Hilariously dumb shit you've actually heard - This not being reddit, I expect true stories

[Tablet County]

"Bloodborne isn't a single player game."
I know this is technically true due to jolly co-operation, but he was talking like Bloodborne was designed primarily as a multiplayer game and if you played it on your own then you weren't experiencing the game like it was meant to be played.

 

[Troon_Patrol]

Well IDK if you guys are going to believe me but going way back maybe 15 years I stumbled upon actual printed paper documents of the Nation of Islam "Yakub" story. I do not think this was leaked common knowledge at the time, I'll just say it was in a famous athlete's home the guy was really good and even featured in an incredibly popular film about sports. He left it lying around for me to find. To this day I regret not scanning/uploading it but, what would I get? Some kind of reward? Who would even care if I was the guy who leaked the Yakub story?

Yakub story

 

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

I almost got expelled from 6th grade because some girl made up lies about me to the teacher. My mom showed up and asked why they just took her at her word, and they said

"Girls don't lie."

Girls do nothing but lie.

 

[UnsufficentBoobage]

"Bloodborne isn't a single player game."
I know this is technically true due to jolly co-operation, but he was talking like Bloodborne was designed primarily as a multiplayer game and if you played it on your own then you weren't experiencing the game like it was meant to be played.

People who only play multiplayer games are, somehow, way more retarded than you'd assume.

 

[The Feline Solution]

"Take that trash bag off the m240! How is it supposed to fire?!" --actual NCO mad that I was protecting a vehicle-mounted machine gun from rain. On further questioning, it appeared he believed bullets moved to the end of the barrel, then accellerated out, and they weren't going fast enough right when they came out the muzzle to break through the bag.

You enjoyed your time with the Marine Corps?

 

[Tablet County]

Girls do nothing but lie.

That's not true, they also charge they phone, twerk, be bisexual, eat hot chip, and McDonalds.

 

[internet friend]

"When I was young I was never tired" -so I'm guessing you never went to bed till your 40s?

"Actually bike accidents are safer than car accidents because you can just left go of the bike and don't get crushed by it" - I'm sure being flung into the air and dragged across the road at far faster than we could ever naturally go is totally safer than an airbag.

In regards to pirating software "I wouldn't trust that. It's probably full of child p" - for one, this guy was too cucked to even say the word "porn" in real life and self censored, and two, wouldn't the cp be more fucking valuable (dollar wise) than a pirated copy of Photoshop?

 

[DoomsdayElite]

Heard some fat boomer going on with some other fat boomer about the good old days while waiting for a bus and inevitably, "suck it up buttercup" was invoked and I wanted to slug them both.

 

[Cirrhosis_of_Liver]

You enjoyed your time with the Marine Corps?

Here's stupid shit I've actually heard: "Every Marine a Rifleman."

 

[eDove]

"Bloodborne isn't a single player game."
I know this is technically true due to jolly co-operation, but he was talking like Bloodborne was designed primarily as a multiplayer game and if you played it on your own then you weren't experiencing the game like it was meant to be played.

Sounds like an excuse for being bad at the game. Multiplayer fags are literally the worst, as in, the people who won't play a game unless it has some sort of online multiplayer component. I have no idea what kind of retard juice you have to drink to become one of those.

Both my parents are Twitter-rotted schizos, so I hear dumb stuff from them all the time.

My father just got into those "SCARY TRUE DARKWEB STORIES #6" videos and was regaling me with obviously fake Reddit creepypastas. I made him access the literal deep web so that he could see it's not strictly a demonic pedophile hacker playground.

My mother is ditzy in general. She once told me that I should gear my book toward kids/teenagers because "adults don't read fiction."

 

[Tablet County]

Sounds like an excuse for being bad at the game. Multiplayer fags are literally the worst, as in, the people who won't play a game unless it has some sort of online multiplayer component. I have no idea what kind of retard juice you have to drink to become one of those.

No he was good at the game, he was just retarded.
But yeah multiplayerfags are the reason video games suck. It started with MMOs and now look where we are.

 

[I AM RETARDED!]

I mean I used to believe this and was told this when I was 9, but chocolate milk came from brown cows, it took me until I was 17 to realize this was not case.

I was also told by old dude once when I was changing my truck battery at the auto zone that I should be careful because batteries are 120v.

 

[UnsufficentBoobage]

Multiplayer fags are literally the worst, as in, the people who won't play a game unless it has some sort of online multiplayer component. I have no idea what kind of retard juice you have to drink to become one of those.

But yeah multiplayerfags are the reason video games suck. It started with MMOs and now look where we are.

They constantly act like games only continue to exist thanks to them, meanwhile they play one single map, or some levels generated around same map (source: Heroes Of Might And Magic III fandom)

 

[Granada Granola]

They constantly act like games only continue to exist thanks to them, meanwhile they play one single map, or some levels generated around same map (source: Heroes Of Might And Magic III fandom)

They’re tourists at best and actively fucking with the playerbase at worst.

Which is often in the form of randomly harassing developers and screeching loudly enmasse with the help of bots for nerfs of in game equipment even in a PVE only game these days. Helldivers 2 and Diablo 4 for example.

 

[Sho'nuff]

Here's stupid shit I've actually heard: "Every Marine a Rifleman."

I thought this too until I worked with Army units and you realize the average Marine is a more effective warfighter than the average Army infantry person and Army POGs are what would happen if you took social workers and gave them redbulls and a rifle.

Stupidest shit I've heard is someone explain to me that Australia was somewhere near Arizona.

 

[Cirrhosis_of_Liver]

I thought this too until I worked with Army units and you realize the average Marine is a more effective warfighter than the average Army infantry person and Army POGs are what would happen if you took social workers and gave them redbulls and a rifle.

Stupidest shit I've heard is someone explain to me that Australia was somewhere near Arizona.

I had a staff sergeant tell me to guard a particular door, so I found a covered and concealed position where I could fire on anyone approaching the door.

When he finally found me, he was livid. "I told you to guard that door! Stand in front of it!"

"What's the point of making myself an easy target like that?"

"Do the sniper dance!"



. . . I never played any of those Call of Duty games, but I'll be buggered by a bear if he didn't get that idea from vidya. Joke's on me, Trump pulled it off.

 

[William Murderface]

"Wow... Overcompensating much?"
"Why do you even need that? is it because you've got a small dick?"
"You're totally normal and well adjusted..."

They're right. If my dick could kill a man at 150m, I'd never carry a gun, or wear pants for that matter.