4w (Mills Mall Area)
m4w body : athletic height : 5'8" (172cm)status : partnered



ANR/ABF stands for: A Nursing Relationship/Adult Breast Feeding. ANR/ABF refers to a relationship involving sucking the female breast as an expression of close intimacy. Adult Nursing Relationships can exist with or without lactating. On the other hand it is frequently reported that breastfeeding has a strong stabilizing effect on the partnership. The breastfeeding woman may experience orgasms or a pleasurable let-down reflex. Hey...


im a sexy 32 year old looking for an Adult Nursing relationship. if you are into this type of thing message me.



-from rants and raves
Moron King Obama does nothing.


Our idiot, moronic "King" in the our White House does nothing to protect our country.
Don't you clueless, senseless, couch-potato Americans see what is coming?.

Right now, as the Islamic sleepers begin to be aroused in every state of America, the moron Muslim in our White House does absolutely nothing.
A recent report filed by the FBI states that more than 900 threat risks are being investigated at present ....and yes, cases in every state of our union.
What has happened to our country under this idiot in our house.?

With the horrible killing of 127 people in Paris, and the dozens of hostages being held right now,
.....what does the moron and his minion democrats want to do?.
You won't believe it.....The moron wants to bring in hundreds of thousands of military-age men in the so-called "refugees from Syria".
And further,
Democratic Senator Dummy Dick Durban arose to the floor of our Senate two weeks ago and proposed to bring in 100,000 Syrian refugees immediately.
What kind of morons do we have running our country?
What kind of idiots are in Washington?.

Ladies and Gentlemen,
We the people must act to change this moronic government.
We must act now and call our congress people immediately and get involved before it is too late.
Our children's very lives are at stake.

We must close the borders down tight, and stop all immigration to America immediately.
Yes, close all borders now, and keep them closed for many years into the future.
And the threat is very real....and that is the evil that is the "radical Muslim religion", of which is truly out to take what they do not have.
Why their religion teaches them to require all people to convert to Islam or be killed.
No exceptions.

All mosques must be searched and investigated to determine who is there.
And we must not stop until America purges our Judeo-Christian country of these radical, tyrannical, conquering, killing people that call themselves "Muslim".
For their religion teaches their very young children in school to kill the infidel, and yes that means you, your wife and your children....and they are taught to burn, murder, rape and take what they do not have in the name of Allah.

There is no "Turning the other cheek". There is no "Do unto others as you would have done to you". And there is definitely no "Love your neighbor as yourself"
.......but rather, to kill, conquer and take what they did not build.

If you question this, then just research the story of the city of Constantinople.
You will see exactly what these murderous, savages do.
As the once great, Christian city was conquered.... and now is 99% Muslim and known as Istanbul.
History repeats itself, just ask the French people what they are fearing right now.
They will tell you the radical Muslim threat is real and on their doorstep.
..... And likewise around the world
and yes...here in America.

So...Wake up!!! you idiot, sleeping Americans!!!. This is your wake up call.
Act Now to let your representative know that we want the border sealed and immigration halted immediately.
And to put the National Guard on the border.

Next, deport all illegal aliens that are currently in our jails.
Next...Immediately build that border wall/fence as tall as possible.... and man it night and day.
And then, every family in America go out and buy several firearms and learn how to use them to protect your loved ones.
Maybe they will get the message.
America is not for the taking like France, Britain and Constantinople.
Yes, tell them America will stay a Judeo-Christian country that does "Love thy neighbor".

Let's purge these evil Islamic savages that teach their very young to kill and rape... before it is too late.
We owe that much to our children and grandchildren.
 
Kelly ripa look alike

Hello I am looking for Kelly ripa similarities she is very cute and I would like to meet someone like her

*** Suspicious Spouse ? *** Get an Alibi *** (Pittsburgh)


Is you spouse suspicious?

Is you wife questioning that hunting trip?

Is you husband giving you a hard time about that weekend away with your girlfriends?

Need receipts to prove where you were?

We have you covered! Please see www.onlinealibi for more info.


