FATAL 2: The Fataling

Vlricus turns to Stupid Shit "What the fuck is this shit?" He gently pokes one of the people with his sword.
 
Burned Man said:
Vlricus turns to Stupid Shit "What the fuck is this shit?" He gently pokes one of the people with his sword.
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The incredibly fat person shifts awkwardly to the side. Their wounds regenerate almost instantly.
 
Burned Man said:
Vlricus turns to Stupid Shit "What the fuck is this shit?" He gently pokes one of the people with his sword.
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Stupid Shit says "It looks like people in shit...I dunno. Lets go somewhere else.."
 
Vlricus shrugs "Fair enough moving on then." and wanders off away from where they came.
 
Stupid Shit follows Vlricus deeper into hell
 
Circle III Greed:

Your Aedile suddenly panics as he realizes that there's nothing funny or interesting about a shitton of people jousting with really heavy weapons. You don't notice the Aedile though. But you do get to see the jousting.
 
Stupid Shit also decides there's nothing interesting about them, because he'd rather not die quite yet.
 
Vlricus looks at the jousting and decides there's nothing to see here and moves on.
 
Circle V: Anger

Before you is the River Styx again. Somehow. I don't know what kind of drugs were around in Renaissance Italy, but Dante was clearly on all of them. A bunch of people are there fighting with each other on the surface of the river. They can walk on water or something I guess I don't know this Dante's Inferno thing is getting fucking stupid. Also, there are a bunch of sullen people who can breathe underwater who are lying down on the surface of the river. I don't know how you can see to the bottom of a river that's so deep that you must have a boat to cross it when it's full of dude fighting each other on the surface, but there you go.

Some king is hanging out on the shore closest to you guys with his boat.
 
Vlricus looks at the river, "We're going around in circles. Alright lets turn back and... Hey that asshole has our boat!"
 
Stupid Shit asks the king why he has that boat.
 
The King says, “Fuck off, it'z my boat azzholez."
 
Burned Man said:
Vlricus looks right at him and goes "Fuck you asshole" and punches him in the face.
Basically this
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This doesn't do anything to him other than stun him slightly. He wildly swings his sword around and hits you for 13 damage. Then, he swings at @ActualKiwi and misses.
 
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Vlricus attacks him back with his bastard sword, his fulcrum at 15. "I'm the captain of this vessel and I won't tolerate such insubordination."
 
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Right. Stupid-Shit gets pissed off and goes for the bastard. Fulcrum 5.
Bedazzle Roll(3d10)-6:7,8,10,-6 Total:19
If bedazzle hits:
{
Roll(3d10)-1:9,10,10,-1 Total:28
Roll(3d10)+2:7,7,10,+2 Total:26*0.95=24.7*2.34=57.8(round to 58 dmg)
}
Normal Attacks:
Roll(3d10)-1:9,8,9,-1 Total:25
Roll(3d10)+2:10,2,9,+2 Total:23*0.95=21.85*2.34=51.1(round to 51 dmg)
Roll(3d10)-1:9,10,9,-1 Total:27
Roll(3d10)+2:10,10,10,+2 Total:32*0.95=30.4*2.34=71.136(round to 71 dmg)
 
You guys both fucking destroy him. He literally gets decapitated while standing up. Somehow. You're free to proceed as you desire.
 
Stupid-shit loots the kings corpse. Kings are rich, right?
"Wut we do wif d' boat, cap'n dworf?"
 
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