Dumb things you did as a kid. - From bodily harm to embarrassment or anything that stood out as exceptional

Agent Abe Caprine said:
I woke up thinking it was show and tell, so I brought a pet to school. Was allowed to spend the whole day at school with my buddy. Either I was really charismatic or they thought I got an emotional support animal.
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What kind of animal was it?
 
Some of the more "foot-in-mouth" responses made me remember one of my very own special moments of that flavor. For some reason, the elementary school I attended for 1st grade in Bubbafuck, Wisconsin had Japanese class as part of the curriculum. There was not a Japanese population; in fact, I had never even seen a Japanese person until we had a nice older lady from Japan come in to answer questions we might have.

Apparently, I had a question. According to my parents, I asked this sweet lady, whilst miming slanty eyes: "Why are your eyes like that?" In my defense, I was seven years old, and not exactly a member of a racially diverse community. However, my teacher, who hated me special, called my parents and made a huge deal about how inappropriate that was and that I was a little racist, yadda yadda (this woman is probably why I developed a persecution complex). My parents thought the whole thing was hilarious, talked to me about appropriate questions for strangers, and that was it. They still bring it up sometimes to get a reaction out of me.

I kind of wonder what the reaction to a kid asking that nowadays would be. This was like, 2004 or something.
 
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Micotil 300 said:
Some of the more "foot-in-mouth" responses made me remember one of my very own special moments of that flavor. For some reason, the elementary school I attended for 1st grade in Bubbafuck, Wisconsin had Japanese class as part of the curriculum. There was not a Japanese population; in fact, I had never even seen a Japanese person until we had a nice older lady from Japan come in to answer questions we might have.

Apparently, I had a question. According to my parents, I asked this sweet lady, whilst miming slanty eyes: "Why are your eyes like that?" In my defense, I was seven years old, and not exactly a member of a racially diverse community. However, my teacher, who hated me special, called my parents and made a huge deal about how inappropriate that was and that I was a little racist, yadda yadda (this woman is probably why I developed a persecution complex). My parents thought the whole thing was hilarious, talked to me about appropriate questions for strangers, and that was it. They still bring it up sometimes to get a reaction out of me.

I kind of wonder what the reaction to a kid asking that nowadays would be. This was like, 2004 or something.
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Kids are just curious about other people who look different.
Like how I apparently embarrassed the shit out of my parents at a restaurant because our waiter was black. Now I couldn't have been more than two. I was apparently very concerned about if he got sunburned.

Dad had to desperately explain that we lived in the woods. Waiter didn't mind though.
 
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Shitted Scaredless said:
Kids are just curious about other people who look different.
Like how I apparently embarrassed the shit out of my parents at a restaurant because our waiter was black. Now I couldn't have been more than two. I was apparently very concerned about if he got sunburned.

Dad had to desperately explain that we lived in the woods. Waiter didn't mind though.
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I think it would've been one of those things that's just a forgotten childhood lesson had the teacher not overreacted so badly. We were encouraged to ask questions about whatever we were curious about, even things that werent "age appropriate." That teacher was bad enough that my mom sent me to a school in another district later, and my mom is the, "If my kid is the problem, I'm not covering their ass for them" type that wouldn't pull me out of school for no reason. Luckily I don't remember most of that.
 
When I was around 10 or 11, quite of a few times of whenever I took a shit at a public restroom I would catch my poop before it landed in the toilet. Once my feces is in my hand I would place it on the ground tucked away in the corner behind the toilet seat.
I don't think I have ever seen anyone come in there after and complain that their is shit behind the toilet seat. But I knew from my sweet little sadistic mind of mine that I ruined the day of some fast food/mall worker or a member of that after school church I went to. Of course I never did this at home, because my father would have been the last person I would have wanted to dare to piss off.
 
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I have a lot of these stories. I had the dangerous combination of being too curious for my own good, having a lot of space to fuck around without any supervision and being terminally retarded.

A good example would be my home made pipe bombs. I found out that you can mix the powder from crushed match heads with the powder from the powder from the side of the match box, put said mix with the right ratio in a pvc pipe with both ends glued together and hey presto a pipe bomb. I would later use a similar formula to make a match head muzzle loader which was probably an even worse idea.

Nothing beats my attempt at making nitric acid though.

Looking back on it, it's a miracle I didn't lose any of my fingers or poison myself. Funny thing about the situation was that my obsession with fire was greater than my explosives and that saved me a lot of trouble in the long run. Pulse it's a pain in the ass to get the material needed to do anything worth while when you can't just go out and buy them.
 
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Shitted Scaredless said:
Kids are just curious about other people who look different.
Like how I apparently embarrassed the shit out of my parents at a restaurant because our waiter was black. Now I couldn't have been more than two. I was apparently very concerned about if he got sunburned.

Dad had to desperately explain that we lived in the woods. Waiter didn't mind though.
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I touched a woman's tit once when I was 5 or 6 years old while chilling with my parents at a hotel pool because the woman was wearing a two piece bikini with a stars-and-stripes design, one of the stars on the fabric just so happened to be perfectly situated right on her nipple, and my little kid curiosity compelled me to just reach on up and give it a touch.

I remember being super embarrassed and not wholly understanding why afterwards when my parents pulled me away, apologized, and (thankfully) the woman laughed it off, but, in retrospect, it was pretty cool.
 
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When I was about 3 or 4, I legit believed that black people were white people who smoked too much. If I recall correctly, I got the idea from a cartoon which featured a black character who smoked and coughed incessantly.

It's been all downhill since then.
 
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My dad reminded me of this the other day, when we were talking about the different houses that I lived in as a kid. We moved a lot, but my parents found a rental house that came with the bomb-ass combination of a trampoline, a tire swing, and The Fort, a two-story play set built by the owners of the house. So as one can imagine, it was a veritable wonderland of dumbassery.

The tire swing that we had was held up by fraying ropes and a half-dead limb. Every few months a rope would snap and one of us would more often than not be dumped on our ass. Eventually the last rope broke, and there was no longer a tire. We made the best of this, however, typing a loop to stand in and just using it as a rope swing. The problem was, in order to get the maximum height and arc, you had to climb the spiked, dry-rotted picket fence, and swing down from there... over another corner of the fence, and hope that you didn't slam into the tree. My brother did that once, and there was blood.

My parents tried to keep us from doing that, and I'm sure they were imagining gory scenes of impalement as I am right now. We just kept doing it though, because it was fun! Eventually we got a big storm that took out half of that tree, and the swing with it. I don't think my parents were horribly upset.
 
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