everything is lesbian - a subculture on tumblr that 'headcanons' everything as lesbian

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I consider myself pretty ‘in touch’ with ironic/weird humor, which is a good skill to have when finding good content to post around here, but I legitimately have no idea what this is supposed to mean.
 
Cho Chan said:
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I consider myself pretty ‘in touch’ with ironic/weird humor, which is a good skill to have when finding good content to post around here, but I legitimately have no idea what this is supposed to mean.
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It's not even remotely attempting to be funny, let alone surreal or ironic.

How the fuck does that have nearly 500 retweets?
 
20 Awesome Cartoon Lesbians that aren't Velma

Jenkies! There are many list on the internet with a similar topic, I swear I didn’t steal, but Velma always tops them. Why is she considered the Queen of Gay Cartoons? Is it the turtle neck? Is it the bowl cut? Is it her lack of male love interest? I’m not sure if she’s the queen, but the girl is definitely at the top. Still, I thought it was important to point out other girls who are or will be lesbians when they grow up in cartoon land. Some of them are obvious, some of them will come as a complete shock. So shocking that you may curse me out, but guess what, they will still be lesbians in my mind. So…who made the list?
Buttercup
Buttercup – Seriously? Is anyone shocked about this? We all loved Buttercup; she’s probably one of the baddest mother***king characters to ever exist in American Animation. Still, Buttercup was no tomboy as most people called her; she was a straight dude in a dress. This little dude was always angry, hated taking baths, had a buzzcut…kinda, bullied Bubbles, and man could he kick some ass. I could go on, but I think we can agree that the gay has been saved thanks to Buttercup.
Patti Mayonnaise
Patti Mayonnaise – Come on. Just think about it. While we all loved Doug Funny and his relationship with Patti, something seemed a little off. In my HUMBLE opinion, they just didn’t mesh well together. It had nothing to do with the fact she was black…no orange…umm…blorange and he was white, only a racist idiot would assume such things. It’s just…I don’t know, maybe because Patti was obviously a dyke. She sucked in home economic class, she was a jock, and her hair cut oozed gay especially when the show moved to Disney. She’s not the gayest on the list but damnit, she’s pretty gay.
Eliza Thornberry
Eliza Thornberry – It’s something about girls with glasses, braces, pigtails, and the ability to talk to animals that seems a little…suspect. I bet you are wondering, “How could you form that conclusion based on that alone?” Well don’t wonder. It’s just a hunch. But I’m sure it’s a hunch that many other people share. Maybe it’s because she has a gay monkey bestie, or maybe it’s because she’s independent. Honestly, I can’t see any guy being able to handle her physically or emotionally. Only another chick could do such a thing; being a lesbian sort of suits her.
The Gross Sisters
The Gross Sisters – Even during a time when being gay is okay…for the most part, some parents still lose their minds when finding out one of their kids are gay. Well, I can’t imagine how they’ll react when all their daughters come out of the closet. Seriously, these girls are a bunch of butch bitches. They’ll beat you up for your money now, but eventually they’ll beat you up, take your money, and then take your girl. So gentlemen, if I were you, I wouldn’t fight back. Just play dead and pray for your girlfriend’s well-being. As a unit, these chicks pack one helluva rainbow punch…with ashy knuckles.
Spinelli
Ashley Spinelli – I wouldn’t call Spinelli a little dude in a dress, but she is damn near close. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was born with both frontal organs. So what makes her an obvious choice? Well, she hates being called the girliest name in the history of names, Ashley; she wears a dress with a beanie and some combat boots; and like most girls on the list, she can beat up the toughest guys on the playground. Yup, if that’s not gay, then I don’t know what is.
Mulan
Mulan – So you thought this beautiful young woman joined the army to fight on behalf of her family huh? Well, I don’t blame you, many people did. However, I believed she did it because she secretly wanted to be a man. Okay, Okay, I was just messing around for jokes. She may not want to transition into an actual man, but I’m positive she’d be willing to headline Drag King nights at some hole in the wall club when she’s not pretending to be a princess.
Parcie
