Fictional Characters who would deserve their own threads? - Just like the other thread.

Most Shonen Jump villains (Did I mention Kaguya?)
  • Blood thirsty
  • Ostracized until future husband protected her over other ancient Japs bullied her/threw rocks at her
  • Contradictory motives (loves Humanity/Infinite Tsukiyomi in autistic long-term plan to destroy the world
 
Oh what a neat little thread.

Yukiteru Amano from Mirai Nikki who turns into a horror cow. He's a bit like Peetz, Foodie Beauty's overweight Schnauzer.
  • Pathetic autist who needs his girlfriend to do literally everything for him.
  • So autistically slow that he doesn't fucking react when some overly gay twink makes out with him even after twink has made it very obvious that he's into him,
  • A simp to a psychotic thot who kidnaps and drugs him and murders all his friends - and yet he still stays with her. Even mopes when he's not with her by the end.
  • Murders all his other friends because said girlfriend said so and therefore has no morals of his own.
  • A whiny faggot who's too trusting of literally everyone.
Vanille from FF13
  • Lying cunt with a ditzy, scatterbrained personality and annoying tendencies that feels too forced to be genuine.
  • Most certainly deluded and fucking weird by insinuating random male characters are so totes into her that they'd grope her.
  • Would be a Twitch weeb thot if she could and throw bitchfits over Twitter.
Greg Hirsch from Succession (and I like this character but he's extremely autistic)
  • Ridiculously socially maladapted. Stutters and stumbles over his words.
  • Really naive and clueless. Cannot pick up on social cues or insults thrown his way.
  • Might actually be autistic.
  • Actual stoner.
  • Fucking lost his job because he hotboxed his car before his shift and vomited all over children.
  • Nepotism extraordinaire who got his position because of his bloodline and not because he actually got any skills of his own.
  • An actual fucking grifter with no values of his own.
  • Bit of a degenerate who shares his first handjob with other people. Then got bullshitted into believing that it was recorded.
  • A greedy kike in all but heritage.
  • Wanted to sue his grandfather for donating his inheritance to Greenpeace - then wanted to sue Greenpeace itself. All after he was warned about where the money would go and did not listen.
  • Likes Hamilton.
In that same vein, Tom Wambsgans from that same show.
  • A cuck who cannot stand up to his wife
  • A cuck who cannot stand up to his father in law
  • A cuck who got wrapped up in an open marriage and didn't grow the balls to say no.
  • A cuck who cannot grow some balls and tell his wife to get over herself when he tries to do that open marriage part and she stops it.
  • A cuck who became a grifter by throwing his wife under the bus - then tried to enter her good graces again.
  • A cuck who's a simp to said wife and kept fucking her after their separation. Then got her pregnant.
  • A cuck who's a bully to people lesser than him because he's pathetic.
 
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Michael Henchard from the Mayor of Casterbridge by Thomas Hardy.

Gets drunk, sells his wife and child and spends the rest of his life trying to cover it up before being doxed and outed by the Haydurs and given the 19th Century Dorset version of his own thread - a skimmity ride.

Also King Lear.

Always thought that many lolcows have an Aristotelian tragic flavour to them, except Aristotle’s tragic heroes do at least always achieve some level of self awareness before they die.
 
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Fabius Bile would pretty much be the horror surgeon, I mean most gender clinic doctors aspire to be him.

And Tzeentch would have 9 to the power of 9 socks here. Cegorath would be impersonating HHH and Dyn to each other.
 
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Goro Akechi would have a horrorcow/terrorist thread.
  • Edgy, narcissistic, two-faced, BPD influencer with daddy issues who's the bastard son of a whore, and a scummy politician.
  • Became an assassin for said scummy politician in an incredibly fucktarded plan to avenge his mom after she necked herself for having a kid out of wedlock.
  • Killed several people, and endangered dozens more with vehicular accidents while acting as said assassin.
  • May, or may not also have a half-sister whose mother he also killed.
  • Got ridiculously attached to a nobody who barely says a single word to him, and then shot him in the head after he kept one-upping him, and to make his Daddy happy.
  • Guy survived, and then beat the shit out of him while he was having a complete meltdown.
  • Tries to talk like what an alien would think a normal person would sound like before always devolving into autistic sperging, and randomly trauma dumping that his mother was a whore, and that he was an "undesirable child".
  • Got caught by a cat when it said something about delicious pancakes.
  • Attracts obnoxious weens, stans, and enablers who somehow end up being even more insufferable than he is.
 
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Akko Kagari from Little Witch Academia could probably be a lolcow.
>Extremely enthusiastic about magic/being an amazing witch despite being a bit crap at it
>Idolizes a celebrity (Shiny Chariot) to an autistic degree
>Accident-prone, clumsy etc
>Not too bright, gullible and extremely impulsive
>Easily lead into doing stupid shit
On the other hand, she is somewhat self-aware about her worse qualities and is still a sweet girl despite being a borderline retard at times, so I'm not sure she really counts; she's able to laugh at her own misfortune, and actually A-logging the poor girl would be a pretty dick move.
 
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This dude from Lupin the Third Part 4. More or less a fat, obsessive incel that takes a rich celebrity hostage on a train. She either has to marry him or he’ll make the train go boom.