Black street whores (East liberty)

does anybody here remember the black street whores there's about four of them they always hung out around black street or Columbo street and I believe they're white


Adult Nursing Relationship (ANR) - m4w (Mills Mall Area)
m4w body : athletic height : 5'8" (172cm)status : partnered



ANR/ABF stands for: A Nursing Relationship/Adult Breast Feeding. ANR/ABF refers to a relationship involving sucking the female breast as an expression of close intimacy. Adult Nursing Relationships can exist with or without lactating. On the other hand it is frequently reported that breastfeeding has a strong stabilizing effect on the partnership. The breastfeeding woman may experience orgasms or a pleasurable let-down reflex. Hey...


im a sexy 32 year old looking for an Adult Nursing relationship. if you are into this type of thing message me.



-from rants and raves
Moron King Obama does nothing.


Our idiot, moronic "King" in the our White House does nothing to protect our country.
Don't you clueless, senseless, couch-potato Americans see what is coming?.

Right now, as the Islamic sleepers begin to be aroused in every state of America, the moron Muslim in our White House does absolutely nothing.
A recent report filed by the FBI states that more than 900 threat risks are being investigated at present ....and yes, cases in every state of our union.
What has happened to our country under this idiot in our house.?

With the horrible killing of 127 people in Paris, and the dozens of hostages being held right now,
.....what does the moron and his minion democrats want to do?.
You won't believe it.....The moron wants to bring in hundreds of thousands of military-age men in the so-called "refugees from Syria".
And further,
Democratic Senator Dummy Dick Durban arose to the floor of our Senate two weeks ago and proposed to bring in 100,000 Syrian refugees immediately.
What kind of morons do we have running our country?
What kind of idiots are in Washington?.

Ladies and Gentlemen,
We the people must act to change this moronic government.
We must act now and call our congress people immediately and get involved before it is too late.
Our children's very lives are at stake.

We must close the borders down tight, and stop all immigration to America immediately.
Yes, close all borders now, and keep them closed for many years into the future.
And the threat is very real....and that is the evil that is the "radical Muslim religion", of which is truly out to take what they do not have.
Why their religion teaches them to require all people to convert to Islam or be killed.
No exceptions.

All mosques must be searched and investigated to determine who is there.
And we must not stop until America purges our Judeo-Christian country of these radical, tyrannical, conquering, killing people that call themselves "Muslim".
For their religion teaches their very young children in school to kill the infidel, and yes that means you, your wife and your children....and they are taught to burn, murder, rape and take what they do not have in the name of Allah.

There is no "Turning the other cheek". There is no "Do unto others as you would have done to you". And there is definitely no "Love your neighbor as yourself"
.......but rather, to kill, conquer and take what they did not build.

If you question this, then just research the story of the city of Constantinople.
You will see exactly what these murderous, savages do.
As the once great, Christian city was conquered.... and now is 99% Muslim and known as Istanbul.
History repeats itself, just ask the French people what they are fearing right now.
They will tell you the radical Muslim threat is real and on their doorstep.
..... And likewise around the world
and yes...here in America.

So...Wake up!!! you idiot, sleeping Americans!!!. This is your wake up call.
Act Now to let your representative know that we want the border sealed and immigration halted immediately.
And to put the National Guard on the border.

Next, deport all illegal aliens that are currently in our jails.
Next...Immediately build that border wall/fence as tall as possible.... and man it night and day.
And then, every family in America go out and buy several firearms and learn how to use them to protect your loved ones.
Maybe they will get the message.
America is not for the taking like France, Britain and Constantinople.
Yes, tell them America will stay a Judeo-Christian country that does "Love thy neighbor".

Let's purge these evil Islamic savages that teach their very young to kill and rape... before it is too late.
We owe that much to our children and grandchildren.
Oh, Shitsburgh...never change.

Just kidding. Please change.
 
