Interests Excuses used by Chris

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picklehaube said:
That raccoon is MacGyver compared to Chris.
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You know, I hadn't actually thought about this. And this does require further thinking.

Let's take the time to carefully examine the pros and cons of Chris versus Rocksy.
  • Point for Christine: She has opposable thumbs, and if she knocked on a glass door with a rock for food, she could do it with one hand.
  • Point for Rocksy: Rocksy is likely to receive food. While both are sympathetic creatures, Rocksy is more adorable than frightening, if still surreal and highly annoying. Whereas, I would be a little scared if Christine started knocking on my window with a rock. I don't think we would even get to the annoying stage before I called the police.
  • Point for Christine: She has access to social media and can use that to knock on tens of thousands of doors at the same time.
  • Point for Rocksy: Rocksy is a functioning adult who is raising a family.
  • Point for Christine: Knows how to vocalize words, draw pictures, read, write, and invented Let's Play with her epic Animal Crossing documentary.
  • Point for Rocksy: Rocksy is determined, and does not let stress or disappointment deter her from her quest for more cat food.
  • Point for Christine: She has a tugboat
  • Point for Rocksy: Rocksy does not need a tugboat
These are just a few examples. I think with a little help from the hivemind, we might be able to figure out who is more likely to survive the oncoming climate apocalypse, pass on their genes, or at least, who we will select for president.
 
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Muscle Bra said:
Sitting in a rental house, dogs pissing on paper, rat shit all over the place, surrounded by her hoarded crap, and her only servant is her idiot son.

Royalty.
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All that's evidence of the lifelong conspiracy against her.
 
SnergenFlergen said:
To be fair I can see the nucleus of a thought process there (albeit a very tortured, autistic and ultimately wrong one).

Chris is autistic and was raised by television (specifically 90s cartoons) and so the idea of a faceless malicious organisation/conspiracy pulling the strings in his life couldn't have been too far-fetched for him (remember, in his mind he is the protaganist in a world of NPCs). Furthermore he was attacked online by a seemingly innumerable, apparently organised group of (what he perceived to be) villains who were hell-bent on ruining his life, which probably fed into this belief.

With this in mind it's not too hard to see how he could connect the dots and see any and all grievances in his life as being interconnected.

But yeah it's still fucking stupid and autistic
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A very important factor in this that hasn't been mentioned is that Barb and Bob shared and fed into his conspiracies. And it goes without saying they had no excuse; I mean i could understand them not being tech savvy and believing in some shadowy trolling organisation on the web seeking to make Chris miserable (not entirely untrue) but wasn't it Borb who basically put the idea in OPL's head that Megan, Synder, his elementary school and pretty much anyone else who ever 'wronged' him IRL were part of some cabal united in conspiring against the Chandler household? A better Christorian than me would have to confirm that. If that is the case - and in conjunction with autism and his limited exposure to reality - I think it's fair to say Chris' distorted view of the world is one thing he sorta does have an excuse for.
 
The Mass Debater said:
A very important factor in this that hasn't been mentioned is that Barb and Bob shared and fed into his conspiracies. And it goes without saying they had no excuse; I mean i could understand them not being tech savvy and believing in some shadowy trolling organisation on the web seeking to make Chris miserable (not entirely untrue) but wasn't it Borb who basically put the idea in OPL's head that Megan, Synder, his elementary school and pretty much anyone else who ever 'wronged' him IRL were part of some cabal united in conspiring against the Chandler household? A better Christorian than me would have to confirm that. If that is the case - and in conjunction with autism and his limited exposure to reality - I think it's fair to say Chris' distorted view of the world is one thing he sorta does have an excuse for.
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Yeah, Bob and Barb suspected the internet trolling was Megan. Chris didn't dive into the conspiracy immediately, it kind of took a bit before he started treating it as fact. It seemed to me that Chris was conflicted because he still thought he had a chance with Megan for awhile, and he didn't want to admit she was the evil troll ruining his life. To this day, I think Chris believes that Megan set off all his trolling.

Bob blamed the game place in general for the trolling too. He saw it as the place where they congregated.

The Matthew Noble call lays out Bob and Barb's conspiracy theories pretty well, I think.
 
