FB 5/14- Chris and New Friends

[Kaptcher]

I like how over 10 years later this still holds absolutely true. If anything I'd say that handing out cards that basically say 'fuck me please' is something of a step down from the attraction sign.

The pursuit for a boyfriend-free girl is just as strong, now covered in female hormones and a sweat-stained bra.

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

Actually the voice I always hear is Animal from the Muppets, but Cookie Monster is cool too

Well they were both Jim Henson.

 

[Chris-Chan Cure]

Maybe his desire to try tribadism and all sort of lesbian stuff is a way to put to test his sexuality?

You see, Chris's interest in sex was all about sticking his duck into china. He definitely enjoy the act of penetration, hence why he bought in the past many fuckdolls and artificial vaginas. Now he wants to remove his duck and become a lesbian, but he also understand that he have give up on getting any sexual pleasure that comes with it. And now he's turning to lesbian sex acts as a substitute.

As @Marvin mentionned before, Chris enjoyment of sex is more psychological than physical, probably because he's so used to porn that all the sexual stimulus goes into his head by visualising the act rather than reaching for the orgasm, not helped by his poor sex drive. Chris obviously cannot get any arousal physically by scissoring or tribing as he has no clit (though the removed piercing might have done the trick), but the idea of fulfilling his fantasy from lesbian porn might be what he's seeking from sex rather than the act in itself.

I believe unlike straight sex, both partners must have to be active during the act, so he can't pratice tribadism with a doll, that's why he's calling for a willing partner. And if the experience is positive for him, then he would be more secure about his new embraced feminity and moving forward to completely get rid of his penis.

EDIT: I can't believe I would make a point discussing Chris's sexuality someday.

 

[Too Many Crooks]

Ugh, did he have to mention "tribadism" in his post? I'm still creeped out from the taint piercing debacle last summer

 

[Bobby Boulders]

Maybe it's hopeless nostalgia, but this status seems very Classic Chris-esque. The abundance of y'alls and almost blissfully-ignorant positivity behind how ludicrous his comments are give off that vibe.

 

[Yawning Asperchu]

If anything, I'm shocked at the progressive direction Chris is heading in (potentially opening the doors to all types of women). He's just so ignorant to what certain types of women want that this seems to come off to some as an autistic scheme for vajayjay.

I think his gender issues are real and he just wants a woman, any woman. It's not right (Edit: his seeming to ignore what the woman wants) but it's not sinister.

 

[Poor Choices]

Maybe it's hopeless nostalgia, but this status seems very Classic Chris-esque. The abundance of y'alls and almost blissfully-ignorant positivity behind how ludicrous his comments are give off that vibe.

It feels like Chris has hit a happy stage in life with his new found LGBT stuff with apparent (to Chris) social success so he's loosened up. Even with the ebay/medallion business I didn't expect him to be so public about his lovequest and other personal things. Man. he's even directly calling us out with "Trollin' Farms" and proceeding to not give a fuck. I like this.

 

[Ukyo Kuonji]

It feels like Chris has hit a happy stage in life with his new found LGBT stuff with apparent (to Chris) social success so he's loosened up. Even with the ebay/medallion business I didn't expect him to be so public about his lovequest and other personal things. Man. he's even directly calling us out with "Trollin' Farms" and proceeding to not give a fuck. I like this.

Tactical Ween Strike in 3, 2, 1.....

 

[Amerighi da Caravaggio]

Chris, whether he be Christian or Christine, 100% STRAIGHT or Tom Girl, is, and will always be, Chris. Losing his virginity three years ago seems to have done him absolutely no favors. His attitudes and preoccupation towards sex is really one of the biggest things (amongst many) that is holding him back because he seems to view any female friendship as an ends to sex. I'd consider this a modern successor to the modern successor to the Attraction Sign where he's at least trying (emphasis on trying) to be subtle about it, but his poor reasoning behind it remains the same. Despite everything's that changed about him the past few years, he's still the confused, mad, manchild screaming 'JULLAYYY' into the dark, lonely void.

