DSP's Hair Mega-Hyper-Ultra Thread - Patchy goatee talk included

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His argument about the white hairs and his camera is so stupid, anyone with eyes can tell it's a lie, but let's assume that he's 100% telling the truth. He has a job that is entirely on camera and he chooses to continue presenting himself in a way that makes him look awful, and cares so little that he won't either buy a new camera that won't make him look ridiculous or bite the bullet and shave. This rant shows that he is aware how awful it looks and refuses to change anything like a spiteful little child. I really think between this and the snorting/burping into the mic that he subconsciously tries to be as off-putting as possible as a flex on his viewers. It's the only explanation.
 
Cistern Rumbler said:
I've never heard of a man losing their facial hair, his genetics truly are dogshit.
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It's most likely related to his low T. Men with really low T start losing hair all over their body, mostly on their facial hair though. A shitty lifestyle and eating habits can speed that along.
 
Abe Vigoda said:
His argument about the white hairs and his camera is so stupid, anyone with eyes can tell it's a lie, but let's assume that he's 100% telling the truth. He has a job that is entirely on camera and he chooses to continue presenting himself in a way that makes him look awful, and cares so little that he won't either buy a new camera that won't make him look ridiculous or bite the bullet and shave. This rant shows that he is aware how awful it looks and refuses to change anything like a spiteful little child. I really think between this and the snorting/burping into the mic that he subconsciously tries to be as off-putting as possible as a flex on his viewers. It's the only explanation.
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I don't understand the appeal of the camera at all. Phil is not handsome, by any stretch. Also his camera setup means he is looking at camera while playing. The camera only highlights his autistic clown antics.
 
Phil Ken Sebben said:
There comes a point in every man's life when they reach a certain age that the facial hair they had as a young man is no longer saying the same thing it said back then. This is when you finally shave everything.

Dark Dave needs to shave his crappy patchy goatee but he never will because it's the only way to tell he's got a chin. Seriously. He has a weak chin and this is the only thing that gives it the illusion of definition.
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Some of us happen to grow the worst damn beard. I have tried, but it just doesn't work. Too many colors, too patchy, too damn goofy. But even I could grow something that looks better than the roadkill Phil has surrounding his face hole.

He has to know that his facial hair looks like garbage. But, the alternative is shaving it and looking regularly human. His pride and narcissism prevent him from just doing shit to not look like a fucking retard.
 
Gefaustet said:
I don't understand the appeal of the camera at all. Phil is not handsome, by any stretch. Also his camera setup means he is looking at camera while playing. The camera only highlights his autistic clown antics.
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It's an ego thing. And if there's one thing that Philbert has is an ego. This is also why he can't admit his goatee is all patchy it's because of his ego.

Anybody that knows anything about how hair goes grey knows that you don't get a huge swath of black through it like he does. Or if he used some dye to color in the grey hairs to show they're actually there. That would shut up all those detractors that say he's getting patchy. But no. He doesn't because there's nothing there to color in.
 
From Phil's new vest announcement. Ew.
 

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Cistern Rumbler said:
I've never heard of a man losing their facial hair, his genetics truly are dogshit.
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At this point it would make sense to me if the dude's inbred. He has terrible hair, radioactive poisoning-like goatee, his back doesn't work, he looks like you left him in the microwave for too long. Even in clips from 2-3 years ago the goutee is patchy as a motherfucker, his hair is thin all over the place and looks like he's carrying radioactive materials in his pocket.
 
Phil is so weird in everything related to truth. Even if he could disprove something very easily, he just declares "the stupid idiots are wrong" and leaves it at that.
In Phil's recent SeX episode (don't say that out loud) he accidentally got closer to the cam and you could actually see the white of his beard. But you couldn't see it all because of the broke-ack-mountain-hat. He accidentally disproved the haters, it was this easy.(no, you couldn't see his half-shaved second mustache).

What's wrong with this guy? Does he fear that people would demand more prove of other aspects of his lie dominated life when he starts providing? If you're really broke, show the papers. If you're not DownFromTheRafters, show your account. If the taxes got paid, show it. This could end in a catastrophy of reality.

I also think he refuses to invest in a better camera to hide his ugly facial features. Better have a disgusting looking beard than to reveal the rest (and accidentally prove the haters partially right, there might be patches).

Edit: Fixed two important typos. Was I drunk?
 
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Nothing_I_Could_Snort said:
Phil dyes what little hair he has left. Likely, his obnoxiously expensive custom hairdresser does it for him. In regards to the “beard,” he doesn’t give a fuck anymore lmao. Or if he does, it seems like he doesn’t.
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To the hairdressers credit, I would also charge a premium rate for any amount of time having to make small talk with Phil. Realistically he should just go to a barber, they'd have the balls to tell him how awful his current look is and try to direct him to styling more appropriate of a man his age / with his level of male pattern balding. Hairdressers are all about securing long term clients who have expensive individual visits, so they are far less likely to question anything the client says, unless it a god-awful idea.
 
I peered into the future for a glimpse of phil's hair situation during what will come to be known as the diabeetus arc.

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Well now we know who we can blame for Dark's hair.
cheresa.jpg

Cheresa Meyers of Curls and Twirls. $66. Sixty-six motherfucking dollars.
Imagine being this woman and one day Dark walks in and says "give me the Finger Lakes!"

fingerlakes.jpg
 
There is also Hair Masters on the transaction list, which makes more sense because it's by his house. I'm guessing Kat gets her hair done at Curls and Twirls.
 
I can't believe that Cheresa Meyers of Curls and Twirls does the hair of a man who masturbated in front of children.
 
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