Orbiter Friends of ADF - The Lolcalf Files

[Smutley]

Phil has brought us a lot of enjoyment lately, and his unique brand of insanity has introduced us to many similar people. Who could forget the first time they heard of White Shrek Jordman peeing on expensive cars? The laughs had at Kinnay consent-hugging a distraught dog? The confusion concerning Zhane's actual gender?

Unfortunately, not every friend of Phil's deserves their own thread. Some only supply funny in smaller doses, their crazy only bleeding out on those rare occasions they publicly asspat their ever-expanding friend. That's what this thread is for. All the people who don't have enough content but still provide some entertaining discussion.

I encourage everyone to dive in and dig for lulz, because there is plenty out there. And who knows, YOU might find the next Jordman!

 

[Smutley]

Charles Johnson

Portland, Oregon
Identifies as a male of middle age
Presumed straight​

Charles Johnson is a west coast activist known for his works in the Portland Occupy movement [archive]. He is friends with Phil and with John Langley, two other Portland anarchists known for causing trouble wherever they go. While he does appear in public and at events more than the average internet slacktavist, Charles obsessively posts from Facebook to his 2000 friends.

While his writing style is bizarre and stilted , Charles finds time to both share and write about many progressive issues that interest him. Some of these causes are easy to understand why he would take an interest. He has written about Rachel Dolezal [archive], the progressive topic du jour. He has written about congressmen turning their backs on environmental issues [archive] and about how politicans don’t listen to crackpots [archive]. He has written about how the sentence of Silk Road Founder Ross Ulbricht [archive] will cause undetermined harm to drug users. Sometimes he is tagged in posts, like where his friends ask to “translate propaganda” [archive] from the IDF, or where he’s planning to destroy Shell oil [archive], where he is the Princess of Hispanic Rights [archive], and where he’s all about Live webcam GIRLS [archive].

What? Oh yeah. Like most older people using computers, he doesn’t fully grasp what is going on. Charles will friend just about anyone, real or bot, ally or foe, so long as his message is getting out there. This leads to wonderful instances where a pro-transfeminist environmental anarchist is also sharing on Facebook how great it is that sexy girls are doing sexy things.

Spoiler: Gibberish

Spoiler: Drug Addicts are at risk

Spoiler: Protesting shell

Spoiler: Camgirl share

 

[Ariel]

I'm still researching this one. https://twitter.com/GentlyPress
https://www.facebook.com/joli.shempert
https://twitter.com/joliafterdark (sadly protected by the profile images show this is a good thing)

 

[Le Bateleur]

Charles Johnson
View attachment 32568
Portland, Oregon
Identifies as a male of middle age
Presumed straight​

Charles Johnson is a west coast activist known for his works in the Portland Occupy movement [archive]. He is friends with Phil and with John Langley, two other Portland anarchists known for causing trouble wherever they go. While he does appear in public and at events more than the average internet slacktavist, Charles obsessively posts from Facebook to his 2000 friends.

While his writing style is bizarre and stilted , Charles finds time to both share and write about many progressive issues that interest him. Some of these causes are easy to understand why he would take an interest. He has written about Rachel Dolezal [archive], the progressive topic du jour. He has written about congressmen turning their backs on environmental issues [archive] and about how politicans don’t listen to crackpots [archive]. He has written about how the sentence of Silk Road Founder Ross Ulbricht [archive] will cause undetermined harm to drug users. Sometimes he is tagged in posts, like where his friends ask to “translate propaganda” [archive] from the IDF, or where he’s planning to destroy Shell oil [archive], where he is the Princess of Hispanic Rights [archive], and where he’s all about Live webcam GIRLS [archive].

View attachment 32569

What? Oh yeah. Like most older people using computers, he doesn’t fully grasp what is going on. Charles will friend just about anyone, real or bot, ally or foe, so long as his message is getting out there. This leads to wonderful instances where a pro-transfeminist environmental anarchist is also sharing on Facebook how great it is that sexy girls are doing sexy things.

Spoiler: Gibberish

View attachment 32570

Spoiler: Drug Addicts are at risk

View attachment 32571

Spoiler: Protesting shell

View attachment 32573

Spoiler: Camgirl share

View attachment 32574

Charles Johnson also thinks it's a shame that ADF is so "conscious about consent" instead of just sexually assaulting cis men:

 

[Frank_Jaeger]

Wait, this is the rainbow jesus guy from that occupy video, right?

 

[Big Nasty]

Wait, this is the rainbow jesus guy from that occupy video, right?

No, I think that Rainbow Jesus was a guy in Philly. This guy is a Portland hippie.

