Disability pride

[Axiom]

It doesn't bother me in the same way that, say, gay pride rallies bother the WBC--I just can't help but wonder what will happen to a generation of people taught that their disability is their greatest asset and source of pride. From what I've experienced, the disability pride groups are in the habit of going a little overboard, in that they aren't just 'loud and proud' but also sometimes actively villifying and othering people who aren't disabled and becoming isolated and insular. The deaf community is fairly notorious for this, to the point of denying their children cochlear implants and deeming it a terrible thing.

There's nothing wrong with being proud of someone with a disability. There's nothing wrong with wanting to educate people about the realities and misconceptions of a disability, or wanting the disability represented more often, or wanting to hang out with people who understand it from firsthand experience. But focusing on the disability itself, even for 'pride', instead of the people? That reduces a person to their disability alone, which isn't a great thing to do.

I have some mental illnesses myself. I would hate being thought of as 'that bipolar girl' or 'that girl with anxiety' or 'that chick who is an emotional clusterfuck because of abuse' instead of just 'hey, that's Axiom, she likes kittens and silent movies and bakes delicious cookies, and happens to have bipolar disorder and anxiety'. I'm not ashamed of these things. I talk about them. They're a part of me but they're just one part.

If that makes sense.

 

[wheat pasta]

Yeah, I think I get what you're saying. I think it's kind of silly when people define themselves by their labels too. There's pride, then there's excess. But any "pride" group can fall on the side of excess, it's just more or less harmful depending on what it is they're so damn proud of.
I had no idea people would deny their deaf children hearing implants though, that's just messed up. Even if you're proud of your kid in spite of (because of?) their disability which might hold them back, shouldn't you want to help them lead a life just like everyone else's?

 

[MysticMisty]

Okay, this might be long winded so please bear with me.

I'm a sperg, officially diagnosed and all that. I don't admit it all that often because I don't consider it important. Being a sperg has nothing to do with my love of video games and books, or drawing and (attempts at) writing, and other such things I want to talk about and make friends over. I also don't want to potentially be seen as attention seeking if I do want to mention it for one reason or another, because so many people do obviously seek attention using it, and tend to succeed as well.

Spergs and autistics who use their disabilities in order to receive attention and sympathy or as an excuse probably do so because their own parents do so. People are willing to give asspats and praise for no reason as long as you wave the disability flag around, possibly because the alternative is to be seen as being mean to a disabled (oh excuse me I mean differently abled) kid or adult (but especially kid). I've mentioned this guy before, but about seven or eight years ago I had a run-in with someone on deviantART after I told him that adding a few musical notes to a previously posted drawing and describing it as singing is horribly uncreative (it was also obviously slapped together in MSPaint in 30 minutes but I didn't even go there), and encouraged him to spend the time to make a brand new drawing in the future. This guy, who claimed to be 17 or 18, immediately began to throw tantrums, call me names, and started to harass me on my own page in an attempt to run me off the site. I called him out on his behavior and name calling, and his response basically was that it's not his fault, he's autistic (which also makes him "young at heart")! Then he called me a hag. But he was totally in the right because he's autistic amirite?

Recently, elsewhere on the internet I came across a discussion about Legos. This wouldn't have really caught my mind so much (aside from the potential of having an official Lego Legend of Zelda set but anyways), but what I really noticed was the parent who was saying about how their child loves Legos so much (or was one of those not-Lego brands?). In particular they made a point to say their AUTISTIC child loves Legos or whatever. And so many other people were chiming in with shit like "bless you and your special needs child!" and "autistic people are so sweet and kind you're so lucky to have a wonderful child". Obviously whether or not their child's disability (if they really are disabled) was completely irrelevant to what kind of toys they do or don't like; this parent had basically baited everyone for attention and succeeded in exactly the way they were hoping to. I called them out on using the disability card for attention, which in hindsight was really stupid because people basically said I was a terrible person for not heaping undeserved praise on this guy.

So, uh, disability pride. It's one thing to be unashamed of who you are. It's another when you basically make it your entire identity and expect people to worship the ground you walk on for not being perfect.

