Grand Jury speculation thread

[Tennis-Ball-Tony]

Chris is not going back to 14BLC.

Never say never.

 

[Jack Awful]

I feel like the government is deliberately dragging this out to keep Chris off the streets as long as possible.

 

[Golgo 13]

It’s to prevent another Chris Chan

Now since everything on the internet has become more common place, I doubt we will get something like Chris Chan again.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

The tugboat didn't create Chris.

The "Life of Fail" was the "perfect storm" of Borb parenting, being raised by TV, the bear, the sweepstakes, the CD cover, being born a Millennial, and the early internet.

Also autism.

 

[Breadbear]

I feel like the government is deliberately dragging this out to keep Chris off the streets as long as possible.

You say that like it's a bad thing.

 

[ANobody]

When Chris inevitably ends up on the streets, he will be the assaulted, not the assaulter (probably not sexually, though - even street thugs have standards).

If Chris isn't put in a home and the Homeless Saga goes on uninterrupted he's going to last a month before some alcoholic 'nam vet stabs him for creeping him out.

 

[Rukario]

Now that its almost certain that Chris will be spending at least the next month in jail, I have a question for anyone familiar with how American prisons work: are prisoners given birthday cake on their birthday? Or can they buy it from the jail commissary?

 

[ANobody]

Now that its almost certain that Chris will be spending at least the next month in jail, I have a question for anyone familiar with how American prisons work: are prisoners given birthday cake on their birthday? Or can they buy it from the jail commissary?

No cake, no nothing, really. Theres no personal holidays in prison. He'll just eat his shitty prison cafeteria food and sigh. Maybe one of the COs offhandedly wishes him a happy birthday if they tolerate him enough but I doubt it.

Prison isn't really designed to empathize with the inmates.

 

[Van Darkholme]

Now that its almost certain that Chris will be spending at least the next month in jail, I have a question for anyone familiar with how American prisons work: are prisoners given birthday cake on their birthday? Or can they buy it from the jail commissary?

It's jail, not a children's birthday party.

 

[Peepee]

Chris can't even keep it a secret that he frequently shits himself. As soon as he started banging his geriatric mother, he was smugly bragging about it, up to dropping stupid "hints" that it was Barb, like how his mysterious new lover is over 50 and used to be an accountant.
If Chris was a diddler, we would know.

You're missing the point. It's not a question of what Chris is actively doing, it's a question of what he's capable of.

I've never cheered for Chris's failure. I've always hoped for an unlikely outcome where Chris would improve in some way and find happiness and settle into some sort of relatively normal life. But I think it's pretty clear we're past the point of no return.

Chris is not a calculating super-predator or whatever, but Chris is an opportunist and a narcissist. He has proven that he's able to justify almost any sort of terrible behavior so long as he believes it will yield some short-term benefit for himself. His moral compass has always been questionable due to his terrible upbringing, but now it's entirely broken. Remember that he believes himself to be a literal deity at this point, so from his perspective, anything that feels good and righteous to him has to be so, and anyone who feels otherwise is mistaken.

If you put Chris back into the community, he's probably not going to actively seek out vulnerable people to molest and harass. But we come back to that question: what is Chris capable of? Over time Chris has repeatedly blown past the boundaries that most people (myself included) assumed he had. Macing a GameStop employee, hitting Michael Snyder with his car, and having sex with his mom are the big and obvious ones. But there are a thousand other little ways that Chris has constantly strained against the limits of decent, acceptable behavior.

Basically, if you think Chris couldn't and wouldn't molest a child, you really haven't been paying attention. I don't necessarily believe that Chris would stand outside of daycare centers plotting how to abduct the kids inside. But all the same, I absolutely would not place Chris alone in a room with a child.

 

[Strange Wilderness]

We need to consider the non-zero possibility that people in prison might know Chris from the internet, I'd be willing to bet 10+ million people are aware of him, so the odds of somebody in the Virginia penal system being aware of him isn't completely impossible. Chris may never truly escape the trolls.

Bubba or White Power Bill will make what Bluespike, The Idea Guys, and Bella did look like childs play.

Now that its almost certain that Chris will be spending at least the next month in jail, I have a question for anyone familiar with how American prisons work: are prisoners given birthday cake on their birthday? Or can they buy it from the jail commissary?

You get some kind of desert or sweet with your meals so technically yes. If Chris wanted to have an actual cake for his birthday he would need to make a spread which is where you combine whatever you can from commissary to make a makeshift cake out of cookies and peanut butter. Apparently they taste like shit but when you're in prison its better than nothing.

 

[FinnSven]

You're missing the point. It's not a question of what Chris is actively doing, it's a question of what he's capable of.

I've never cheered for Chris's failure. I've always hoped for an unlikely outcome where Chris would improve in some way and find happiness and settle into some sort of relatively normal life. But I think it's pretty clear we're past the point of no return.

Chris is not a calculating super-predator or whatever, but Chris is an opportunist and a narcissist. He has proven that he's able to justify almost any sort of terrible behavior so long as he believes it will yield some short-term benefit for himself. His moral compass has always been questionable due to his terrible upbringing, but now it's entirely broken. Remember that he believes himself to be a literal deity at this point, so from his perspective, anything that feels good and righteous to him has to be so, and anyone who feels otherwise is mistaken.