 

[Baguette]

Wait, this is the rainbow jesus guy from that occupy video, right?

Oh man I WISH!

 

[Inquisitor_BadAss]

I know Rika had their own thread but when /cow/ was active they were pretty much joined at the hip as far as I remember.

 

[CatParty]

kylie is really comin round

 

[Trombonista]

Despite being tagged in a bunch of posts, I don't think we've seen much of Robin "Marklesaurus" lately. Could it be she's finally gotten sick of ADF?

 

[Picklechu]

Despite being tagged in a bunch of posts, I don't think we've seen much of Robin "Marklesaurus" lately. Could it be she's finally gotten sick of ADF?

She might be like his Anna at this point--behind the scenes, but not getting involved because she either doesn't give a shit, doesn't want to be targeted, or both.

 

[Peace and Harmony]

I saw this dude Jace Turner comment on Phil's rant on Native Americans, and while he wasn't exactly asspatting Phil, I figured I'd just give him the ol' C.I.S. InfoSweep just in case.

He seems to be yet another oppressed tranny which means that he has a public Facebook profile, of course. You don't need to be a nuclear physicist to figure out the content of his posts:

Overall another mess of a human being, and this one only got noticed by me because he's dishonouring the name of the Commander

 

[Smutley]

Jeffery Dean Garten

aka Violet Moonstar
Transgendered and an estimated 26 years of age
Oakland, California​

Jeffery Dean Garten is an unfortunate looking transgendered individual who claims to be recovering from childhood incest and suffers from sexual assaults near daily. On one or both accounts, she is friends with Phil, Jordman, Jessica Davis, Rani Baker among other currently unexplored cows and calves. Like many of this particular clique she is enamored with selfies, social justice [archive], and cute stickers [archive]. But there is a darker side to Jeffery. A much darker side...

At some point in the past two years, Jeffery claims to have been sexually assaulted [archive] by her friend Vivian Elliott, whom she may or may not have been dating. While I try my best to be considerate of actual traumas people have experienced, some things do not add up. Jeffery has claimed to have been assaulted ten times in a single year (not just touching but ten different instances). She claims to "have a history of calling ppl out for sexual assault", however she herself admits:

Also, I know some people think I just been making up sexual assaults to wipe my ass with other's lives. While I am healing from patterns of violence (physical/psychic/sexual) I am a survivor/perpetrator. I have been doing my best to practice active affirmative accountable consent culture for the last 2 years. After my first survived adult sexual assault &after being called out by a friend who can vouch for that our situation was resolved &our friendship is ok, I took a deep look at my life &made a rupture with who I was &have been continuing to cast off my toxic cocoons since, however imperfectly. Anyone interested in knowing more, I am always open to talk about this.

For what it's worth Vivian, in the chatlogs provided by Jeffery, denies these allegations completely. Vivian's exact words are:

I don't even know what you are talking about. Now I feel violated because you got me to have sex with you so that you could accuse me of being a rapist? What did I fucking do to make you so fucking twisted

Jeffery is still talking about this event as recently as 3 hours ago [archive]. Jordman makes an appearance to tell her "Vivian seems like a belligerent bitch"

Jeffery has also been evicted from some place for some undefined thing. The details are currently hazy pending further investigations, but this has caused a great amount of drama in her life. As is the standard for many like her, she has "completely accepted her past" [archive], which in average person terms means "stop holding me accountable for the things I actually did". Those things, mind you, are pretending to be a dog who poops on the floor [archive]. This is a rumor circulating among her group of friends that she felt strongly enough to respond to. The following response was a reply-meltdown where she would say things like "#vegandog" and "I just ran out of hormones...DOG HORMONES". Phil makes a special guest appearance to inform her of a fetish known as puppyplay.

Gallary:

Spoiler: On the internet no one knows you are a dog

Spoiler: I REGRET NOTHING

Spoiler: Assault Insanity 1

Spoiler: Assault Insanity 2

 

[Randall Fragg]

Jeffery Dean Garten
View attachment 32973
aka Violet Moonstar
Transgendered and an estimated 26 years of age
Oakland, California​

Jeffery Dean Garten is an unfortunate looking transgendered individual who claims to be recovering from childhood incest and suffers from sexual assaults near daily. On one or both accounts, she is friends with Phil, Jordman, Jessica Davis, Rani Baker among other currently unexplored cows and calves. Like many of this particular clique she is enamored with selfies, social justice [archive], and cute stickers [archive]. But there is a darker side to Jeffery. A much darker side...