 

[Optimus Prime]

It feels like Chris has hit a happy stage in life with his new found LGBT stuff with apparent (to Chris) social success so he's loosened up. Even with the ebay/medallion business I didn't expect him to be so public about his lovequest and other personal things. Man. he's even directly calling us out with "Trollin' Farms" and proceeding to not give a fuck. I like this.

And like every time Chris achieves what apparently seems to be working out to a bare minimum, he'll assume that he's finally figured out this great mystery called "life" and proceed to rest on his laurels, possibly even regress as he becomes more and more inherently lazy again.

That said the fact he still has trial problems doesn't seem to even register in his head anymore.

 

[Handsome Pete]

It feels like Chris has hit a happy stage in life with his new found LGBT stuff with apparent (to Chris) social success so he's loosened up. Even with the ebay/medallion business I didn't expect him to be so public about his lovequest and other personal things. Man. he's even directly calling us out with "Trollin' Farms" and proceeding to not give a fuck. I like this.

There isn't a huge amount of material on pre-trolling Chris. However, all records from that period indicate he was stubborn and kind of a dick, but generally optimistic all the same. He had a few favorite hangouts, and a long list of idiosyncratic traits that he used to define himself. Then the trolls found him, and we all know how that went. Chris spiraled into madness, grew paranoid, withdrew from the internet, and became the tomgirl we know today.

Now let's say that paranoid post-trolling Chris found a place where he believed he could get a fresh start (it doesn't have to really exist; he just has to believe it). Would he apply any of the lessons he learned from being trolled? Or would he just fall back into his old love-questing ways, confident that this new place wasn't full of corrupted citizens? As it turns out, we now have a chance to answer that question.

 

[Cwckifan]

Interested in straight women, gay women, bi women, asexual women, cartoon women, animal women, pictures of women, invisible women, space women, ghost women, Lego women. No smokers.

Or Blacks

 

[The Dude]

Okay, if THIS doesn't result in another comic, then is it safe to assume that (s)he's given up on Sonichu forever?

Chris only cares about Sonichu and the gang when it has the possibility to bring him money or notoriety. So if he can get Sonichu into Smash Brothers or make money on it or if some cute girl recognizes that he is the creator of Sonichu and then fall in love with him, then yes, he's all about the little yellow rip-off. But when it means actually having to do things like write stories, create "art", or any other real effort then he couldn't care less about Sonichu.

tl;dr: Chris has given up on the Sonichu comics and aside from seeing an occasional one-off drawing, you probably won't be seeing any new Sonichu content from Chris.

 

[3rd Continuance]

There isn't a huge amount of material on pre-trolling Chris. However, all records from that period indicate he was stubborn and kind of a dick, but generally optimistic all the same. He had a few favorite hangouts, and a long list of idiosyncratic traits that he used to define himself. Then the trolls found him, and we all know how that went. Chris spiraled into madness, grew paranoid, withdrew from the internet, and became the tomgirl we know today.

Now let's say that paranoid post-trolling Chris found a place where he believed he could get a fresh start (it doesn't have to really exist; he just has to believe it). Would he apply any of the lessons he learned from being trolled? Or would he just fall back into his old love-questing ways, confident that this new place wasn't full of corrupted citizens? As it turns out, we now have a chance to answer that question.

It's important to note that although you can draw a distinction between pre-and-post-trolling Chris, he views trolls and his experiences since the start of the ED page through the exact same lens that he viewed his life beforehand. Chris' mentality has not changed in any fundamental way, so it would be foolhardy to expect his behaviour to change. While he may learn to expose himself on the internet less, he has not and will not change the him, be it exposed online or not.

 

[Kaptcher]

He's just so ignorant to what certain types of women want that this seems to come off to some as an autistic scheme for vajayjay.

That's because that's precisely what this is

 

[SnergenFlergen]

I'd consider this a modern successor to the modern successor to the Attraction Sign where he's at least trying (emphasis on trying) to be subtle about it, but his poor reasoning behind it remains the same.

How is this attempting to be more subtle than the attraction sign? At least that didn't explicitly ask for sex and seemed to focus entirely on getting a sweetheart. (Obviously china was the endgame but was never referenced directly).

