Fossil foods - What extinct animals would you eat? How would you prepare them?

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Penis Drager

Penis Drager

Schrödinger's retard
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Aug 8, 2020
Have you ever seen an artist's rendition of some long extinct animal and wondered "what did it taste like?" Because I certainly have. And I gotta say, some of these things look rather tasty.
Take Anomalocaris as an example. Or just look at it:

Gfp-anomalocaris-predator.jpg
I bet that fucker tastes just like crab. And he could grow up to a meter long. Those tendrils on his face were probably the best part.

Of course we're all aware of the bug eating meme, but what if they were big enough to properly butcher? I'd reckon the flavor would be almost like a crustacean. Imagine what you could do with a slab of meat from this monster:
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Keep the meet; throw out the guts. It was probably good eatin' if you ask me.

If you're not into shellfish, that's fine. I have a particular burning question about dinosaurs that I wish I could know:
tumblr_p1yrvfU9Yl1uar8ado1_1280.png
Did this guy taste more like a bird or a reptile? I would first imagine it tasting like a small mammal like a squirrel or something, but I kinda doubt that.

Anyone else have something to add to this list of tasty looking extinct animals?
 
Imagine chucking a bunch of prehistoric hickory tree trunks into a live volcano to smoke those T-Rex drumsticks.
 
Which proto human would be tastiest and when does it become cannibalism?
Cro-magnon rump roast anyone?
 

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Cool thread. I thought at first it was a thread about foods that will be socially engineered into extinction like fossil fuels are being.

A dodo would be tasty, I bet, like ostrich
 
Wait for time travel to be invented. We all know how A Sound of Thunder turned out.
 
Woolly mammoth might be tasty. Cook in a barbecue pit like a pig, burn off the wool (or shear off the wool and use it for textiles, then burn the bristles), give it a good scrub and roast it in a hole. Not sure what utensils or spices we'd have available so just keeping it simple. Maybe turn the insides into sausages first, and air dry some bits of it, when you have something that big you can't eat it all at once, and without refrigeration, I'd need to preserve it somehow and keep it for the winter.
 
Woolly mammoth might be tasty. Cook in a barbecue pit like a pig, burn off the wool (or shear off the wool and use it for textiles, then burn the bristles), give it a good scrub and roast it in a hole. Not sure what utensils or spices we'd have available so just keeping it simple. Maybe turn the insides into sausages first, and air dry some bits of it, when you have something that big you can't eat it all at once, and without refrigeration, I'd need to preserve it somehow and keep it for the winter.
 
Makes sense. We could have a proper barbecue party then, anyone who wants to try mammoth all gets a piece, then use the bones and tusks to make skewers and knives to prepare all the other prehistoric meat.
 
I think the real question is what prehistoric creatures wouldn't I eat.
Because if it tastes good I'm gonna fucking eat it. Trilobite, T-rex, I don't give a fuck.

But if I had to choose? Terror Bird. It's an 8 foot tall carnivorous murderchicken that ran 40 miles per hour and killed prey by bashing their head in with their pick like beak.
3f2735bacccb8cd367e2f5f221aa7ef9.jpg
I would totally deep fry this thing and chow it down with mashed potatoes and coleslaw.
 
Also I thought this thread was going to be about really old food, or food that lasts indefinitely (like McDonald's stuff).

Honey isn't known to spoil, even after millennia.
 
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