Hilariously dumb shit you've actually heard - This not being reddit, I expect true stories

Dr. Puncherillo said:
Anytime I'm questioned for carrying gun, "omg why?" "No one needs a gun wtf bro" all that fag shit makes me mati(marl)
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I feel this one. I already hate carrying a gun but I think it's an important skill to learn how to do and do safely, much like driving a car. Force myself to the range every so often, keep it maintained and whatnot. The getting the spiel from someone is always exhausting
 
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Years ago, I found a YouTube comment where a guy was claiming that nuclear bombs don't exist and the footage we have of them was faked. Then I found out recently it's an actual conspiracy that people are pushing on Twitter and TikTok.

And I thought I was retarded.
 
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SpotOnTheWall said:
Years ago, I found a YouTube comment where a guy was claiming that nuclear bombs don't exist and the footage we have of them was faked. Then I found out recently it's an actual conspiracy that people are pushing on Twitter and TikTok.

And I thought I was retarded.
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Wait, I thought they admitted that footage of the initial bombs was faked as a psy op against the Soviets.

That doesn't mean the bombs don't exist though lmao
 
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llllIllIllIIIIllI said:
Hollow moon theory - What's the payoff?

"The sky and stars are fake and we're the only planet in the universe and some secret illuminati is casting the sky with stars with some kind of gigantic machine to trick us" - What's the payoff?

Inside out Earth theory / Inside out universe theory - Most nutjob bullshit ever conceived and also what's the payoff
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When it's not all total gibberish, it's usually "The Illuminati is tricking us at the behest of SATAN to make us not believe in Jesus so we'll all go to HELL!!!"

Mortan Shekelstorm said:
No politician should have dual allegiance, Any one with one should step down or be fired. "why do you hate jews so much? Do you want us all deported?!" literally alleged I wanted all Irish americans or Scots deported/killed, Funny how they think everyone is as tribal as them
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Dollar Store Crack Whore said:
(a family member, while eating turkey at thanksgiving)
"I don't understand why you feel the need to hunt an animal, it's just unnecessary and cruel"
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We Are The Witches said:
"It must be because they're a scorpio."

Also...

"My flowers are dying because of bad vibrations."
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JesusChristDenton said:
"Wow... Overcompensating much?"
"Why do you even need that? is it because you've got a small dick?"
"You're totally normal and well adjusted..."
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How many dogs have seen the inside of these vaginas?

UnsufficentBoobage said:
*Atheistic dreck*, followed by the reveal he believes in simulation theory/"we live in Matrix".

This happened 8 separate times, with diffirent people.
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I love when reddit atheists come to the conclusion that the existance of natural laws and the consistancy of the universe and whatnot point to a creator and go for the simulation cope to prove they're still supar smart unlike those dumb god believers like MOM AND DAD who heckin ABUSED them by making them go to SUNDAY SCHOOL!
 
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When I was in college, some guy came up to me, said "hey, you're that guy who..." and then proceeded to pull out his phone and bring up facebook and then just zombie shuffled off.

Bonus melinated story, I went to school with a she-boon named Female (pronounced fem-allie) because her mother saw that written on a card in the maternity ward and thought the hospital had named her.
 
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Jason Wynn said:
My mom had a childhood friend who up until her mid 40s seriously thought the Easter bunny was real. Laughing with my mom I asked if her friend was just incredibly sheltered or honest to god retarded. Mom didn’t have an answer for me. She couldn’t think of how to excuse it away. We both decided on retard.
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Know someone who believed in Santa well into his teens. Felt horrible for him when he found out truth.
 
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A (presumably) adult man with one of the most punchable autism voices I've ever heard who claimed he couldn't watch Powerpuff Girls because "(HE)'S NOT A GIRL!!!!".
 
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We're desperate for workers and here in the south retards are fucking EVERYWHERE so naturally we rarely get a good hire. Here's a line from one of the retards I hated the most. "You know.... The mob was just a bunch of guys who killed people for money if you think about it". I was listening to a mob history podcast at the time this worthless fat retard decided to say this pointless go nowhere crap in a tone that someone who thought they were saying something intelligent would use. I'm so glad that mongoloid got himself fired by being incompetent he was insufferable in every way possible.
 
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