I'll touch your butt and buy you tacos (Jupiter)
Dear Soulmate,
Today i was thinking, and wondering who you are. Sometimes i just get into these moods where i just wish i knew you, and you knew me...because its these times where i wish i just had your shoulder to cry on. Life's hard and i guess ill just have to suck it up and get over it one day but i always have this fanatsy in my mind that i'd be perfectly content if i was just with you. life would be worth while that way. one day when you meet me...you'll find all these scars i've gotten along the way...from some tough relationships, to family issues and stress. i hope your waiting for me, because i've been waiting on you since the moment i understood that something had you in mind for me. even though your a mystery to me, i know you'll be better and far beyond higher then my expectations. honestly i've been looking for you for forever and im actually pretty discouraged right now. no one comes close to my standards and im not meaning to sound stuck up im just afraid maybe im being too picky. ive been hurt thousands of times...and im sick of it. please don't be offended if it takes me a while to fully trust you, its not that you've ever done anything to make me feel that way...its just what my past experiences have proven to me as sad as it is to say. i hope your life is wonderful and that life gives you everything you've ever wanted. i hope all dreams and ambitions come true. i hope you know that wherever you are someone loves you more than life itself. and that no matter what you've done they'll never stop. one thing this person has that you'll never find in someone else is, a space in their heart that only you can fill, and love that can never fade away. ive thought about you constantly and wondered if you'd ever even wanna know me someday. not that its your fault but sometimes i get mad that its taking us this long just to find each other. and i know im on a time schedule not my own but im very impatient and you'll learn that quickly. my family is a crazy. and when we meet you'll know all about it when the time is right...i don't wanna scare you away with all that yet though. i know you'll be the person i always wanted and more. you'll make me happier than anyone ever could and i can't wait to meet you. so when your down and you feel lonely and upset and lost...just know that im hoping for you and love you every moment and every day. i'll always be out here loving you. just keep that in mind. please wait for me though. never give up, i'll always be waiting for you. forever.

love always,
your soulmate.

Age and race do not matter, do not ask where I live, do not text demanding pics the first message, text something fun not "Hey" or "hi". [number removed] send pics with the reply so I know who you are.

This next one, while the ad's not particularly hilarious ,was posted 8+ times in the last month, same text and title..

Looking for love (McLean county)


45yo heavily tattooed and pierced woman, looking for a tall, slim, heavily tattooed white man 30-47! Non smoker, non drinker,non drug user with NO kids! Must have own home, job and a vehicle!
  • do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

And this one..needs a bit of a lesson in English..
Nipple to G hole Fun to Fuc k ! Make me Cool



Hey , gentlemen, My Name is Lovely Nipple ...Oh no... i hv to Lovely Nipple ! Today Its ur's!! I'm a sweet white girl 23 y old!! with a nice TITS and loving lips. My apartment Is Horny too!! My apartment is feeling lonely too!! Need ur company!!Ha huh!! Guys, I'd love to taste a juicy C O C K ''to make my day''. Remember My apartment is getting wet...like Flood!! so looking for a PIPE!!! What about ur PIPE? Preferred 6 plus Inches hard pipe!
 
And this one..needs a bit of a lesson in English..
Nipple to G hole Fun to Fuc k ! Make me Cool



Hey , gentlemen, My Name is Lovely Nipple ...Oh no... i hv to Lovely Nipple ! Today Its ur's!! I'm a sweet white girl 23 y old!! with a nice TITS and loving lips. My apartment Is Horny too!! My apartment is feeling lonely too!! Need ur company!!Ha huh!! Guys, I'd love to taste a juicy C O C K ''to make my day''. Remember My apartment is getting wet...like Flood!! so looking for a PIPE!!! What about ur PIPE? Preferred 6 plus Inches hard pipe!
Literally what.
 
Looking for love (McLean county)


45yo heavily tattooed and pierced woman, looking for a tall, slim, heavily tattooed white man 30-47! Non smoker, non drinker,non drug user with NO kids! Must have own home, job and a vehicle!
  • do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers
This doesn't seem particularly cringey to me but 47 is a pretty arbitrary number
 
  • Agree
Reactions: Uncanny Valley
This doesn't seem particularly cringey to me but 47 is a pretty arbitrary number
Yeah that one was less cringy because of content..more because of the fact the poster appeared to have reposted the exact same ad, over and over, during the last few months
 
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