Peppermint Patty & Marcie – I couldn’t just focus on one character. I had to mention them both, because they are HANDS DOWN the most iconic gay couple in the history of…well, gay. They are labeled as best friends, but come on, we know what that means. They even have obvious roles. Patty, who wears bowling shirts, cargo shorts, and sandals, is the butch husband; and Marcie, who I’m sure would carry the baby, is the submissive wife. Sorry Patrick and SpongeBob, but you’ve been out gayed by Peppermint Parcie.
Francine
Francine – I think this one is obvious. Isn’t it? If not, just look at some facts. She is an expert athlete who hopes to be in the Olympics; she thinks figure skating is girly; she has a short haircut (number 1 dyke trait); she is typically seen wearing a red shirt, baggy blue jeans, red and white sneakers with no belt; and she is “besties” with Muffy. Francine was clearly the manliest character on Arthur.
DW
DW – I know this one may come as a shock, but I honestly think she is going to grow up to be a wonderful lesbian. DW never displayed manly characteristics like other girls on the list, but it was just something about her that said “independent lesbian.” Now let’s be clear, an independent woman does not equate to lesbian, it just looks like that way to me. DW had a way with bossing people around and getting whatever she wanted. Also, do you remember her relationship with Francine? Arthur and Francine were best friends, but it sometimes seemed as if DW had a crush on her. I’m certain they’ll be the first gay married couple in Elwood City.
Maggie Simpson
Maggie Simpson– Seriously though, how many of us thought Lisa Simpson was the lesbo? Well, I think Lisa is as straight as homer is dumb. Maggie, however, is one butch baby bitch. I mean, she’s strong for her size; she knows how to use a shotgun; she always one-ups her rival, Baby Gerald; and dude, she sucks her pacifier as if it’s a tittie (yes she’s a baby, but I’m sure she has other motives). I’m certain that Maggie will break a lot of women’s heart in Springfield when she learns to talk. She’s one cool dyke tyke.
Sandy
Sandy – I’m convinced that SpongeBob is a show more suited for HBO or Showtime. Seriously, most of the characters on this show have a huge gay undertone. Regardless of how fruity SpongeBob and Patrick are, Sandy is hands down the gayest character on the show. She can beat bitches up; she has a southern accent; she’s from Texas; she is the strongest being in Bikini Bottom; she traveled to outer space; and did I mention she can beat bitches up? Sandy brings the testosterone to Bikini Bottom. Without her, the show wouldn’t have any.
Blue
Blue – I know this may hurt some feelings, but was I the only person who thought Blue was a guy? I thought he was the coolest dog ever; I was freaking jealous of Steve. I longed for a companion like Blue. I was even rooting for him to get laid by Magenta. However, when I found out that Blue was actually a girl, I was flabbergasted. SMH. But gay or not, Blue and Magenta made a great couple and that was enough to put Blue on my list. So for the disagreeing people, please go get a clue.
Dora
Dora – Do I need to give this bitch a paragraph? Okay, fine. Dora is not a bitch, I actually like her. I just find it hard to believe that anyone would disagree with me. She doesn’t have a male lover, she travels the world, her haircut looks suspect, and she dresses like a little boy. Dora helped spread the Latino culture into the mainstream world, but somewhere out there, many young girls have been influenced to cut their hair, buy a monkey, travel the world, and become…well…you know.
Lilo
Lilo – Lilo is probably the least gay one on the list, still I find her to be accidentally quite homosexual. She’s surrounded by the LGBT lifestyle. She lives with a gay alien couple, a cross dresser and a bear; and although her sister has a boyfriend, she is built like a man with breast. So it was only a matter of time before Lilo turned out to play for Team Rainbow. Then again, she doesn’t have many options. It’s either she’s into chicks, or she’s in to bestiality…erm, beastialienality? Yes, I make words up. If you say it confidently, people will believe you. So Lakamekawanahuana to all.
Gosalyn
Gosalyn – You may not remember her, but I sure do. She is definitely one of the coolest characters in the Disney universe. The way she talked, walked, dressed, and acted oozed cool; but it also oozed tomboy, which is most times equated to gay. This duck was tomboyish but she was also was spirited and cute. So she had a lot more feminine qualities compared to other girls on the list. When she takes over as the new Darkwing Duck, I’m sure she’ll be the greatest lesbian super heroine of all time. So Batwoman, hold on to your crown.Betty Deville
