Funny Jokes

[Slonki Wola]

Since all other joke threads are dead, post your funny jokes here. It can be any style, but the darker it is the funnier. I'll start:

Why did God give women legs? So they can walk from the bedroom to the kitchen!

 

[Fromtheblackdepths]

Why do men have nipples?

 

[Slonki Wola]

Why do men have nipples?

Why?

 

[some Sketchy dude]

A cat and a rooster are walking near a pool. The cat falls in and the rooster laughs. Why?

because a wet pussy always makes a cock happy

 

[Slonki Wola]

What do you call a Serbian prostitute? Slobberdown Mycockyoubitch.

 

[Fromtheblackdepths]

Why?

IDK. That's just weirdly funny to me.

 

[TheRetardKing]

What is black and sits in a corner?
A baby with it’s finger in a power socket.

 

[Big Ruski]

Why are basketball players so tall?

Because their knee grows

 

[Slonki Wola]

What's the hardest part about walking over a mound of jewish fetuses? My dick.

 

[The Last Stand]

Your mom's a joke.

 

[Spooky Bones]

I saw a tranny wearing a miniskirt. I thought, that shows a lot of balls.

 

[Slonki Wola]

How does a jew calculate his escape path? Chimney height times wind speed!

 

[Maxxicus Callahan]

A bunch of Jews are gathered at Synagogue. The Rabbi stands up before the congregation and says oh god I am not worthy of you I am nothing. Then a wealthy merchant stands up and proclaims oh god I too am not worthy I am nothing. Then a homeless man stands up and says oh god I am not worthy I am also nothing. The merchant then kicks the Rabbi and says who does this guy think he is saying that he is nothing.

 

[obliviousbeard]

Three friends are wandering in the desert, and happen upon a magic lamp. For shits and giggles, they decide to rub it, and lo and behold, a genie pops out. "As a thank you for freeing me, I shall give you three wishes, one wish each" the genie promises.
After pondering upon a bit, the first of the friends says, "I want a million dollars". With a puff of smoke, a suitcase full of dollar bills appears, and the first wisher takes it.
The second, feeling bit more adventurous, asks if he could get 16 inch dick. "Your wish is granted", replies the genie, and the second friend drops his pants. Sure as shit on sunday, there's quite hefty amount of manmeat dangling between his legs.
The third friend, always the weirdo, asks if he could be the absolute hugest, biggest cockmongling and child molesting faggot in the world. The genie looks bit embarrassed, and says that unfortunately he can't do that. The genie then whispers something to the third friend, who then yells out loud "WHO THE FUCK EVEN IS OP?"

 

[Frozen Fishsticks]

There was this married couple, George and Barbie, and they have been working at having children of their own. One night, George came home after work, and he was tired. Barbie welcomed him home, "Hi, Honey. Rough Day?" "Yeah," George replied, "I'm tired." Barbie said, "Well, why don't you and me go upstairs, and we'll have some Breakfast." "Breakfast," George replied, "At Nine-Thirty in the evening?" Barbie replied, "Sure, Dear, you bring the MILK, and I'll get an EGG." Later, they had a boy and a girl, Junior Bacon and Orange Juice. All Part of a Balanced Breakfast.

 

[Monkey_Fellow]

2 black guys are walking down the street. One has 98 cents, another has a dollar. They see a sign outside of a place called "White Wash" that says for 99 cents, they'll turn you white. So the guy with the dollar says, "I'll go in first, then give you the leftover penny so you can get it." The second guy agrees, and the man with the dollar goes in. He comes back out a few minutes later, and looks amazingly, blindingly white. The second guy says, "Wow man that looks great! Give me the penny so I can go in too!" His friend looks at him and says, "Get a job, nigger."

 

[Slonki Wola]

I wake up one night and hear some strange sounds coming from my kitchen. I go to investigate and see that my fridge is floating in the air. What is my first thought? Wow, that's one strong nigger!

 

[Meat Target]

Where do suicide bombers go when they die?
Everywhere

What was the last thing to go through Kurt Cobain's mind?
The roof of his mouth

I support the 2nd Amendment because I like living in a world where Nirvana only made 4 albums.

How do you tell the difference between a hospital and a school?
How should I know? I'm just the drone operator.

How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They just beat up the room for being black.

What do you call a white girl who can run faster than all her brothers?
A virgin

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
Zero

 

[Poppavalyim Andropoff]

A man recently had his arm amputated and decided to kill himself by jumping off a building. When he was ready to jump, he saw a man with both arms amputated dancing around. He decided to find out why he was so happy. The man told him, “I’m not dancing. My ass is itching and I can’t scratch it!”

 

[Meat Target]

I once was sad because I had no shoes. Then I met a man with no feet. So I asked him, "got any shoes you're not using?"