Dumbest way you have injured yourself - Broken bones, flesh wounds and whatever

[Caesare]

I was working at this restaurant when I was in high school, and I dropped a pair of tongs in the deep fryer. Without considering the possibilities of my situation, I reached in and pulled them out of the grease.

Also, used to enjoy doing backflips off of my cousin's trampoline. Landed the wrong way one time and fractured some bones in my foot.

 

[I've Seen Some More Shit]

I cut open my nipple once in an accident that should not have been possible. My father took me to the ER laughing his ass off the entire time.

 

[The Last Stand]

Tripped up the stairs, giving myself carpet rash.

 

[Asian tech support]

When I was a kid, I fell off a fence into some cut bamboo and a sharp piece went into my buttcheek. I still have the scar.

 

[King George III]

I was working at this restaurant when I was in high school, and I dropped a pair of tongs in the deep fryer. Without considering the possibilities of my situation, I reached in and pulled them out of the grease.

Also, used to enjoy doing backflips off of my cousin's trampoline. Landed the wrong way one time and fractured some bones in my foot.

Ah yes, the ol' workplace retardation. One time I was mixing tile grout and the corded drill got wet, then I dipped my finger in to check the consistency. Felt kinda tingly, so I took my finger out, looked at it and thought to myself, "I don't remember grout feeling like that". Then I went back for seconds and finally realized I was being electrocuted.

 

[Badungus Kabungus]

"Hey, I bet this blade is sharp enough to split a hair in two."
...
"Wait, how did the tip of my finger end up on the floor?"

 

[Matt Damon]

When I was a teenager, I tried to sit down on a computer chair just before bed. The pneumatic cylinder inside failed and I ended up effectively freefalling the last 12 inches and landed really hard on my ass. I went to bed in a fair amount of pain.

I woke up the next morning and had an enormous bruise across my back and ass. I was in so much pain I needed help getting to a standing position. I couldn't sit without agonizing pain for like three weeks. Using the toilet was quite the endeavor for a while.

And if you tell people "oh, I think I broke my ass the other day", nobody's going to sympathize with you. They're going to laugh themselves to death.

 

[Botchy Galoop]

Fucking extension ladders...

I was prepping the second story of my house to paint, and I neglected to securely lock the extension ladder. The ladder collapsed, trapping my feet between two rungs. Which hurt like a MF. There I was, a story and a half off the ground, with my feet trapped and no way to get down that I could figure out, cursing like a sailor. I didn't know what else to do, and my feet were being smashed so I rocked the ladder back and forth until the ladder and I came crashing to the ground. The whole time I was cussing and hollering. I lived alone and I thought no one heard or saw me. I tried to break my fall with my left arm and needless to say, broke my left wrist. I went to the emergency and spent the next 6 weeks in a cast. Both my feet were black with bruises and I walked like a duck for a week or so.

Then, to add insult to injury, it turned out that my neighbor witnessed the whole thing. He told me a few days later that he was in his back acreage and heard me raising hell. He said he didn't figure he could do anything to help me without getting hurt himself. He said was pissing himself laughing at my predicament, so he just watched to see what I would do. He was a real slow talking southerner and the way he told the story got me laughing, Or maybe it was just the good pain killers. At any rate, I haven't been on another goddam extension ladder since.

 

[56 others]

I was trying to get the plastic rind off some summer sausage with a knife. I slipped and stabbed myself in the webbing between my thumb and pointer finger. Had to get stitches and every time they tried to inject numbing solution, it would just come out the hole.

 

[ShiftyBoi]

I used to work in a kitchen washing dishes, one time they handed me some rotisserie racks. I thought they were cooled off and grabbed one, the tip where the chickens go was cool but the outside rim that touches the oven was still ripping hot, and it hit the inside of my arm. Holy shit that hurt, biggest burn I ever got. Picked at it for weeks.

This other burn I got, I was working a shrink wrapper once, and I touched the wire that fuses the sheets together, I think it might've been the hottest thing I ever touched. And what's worse is that it was on a pretty tender part of my hand so it almost never stopped hurting for the rest of the night.

 

[Shamefur Dispray]

Finally a thread for me!
Broke my own nose trying to do a backflip like a retard.
Collapsed my lung and thought I was sick for a month, cant remember how I did it but by the time I got an xray the lung was like 90% collapsed and pushing on my heart.
Fell off a roof because I wasn't paying attention to what I was walking on, slipped on a packet of shingles and exploded my ankle, then walked around on it for a month afterwards.
When I was a kid I saw a shirt I wanted to look at jumped to get it and impaled myself on the rack that holds shirts.
Was running through the house and hit my toe on the door frame, toe turned purple never knew if I broke it or not.
Took such bad care of my teeth that one cracked down to the bone while I was eating cookies and I ignored it until I had to have it torn out.
Was mowing the lawn and the muffler fell off the lawnmower and like an idiot I picked the thing up and burnt the tips of my fingers instantly.
When I first started shaving my head I didn't put sunscreen on it because it was an overcast day and normally my skin rarely burns, I ended up having second degree burns all over my dome.

Fuck I might be retarded...
worst part is those are only some of my injuries...

 

[M3xus]

My first time using a hobby knife to cut model pieces off a plastic sprue, I managed to stab myself in the stomach. Thankfully, it wasn't very deep, but all I heard from my mother was "I told you not to cut towards yourself and look what happened!" for weeks.

In my defense, I was twelve.