ThingsWeLost InTheFire said:
I think with a little help from the hivemind, we might be able to figure out who is more likely to ... pass on their genes, or at least, who we will select for president.
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I think the OP of the video said that she suspects Rocksy is pregnant, so she has already managed to pass on her genes.

Rocksy for President!
 
Infinity said:
That he maced a guy because he was gonna get raped in an alley or whatever felt so scared that he felt like he was facing a rapist in an alley way
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This was going to be my favorite excuse, but instead I'll supplement it: I love the excuse that while he was sort of admitting fault for macing the Gamestop employee, and that there was video evidence of this fact, he was innocent because they can't read/record his mind or thoughts, therefore they don't know what kind of duress he was in to warrant his retaliation.
anephric said:
I never heard this story before but it reminds me of how those stupid anamatronic Bears gave him his name. He seems to believe in fate and higher powers as an infallible reason for not trying at anything. If it's all in God's hands, it'll happen if you're worthy.
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It really is an early peek into the mindset that Chris would cement himself to in the years to come. It wasn't that the bear made an error, it was that God decreed that Christian is his true name, as spoken through his ursine prophet. Nothing negative happens to Chris, unless someone's out to get him, then it's their fault. This mentality is only reinforced by how many times he gets away with his transgressions with only the mildest disciplinary action. He's the good guy in his story, so he can do no wrong. He's only being persecuted by his many villains.
 
Muscle Bra said:
I think the OP of the video said that she suspects Rocksy is pregnant, so she has already managed to pass on her genes.
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  • Point for Rocksy: Rocksy has or is in the process of having children, greatly increasing her likely-hood of passing on her genes
  • Point for Christine: Christine's imaginary child Crystal is much less likely to be accidentally dispatched by an autistic man-child on a lawn mower.
Rocksy for President!
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I think I'm leaning in your direction. To be fair, while Rocksy is the CLEAR and RESPONSIBLE choice for the republican nomination, Christine seems to have a better grasp on the nature of reality then Ben, and seems less likely to destroy the planet than Donald or Ted. But this kind of talk is dangerously off topic, and a little terrifying.
 
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Strine said:
When he started using British spelling because of exposure to Catherine and after they broke up he claimed he's justified in using it because he's of "British ancestry", referring to Anne fucking Boleyn.
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What gets me about this is that there is nothing special whatsoever about a white American being of British ancestry. The USA started as a British colony. The official language is English. I know Chris loves to seize upon anything he can to make himself feel special, but really, that is not it.

Strine said:
Barb says it in the rental house tour. She says something like "Westons are all royalty" and then refers to herself as "blood kin" to Elizabeth I. Chris sort of defers to her about it, so evidently she's the one responsible for concocting it. She probably went on realancestry.biz or some shit.
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The fact that so many people have pointed out to Chris that he cannot be descended from Elizabeth I, yet he still believes it, is the perfect illustration of how his mind works. It doesn't matter if it's unlikely or even impossible, someone gave him the answer he wanted and that's good enough for him. Of course, given that "Daniel Weston" supposedly came over on the Mayflower, the chances are that his royal blood, if it existed in the first place, is so diluted as to be meaningless.

That being said, I would dearly love to see Chris angrily waddling up to Buckingham Palace and demanding his birthright. I'd pay for his plane ticket and everything.
 
Marvin said:
Yeah, Bob and Barb suspected the internet trolling was Megan. Chris didn't dive into the conspiracy immediately, it kind of took a bit before he started treating it as fact. It seemed to me that Chris was conflicted because he still thought he had a chance with Megan for awhile, and he didn't want to admit she was the evil troll ruining his life. To this day, I think Chris believes that Megan set off all his trolling.

Bob blamed the game place in general for the trolling too. He saw it as the place where they congregated.

The Matthew Noble call lays out Bob and Barb's conspiracy theories pretty well, I think.
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Wow, instead of facing the fact that everyone in America (people that don't even know of Chris yet) and possibly in foreign countries hates you..........the denial runs deep
 
That dang biological clock that keeps him up at ungodly hours and forces him to do terrible things like making coffee in the bathroom at 2am.
 
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