Betty Deville – Initially, I was just going to focus on the younger characters, but I could not omit her from the list. I always thought she was a butch SOB. She lifted weights, did handy work, was quite abrasive, and clearly wore the pants in the relationship. I swear Phil and Lil’s parents participated in a Lavender Marriage. Her husband is such a lady.
Pepper Ann
Pepper Ann – I never liked this show to be honest; however, I must admit that she had one catchy intro. Pepper Ann…Pepper Ann! Still, Pepper Ann had obvious gay characteristic that anyone could spot whether they watched her show or not. She had a horrible sense of fashion, she was loud, she had red hair and glasses, and she hung out with other gay girls. Wait…Milo is a dude? Well, she hangs with other gay kids. Nuff said.
Macie Lightfoot
Macie Lightfoot – I always liked Macie. I found her annoyingly disgusting, yet somehow cute. Her allergies and “Fat chick” voice were over shadowed by her dorky humor and cute little haircut, which was a huge indicator. Like many female characters, they appear to have a crush on another male character, but I think we all knew who she really had a crush on. Let’s just say this girl wanted a little “spice” in her life.
Jane
Jane – Seriously? SHE LOOKS GAY, and I hate to even say that gay has a look. I dare you to disagree. Jane was the epitome of a gay/dyke/rebel and other words used to describe lesbians. She was the scary kind. She had the haircut, the piercings, she was best friends with Dryaria, and she was pretty much a bitch. Sure she had a boyfriend, but that doesn’t mean a damn thing. Jane was a bonifide muncher who occasionally tasted lunch meat.
Tweety Bird
Tweety Bird – I saved this one for last because somewhere out there, a little girl is still a fan of Tweet Bird. Well little girl, I bet you are wondering why Tweety is on a list full of “gay” women right? It’s because you can’t convince me that it’s a boy, that’s why. With it’s pretty little eyes, girly eye lashes, small feet, tiny hands, and evil ways, Tweety bird is such a female. I do believe she likes girls though, which is why I consider her a lesbian. You can disagree, I don’t care, but you can’t convince me other wise.
Suspects:
Below are a list of Suspects. I wasn’t sure about these women. I thought they were, but then I didn’t. Pfft..regardless, I wouldn’t even be surprised. Being gay is such a trend these days.
Helga
Helga – Meh…I don’t think she’s gay per say, but I don’t see her dating any other dude. She’s straight as long as she chases Arnold.
Angelica
Angelica Pickles – I don’t think she’s gay, but I think she’d try a girl. Maybe when she gets to college.
Daria
Daria – I wanted to call her a lesbian, but it’s Dryaria. I just think she likes…nothing. Damn she’s so boring. Her eyes look boring. I feel like she’s looking at me yet thinking of nothing.
Reggie
Reggie – She had gayish quirks, but I wasn’t sure. I actually had a crush on her. She is one of the reasons why I wanted to move to California.
Ginger
Ginger – Her name is Ginger and she roles with other dyke like homies. do I need to elaborate?
Editor’s Notes: Why do most of the female nerd like characters seem gay lol. Jenkies.
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Some entries at bottom of the list: Uh, well, I guess they're probably not gay I guess

Every other one: STRONG WOMAN! ACTS LIKE GUY! TOTALLY GAY!

Also one of them being male. You don't need to be "convinced" of anything. The cartoonists who created the character would know a little more about their own creation than you do, I think. That probably goes for all of these.
 
So how many of these lesbian headcanon people are actually lesbians?
 
But Buttercup was specifically attracted to boys, and was a kid besides. But then the same could be said of basically every other character on the list, silly me.
 
That list among other things is proof that yuri is just this decade's version of yaoi fandom.
 
Meowthkip said:
Blue being on there is fucking me up.

IT'S A DOG.
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I’m pretty sure Blue’s a guy too. I’m also fairly certain that dogs don’t have the intelligence for sexual orientations besides “imma fug dat bitch”
 
Gingervitis said:
I’m pretty sure Blue’s a guy too. I’m also fairly certain that dogs don’t have the intelligence for sexual orientations besides “imma fug dat bitch
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Blue is a girl actually. People just assume she's a boy because she's blue and doesn't have any sterotypical feminine cartoon traits (because she's a dog), but she is unambiguously female in the show.
 
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