Also I would take a cure in a fucking heartbeat because having difficulties picking up on social cues sucks and I have a hard time making friends, and everyone who says that a cure would destroy already perfect people or whatever is a fucking moron.

likes kittens

Kittens and cats are awesome.

 

[CalmMyTits]

I have to put in my .02 about cochlear implants here. I hate it when parents make their little kids (like 2 or 3 year olds) get implants. Cochlear implants are serious business - you get a freaking metal plate in your head, and you are not guaranteed success with it. I have a deaf friend whose parents made her get it wen she was like 5, and she said that it was not effective because while she did hear, all she heard was noise. It all sounded the same to her, so she stopped wearing her hearing aid. My mother looked into implants for me, but back then, the technology was limited and I was not a candidate for it (I would be now) so I really dodged a bullet. I was mainstreamed in school and learned to talk AND sign. I am the only deaf person at work. I wear hearing aids, but they only help me so much. I still get along fine at work, I am living proof that a deaf person can be successful without being "fixed"

Mind you, I am not opposed to the implants themselves, just making little kids get it. I'm all for deaf teenagers and adults doing their own research, weighing the benefits vs the risks of getting an implant, and making an informed decision about it, instead of having dipshit parents who are willing to place their children at risk to "fix:" them with invasive surgery. My brother chose to get implants (he was about 15 years old) and he is happy he got them, but he made this decision for himself. Neither of us are into the 'Deaf Pride' thing, we do not identify ourselves as 'D'eaf. Like Axiom, we see ourselves as talented people who just happen to have an issue.

And yes, kittens are awesome!!!

 

[wheat pasta]

Oh, I had no idea that was what a Cochlear implant was. Shame on me for not looking it up; I guess I don't know everything!

 

[Axiom]

Yanno, I read a young adult book (DON'T JUDGE ME) not long ago called 'Openly Straight', about a gay teen who isn't bullied and has very loving parents and an accepting community, but who hates being 'that GAY guy' instead of just 'that guy'. So he goes to a new school away from home and tells no one about his sexuality, just so he can be 'just a guy' for a while. I think that's probably how a lot of 'different' people feel about when others focus too sharply on their 'otherness', whether sexual identity or disability or mental illness or whatever: it gets in the way of the other 90% of your personality.

 

[Pancake]

Can I just add that I hate when people try to claim they have any specific mental disability just by reading about it online? My room mate claims she has asperger's, despite never having been diagnosed for it and she uses it as an excuse to be an ass to us over trivial things. Last I checked, having asperger's doesn't turn people into assholes.

It bugs me anyone blames their disabilities for things, like a "get out of jail free" card, but it's even worse when they're not even diagnosed for anything.

 

[Axiom]

Can I just add that I hate when people try to claim they have any specific mental disability just by reading about it online? My room mate claims she has asperger's, despite never having been diagnosed for it and she uses it as an excuse to be an ass to us over trivial things. Last I checked, having asperger's doesn't turn people into assholes.

It bugs me anyone blames their disabilities for things, like a "get out of jail free" card, but it's even worse when they're not even diagnosed for anything.

This has to be one of the worst things people do, especially with mental disorders. Almost everyone who has some sort of mental disorder or handicap works HARD to cope with it in the real world, and being unable to do so perfectly can be a cause for anger, embarrassment, and frustration. It sucks when it becomes obvious to a casual observer that you're not completely 100% vanilla-and-white-bread normal. People using 'autism' or 'anxiety' or 'depression' as a get out of jail free card are an insult to people who have to live every day with these problems, ESPECIALLY when they have never been diagnosed.

It's obvious that the people using disabilities as an excuse to act like a jackass haven't thought things through. Little kids don't know better than to throw a public tantrum when they don't get what they want. Because they lack the capacity to understand or control themselves. We also don't let small children drive cars, drink alcohol, use knives, have sex, see most movies, or vote... because they can't control themselves and their impulses enough to be trusted and safe. If you want to claim that you can't be accountable for your own actions because you're autistic or whatever, fine. But if you're SO autistic you can't stop from melting the fuck down in public or controlling yourself or holding a job or paying bills, then you're too autistic to be allowed to do the fun grownup things in life, either. You can't have both, kids. That is the reality of life with a severe disability: you may be excused for some shit, but you have lots of limitations, too.

