Culinary Atrocities - Crimes against food

[Super Collie]

Can we just sign a petition to Congress to get this crap outlawed? Or would that be unconstitutional somehow?

Never mind, I’m sure a bunch of people don’t mind this so-called “cheese”, so I guess it has to stay. Besides, nacho cheese isn’t real, and I like nacho cheese.

I once knew a guy who was so disgusted by that canned nacho cheese sauce that the smell alone would make him dry heave. He worked at a movie theater that served nachos with the cheese sauce dispensed with one of those pump-style ketchup dispensers. One day the pump got clogged resulting in the dispenser becoming pressurized and blowing apart getting cheese sauce everywhere in the process. He immediately ran into the back room and started vomiting into the utility sink.

 

[Trans Fat 41g]

Vienna Sausages

I mean, me and my parents were in a financial bind a long time ago to where we picked up generic hot dogs instead of those sticks of reconstituted collagen, we never sunk so low to get jelly penises in water. Nor did we ever get TREET, the Chris-Chan of knockoff brands.

 

[Super Collie]

Vienna Sausages

I mean, me and my parents were in a financial bind a long time ago to where we picked up generic hot dogs instead of those sticks of reconstituted collagen, we never sunk so low to get jelly penises in water. Nor did we ever get TREET, the Chris-Chan of knockoff brands.

My partner absolutely loves those chopped up and mixed in with scrambled eggs, but only the "original" flavor ones. I'm... not really a fan.

 

[AA 102]

The "Now Melts!" part is what really gets me. The fact they had to go out of their way to engineer this monstrosity to even have the ability to melt is unsettling to me, let alone what they probably had to do to it to get it to that point.

 

[DeadwastePrime]

 

[Deez Nuts]

It smells like cow shit. It contained cow shit. How exactly is this supposed to qualify as good food?

If you get it made at an actual Mexican place it's good. Nice cold weather food. I don't think I'd eat it out of a can though that looks kinda nasty.

This shit right here is extremely upsetting to me. White people are paying $20+ per pie for this nonsense.

I bet the middle one is delicious. Sweet Potato casserole is so good. You can make sweet potato taste like a pumpkin pie if you want.

 

[The Great Citracett]

The "Now Melts!" part is what really gets me. The fact they had to go out of their way to engineer this monstrosity to even have the ability to melt is unsettling to me, let alone what they probably had to do to it to get it to that point.

There's a store near me that makes really shitty pizza and sells it by the slice. It looks like regular pizza, but if you look close at the cheese it's "melted" but you can see the outlines of each individual shred. Like interlocking puzzle pieces. It's so bizarre.

And when you eat a piece, the cheese doesn't stretch into strings. It kinda tears jaggedly. I wonder if that's the sort of "cheese" they use?

 

[XYZpdq]

There's a store near me that makes really shitty pizza and sells it by the slice. It looks like regular pizza, but if you look close at the cheese it's "melted" but you can see the outlines of each individual shred. Like interlocking puzzle pieces. It's so bizarre.

And when you eat a piece, the cheese doesn't stretch into strings. It kinda tears jaggedly. I wonder if that's the sort of "cheese" they use?

Would you rather trust them with actual cheese that can spoil?

 

[Armchair Psychologist]

"This isn't what I had in mind when I said I wanted Devils food cake."

 

[neverendingmidi]

"This isn't what I had in mind when I said I wanted Devils food."

What. The. Hell?

Please tell me that’s a magma sample or something jokingly posted by a geologist. I mean it’s glowing.

 

[Little Minion]

Anything with cilantro in it. I'd be a-okay if that nasty soap flavored abomination ceased existing.

You were unlucky with the genes.

Deep dish pizzas:

 

[Armchair Psychologist]

What. The. Hell?

Please tell me that’s a magma sample or something jokingly posted by a geologist. I mean it’s glowing.

If you're to believe the article, it was supposed to be carmel that somebody forgot about.

 

[Somsnosa]

Hot dogs in general were invented to make some use of meat remains, like spam, which is why Vienna sausages (which are the original eurofag recipe, from what I understand) have such an odd taste. They can work with scrambled eggs but, just like spam, if you can afford normal meat just eat normal meat

 

[Henry Wyatt]

Hot dogs in general were invented to make some use of meat remains, like spam, which is why Vienna sausages (which are the original eurofag recipe, from what I understand) have such an odd taste. They can work with scrambled eggs but, just like spam, if you can afford normal meat just eat normal meat

hot dogs are good for anal play
especially the cheese filled ones because that can simulate jizzing

 

[Len Kagamoney]

I'm not jewish but I went to a seder with an old friend who was, and the food was awful. Matzoh ball soup is very bland, they just made saltwater potatoes. And. Gefilte fish. Just the memory of that meatloaf-pickled fish makes me gag. Worst thing I've ever eaten.

This is not how seafood is meant to be.

 

[The Demon]

View attachment 312521

alright, never checking this thread ever again

 

[AnOminous]

I'm not jewish but I went to a seder with an old friend who was, and the food was awful. Matzoh ball soup is very bland, they just made saltwater potatoes. And. Gefilte fish. Just the memory of that meatloaf-pickled fish makes me gag. Worst thing I've ever eaten.

I like matzoh ball soup at least with good chicken stock. Gefilte fish lack much to recommend them.

 

[Trans Fat 41g]

This is not how seafood is meant to be.

This should be used as a bioweapon against the enemies of Israel.

 

[Armchair Psychologist]

I'm not jewish but I went to a seder with an old friend who was, and the food was awful. Matzoh ball soup is very bland, they just made saltwater potatoes. And. Gefilte fish. Just the memory of that meatloaf-pickled fish makes me gag. Worst thing I've ever eaten.

This is not how seafood is meant to be.

Normally I'd call ya a schlepp but I don't think I'd trust gefilte that came from a jar. You've gotta make it fresh.

 

[Len Kagamoney]

Normally I'd call ya a schlepp but I don't think I'd trust gefilte that came from a jar. You've gotta make it fresh.

Yeah, if I remember correctly it was from that exact jar/brand. Even if I had fresh, homemade gefilte put in front of me I think I would have difficulty eating it because the memory of the jar fish is that bad. Looking at homemade recipes, however, it doesn't seem like it would really taste awful. A different taste than what I feel some people would be used to, but it seems okay.

Seafood shouldn't be frozen or in a jar, it's very fickle and can easily go bad. Same with reheating, although I know a lot of people who just reheat shrimp. Seafood is generally best by the coasts, and recently caught. Farm-raised is a big no-no, and I believe tilapia pretty much mostly farm-raised. I remember a scare a while back with tilapia from China, there was misinformation spread that they could not be wild caught, but that's untrue. They're easy to raise in farms, so that's where they come from most of the time.