At some point in the past two years, Jeffery claims to have been sexually assaulted [archive] by her friend Vivian Elliott, whom she may or may not have been dating. While I try my best to be considerate of actual traumas people have experienced, some things do not add up. Jeffery has claimed to have been assaulted ten times in a single year (not just touching but ten different instances). She claims to "have a history of calling ppl out for sexual assault", however she herself admits:

For what it's worth Vivian, in the chatlogs provided by Jeffery, denies these allegations completely. Vivian's exact words are:

Jeffery is still talking about this event as recently as 3 hours ago [archive]. Jordman makes an appearance to tell her "Vivian seems like a belligerent bitch"

Jeffery has also been evicted from some place for some undefined thing. The details are currently hazy pending further investigations, but this has caused a great amount of drama in her life. As is the standard for many like her, she has "completely accepted her past" [archive], which in average person terms means "stop holding me accountable for the things I actually did". Those things, mind you, are pretending to be a dog who poops on the floor [archive]. This is a rumor circulating among her group of friends that she felt strongly enough to respond to. The following response was a reply-meltdown where she would say things like "#vegandog" and "I just ran out of hormones...DOG HORMONES". Phil makes a special guest appearance to inform her of a fetish known as puppyplay.

Gallary:

Spoiler: On the internet no one knows you are a dog

View attachment 32980

Spoiler: I REGRET NOTHING

View attachment 32981

Spoiler: Assault Insanity 1

View attachment 32982

Spoiler: Assault Insanity 2

View attachment 32986

Lol, he got kicked out by other trannies.

Spoiler

 

[kookerpie]

Good find on Violet Moonstar. I'd love to see more about him.

 

[The Dude]

Jeffery Dean Garten
View attachment 32973
aka Violet Moonstar
Transgendered and an estimated 26 years of age
Oakland, California​

Jeffery Dean Garten is an unfortunate looking transgendered individual who claims to be recovering from childhood incest and suffers from sexual assaults near daily. On one or both accounts, she is friends with Phil, Jordman, Jessica Davis, Rani Baker among other currently unexplored cows and calves. Like many of this particular clique she is enamored with selfies, social justice [archive], and cute stickers [archive]. But there is a darker side to Jeffery. A much darker side...

At some point in the past two years, Jeffery claims to have been sexually assaulted [archive] by her friend Vivian Elliott, whom she may or may not have been dating. While I try my best to be considerate of actual traumas people have experienced, some things do not add up. Jeffery has claimed to have been assaulted ten times in a single year (not just touching but ten different instances). She claims to "have a history of calling ppl out for sexual assault", however she herself admits:

For what it's worth Vivian, in the chatlogs provided by Jeffery, denies these allegations completely. Vivian's exact words are:

Jeffery is still talking about this event as recently as 3 hours ago [archive]. Jordman makes an appearance to tell her "Vivian seems like a belligerent bitch"

Jeffery has also been evicted from some place for some undefined thing. The details are currently hazy pending further investigations, but this has caused a great amount of drama in her life. As is the standard for many like her, she has "completely accepted her past" [archive], which in average person terms means "stop holding me accountable for the things I actually did". Those things, mind you, are pretending to be a dog who poops on the floor [archive]. This is a rumor circulating among her group of friends that she felt strongly enough to respond to. The following response was a reply-meltdown where she would say things like "#vegandog" and "I just ran out of hormones...DOG HORMONES". Phil makes a special guest appearance to inform her of a fetish known as puppyplay.

Gallary:

Spoiler: On the internet no one knows you are a dog

View attachment 32980

Spoiler: I REGRET NOTHING

View attachment 32981

Spoiler: Assault Insanity 1

View attachment 32982

Spoiler: Assault Insanity 2

View attachment 32986

I see his picture at the top there and all I can think of is Goofy laughing. "UH-HYUCK! UH-HYUCK!"

 

[Smutley]

Robin Markle

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
White Female, roughly 29 years of age
presumed cis and identifies as queer​

Robin Markle is a queer modern day feminist Witch activist who happens to look unfortunately like an 80 year old Jewish grandmother. She has gained prominence on the Farms for her ass patting of Phil and the numerous times he has tagged her in his bitstrip comics. Despite this, she has done very little publicly to encourage him in his antics, preferring only to give him generic praise and like the occasional post when it isn't too racist or violent.

Robin Markle is originally from New York, and has since moved to Philly. She claims to work as an artist. Her Etsy shop [archive] shows a middling talent, though some of her works leave a bit [archive] to [archive] the [archive] imagination [archive]. Robin's history of art and activism have occasionally intersected, resulting in a $2,500 grant [archive] from the Leeway Foundation to develop a documentary on the Movement for a New Society (MNS). Robin is also a musician, creating haunting songs like "In Memory of Public Schools", a ukulele instrumental about... public schools, I guess.