 

[Saney]

Can I just add that I hate when people try to claim they have any specific mental disability just by reading about it online? My room mate claims she has asperger's, despite never having been diagnosed for it and she uses it as an excuse to be an ass to us over trivial things. Last I checked, having asperger's doesn't turn people into assholes.

It bugs me anyone blames their disabilities for things, like a "get out of jail free" card, but it's even worse when they're not even diagnosed for anything.

 

[Android raptor]

As an officially diagnosed ass burger, I admit I'm a bit into disability pride. However, what it means for me isn't "hurr I'm better than dang dirty NTs worship me!11!", just being like hey, I'm no less valuable a person than a non-autistic, isn't all bad, etc. This mindset has actually helped my self esteem a decent bit, especially since I spent a good chunk of my teens convinced I was a defective subhuman that deserved to be killed so normal people didn't have to deal with me (thanks Autism Speaks!).

Yeah, the 'tism has its downsides, but I wouldn't cure myself even if it was possible because it'd turn me into a completely different person. I know other autistics feel differently and that's fine, but it ain't for me personally (and if a cure was discovered, I think it should be the decision of the autistic person alone as to whether or not to get it).

That said, few things rustle my jimmies as much as people trying to use autism to get away with being a douche or to feel special, especially when they're "self diagnosed" cockstinks.

 

[mst3kluv]

Yanno, I read a young adult book (DON'T JUDGE ME) not long ago called 'Openly Straight', about a gay teen who isn't bullied and has very loving parents and an accepting community, but who hates being 'that GAY guy' instead of just 'that guy'. So he goes to a new school away from home and tells no one about his sexuality, just so he can be 'just a guy' for a while. I think that's probably how a lot of 'different' people feel about when others focus too sharply on their 'otherness', whether sexual identity or disability or mental illness or whatever: it gets in the way of the other 90% of your personality.

For some people -me included, - their disabilities are so visible they can't even hide from it. This is a cause of depression.

Yeah, I'm really proud of my brain damage.

 

[Ahffline]

I'm not proud of my disability. A damaged motor cortex and spastic muscles are nothing to be proud of.
I'm proud of my accomplishments, however.

 

[mst3kluv]

I'm not proud of my disability. A damaged motor cortex and spastic muscles are nothing to be proud of.
I'm proud of my accomplishments, however.

Do you have Cerebral Palsy too? Let's drag ourselves through the worst muck and bodily fluids we have together.

 

[MasterMan]

Why not let them have disability pride, even when it is excessive? The people who really get into it are clearly compensating for some emptiness or lack of positive affirmation from some source in their lives.

 

[Overcast]

I remember when I was much younger, I was kind of pissed off at the idea of a cure for autism. At the time, I thought it was because people view autistic children (including myself) as some kind of disease. Not sure if it was really pride so much as it was resentment.

Now, I definitely would not mind for a cure. I would not want to wish this kind of thing on anybody.

Anyway, while it does seem kinda odd for parents to be proud of their child simply because of their disability, I do think parents who have children with mental problems should do what they can to help them function in every day life. That's what my parents did, and I'm very grateful for them.

 

[Holdek]

I considered putting this in the Disability fetishism thread, but this is different and not about fetishizing disabilities.

This is about people who are proud of their disability, or parents who are proud to have a disabled child. I have a couple of family members or friends on FB who have autistic children, and every once in a while they make/share a post that's all like 'PROUD TO BE THE PARENT OF AN AUTISTIC CHILD' (something I can see Barb latching onto if Chris was born in 2002 instead of 1982) and I've seen people with aspergers or autism say that they are proud to have either disability. I'm acquainted with one deaf woman who has 'Proud to be Deaf' tattooed on her arm. I wish I were kidding.

I find this 'pride' to be ridiculous. No, I'm not saying one should be ashamed. I have a disability of my own, and have friends with disabilities, whether physical or emotional or learning. Having a disability is something we can't help having, and we're not going to feel ashamed for it, but we're not going to feel proud for having a disability either. I also don't see the point of being proud of having a child with disabilities. I'm deaf, and I can not help but cringe when other deaf people talk about being proud of being deaf, and deaf pride.