 

[Swagstika]

Shower drain grate. Dumbest and least dramatic way I ever injured myself.
I sat down in the shower to scrub my feet, and I guess I pushed the fleshy side of my right foot, right below the little toe sort of… into the grate hole? Hard to explain I guess, but when I stood up again, I pulled the flesh up against the grate and ripped it off. Bathroom looked like a murder scene, and it took forever to stop.
Limped dramatically for way too long and told people I had stepped on a piece of glass because the truth was just too dumb.

 

[Kiwi Lime Pie]

As a young kid, I thought it was a good idea to pretend to play football on the stairs between the first and second floors with a small (palm-sized) toy football. When I caught a "pass", I stepped awkward and fell down the stairs to the landing, twisting my ankle in the process. After getting it bandaged up, my doctor strongly encouraged me to retire from the "sport."

As an older kid, I hurt myself during basketball practice. One end of the gym had a raised stage area about 4 feet [1 1/4 m] higher than the court. I was standing on the stage and saw what I thought was a great play by my classmates. I jumped up in joy, missed the stage on the way down, and fell on the gym floor instead.

I was working at this restaurant when I was in high school, and I dropped a pair of tongs in the deep fryer. Without considering the possibilities of my situation, I reached in and pulled them out of the grease.

Something similar happened to me as a college student working a summer job in a cafeteria. I dropped the tongs into the deep fryer but I thought I had grabbed them fast enough before they could be submerged beyond the bottom portion. When I raised the tongs to grab what was to become a shell for taco salad, though, the oil dripped down the inside of the tongs and burned my hand where it made contact. Luckily it was a small, minor burn, but ouch.

 

[BulletSpongeRTR]

While we were in port tied up to the pier I had the bright idea, "Rather than walk to the ladder I can just slide down on this hose reel into the catwalk. Surely they are secured where they won't roll when they are not in use."
I assumed, the die had been cast and I would not make my saving throw. As soon as I stepped onto the reel it began to roll. Had I stood upright and fallen I would have gone over the side 70-ish feet onto the pier. I folded my knees and instead fell 6' onto my kneecaps into the steel catwalk. I crawled from the 03 level down to medical on deck 1 and received a bottle of 1000mg ibuprofen and clearance for duty instead.

 

[Shidoen]

Two words:
Wheelchair Derby

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

I got scratched on the wrist by my dog's dewclaw while playing snapping turtle with her.

 

[Power Ranger Monster]

Cut dick itching. Pulled foreskin back a bit too far.

 

[Burd Turglar]

I was working at this restaurant when I was in high school, and I dropped a pair of tongs in the deep fryer. Without considering the possibilities of my situation, I reached in and pulled them out of the grease.

Also, used to enjoy doing backflips off of my cousin's trampoline. Landed the wrong way one time and fractured some bones in my foot.

I worked at Hooters (a cook) and the amount of fry oil burns was insane. One home lit his face on fire thanks to a faulty gas valve

I cut open my nipple once in an accident that should not have been possible. My father took me to the ER laughing his ass off the entire time.

OK, you need to elaborate lol

Tripped up the stairs, giving myself carpet rash.

I have skis for feet and this has happened more often than I'd like to admit.

When I was a teenager, I tried to sit down on a computer chair just before bed. The pneumatic cylinder inside failed and I ended up effectively freefalling the last 12 inches and landed really hard on my ass. I went to bed in a fair amount of pain.

I woke up the next morning and had an enormous bruise across my back and ass. I was in so much pain I needed help getting to a standing position. I couldn't sit without agonizing pain for like three weeks. Using the toilet was quite the endeavor for a while.

And if you tell people "oh, I think I broke my ass the other day", nobody's going to sympathize with you. They're going to laugh themselves to death.

I once fell off the top of a ladder and landed on a MIG welder, gashing and destroying my ass cheeks, everyone laughed when I explained my broken ass.

I was trying to get the plastic rind off some summer sausage with a knife. I slipped and stabbed myself in the webbing between my thumb and pointer finger. Had to get stitches and every time they tried to inject numbing solution, it would just come out the hole.

The toe injury that spurred me to make this thread, the doc squirted so much lytocaine into my toe that she said, "OK, it's spurting out the wound, you should be good now". She was right, I didn't feel fuck all.

Finally a thread for me!
Broke my own nose trying to do a backflip like a retard.
Collapsed my lung and thought I was sick for a month, cant remember how I did it but by the time I got an xray the lung was like 90% collapsed and pushing on my heart.
Fell off a roof because I wasn't paying attention to what I was walking on, slipped on a packet of shingles and exploded my ankle, then walked around on it for a month afterwards.
When I was a kid I saw a shirt I wanted to look at jumped to get it and impaled myself on the rack that holds shirts.
Was running through the house and hit my toe on the door frame, toe turned purple never knew if I broke it or not.
Took such bad care of my teeth that one cracked down to the bone while I was eating cookies and I ignored it until I had to have it torn out.
Was mowing the lawn and the muffler fell off the lawnmower and like an idiot I picked the thing up and burnt the tips of my fingers instantly.
When I first started shaving my head I didn't put sunscreen on it because it was an overcast day and normally my skin rarely burns, I ended up having second degree burns all over my dome.

Fuck I might be retarded...
worst part is those are only some of my injuries...

We could swap horror stories for days fren.

I got scratched on the wrist by my dog's dewclaw while playing snapping turtle with her.

What the fuck is "playing snapping turtle"? Lol

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

What the fuck is "playing snapping turtle"? Lol

When a dog starts snapping their jaws playfully while you give them a belly rub.