Creationists - Jack Chick, Kent Hovind, etc.

[Saney]

Maybe Dinosaur would have been a better movie if it was like this.

 

[spaps]

Once again, dinosaurs are being used to pollute our children’s minds and turn them wantonly to promiscuous, deviant sex acts.

Those damn sexual deviants.

 

[Saney]

Once again, dinosaurs are being used to pollute our children’s minds and turn them wantonly to promiscuous, deviant sex acts.

Those damn sexual deviants.

Dinosaurs are colossal perverts, man.

 

[spaps]

Once again, dinosaurs are being used to pollute our children’s minds and turn them wantonly to promiscuous, deviant sex acts.

Those damn sexual deviants.

Dinosaurs are colossal perverts, man.

Stop poisoning our children, with your perverted mind and your bright homosexual colours!

 

[MysticMisty]

Maybe Dinosaur would have been a better movie if it was like this.

Please tell me that's a parody review.

 

[Saney]

Stop poisoning our children, with your perverted mind and your bright homosexual colours!

0_o

Please tell me that's a parody review.

The sad thing is, it's still better than a Cole Smithey review.

 

[Surtur]

Maybe Dinosaur would have been a better movie if it was like this.

Please tell me that's a parody review.

You are in luck, it is. Landover is a site that spoofs fundies, like The Onion but through a Christian lens.

 

[WWWWolf]

Dinosaurs are colossal perverts, man.

Well yes, they were quite large in size, and from what we can tell, they didn't wear pants.

Maybe Dinosaur would have been a better movie if it was like this.

Please tell me that's a parody review.

Landover Baptist is parody. Unfortunately, it's old parody, and as such the creationists have long since outdone it.

 

[Dig]

I remember the old Jabberwock dissections of these things. They were hilarious.

 

[Screaming Llama]

Enslaving Demons

In New Age paganism and the occult, it is commonly believed that spirit guides, messengers, and elementals (or spirits) can be summoned to do things for a trainer or practitioner. Spirit guides watch and tell a trainer what it sees. These spirits guard the trainer, fightoff other spirits or elementals, and carry out assignments given by the trainer.

Dangerous parallels exist between the world of Pokemon and that of the occult. A pagan trainer can capture free elementals--much like Pokemon trainers capture Pocket Monsters--and build relationships with them for future use. This same relationship is also found in Wicca or Witchcraft.

I'm going to give this guy the benefit of the doubt and assume he's working off bad sources.

Firstly, the entities he's talking about are not demons and a lot of the time they aren't even summoned, they're created from raw magical energy by whoever wants one (essentially an intelligent golem of sorts). Such creatures are known in Western Neopaganism as thoughtforms and in Tibetan Buddhism as tulpas. While moonbat bronies make pony-shaped tulpas exclusively for cuddles and sex, serious occultists use thoughtformed servitors as study partners, information storage or even just a backboard for theoretical discussion. I have a book written by a ceremonial magician on contemporary magical theory that explains thoughtforms in great detail. They're not trained either, by the way - all the necessary skills and knowledge that the thoughtform needs usually comes ready-made.

Secondly, if you need protection from angry entities, there are a number of ways to deal with this:
1) try not pissing them off to begin with
2) try not pissing off anyone with the ability to send an entity after you
3) banish the entity to another plane of existence if possible
4) make a protective sigil or amulet and keep it about your person.

Thirdly, while it's theoretically possible to capture a spirit entity, it's generally not recommended that you even summon one to begin with unless:
a) you have a VERY good reason for doing so
b) you know exactly what you're doing
c) you know EXACTLY what you're doing
d) you know exactly what to do if things go south (and by that I mean you have a clearly drawn-up step-by-step contingency plan that everyone involved in the ritual knows by heart and can follow through to the letter)

Capturing an entity presents another set of problems on top of that. If you want to destroy it, bear in mind even Aleister Crowley had to fight hard and dirty when he faced down the demon Choronzon, and he was one of the most powerful and skilled occultists of the 20th century.

Wiccan Circles

In Wicca, guardians, known as Watchtowers, are summoned into a protective circle until called upon to fight off "bad" spirits. In Pokemon, the creatures are held in a Pokeball until the trainer summons them to fight.

In mature forms of witchcraft, one advances to higher levels by conquering demons in other people to make them their slaves. The master practitioner can then project thoughts into the slave as his demons communicate orders to the slave demons in the other person. This principle is being taught to our children in the way Pokemon capture other Pokemon. It falls under the deeper things of Satan we are warned about in Revelation 2.

