E3 2016 - Where all your hopes and dreams explode and die

[Randy Lahey]

Who knows, maybe it'll be less retarded this time.

You say that, but do you believe it?

 

[Spellskite]

I expect a slew of shitty articles complaining about the diversity of the presenters.

 

[Cubanodun]

I expect a slew of shitty articles complaining about the diversity of the presenters.

I can already see in my mind The Mary sue bitching because almost all the guys talking are DIRTY WHITE MALES except ubisoft that are some french and canadian but they have Ashley SO ITS ALL OK, and nintendo that are full of asians BUT THEY ARE MALES SO THEY ARE GUILTY

About Watch_dogs 2, well, i expect they fix all the bad things about the first one, i enjoyed all the side missions (there are two missions that i particularly remember, one was when you are a spying a guy fapping but the cries of his baby son interrupt him everytime, the other is a guy complaining against a online store because they sended him the wrong anime figure), the first thing we have to do is to not believe the E3 trailers that show amazing graphics only to be downgraded in the final product, it happened in the first watch dog, it happened in the division and will probably happen in watch dog 2

Im more interested in the PC Conference, but i dont know what they can announce there, maybe ATI are going to announce new toys? that was so good last year, alongside the announcement of No Man Sky and Gears of War

Ironically in the irc i lurk people is more interested in what sony is going to say because almost all their games end in PC, except their exclusives

 

[dunbrine47]

Hopefully there will be a decent PC Gaming Show...(Oh who am I kidding)

 

[Dr. Tremolo]

It'll probably suck like the last few years but I'll still watch it because my life is so hollow and empty.
I'm at least excited at the hints of Rockstar announcing new projects.

 

[Funnybone]

things I want (but most won't happen):
an online co-op Mario platformer game so I can play with my out of state family members
the new Zelda game to look at least a LITTLE gritty
some PS4 crap. I don't know what really... KH3? Little Big Planet 4? I dunno.
I love pixel indie shit games. I want more on consoles.
oh Nintendo to talk about their mobile Animal Crossing game.
Fuck I want any Animal Crossing shit that isn't that weird board game thing.
GTA Trevor Philips DLC stuff.
Also Sonichu Adventure

 

[D.Angus]

How about they show off some games that'll get released this year, instead of.. 2-3 years down the line?

 

[Bulk Bogan]

I'm just going to watch because I derive pleasure from terrible things. I mean, last year we made a meme, what will they do this year to top that?

 

[SteelPlatedHeart]

We are getting this at E3, at least.

 

[broilerrx]

inb4 the Watch Dogs sequel has a fuckload of missions where you slowly tail the target, keeping the ideal distance without being detected. Because as we all know, it was the best fucking thing AssCreed had to offer.

 

[Coster]

I don't care what Watch Dogs 2 does, just as long as they actually finish the fucking game before release.

 

[_blank_]

So, some PS4 news... Sony's Andrew House has confirmed there is going to be a PS4 upgrade... but it won't be at E3. House was quoted as:

We want to ensure we have a full range of the best experiences on the new system that we can showcase in their entirety.

So it pretty much sounds like the typical Sony shuffle- wait until the competition shows their hand, then hop in and steal the spotlight.

We are getting this at E3, at least.

Good Godbear... so this is essentially Banjo Kazooie Threeie, just that Mumbo Jumbo accidentally transformed the bear and bird into a chameleon and bat.

inb4 the Watch Dogs sequel has a fuckload of missions where you slowly tail the target, keeping the ideal distance without being detected. Because as we all know, it was the best fucking thing AssCreed had to offer.

I noticed in their reveal a few days back, they were talking about different ways of accomplishing missions, so you can go in guns blazing, or all stealthy, or use your Deus-Ex-calibur hacking tools. But yeah, if that is actually the case, I really hope they up their game when it comes to character movement. Ubisoft seems to be deadset to make everything more goddamn complicated than it needs to be when it comes to their open world games.

I don't care what Watch Dogs 2 does, just as long as they actually finish the fucking game before release.

Oh my sweet summer child.

 

[_blank_]

Annnnnd it begins...

EA starts off this year's shitshow:

 

[Michel]

Hope you faggots are ready.

 

[GeorgeDaMoose]

I can't wait to be disappointed again, even though I have 0 expectations from this show.
Titanfall 2 looked okay, probably going to become dead in 3 months like the first game.
Somehow the FIFA announcement was the most surreal and hilarious one yet.

 

[Stay safe]

EA showed the new Mass Effect Andromeda trailer. No one in the stream chat gave a shit.

 

[vertexwindi]

Well. That blew.

 

[GeorgeDaMoose]

Zac Efron is a fucking cutie. Battlefield 1 also looks okay, I bet it'll just be some nice graphics porn for me.

 

[_blank_]

EA Highlights:

• Battlefield 1 - SHOVELS CONFIRMED
• Titanfall 2 - Now with singleplayer and talking robots... that suspiciously have the same voice as the Reapers from Mass Effect.
• EA announcing something about some kind MLG thing for their sports games. I feel asleep.
  
• Madden 17 is gonna have some $1 million championship competition. Whee?
• More Mass Effect hyping with some newish footage. Main character appears to be a watery-eyed waifish girl fighting hi-res monsters from Borderlands 2.
• EA Access - please use it guyz... please?
• Annnd they're going the "more inclusive" thing by throwing women a bone for like 30 seconds. Partnering with the UN He for She thing. Annnnd Gamergaters are frothing at the mouth already this E3.
  
• Fifa now has a story mode... because people were asking for this...?
• José Mourinho appears has an Almost-Pele moment. Points thought for looking like he was going to murder Peter Moore on stage.
  
• EA Originals - EA is now making Indies. First game called "Fe" which is about mankind and nature and shit. Looks like Limbo fucked Ori and the Blind Forest and Brothers. Anycase, expect the usual softbelly journos to be enraptured by this color-by-numbers indie fare.
• Jade Raymond takes the stage to hype up Star Wars games. Battlefront gets an expsansion in 2017. Visceral's next Warsie game hits in 2018. Jade Raymond can't present for shit. Shame.
  
• Jamie Foxx and Zac Efron are hyping up Battlefield 1.... huh... kay..?
• Battlefield 1 will be IMMURISIVE WITH ALL DE IMMURSIONS.

Blank's final score: 5/10 - nothing incredibly offensive, but nothing standout either.

 

[NG 070]

EA showed the new Mass Effect Andromeda trailer. No one in the stream chat gave a shit.

Because it looks like garbage, that's why. I can't believe they're using the Dragon Age Inquisition look. Everyone looks like hideous wax models/animatronics.

But hey, gotta give to EA: they have cringe moments down to an art form at this point.