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Watched the first episode of It: Welcome to Derry yesterday. It's not good. It's basically a rehash of the first movie, but the kids have zero charm, there's hamfisted racial discrimination drama, and really bad CGI. I don't foresee this getting a second season if all the episodes are this bad.
 
Ok I'm back, I'll try to make this review short, sweet and to the point. Frankenstein is a GDT movie through and through and it's not a bad thing.
The good:
  • Jacob Elordi was so good as the monster this guy better be nominated for an award, he knocked it out of the park.
  • Oscar Isaacs was also very good as Victor Frankenstein. He played the immoral, obsessed but brilliant doctor to a t.
  • The sets and scenery were all really well done even if some of them were CGI.
    The practical effects were so creepy and well done, there's one part that blew me away (you'll know it when you see it).
  • The movie doesn't follow the book exactly; I have never read the book and had to read the synopsis on Wikipedia. Personally, I don't mind the deviation since this is really GDT's vision for the movie, and I think he did a great job.
  • The ending is very bittersweet and made me tear up just a little.
The not so good:
  • Christoph Waltz's character wasn't in the movie enough.
  • Some of the dialogue is a little obvious and a little too on the nose. Ahem William's last words.
  • Some of the CGI looks a little rough here and there. Maybe a Netflix thing since they didn't plan on giving it a theatrical release?
  • Feels a little long in certain parts but I understand why.
Go see this movie in the theater watching it on a TV won't do it justice. This is one of those cases where I'm glad I hadn't really watched any of the previous movies and went in a blank slate so to speak. I think it let me enjoy the movie a little more than if I had read the book or watched the previous movies. 8.9/10
 
A short film that goes well with Halloween viewing, Graveyard Jamboree with Mysterious Mose, from the people at the animation studio Screen Novelties. Shot in 1998 on 16mm, this short directed by Seamus Walsh and Mark Caballero utilizes a popular, oft-recorded novelty song of the 1930s, "Mysterious Mose", specifically a version from 1930 by "Harry Reser's Radio All Star Novelty Orchestra" (another version was used for an early 1930 Betty Boop short, taking it's title from the song).

It's a delightful short, utilizing puppetry, stop-motion animation and some spooky surrealism.

 
Clown College 2nd Year said:
Ok I'm back, I'll try to make this review short, sweet and to the point. Frankenstein is a GDT movie through and through and it's not a bad thing.
The good:
  • Jacob Elordi was so good as the monster this guy better be nominated for an award, he knocked it out of the park.
  • Oscar Isaacs was also very good as Victor Frankenstein. He played the immoral, obsessed but brilliant doctor to a t.
  • The sets and scenery were all really well done even if some of them were CGI.
    The practical effects were so creepy and well done, there's one part that blew me away (you'll know it when you see it).
  • The movie doesn't follow the book exactly; I have never read the book and had to read the synopsis on Wikipedia. Personally, I don't mind the deviation since this is really GDT's vision for the movie, and I think he did a great job.
  • The ending is very bittersweet and made me tear up just a little.
The not so good:
  • Christoph Waltz's character wasn't in the movie enough.
  • Some of the dialogue is a little obvious and a little too on the nose. Ahem William's last words.
  • Some of the CGI looks a little rough here and there. Maybe a Netflix thing since they didn't plan on giving it a theatrical release?
  • Feels a little long in certain parts but I understand why.
Go see this movie in the theater watching it on a TV won't do it justice. This is one of those cases where I'm glad I hadn't really watched any of the previous movies and went in a blank slate so to speak. I think it let me enjoy the movie a little more than if I had read the book or watched the previous movies. 8.9/10
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fist_of_khonshu said:
I'm still a little fucking irritated about the movie. But I saw Del Toro's Frankenstein over the weekend and absolutely despised it as an adaptation. I'm a big fan of the original novel, its what got me into horror and Sci Fi essentially. But, we need to stop saying shit is an adaptation when it's just a bastardization of the source material.

If Del Toro hadn't been at the helm of this movie, all the people raving about it would have the exact opposite view of it.
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Ah, the duality of KF users
 
Carnavoyeur said:
Watched the first episode of It: Welcome to Derry yesterday. It's not good. It's basically a rehash of the first movie, but the kids have zero charm, there's hamfisted racial discrimination drama, and really bad CGI. I don't foresee this getting a second season if all the episodes are this bad.
Click to expand...
Yeah same. I didn't hate the CG as much as you but the whole thing felt so on the nose, blandly shot, and edited, and pointless that I was just kind of confused what I was watching. If I'm going to try and steelman the first episode maybe they're trying to recreate that early King vibe where lots of weird over-the-top hallucination/haunting type shit happens all the time but overall it felt clumsy and like HBO is trying to do their own Stranger Things but lack the ability and confidence.