Witches and shamans, who claim to project themselves into animals, recommend that only master practitioners do these things becuase an individual is not the master of the spirits, just as trainers are not masters of the Pocket Monsters. They warn that such spirits, once summoned, can be hard to get rid of, and may require an exorcism to be freed of an "evil one".

No, the Guardians are not the Watchtowers. The Guardians are the elemental spirits OF the Watchtowers, the Watchtowers themselves being the cardinal quarter points in a ritual circle corresponding to the primary direction points on a compass: North (Earth), South (Fire), East (Air), West (Water) and the Centre (Life/Spirit). In a ritual circle, the elemental Guardians are invoked into the circle to energize the ritual space and aid in raising energy.

Strictly speaking, there are no clearly defined 'levels' of witchcraft as such. There are degrees of initiation in Wicca, but those are largely a holdover from British Traditional Wicca's Freemason origins. Outside of Wicca, however, one simply progresses in skill and knowledge at their own pace.

The Counterfeit Trinity

Ash, for example, can evolve into Dodrio, a creature that resembles a bird with three heads. Interestingly, Dodrio's height and weight are the dimensions of an average-sized man. Dodrio is the Pocket Monster with three heads--and interesting allusion to a counterfeit Trinity.

In the Holy Trinity, the Holy Spirit is sent to indwell, enpower, defend, teach and lead followers of Jesus Christ. The same may be said about the counterfeit trinity, except that the empowerment is dark in its nature.

Subtly, Pokemon promotes the belief that man can become like God--a philosophy that is also promoted in Buddhism and New Age religions. It is also the enticement that Satan offered to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. It was this temptation that inspired the people of Babylon to construct the Tower of Babel. It's a ploy that Satan has used on many unsuspecting souls. Will our children be the next target of his evil deception?

Good grief, he doesn't even know his Old Testament mythology properly. The Tower of Babel was built not to help people become gods, it was built to help people physically reach God. Thus he created linguistic diversity as a means to confound the builders and doom the project to failure.

 

[Trombonista]

Also, pokemon cannot capture other pokemon and the human characters cannot become pokemon (except in that one manga where a kid became a Torchic).

 

[Screaming Llama]

human characters cannot become pokemon (except in that one manga where a kid became a Torchic).

Uh... Bill the Scientist, anyone? From Red/Blue/Yellow?

 

[DykesDykesChina]

Some days, I feel it's darn good to be a materialist/physicalist!

 

[QI 541]

Subtly, Pokemon promotes the belief that man can become like God

More accurately: Pokemon promotes the belief that man can capture God, and force him to do their bidding.

 

[Fialovy]

Subtly, Pokemon promotes the belief that man can become like God

More accurately: Pokemon promotes the belief that man can capture God, and force him to do their bidding.

This, except Arceus isn't exactly an Abrahamic god in any sense, but definitely still a god and creator and head of a powerful pantheon of legendaries he gave authority to.

 

[acrylicpaint]

It really makes me laugh to see fundies stretch so far to cast Pokemon in a satanic light when there's a much more obvious and convincing way to do it. Forget Neopaganism, Pokemon is all about Shinto. Pokemon are shikigami and catching them is good old fashioned Japanese witchcraft. Hence why those channelers in Lavender Tower run around in Shinto robes and carry Gohei - they're just playing the game, old-fashioned style. And as a result, they end up possessed by ghost Pokemon and say creepy things like "Give me your soul." Thus, Pokemon is celebrating not the capture of Neopagan demons but Feudal Japanese youkai, and, because all other religions are evil from a Fundamentalist Christian perspective, this is just as bad as Satan worship.

But instead, Ash can evolve into a Dodrio (????), which has three heads, which means Satan.

 

[Surtur]

Just leaving this here....

 

[random_pickle]

Just leaving this here....

Please tell me that's a troll. Please OH GOD tell me that's a troll. Nobody is that stupid right?




Right?

 

[MysticMisty]

Well fuck all the satellites and telescopes pointing at the sun, apparently they don't prove shit.

Also I've known about all the insane POKEMON IS LITERALLY SATANIC shit for years, and it never ceases to amaze me just how little they understand Pokemon. If you're going to claim something is satanic, at least know what the fuck you're talking about before you talk about people turning into Pokemon which somehow means Satan.

 

[Surtur]

Just leaving this here....

Please tell me that's a troll. Please OH GOD tell me that's a troll. Nobody is that stupid right?




Right?

Sadly this guy is legit. Look him up on Google.