Chris just asked, in no uncertain terms on his public Facebook profile no less, that he wants one of his brand new female friends that he just met to volunteer themselves to fuck him, whilst simultaneously asking his new DQ friends to help find him a victim. That's about as subtle as being hit by a supersonic train made of explosions.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

When I think about Chris' libido, the phrase "bull in a china shop" comes to mind [EDIT: Ha, "china"]. As soon as he comes close to finding a place where he can be accepted and make a fresh start, what little reason he has will be overruled by his duck and he'll ruin everything. I imagine these new friends are a bit like his high school gal pals, they tolerate this lumbering doofus but they're not BFFs or anything. Has he even seen them outside of Impulse? At best, he's making things awkward. At worse, he's going to look like an inept manipulator trying to trick women into sex.

Also, I love the fact that he emphasises the fact that he "respects" his new friends so much. It's like how on his dating profiles he used to go on about how honest and empathetic he was. He honestly thinks all he has to do is say "No, this isn't a plea for sex with the few people who haven't rejected me! My motives are pure! Girl power!" and no one will see through it.

 

[BT 075]

When I think about Chris' libido, the phrase "bull in a china shop" comes to mind

bet he wishes he was a bull in a china shop.

 

[ZehnBoat]

he also wants to be pegged by a woman.

lol that wont end well

Ugh, did he have to mention "tribadism" in his post? I'm still creeped out from the taint piercing debacle last summer

so uh, why does chris think a woman's vag is right next to her anus? does he think they merge?

When I think about Chris' libido, the phrase "bull in a china shop" comes to mind [EDIT: Ha, "china"]. As soon as he comes close to finding a place where he can be accepted and make a fresh start, what little reason he has will be overruled by his duck and he'll ruin everything.

i don't think it's his libido that ruins it. sure he might sexually enjoy a night with a girl, but the whole girl-friend is so he can be an adult and have a caretaker and mother for crystal (and have occasional hanky-panky).
the problem with chris is that he's too touchy, and seems to think if you go on a date with him, then you automatically love him.
eg the minisaga of the hambeast

Spoiler: <3

on the first date, he already gets touchy feely, hearts and shit.
and then there is

Spoiler: FINALLY OVER

girl wants date? might as well paint that extra room in the house, you're getting married and having crystal. good as done.
and as chris creeps out his current gal-pal he doesnt understand why they don't want him to touch them and all that shit.
because he thinks that's just what you do. he's watched TV, he knows that when you date a girl, you get married. happy endings.

 

[Lost god]

My feelings on this are that Chris needs to get out there and have some gay sex already. I'm not an expert on any of these topics, and I may be wrong, but I think Chris is still a closeted and repressed homosexual.

However, his parents, the bible, the church, the state of Virginia, whatever other source have very effectively pounded it into his skull that homosexuality is "wrong". Well guess what Chris, you're pretty fucking wrong, too.

Now I've read that not all cross dressers are gay. Maybe some men like women's clothes. But I'm assuming that most and the DQ's probably are. His Tomgirl personal and arrival at Impulse are ways for him to feel gay, dipping his toes into the water, without actually admitting to himself or anyone else that he is gay.

As long as he still has his offending part, then he's still male, and as such he ought not lay with a man. He's desperately holding on to the notion that as long as he pursues China, in whatever form, then he's not fucked up.

We all know the problem with that scenario, and he will continue to allow himself to be frustrated. What I think needs to happen, and it probably won't be long, is that one of the transgirls or DQs needs to seduce him under the pretense that they are in fact female. Given his ability to recognize social cues, apply a little alcohol and this shouldn't be too difficult.

Chris will be so excited at the prospect of some tribbing action, then lo and behold, pickle surprise. At this point, if enough alcohol is in play, his horned duck will overtake his thinking, and he'll say "aww, fuck it!" and allow himself some release.

I think his prospects of acquiring a male partner are much greater, he'll discover that no one at the bar is judging him, and he'll be free to make the rounds of the place as he wishes. Welcome to the world of STD, Chris!