Inactive David Simon Gallant - Gets Cucked Every Day, Can't wipe himself; Thirsty AF, Compulsive Masturbator, Unrepentant Racist

[AnOminous]

Yep. Compare that artwork to this abomination (and yes, this is pretty much the entire game in this screenshot)

Spoiler: Sinful

I'd rather buy a Sonichu medallion than this squalid piece of shit.

 

[Jaimas]

https://my.mixtape.moe/xurura.rar
Have fun

First technical impression: File contained an SWF file, an EXE file, and Adobe AIR folders. Removing the Adobe AIR folders disabled the exe for me, but I can still run it from the SWF.

I'll begin work on this travesty later today.

 

[BILLY MAYS]

Out of a whim, I selected "I cannot hear sounds right now" from the start menu:

This is the response:

wow are you that lazy to not include subtitles or something that's lazy &/or ableist as fuck

Also is it just me or is the volume for the first two options are the same

 

[Cynical]

Anyone notice the striking similarities Dobson and Gallant have? They are both overgrown manchildren who whored their dignity towards the altar of SJWism in the cynical hope of getting their dicks wet and/or egos stroked, they both do stupid shit and blame others, they both produce piss poor work and are lazy as fuck, and they both are utterly unemployable at any respectable profession because of a combination of pride, idiocy, and sloth.

 

[AnOminous]

Out of a whim, I selected "I cannot hear sounds right now" from the start menu:

This is the response:

wow are you that lazy to not include subtitles or something that's lazy &/or ableist as fuck

Also is it just me or is the volume for the first two options are the same

It might as well have just said "FUCK YOU DEAF PEOPLE."

What an asshole.

 

[Jaimas]

#Fuckobeme motherfuckers Gallant just got


Tyce references aside, enjoy, people.

 

[chimpburgers]

#Fuckobeme motherfuckers Gallant just got


Tyce references aside, enjoy, people.

Semperfi. I enjoyed every word of your review. I thought you were fair and honest about your assessment of the game. Davey Boy won't have any excuses to keep relying on straw man arguments to get around any of these points. The game sucks on different levels and he wants to keep pulling out the old "ohhhh it made money card, therefore it's good" crap. It will be a big dick move on Dave's part not to read any of that just because you're a Kiwi or whatever.

 

[ActualKiwi]

made_Money != goodGame.
You would think anyone who had spent time gaming themselves at all would know this.

 

[Portajohn]

Spoiler: Another game that uses MSPaint for its artwork

No, Dave. None of us thought your crap game was $25. Yes, well done you're reading us here.

"AHA LOOK AT MY SALES FIGURES."

Considering you were featured on the goddamn Yogscast during their height back when they were the top tier flight of Youtube, and that video has some some 2.8 million views...

You sold under 8,000 copies.

I'd call that quite a damning issue for you considering they probably made more money off of ads than you did from development and sale.

No wonder you've never made another game.

There was also another video from a different Yogscast member with > 750k views, this video from NerdCubed with almost 1.7 million views, an article in Rock, Paper, Shotgun literally titled "Hey, Let's Give David Gallant More Money Than He Needs", another article in Polygon, and another in Kotaku. Most indie developers would kill for that sort of exposure. But somehow, even with all the free advertising, he only managed to sell a grand total of about 7500 copies in 3.5 years.

Compare that to another notoriously shitty indie game - Time Ramesside by Jason Welge/Panzer Gaming Studios (who deserves his own lolcow thread, but that's another story). Despite being a completely incoherent and broken mish-mash of stolen assets that has gotten only a fraction of the coverage of IGTCED, SteamSpy shows that it's sold around 40,000 copies. That's over 5x as many as IGTCED.

Spoiler: Time Ramesside Steamspy data

So congrats David. Even a mentally disabled scam artist from Wisconsin is a better game developer than you.

 

[Ponderous Pillock]

There was also another video from a different Yogscast member with > 750k views, this video from NerdCubed with almost 1.7 million views, an article in Rock, Paper, Scissors literally titled "Hey, Let's Give David Gallant More Money Than He Needs", another article in Polygon, and another in Kotaku. Most indie developers would kill for that sort of exposure. But somehow, even with all the free advertising, he only managed to sell a grand total of about 7500 copies in 3.5 years.

Compare that to another notoriously shitty indie game - Time Ramesside by Jason Welge/Panzer Gaming Studios (who deserves his own lolcow thread, but that's another story). Despite being a completely incoherent and broken mish-mash of stolen assets that has gotten only a fraction of the coverage of IGTCED, SteamSpy shows that it's sold around 40,000 copies. That's over 5x as many as IGTCED.
So congrats David. Even a mentally disabled scam artist from Wisconsin is a better game developer than you.

All I can honestly say to this is: Holy shit.

Between those three videos, even assuming about a half of those views were properly monetized (this was before the bad days of the adblockers) the youtubers together actually match the amount of cash he made from it.

Oh my god, what a muppet for not putting this on steam because they wisely chose neutrality to keep their whole customer base.

He might've actually made some cash for his drek that way and be working on something new and different. Instead it's all past glories and hair butt pics on Tumblr.

 

[Jaimas]

There was also another video from a different Yogscast member with > 750k views, this video from NerdCubed with almost 1.7 million views, an article in Rock, Paper, Shotgun literally titled "Hey, Let's Give David Gallant More Money Than He Needs", another article in Polygon, and another in Kotaku. Most indie developers would kill for that sort of exposure. But somehow, even with all the free advertising, he only managed to sell a grand total of about 7500 copies in 3.5 years.