In my experience, the people who latch onto this 'pride' thing whether they themselves have a disability, or are the parent of a child with a disability, start acting like SJWs and act aggressively in situations that don't call for it because they feel discriminated (when they weren't, or they were actually discriminated against for being an asshole, not because of any disability-related reasons) A coworker of mine who has an autistic son takes the 'proud parent' thing way too far - she claims her son is perfect just the way he is, that she would not change a thing about him (despite certain difficulties he has socially and learning) and that people are OMG SO MEAN for trying to cure autism. (No, I'm not kidding)

What are your thoughts or experiences on/with pride over having a disability or parents of disabled children (or have disabled relatives)

"Disability pride" or "gay pride" or whatever is usually just shorthand for "I'm not ashamed of being X, Y, or Z." It's easier to fit on a poster or T-shirt, and has a positive stance as opposed to a defensive stance.

Of course there are some that get ridiculous about it for various psychological reasons.

 

[Hummingbird]

There's some really interesting points made here. With my own Autism, I've had my share of ugly moments because of it and unknowingly used it as an excuse at one time before someone called me on it. (I have a long list of social regrets.) It's something I accept having and am not afraid to admit, but as you guys said, the pride seems more like an ego trip/coping mechanism than anything.

 

[LaptopGeek]

I am a sperg myself and I am not a fan of these pride things.

I may accomplished things like graduated university which my doctor thought I'll never do, she even thought I may never communicate (for example, be a member of the Kiwi forum).
I admit, because people were ignorant towards me as I was different, they avoided me, as a result, I got lonely and I have this common trait of a sperg, being a loner.
I always did drawing in my free time as never went to many social activities (and ones like night clubbing are not for me anyway).
However, my art did not improve because of autism, it is based on life style or upbringing, my parents always encouraged me and I made the right friends on dA, ones that are honest enough point out flaws without being harsh and they are still good friends.

I'll never be proud of autism such as the anxieties and being too honest but shouldn't be too ashamed either, it is the way it is, like it or not, we have to get on with our lives.

 

[Silver]

I'm proud of myself but I'm not proud of my autism and I think that's a distinction many people need to make.

 

[Watermelon1337]

You can actually tell a lot about a person who might just casually bring up their disability/disorder and people who parade it around before you even say hello. The people flailing around trying to impress everyone that they have a sort of handicap are most likely the ones who suffer the most with how they feel vulnerable or different, instead of accepted like they preach about.

Aspergers was the hot new trend on an old forum I had gone to, where a member had felt mortified that they had been diagnosed with Aspergers. Everyone else replied with basically "O I kno I have it 2 but the doctor says I dont but he's lying." My friend who legitimately was diagnosed with it says she hates it and hates bringing it up because nearly EVERYONE says they have Aspergers now, depending on what forums you go to, so it almost doesn't even sound like a real thing anymore.

I've got a good blend of mental disorders, but most people don't need to hear or know about it because it's not the topic of discussion. People may not even notice something different about someone else like that, and most people don't even care like it'll affect their chance of wanting to be someone's friend. I was an awful little monster as a child and teen before I was diagnosed with my disorders, but my mother still never let me think it was okay that I could blow up and the rest of the family would have to suffer for it. If I was having a bad day, I'd go in my room, but if we had to go out somewhere or mom thought I was being too antisocial, she'd tell me to just suck it up and not stew more in my negativity. I wasn't a special snowflake and if I failed some classes my mother didn't use my imbalances like an excuse; if I didn't do my best or failed because I was being irresponsible, she'd let me know it disappointed her, but if I really did do my best at things, she told me that was all that mattered. I was raised and treated like every other kid, and I'm glad for it.

The disability itself should not be something to be proud about. My meds work perfectly but I'd just as easily stop taking them if my problems would just vanish. And I find it absolutely distasteful that most parents are the ones waving the flag about, shouting for the world's attention and not the kid itself with the disability. Your child/relative/friend/self's disability is not your personality, nor is it a defining trait. It's also not an excuse to get away with shit.