FB 5/14- Chris and New Friends

[LordCustos3]

In his head is a voice. It sounds like the cookie monster. It just keeps repeating on a loop "WANT. WO-MAN."
No more thought goes into it than just obeying the insistent commands of the cookie monster voice in his head.

 

[Ruin]

If he acts creepy enough to start impacting business they'll give him the boot. Only time will tell.

 

[Haesindang Park]

No Rowan. He's interested in straight couple and lesbian porn not the people themselves.

 

[Nick Drake]

I thought for a while Chris wouldn't fuck up being at Impulse. But nope. I see a ban on the horizon.

And then a rambling Facebook status about how it wasn't his fault and how he's the victim.

 

[Sexystrife]

I guess he's given up on the whole "building a sweet heart from the ground up" in favor of just fucking whoever will say yes. Oh chris.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

Do lesbians actually do that tribe shit? It sounds like one big joke and a big pain in the pussy.

No. It's uncomfortable & awkward & is rarely done outside of porn. Which we all know is real life, per Chris.

Plus it goes without saying how horribly unsanitary it is to have the vulva anywhere near someone's ass. Especially Chris'.

 

[GS 281]

No. It's uncomfortable & awkward & is rarely done outside of porn. Which we all know is real life, per Chris.

Plus it goes without saying how horribly unsanitary it is to have the vulva anywhere near someone's ass. Especially Chris'.

Chris needs to do it one time. I hope his next hooker gives him the experience. The feeling of his nuts being ground against will be too much for his dumb ass to take.

 

[timtommy]

Dear Chris,

No matter how many hormones you pump into your flabby body, no matter what you do with your dick, and regardless of how you feel inside, you were born a man. Lesbians don't want men, pre op or post op.

I think Chris needs some defending here.

The best description of him now is a guy in drag. Drag queens can get laid by women. Generally bisexual women, or at least women who are not at either extreme of the sexuality spectrum.

Not that that means Chris will get laid. I don't know how likely it was before he started cross-dressing. Not super-likely. But there was always a small possibility some drunk girl would throw him a pity screw. Now that girl would have to have an uncommon sexuality as well, which dramatically lowers the odds.

But overall, what I think is this. If Chris is acting like a woman to get laid, that is kind of pathetic. But I don't think he is. He is acting out his own weird gender issues. But those are legitimately his issues and his feelings. In a way, if he pretended they weren't there, and pretended to be someone he isn't, just to get laid, that would be just as pathetic.

 

[soIregistered]

As classless as ever. Never change, Chandler.

Southerner here. "Y'all" is how you pretend to be a Texan. The only people I've known who say y'all that much are Texans. The area Chris is from uses "you all" or a slurred "youall" more often than straight "y'all". His use of it probably stems from his need to sound relaxed and cool. Like him hamfisting "da" in place of the in his comics.

Also, I wonder who he'll end up macing at Impulse.

Arkansans use it constantly. Definitely a y'all and not a you'all.

 

[Lipitor]

I think Chris needs some defending here.

The best description of him now is a guy in drag. Drag queens can get laid by women. Generally bisexual women, or at least women who are not at either extreme of the sexuality spectrum.

Not that that means Chris will get laid. I don't know how likely it was before he started cross-dressing. Not super-likely. But there was always a small possibility some drunk girl would throw him a pity screw. Now that girl would have to have an uncommon sexuality as well, which dramatically lowers the odds.

I'm pretty sure what's happening here is the trannies are circling him like buzzards all trying to see which one fucks him first. Trannys can be normal people, but a lot of them, particularly ones that hang out at places like this tend to be there trying to have really creepy sexual encounters. They just haven't figured out how to manipulate him into it yet, but I'm sure they're working on it.

But overall, what I think is this. If Chris is acting like a woman to get laid, that is kind of pathetic. But I don't think he is. He is acting out his own weird gender issues. But those are legitimately his issues and his feelings. In a way, if he pretended they weren't there, and pretended to be someone he isn't, just to get laid, that would be just as pathetic.

I think we both know it's a combination, (haff n' haff as CWC would say). He's very much confused by his gender issues. That said he honestly doesn't see what the problem is with him claiming to be a "male lesbian". He thinks he should have an in with these girls now and is even offering his services in "tribe"-ing them cuz he thinks that's what they want. He enjoys dressing up like a woman cuz it comforts him. He wants to be a woman, cuz he perceives women as liking to be infantalized, which is how he wants to be treated. He thinks he can trojan horse himself into the lesbian social circle, because he's actually that naive. Ask yourself what's more likely. Christian realizes his limitations... or Christian so desperately wants to believe that he can become a woman and be welcomed to the endless buffett of lesbian sex that awaits him that he has decided that it must be a fact.

Christian claiming to be a lesbian is the new

 

[Skeletor]

I guess he's making friends at Impulse... well not really friends but people who will vaguely tolerate him... he's making quasi-friends. That's a positive first step, right?