If you put Chris back into the community, he's probably not going to actively seek out vulnerable people to molest and harass. But we come back to that question: what is Chris capable of? Over time Chris has repeatedly blown past the boundaries that most people (myself included) assumed he had. Macing a GameStop employee, hitting Michael Snyder with his car, and having sex with his mom are the big and obvious ones. But there are a thousand other little ways that Chris has constantly strained against the limits of decent, acceptable behavior.

Basically, if you think Chris couldn't and wouldn't molest a child, you really haven't been paying attention. I don't necessarily believe that Chris would stand outside of daycare centers plotting how to abduct the kids inside. But all the same, I absolutely would not place Chris alone in a room with a child.

Yes, I think that is the general understanding of the point.

I also think that in the case of Chris being placed in a suitable part of a prison, with other vulnerable prisoners, he would and could rape or sexually abuse a prisoner more vulnerable than him.
I know that is on the surface an unlikely scenario, but sexual relationships between previously hetero prisoners is a common and well-documented happening, like onboard ships, in single-sex boarding schools, any kind of environment like that.

It is much more likely of course, Chris would be the one being taken advantage of, but who knows, he might be put in a cell with a real sap or someone so dumb they cannot even see through Chris manipulation,.

 

[Josterman]

Now since everything on the internet has become more common place, I doubt we will get something like Chris Chan again.

im just concerned it can happen again

 

[FinnSven]

im just concerned it can happen again

So why do you think welfare enables a Chris Chan?

Most of his charmed life, especially during the early years was because Bob had money.

 

[Second-Hand Boat Supplies]

I bet this undisclosed location is Area 51. The most top secret part of it, where they keep captured aliens from the Roswell crash and such.

Excited for the D.U.M.B. and Mole People saga

 

[Ser Ciappelletto]

Yes, I think that is the general understanding of the point.

I also think that in the case of Chris being placed in a suitable part of a prison, with other vulnerable prisoners, he would and could rape or sexually abuse a prisoner more vulnerable than him.
I know that is on the surface an unlikely scenario, but sexual relationships between previously hetero prisoners is a common and well-documented happening, like onboard ships, in single-sex boarding schools, any kind of environment like that.

It is much more likely of course, Chris would be the one being taken advantage of, but who knows, he might be put in a cell with a real sap or someone so dumb they cannot even see through Chris manipulation,.

Chris is the very epitome of "prison bitch." The closest he could even come to taking advantage of another man was Sockness and even that was more one sided on Sockness' part. You would have to be a literal 80 yr old, mentally retarded person to be overpowered and taken advantage of by Chris.

 

[DejaThoris]

Now that its almost certain that Chris will be spending at least the next month in jail, I have a question for anyone familiar with how American prisons work: are prisoners given birthday cake on their birthday? Or can they buy it from the jail commissary?

I have never heard of anybody locked up getting a cake on their birthday. If you are you not from the USA, do people in prison in your country get cake on their birthday?

BTW he is not in prison, he is in jail. Good definitions of jails versus prisons:

JAIL​

Jails are usually local facilities under the jurisdiction of a city, local district, or county. Jails are short-term holding facilities for the newly arrested and those awaiting trial or sentencing. Those sentenced to serve a small amount of time (less than a year) may be housed in the local jail for the duration of their sentence.

PRISON​

Prisons are institutional facilities under the jurisdiction of the state or federal government where convicted offenders serve longer sentences.

 

[Josterman]

So why do you think welfare enables a Chris Chan?

Most of his charmed life, especially during the early years was because Bob had money.

Well since it started with bob pretty much unintentionally teaching him of being a larper and that people should live of SS 24/7 and Chris at that time had never had a job minus the Wendy’s incident when in fact he should of gotten a job instead of larping of the government’s own money as a leech

 

[FinnSven]

Chris is the very epitome of "prison bitch." The closest he could even come to taking advantage of another man was Sockness and even that was more one sided on Sockness' part. You would have to be a literal 80 yr old, mentally retarded person to be overpowered and taken advantage of by Chris.

I agree it is more likely he is the one to be taken advantage of, but as has been established, he can do some surprising stuff.

Well since it started with bob pretty much unintentionally teaching him of being a larper and that people should live of SS 24/7 and Chris at that time had never had a job minus the Wendy’s incident when in fact he should of gotten a job instead of larping of the government’s own money as a leech

Ok, but that does not mean that Welfare created Chris. Welfare does help people who through no fault of their own need a helping hand.

Abolishing it because of Chris is not really a thorough justification, nor is it really the fault of the existence of welfare.

But I can see your mind is made up, so.....,..

 

[Josterman]

Ok, but that does not mean that Welfare created Chris. Welfare does help people who through no fault of their own need a helping hand.

Abolishing it because of Chris is not really a thorough justification, nor is it really the fault of the existence of welfare.

But I can see your mind is made up, so.....,..

Yeah it kind of is