By her own admission, Robin prefers to eat local grown food or food she finds in the trash [archive] since they are basically interchangeable. One of the reasons that Phil is so enamored with her is her association with the Riders Against Gender Exclusion (RAGE), a small group of activists who are mad that stickers on bus passes have a male/female designation sticker. Unfortunately her webpage robinmarkle.com has been abandoned and is now up for purchase. But thanks to the power of the wayback machine, we can see some of her original art (do not steal) in the gallery below. I encourage you to click through to see all of the artwork she has done that is described as "menstrual blood on paper".

Gallary:

Spoiler: Smug Obabo

Spoiler: obese women with microcephaly cuddling

Spoiler: A really decent pencil sketch

Spoiler: "menstrual blood on paper"

 

[Smutley]

Desiree Stevens

"DE-zer-ay STEE-vens"
"Humyn First"
Riverside, California
Black female estimated to be around 25 years of age
cis and presumed queer​

Desiree Stevens is a black feminist activist and "songstress" with a love of selfies and personal reparations. She is friends with Zhane Brooks and Kylie Brooks, two other notable racists known for demanding millions of dollars from white people simply for existing. Despite most people we have taken a look at, Desiree appears to take care of her appearance, both physical and in dress. She has chosen to keep her hair short because she "don't give a fuck about gender. it's socially constructed. ".

When I say reperations, by the way, I mean she talks about it a lot. As a "songstress", you would think that she would actually work towards her dream and put effort in it. But a glance at her YouTube channel shows only seven poorly produced videos sung out of key. She has a tumblr, however I must be doing something wrong because it doesn't work. I'm sure there is some great information there but apparently I'm not the person to get it.

A lot of information has been gleaned from her spring.me account. The aforementioned explanation for her short hair has come from there. We are also able to learn that:

• People only jealous she gets attention and they don't
• She's totally queer (except when she's not)
• She was caught cheating on her ex Ally but says it's her ex's fault
• No, really, she admitted she cheated on her ex, but it's Ally's fault it isn't working out
• She's not that in to felching
• To the surprise of everyone, she's never held a job
• She's great at yelling but not counting
• Asians are the "model minority" so they don't count as people of color usually
• She's not actually a lesbian (except when she is)
• She has had partners stolen in a Springer-esque relationship with her twin sister
• She attended UCB

The real meat of this person is her obsession with money - specifically, money she doesn't have to work for. Her crowdfunding site [archive] (which has $1,200 of donations at the time of this writing) tells us everything we need to know about Desiree and her beliefs:

Hello folks! Thank you for visiting my youcaring page! My name is Desiree, and I am a young queer black womyn from a low-income upbringing seeking support in reorganizing my life and recovering from hardship. [...] In the work that I've done, I have also navigated my own traumas and experiences being a consumer of mental illness(es). As a black person surviving in a system never created for me to thrive in, my mental illness(es) have been consistently criminalized, and have caused me to be placed in institutions.

I don't know how seriously I can stress this: bitch only wanna get paid. A look at her Twitter account shows an equal number of ebegging posts and selfies. This is expanded upon in a Facebook post from June 19th [archive]:

[Please share after reading] ‪#‎Juneteeth‬ is today! Which marked the abolition of "slavery" as we previously knew it. We were promised 40 acres and mule for injustices that we had to endure at the hands of white supremacy [...]
Donate & share (& if you really feel like your resources prevent you from donating at least $10) Share. Your privilege and access to resources is DIRECTLY tied to the oppression of my people. Show up for us in tangible ways.

Note: 40 acres and a mule PER PERSON today would be in the 1.5 million dollars [...] To people on my friend list: please donate [if you can] and share.

Tally
Share: 13 mentions in post and comments
Donate: 6 mentions in post and comments
Job: 0 mentions
Work: 0 mentions
Earn: 0 mentions

* Big ups to @F. Hausdorff for this find!

Spoiler: Haters

Spoiler: Queer

Spoiler: Cheating

Spoiler: Feltching

Spoiler: Unemployment

Spoiler: Yelling

Spoiler: Asians

Spoiler: Straight

Spoiler: Twins

 

[Peace and Harmony]

@Smutley you are actually the greatest. My sides have left this timeline altogether, never to return.

 

[drtoboggan]

So Robin actually is a dinosaur and the Facebook name wasn't just standard hipster shenanigans. Obviously not a carnivore.