 

[fireatdawn]

He is so desperate it's not even funny. Which is kind of ironic considering he wasn't that bad-looking of a guy in his earlier days. Chubby, yes, but that certainly doesn't stop most people. If it wasn't for his creepy-ass personality and utter lack of social skills, he probably would have gotten what he so desperately wanted way earlier. And without having to pay a hooker to do so. He might have even been able to keep a steady girlfriend.

Of course, now there's no way in hell anyone would go near that, but it is kind of interesting to think what might have been.

 

[Thetan]

The LGBT community is incredibly accepting and they may see Chris's solicitation of sex as something to pity him for. While his actions provoke a chuckle from us they're also kinda sad and desperate. Playing the lonely, awkward, confused, clumsily cross dressing tomgirl could work to his advantage if he plays it just right (but it's still highly unlikely to get him laid).

As others have said, the only thing that will get Chris banned from Impulse is an outburst (or series of outbursts) or if he makes a royal pain in the ass of himself, like he did at The Game Place.

Although Chris handed out his business cards, I think it's highly unlikely that he received any phone numbers or email addresses in return, so the chances of stalking / pestering anyone are pretty minimal. This is primarily what did him in with The Wallflower (well, that and dropping her d0x).

Then again, maybe one of his new "DQ" friends will take pity on him and take him "under their wing" and try to provide him with some sort of primer on proper social etiquette. (And while they're at it, they could take him shopping for some new, more fashionable clothes, give him a makeover, and convince him to buy a decent wig.)

Chris might not get a girlfriend out of this, but maybe, if he tones things down a bit, he'll end up with a DQ bff / gal pal.

 

[soIregistered]

I guess he's making friends at Impulse... well not really friends but people who will vaguely tolerate him... he's making quasi-friends. That's a positive first step, right?

I thought this, too, until we see that he's already posting public statuses to them about "I'm really interested in fuckin', y'all! Sex sex sex! Dats what I want! C'mon, hot lesbians, I wanna do erotic massage! I'm a girl now! Let's do it!"

He's transparent.

 

[Ukyo Kuonji]

Also tribadism with a duck??? Lol ohhh Chris you idiot. Even if he loses the abillity to get erections because of the hormones he takes - it's still not possible.

Hence, the unholy perineum piercing.

 

[Sinner's Sandwich]

The closest thing to tribadism Chris could experience is if he finds another guy who is a woman in his head and they rub their ducks together.

 

[timtommy]

I think we both know it's a combination, (haff n' haff as CWC would say). He's very much confused by his gender issues. That said he honestly doesn't see what the problem is with him claiming to be a "male lesbian". He thinks he should have an in with these girls now and is even offering his services in "tribe"-ing them cuz he thinks that's what they want. He enjoys dressing up like a woman cuz it comforts him. He wants to be a woman, cuz he perceives women as liking to be infantalized, which is how he wants to be treated. He thinks he can trojan horse himself into the lesbian social circle, because he's actually that naive. Ask yourself what's more likely. Christian realizes his limitations... or Christian so desperately wants to believe that he can become a woman and be welcomed to the endless buffett of lesbian sex that awaits him that he has decided that it must be a fact.

Christian claiming to be a lesbian is the new

If the question is: "Do you believe that Chris' primary motivation for dressing and acting like a woman is to get laid?", my answer is no.

I can't prove it, but it is the conclusion I have come to. Here are some reasons

If he were just doing it to get laid:
I don't think he would bother dressing like a woman for non-attraction outings like a court hearing.
I don't think he would go through the uncomfortable and unnecessary rigamarole of strapping down the duck.
I don't think he would bother with hormone treatments.
I think he would have fucked up by now, and said that the whole thing was a ploy to get laid fairly directly.

I really believe that Chris honestly thinks of himself as transgendered. I don't know how well he understands the issues. I don't know if it is just a manifestation of some other weird issue he is having. So I don't know if he is legitimately transgendered. But I think he believes it.

Sex with a lesbian, or someone who wants him because he is a "woman" validates that. That's why he wants it. That and sex is usually a good time.

 

[AbreastWithTheories]

When Chris talked about sensual massages I immediately thought of the massages he gave barb.

 

[Thetan]

I quick Google search could get Chris some lesbian education.

Spoiler

 

[MrsFrizzle]

Whoever said upthread that lesbians aren't interested in trans women is extremely wrong. But straight women are pretty much never interested in trans women, ever. And, yeah, someone needs to tell Chris that tribbing is just not a big deal in the actual lady-loving lady community.

Chris used to brag about eating pussy in the I AM A STRAIGHT MAN days. Why not now? It would certainly be more appealing than the idea of rubbing one's vag against Chris's flabby taint. (By "more appealing" I mean it would boost the odds of Chris getting china from the one in a billion that "Let's trib!" might produce to, like, one in a million.)