DSP's Hair Mega-Hyper-Ultra Thread - Patchy goatee talk included

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TheGoutburglar said:
I wonder why wearing a hat all the time apparently isn't an option? I assume it's because Phil doesn't merely want to hide the fact that he's bald, he wants to live in denial of it. Total Biscuit had an even worse balding problem than him, and so wore a hat most of the time, but he wasn't acting like it was getting ruined by headphones or some other bullshit. He wasn't lying by wearing a hat, he just didn't like how he looked without it.

It says a lot about Phil the fact that in his attempts to turn his rep around, he relies on Twitter's ignorance rather than look at the e-celebs who are or will be remembered better than him. He doesn't want redemption, he wants people to memory-hole everything bad about him just like he does.
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Among other reasons, he won't wear a hat because he overheats in 70 degree "heatwaves" or any time direct sunlight hits his window. He has refused to wear various hats and costume headgear due to his intolerance of even the merest possibility of warmer temperatures.
 
TheGoutburglar said:
Total Biscuit had an even worse balding problem than him, and so wore a hat most of the time, but he wasn't acting like it was getting ruined by headphones or some other bullshit. He wasn't lying by wearing a hat, he just didn't like how he looked without it.
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Well he had Cancer...


millais said:
Among other reasons, he won't wear a hat because he overheats in 70 degree "heatwaves" or any time direct sunlight hits his window.
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That sounds like bold people talk...
 
Checking out the new DSP Archive upload and yikes!

yikes.jpg


Either he combed his hair with a hand grenade or it was that fucked up even back in 2013.
 
Cistern Rumbler said:
Checking out the new DSP Archive upload and yikes!

View attachment 1863311

Either he combed his hair with a hand grenade or it was that fucked up even back in 2013.
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You can see that it was thinning quite a bit well before then, back before he started growing it out, which I'm convinced was done solely for the purpose of hiding his baldness. All the oldest pictures I've seen of him, he has a buzzcut, which we know is not what he had as a teenager because his mom was still styling his hair back then. Then he went from short hair to just long enough to comb it back, and has not deviated from that style since then. Normally you could call "autism", but here I would argue that Phil would sport a shaved head to this day if it hadn't started falling out twelve years ago.

What's funny is that he admits to the bald spot on the back of his head, but not the one on top. He also won't wear a hat, which means he wants to live in denial. A hat would basically be admission that he's bald.
 
TheGoutburglar said:
You can see that it was thinning quite a bit well before then, back before he started growing it out, which I'm convinced was done solely for the purpose of hiding his baldness. All the oldest pictures I've seen of him, he has a buzzcut, which we know is not what he had as a teenager because his mom was still styling his hair back then. Then he went from short hair to just long enough to comb it back, and has not deviated from that style since then. Normally you could call "autism", but here I would argue that Phil would sport a shaved head to this day if it hadn't started falling out twelve years ago.

What's funny is that he admits to the bald spot on the back of his head, but not the one on top. He also won't wear a hat, which means he wants to live in denial. A hat would basically be admission that he's bald.
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He used to wear beanies a lot before he grew out enough hair to comb it over his shamespots.
 
Cistern Rumbler said:
He used to wear beanies a lot before he grew out enough hair to comb it over his shamespots.
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So from whatever his mother preferred to shaved head to complete concealment to comb back.

Yeah, I'm convinced. He would have had a buzzcut all this time if it hadn't started thinning so much over a decade ago. No one, especially a thoroughly autistic mess like Phil, goes through a pattern like that because they actually want to.
 
Oh he definitely let his hair grow to cover up the bald spots.
DSPBALDDSP.png

Look at that crater.

When I had a giant bald spot like that I decided to trim down to even everything out instead of growing my hair and combing over with grease, because I'm not a robust Italian. :(
 
Cistern Rumbler said:
Yeah... but that's the bald spot he admits to. There's something going on at the front area these days that he's desperate to hide.
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I don't get why he's so concerned about it. It's just hair. Just about every guy starts getting thin up top in their 30's. And it's not like Phil is some incredible stallion of a man with women hanging off of him. His own "wife" barely seems to want to be in the same room with him so it's not like he's doing it for her.

There comes a point in every guy's life when it's either accept you're balding or deny it and go get hair plugs or a toupee. Bonus points if you pull a Willard Scott and constantly pull it off on air and make fun of it.
 
Phil Ken Sebben said:
I don't get why he's so concerned about it. It's just hair. Just about every guy starts getting thin up top in their 30's. And it's not like Phil is some incredible stallion of a man with women hanging off of him. His own "wife" barely seems to want to be in the same room with him so it's not like he's doing it for her.

There comes a point in every guy's life when it's either accept you're balding or deny it and go get hair plugs or a toupee. Bonus points if you pull a Willard Scott and constantly pull it off on air and make fun of it.
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Men (and women, eventually) also have to deal with grey hair stuff too. Imagine when he really starts getting grey hairs up top, and not just his shit-tastic patchy facial fuzz, and watch the mental gymnastics he goes through before just sucking it up and buzzing it all off. It's just fucking genetics. It happens to some earlier than others, it is what it is. Don't be a pussy and just own it. Guy i went to high school with was already "suffering" grey hair. He just dealt with it and got laid every weekend. Phil couldn't get laid in a monkey whorehouse with a fistful of bananas.

Phil, we already know you're about a virile as a dirt clod. Your pitiful hairline and growing bald spots don't make you any less of a man (that distinction goes to you sexually ignoring an implied nympho for years only to shack up with Butthead's twin sister). Go Gomer Pyle or quit denying that the DNA lottery didn't fall in your favor.
 
SojiroSakura said:
What the fuck is his wannabe Clark Kent bangs curl? His hair was exactly like this the other night too.

View attachment 1889120
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He's doing the sweep because he's getting thin up top there. You see how far back his hairline is so guy's losing his hair. But like a lot of guys who are insecure about their masculinity he's going to hide his hair loss for as long as he can or maybe he's trying to look younger. Who the hell knows what goes through this cockroach's head?
 
I'm noticing a lot of grey hairs on his beard recently compared to what I've seen in the past, wonder when he'll start getting any visible grey hairs on his head hair, or maybe he'll start loosing more hair before we ever see that happen.
 
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