The sets and costumes look nice though.
 
Judge Holden said:
Finally closing the distance to my now long looked forward to rewatch of Zombi 2 to finish off the Zombi extended series rundown, now I finally get my first taste of that juicy shaq meat with Zombi 3: Zombie Holocaust, aka Doctor Butcher MD

https://youtube.com/watch?v=a8Zmje01BFUPremise: Members of an expedition in the East Indies encounter not only the cannibals they were looking for, but also an evil scientist and his zombie army.

This movie has been on my radar a longass while for a variety of reasons but due to widespread "this is shit and also boring" consensus I kept putting it off....which given the other entries/"entries" in the Zombi franchise I have looked over is probably something I should have kept doing. I am however looking forward to seeing how much of the Zombi 2 sets and shit I recognise given how the movie is notable for reusing a bunch of assets from it.

Also that trailer narration is fucking glorious.

Execution: We start out in a hospital at night where a well dressed doctor moseys on in to the mortuary to casually cut the hand off a corpse before fucking off. Next day during an autopsy some no name doctors notice this while the movie inserts cuts that might be decentish gore, or might be grainy footage of an actual autopsy given the editing. One of the students watching cracks a joke about the missing hand causing the Head Doctor to chimp out and throw them all out, before expounding to his assistance how there is some sickfuck deviant stealing body parts that he doesnt want to report to the cops to protect the hospital's brand, and we get some clunky "are we different from savages dialogue?" before the scene ends and we cut to a blonde surgeon and middle aged professor in their car, further expositing about the mischievous corpse defiler and speculating if its just some frat prank gone wrong (gone sexual) or whatever.

Back in the hospital and a nurse casually walks over a giant pool of blood next to another corpse, and uncovering it reveals its chest entirely rips open, and we get a hilariously badly edited/dubbed moment of her screaming in horror before she even opens her mouth. Head Doctor orders the corpse and the fact it had its heart ripped out covered up because....next scene Blonde Surgeon arrives home as scuffed porn music starts to play, meaning I am getting my first serving of low definition late 70s italian nudity in a frankly horrifying example of 70s room design....or not, she just strips to her underwear and starts walking around her house which is full of random fucking statues and urns and shit. She checks out her fridge which a scare cord reveals to have a big suspicious bag of meat inside, only for a Journalist Lady to arrive snooping around about the creeper at the hospital, and the two bitch at eachother for a few minutes while expositing about random shit long enough for Blonde Surgeon's "magic human sacrifice knife" ornament to be mentioned before the scene ends. The creeper is back cutting up corpses, this time cutting out a heart trying to eat it there, and we see its a mexican looking orderly seen earlier when Head Doctor jumps out, revealing this to be a setup. He jumps out a convenient window, and we see the stunt dummy's arm break off when it hits the bottom, and before he dies he randomly says a word and is revealed to have an evil tattoo/brand which matches that on the magical sacrifice knife from earlier.

Next day Blonde Surgeon and Head Doctor go to meet Ian McCulloch from Zombi 2 who uses advanced racism to identify where the creeper came from, revealing a bunch of filthy disgusting and lazy asiatic indonesians have been pulling shit like this all over the country, and also uses advanced aryan flirting to instantly seduce Blonde Surgeon on the spot. A literal slide show of gore later and Blonde Surgeon realises this is connected to her magic dagger and they arrange a meeting with the Professor from earlier who confirms more exposition. A couple of awkward cuts and a random outfit change later and she is walking back to her home which has been broken in to and her magic dagger is now missing. Ian stops by and after the two casually reject the idea of calling the cops they head off to prepare for the expedition that has randomly manifested to filthy subhuman asiatic indonesia which also includes Bearded Man and Journalist Lady from earlier, who still is five seconds from a messy catfight with Blonde Surgeon.

One cut later and they are on the island already.....im pretty sure this is straight up footage from Zombi 2 now because that looks like the exact same Land Rover in the exact same village with the exact same donkey standing in the road and the camera grain just changed out of nowhere. Also the music is some weirdass imitation of the jungle drums track from that movie. We get a brief moment of them all expositing/bitching in the car and....yeah I straight up recognise this shot. They not only stole Ian McCulloch and the name of his character (it was revealed earlier his name is Peter) and the general plotline AND the sets from Zombi 2 but they stole the footage too. They turn up at Doctor Butcher's house....ok they didnt call him that yet but I saw the trailer. While serving refreshments he calls out for his butler and oh for fuck sake THEY STOLE THE NIGGER FROM ZOMBI 2 AS WELL?! Blonde Surgeon decides to take a nap, and cue the scuffed porn music again as she finally manages to take her bra off for what its worth as a creepy indonesian creeper peeks through the window at her.

