Defendant: Ethan Oliver Ralph - Ethan Ralph's Documented Legal Troubles & Other Court Docs

[Your Favorite New Friend]

How did Ralph get residency in Mexico when everything I’ve read says you must present a letter saying you have no criminal record?

You really think someone Ralph would do that? Just go on the internet write a letter and lie?

 

[LadiosSopp]

Ralph should get Acerthorn to do all his legal work

Angry gobbling noises would be better than whatever this thing Ralph shat out is.

 

[Rigger Nich]

You really think someone Ralph would do that? Just go on the internet write a letter and lie?

It would be a shame if he got deported and had to face the music in the country his daddy gave him but I’m sure he’d run to Tunisia.

 

[NicoFountaine]

How did Ralph get residency in Mexico when everything I’ve read says you must present a letter saying you have no criminal record?

You got a source? I could dig a bit more in official docs about it. I don't think you should present proof of no criminal record. All they care (to my knowledge is)

• Economic solvency
• Someone is assuming economic responsibility over you (employment)
• Family bond with a National or resident
• You're a researcher of some kind
• asylum seeker

I think any country can't really trust local documentation from other countries. This likely works in both countries assuming all is OK with you and if you've got a warrant for your arrest it'll show at the PoE. If you are under criminal proceedings, they should've confiscated your passport so you shouldn't be a problem to any friendly nation.

 

[HarblMcDavid]

"He directed Gator to pin a tweet to make me angry and cause mental anguish... but I didn't even see it."

So focused on the own that he undercut his entire argument. It's like Ralph's entire life condensed into 2 sentences.

 

[Truly Rural]

It's unconstitutional.

 

[BigFEETz]

I believe in Ralph. The naysayers will be made fools of once again by this smooth courtroom operator. The judge will become so enamored with his southern charm that he'll dismiss all charges and order Vickers to return Faith to Ralph as his rightful property.

 

[Truly Rural]

taking grabs, will edit to add more
Edit: this is all, I think / hope they are in order. Thank you your honer for reading this joke.

Spoiler: pics

 

[Tiger Jack]

THEY’RE TRYING TUH RHETORICALLY ATTACK ME YAH HONAH!

 

[Null]

You can't just declare something unconstitutional. He honestly might've been better off with ChatGPT writing his legal documents.

 

[Lidl Drip]

You'd think Ralph would understand how the constitution works since he is not allowed to own guns despite that being in the constitution as well.

 

[LiquidChrisRespecter]

Ethan, this is a judge, not your fucking drinking buddy.

You can't just do all your petulant girl whining but use a thesaurus to make it sound intellectual. You actually have to provide evidence for your claims, retard.

Also Matthew isn't barred from talking about you. You're not fucking Voldemort. The only reason it's so important for you to keep the Vickers' name out of your mouth is because you can't speak about them without defaming them or issuing thinly veiled threats.

Quit while you're behind.

 

[Weird Ages]

taking grabs, will edit to add more
Edit: this is all, I think / hope they are in order. Thank you your honer for reading this joke.

This reads less like a court document and more like a schoolboy telling on a classmate that's been bullying him.

Edit: also didn't the judge explicitly tell him that the restraining order wasn't mutual? Was he too drunk to register his words or does what's left of his brain automatically filter any information that contradicts his "complete Ralphamale victory" delusions?

 

[Johnny Doxville]

Whoever called Ralph going pro se being kino was on the money. That whining document is just drivel and likely going to put the judge in a foul mood for reading it.

This weekend is going to be funny

 

[ddlloo]

You can't just declare something unconstitutional. He honestly might've been better off with ChatGPT writing his legal documents.

His plan is exactly what you said it would be: to claim he's a dumb motherfucker that doesn't understand.

Y'honor I thought this was unconstitutional because I have freedom of speech, and that way, like, I can just keep calling them whores and shit yeah.

 

[Preacher ✝]

Has he always been the plaintiff/petitioner in this case or did he switch the roles because he couldn't bring himself to acknowledge he's the defendant?

Either way the best thing about this is him including a picture of Halloween decorations as evidence.

 

[An automatic clown]

Is @Spectre_06 still offering legal services in between gas station runs on base ? Maybe Ralph could hire him

 

[Truly Rural]

Has he always been the plaintiff/petitioner in this case

He swapped names like retard. He is not plaintiff

 

[Some dude]

He swapped names like retard. He is not plaintiff

I believe he is for the purpose of showing cause that Vickers is breaking the restraining order.

The matter he is being dragged to court for this Friday is Faith attempting to show that Ralph broke the RO.

 

[Weeb Slinger]

LAWYER - Your honor, it behooves the opposing counsel...

RALPH - Objection! The counsel, by which I rightly mean myself, is in possession of trotters as opposed to hooves. Arrest him!

JUDGE - The counsel for the plaintiff will amend their statement.

LAWYER - Your honor, the argument for the plaintiff is predicated upon it behooving the defendant and their opposing counsel.

JUDGE - In that case I have no choice other than to rule in favour of Ralph. All charges against the defendant are hereby dropped. Matthew Vickers will henceforth be accountable for all future payments on Ralph's truck, and for a cake, that will be feed at least eighty people, at a birthday party for one Ali Jamal. He must also send an identical practice cake to Ethan Ralph in Mexico. Said cake must not contain poison or any laxative agents above the recommended amount for Mexican food. Furthermore, Vickers must pay Ralph maintenance in the form of rare coins and pogs from his business.

[A mariachi band cover of Sweet Home Alabama blares loudly from the courtroom speakers. With his right hand, Ralph forms one half of a 'W' on his forehead]

RALPH - (breathless from talking) That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. Five star days bitches!

[Ralph falls asleep]

[RALPH] - (sleepily) S'all Guntman.