IMG_2102.jpeg
 
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Probably been said already but Ignatius J. Reilly from Confederacy Of Dunces is written as like a quintessential lolcow. He’s basically a 20th century fictional Chris Chan.

Also Napoleon Dynamite, obviously. And Dinner For Schmucks is basically a movie about lolcows.

Also just thought of Master Shake from ATHF. Selfish, sociopathic, loud, unintelligent and a danger to himself above all else. Could also add in Carl for pretty obvious reasons, LOL.
 
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Ghetsis from Pokémon Gen 5- Horrorcow. Leader of Team Plasma, the Pokémon version of PETA, an evil team disguised as a cult hellbent on releasing all Pokémon. Ghetsis wanted to keep all the strong Pokémon for himself. He groomed his son into thinking he's some sort of king and had his daughters worship his son as some sort of god.

Joshu Higashikata from Jojo Part 8 (JoJolion)- The incel little brother from the rich Higashikata family. Has an odd haircut and is obsessed with JAV/ idols. He stalks his love interest, Yasuho, despite her being in love with his adopted brother. He sacrifices his fucking ARM for her despite her saying multiple times she isn't interested in him. He is also a staunch atheist (and claims that's why he'll never get on an airplane) and plans to take on the Japanese fish sausage industry.

Funny Valentine from JoJo Part 7 (Steel Ball Run) - Careercow/Horrorcow. The 23rd president of the United States. Delusional Civil War Veteran who wants to put America "on top" no matter the cost, even if he has to sacrifice innocents. Wasted US tax dollars by hosting a cross-continental horse race as a cover to look for and collect the mummified body parts of Mormon Jesus. Took over a train and shot a disabled man in broad daylight. Almost raped a 14 year old and kidnapped her to use her powers, and called her a "goddess" multiple times. Has a lesbian wife who would rather be with teenage girls. Despite all of this, he is beloved by the people.

Yukari Yakumo from Touhou Project- Gap Hag who stalks the residents of the land of Gensokyo with her powers to manipulate boundaries. She is often asleep all day and there's evidence of her being an animal abuser. If anyhting, she would be the one posting often on Kiwifarms.

Seiga Kaku from Touhou Project- Horrorcow. Necrophiliac Taoist witch who keeps a Jiang-Shi (chinese zombie) as her daughter. Uses aborted fetuses as a form of combat. She literally stole Christmas by breaking into people's houses and robbing them dressed as Santa Claus and making people buy back their possessions.

The Reddest Red 0ne said:
Probably been said already but Ignatius J. Reilly from Confederacy Of Dunces is written as like a quintessential lolcow. He’s basically a 20th century fictional Chris Chan.
Click to expand...
yeah him
Yuuichirou Kumada said:
Leopold Bloom come to my mind.
Click to expand...
definitely him too, but Stephen Daedalus would work too lol
 
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I will be generous and say only 90% of characters in Blizzard games are cows or close to cows.
Perfect example is : Sylvanas Windrunner
Edgelord Mary Sue
 
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Shinji Matou from Fate/Stay night- dudes a total horrorcow and a psycho. He's a two faced rapist who abuses his sister and best friend in order to appease his own ego and fails spectacularly at everything he actually wants. The sheer lameness he emanates dries up all the pussy around him and he ends every route as a complete wreck the moment he encounters something competent. It's also confirmed that he also stops getting attention from women after high school so he evolved from Onision to Eliot rodger. .

Kariya Matou from Fate/Zero- another loser. The fan base takes a lot of pity on him since he states that he has noble motives but his track record is awful.
He spent his time before the series in love with Rin and Sakuras mom, Aoi but gave her up in order to keep her away from magecraft. Unfortunately this plan doesn't work because A) there's another lineage in town with eyes on her and B) he never actually distanced this bitch from anyone else. As a result, she ends up being married and having kids in the mage world anyway. This leads to Kariya spending years playing simp to Aoi and being a babysitter to Rin and Sakura in their early years so that he could be near Aoi anyway, which her husband accepts anyway because he knows Kariya won't tap it.
Eventually, Kariya comes to visit and learns that little Sakura is back at his dad's place. This is bad because his dad is a giant worm colony who is using his worms to rape the little girl into a superweapon (that's true btw). Kariya then gets pissy with Sakuras dad and gets pissy with his dad about it. Now, for all of her dad's faults, Sakuras dad didn't know what was happening to Sakura. He just thought that she was gonna be a mage and have a wizard duel with her sister one day. Kariya could have easily just told him what was happening and they'd likely stop it. Instead, Kariya decides to trust the ancient worm person who openly hates him and joins a battle to the death with the patronage of a sadist who has it out for him. As a result, Kariya gets his nervous system violated by rape worms and comes out looking like a 50 year old stroke victim to prepare for the war. Being too far in, he begins the summoning ritual and at the last moment, Worm dad adds on a couple marks to enhance this servant into a new class. This class is called berserker and the thing about berserker is that they're insane and will drain you to death. Kariya knows this but he's also thinking to himself that he's too good to die like that so he jumps in. He then spends the rest of the series with his servant ignoring his orders, gets himself set on fire by his exs husband who tells him off, amd ends up being tricked into attacking his ex. But, in the end he gets a vision of himself taking little Sakura out of a giant pit...only for it to turn out to be a dying delusion he has as his body gets eaten by rape worms while the kid he devoted himself to calls him an idiot.
 
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