Compare that to another notoriously shitty indie game - Time Ramesside by Jason Welge/Panzer Gaming Studios (who deserves his own lolcow thread, but that's another story). Despite being a completely incoherent and broken mish-mash of stolen assets that has gotten only a fraction of the coverage of IGTCED, SteamSpy shows that it's sold around 40,000 copies. That's over 5x as many as IGTCED.

Spoiler: Time Ramesside Steamspy data

So congrats David. Even a mentally disabled scam artist from Wisconsin is a better game developer than you.

Brianna Wu would have murdered your entire family for that level of press-coverage for Revolution 60.

David, your peer group includes Zoe Quinn, Brianna Wu, Anna Anthropy, Mina Freeman, and Kim Crawley. All you had to do was simply not fuck up. Instead you ran onto the stage and shot yourself in the legs repeatedly with a sawed-off shotgun whilst screaming about Gamergate.

You officially are the single worst game Dev we have ever covered on this site.

The tragedy of this is that you could have done so much better. I wrote about how in the review of your work. Now, you can't view it without registering, but considering that you've had an eye on us for months, I don't think that'll be a problem. You ultimately did this to yourself and no one should feel sorry for you for placing ideology in front of common-sense.

 

[Portajohn]

Oh my god, what a muppet for not putting this on steam because they wisely chose neutrality to keep their whole customer base.

It looks like he's had a change of heart in the last few days, actually.

Here's David in November 2014, refusing to release his game on Steam even though it had been greenlit 7 months prior.

Spoiler: 'Steam is central to 'gamer' culture - the same culture aggressively harassing many of my friends...'

Of course, since David is a weird, cishet, white male, his progressive buddies didn't pay much attention. David basically threw a tantrum and denied himself thousands of potential sales for nothing.

Now here's David yesterday:

Spoiler: 'ICTGED v1.1 hits Steam...June 9'

His new bio

I guess he decided that those sweet, sweet dollary-doos are more important than a pointless ideological protest. And you know what? Good for him. As much as he bitches about the Farms, maybe he's realized a few things from reading this thread.

 

[Jaimas]

It looks like he's had a change of heart in the last few days, actually.

Here's David in November 2014, refusing to release his game on Steam even though it had been greenlit 7 months prior.

Spoiler: 'Steam is central to 'gamer' culture - the same culture aggressively harassing many of my friends...'

Of course, since David is a weird, cishet, white male, his progressive buddies didn't pay much attention. David basically threw a tantrum and denied himself thousands of potential sales for nothing.

Now here's David yesterday:

Spoiler: 'ICTGED v1.1 hits Steam...June 9'

His new bio

I guess he decided that those sweet, sweet dollary-doos are more important than a pointless ideological protest. And you know what? Good for him. As much as he bitches about the Farms, maybe he's realized a few things from reading this thread.

Talk is cheap, David. Until it hits and stays there, you're just another Giant Spacekat.

 

[AnOminous]

Talk is cheap, David. Until it hits and stays there, you're just another Giant Spacekat.

Since he didn't spend hundreds of thousands of dollars, the only cost to him of the game is a lost call center job.

And his dignity for releasing such a shit product.

 

[Cynical]

Since he didn't spend hundreds of thousands of dollars, the only cost to him of the game is a lost call center job.

And his dignity for releasing such a shit product.

You understate, this is shit on a level that makes both Zoe Quinn and Brianna Wu look good. Fuck, even Kim Crawley shows more competence than this loser.

Wu created an actual game (granted, 99.9% of the work was done by other people he claimed credit for having done himself) that has a poorly thought out yet still coherent plot, badly optimized yet still passable art, and lame yet still actually playable gameplay. Quinn actually wrote an actual narrative, put a little effort into using Twine to do some admittedly nice visual and audio enhancement that showed some talent, and even Crawley actually included a more reasonable amount of content instead of wasting 5 minutes with zero effort bullshit.

 

[AnOminous]

You understate, this is shit on a level that makes both Zoe Quinn and Brianna Wu look good. Fuck, even Kim Crawley shows more competence than this loser.

On the other thread, I commented that there are porn games on Newgrounds with more effort than this. Even the flipped asset games that Jim Sterling hates so much are better than this.

 

[HG 400]

I've never seen a game this bad that people actually expect money for, and I'm racking my memory. I really am trying to think of something, anything, that could be considered less of a marketable product than this abortion. It's almost a cliche to say "I've seen better stuff on newgrounds" but in this case I'd honestly struggle to find worse stuff on newgrounds, and at least nobody's asking money for that shit or treating it as anything but a fun little side hobby.

I think there was some kind of East European flight simulator that turned out to be completely unplayable and you couldn't get past the main menu, but it got sold on steam anyway. Maybe that one? Although at least it takes four minutes less to let you know you just got fleeced.

 

[AnOminous]

I think there was some kind of East European flight simulator that turned out to be completely unplayable and you couldn't get past the main menu, but it got sold on steam anyway. Maybe that one? Although at least it takes four minutes less to let you know you just got fleeced.

This thing. It's at least entertainingly awful. I'm sure more time was spent developing it, even though the results are awful.

 

[ActualKiwi]

How can you have achievements in a game with about 5 minutes of playtime and the most minimal of choices available to the player?

 

[AnOminous]

How can you have achievements in a game with about 5 minutes of playtime and the most minimal of choices available to the player?

This has achievements and lasts 40 seconds tops.

http://www.kongregate.com/games/rete/dont-shit-your-pants

It's also better designed than I Get Cucked Every Day.