Back in the lounge of Casa Del Butcher and the good doctor is explaining how Indonesians are savage filth who reject civilisation and how much he hates having to administer medicine to them and immidiately jumps at the idea of fucking off back to new york. Back in Blonde Surgeon's room she finishes her shower to find a maggot covered head has been left in her bed along with the cannibal symbol written in blood. Seemingly unconcerned about the head she cries out in mild alarm at the symbol, and Doctor Butcher tells her to calm her menstruating ass down as it was just a harmless prank by the lovable native scamps....and yeah I guess they accept this explanation as we now cut to Nigger Butler taking them out on a boat trip in what looks to be a suspiciously full and busy dock for savage cannibal island.....or not. I guess they are now headed to the *actual* savage cannibal island, and the place they were at previously was just a lesser cannibal island.

The boat randomly decides to break so they decide to camp out on a subsidiary cannibal island before finishing the trip to the main one. While Nigger Butler orders the ethnic help to set up the camp Bearded Man randomly babbles about how safe they are because cannibals only like eating dead bodies and they are alive and so they just have to not die if they dont want to be killed. Five seconds later one of the ethnic help members scream out in agony from the dark....and they all decide to just fucking leave him to whatever killed him and go to sleep. Next day they split up to look for his corpse and find it eviscerated, prompting Female Journalist to start snapping pics with glee. The remaining ethnic help decide they want out of this movie but Bearded Man orders them to bury the corpse and remain as meatshields. Ian and Blonde Surgeon find another cannibal symbol and realise this is actually the main cannibal island....I think. Kinda losing track here.

Heading into the jungle they see some natives ambling about nakedly, until one of the remaining ethnic help runs in terror...straight towards them. They chase him down right into a spike trap and proceed to slit his throat and disembowel him before chewing down on the corpse until the protagonists drive them off. Once more the remaining ethnic help and Nigger Butler are ordered to bury the body, and they eventually get back to camp to radio Doctor Butcher for help, who tells them to head to the church/hospital from Zombi 2. As they settle in for the night one of the cannibals breaks into the white woman tent, and Blonde Doctor machetes him through the skull without a second thought, distracting the characters long enough for remaining ethnic help to be killed by a comically large spear through his guts. As the only remaining non-aryan Nigger Butler instantly becomes suspected by Ian of...something. Not sure what beyond being a nigger. Given he is both their guide and pack mule and survival expert it seems a pretty fucking bad choice to antagonise him but whatever.

Next day as they head out they are ambushed by the cannibals again who kill/eat Bearded man and drag off Female Journalist, but just as Ian is about to get his head cut off he is saved by an old friend as we FINALLY get a fucking zombie in this zombi movie. Said zombie is obviously a ripoff Fulci zombie and the makeup is...not great, and he burps loud enough to scare off the cannibals, I assume this sound is meant to be a zombie groan as we hear it spammed a bunch more times as more zombies show up, and after the initial zombie it looks like the rest just had shitty makeup done to their faces and otherwise they look like bald versions of the cannibals. Seemingly not caring about the zombies enough to even mention them the remaining main characters run off into the jungle, eventually reaching the church and meeting Doctor Butcher who casually drops the fact his men have been hunting the natives for hours now, while also shooting down any idea of rescuing Journalist Lady.

Doctor Butcher's plan for the main characters escape is to send them off to find a rubber dingy he saw on the coast that will take them back to their boat while he just sorta hangs out on the island himself. Deciding he doesnt want to be near Nigger Butler any more Ian agrees with the idea and tells him to stay with Doctor Butcher before strolling off with Blonde Surgeon into the jungle again, a zombie peeking at them from the brush. Finding said dingy Ian finally realises this plan is suspiciously stupid, and reasons that Doctor Butcher is up to no good because he told them to go to the old church when he was told they were being attacked by cannibals, and this is apparently suspicious because they never explicitly told him they were on cannibal island....I guess its unreasonable to think he had put two and two together there. Blonde Surgeon even notes this but Ian is now convinced there is a conspiracy afoot because Doctor Butcher wanted to get them off cannibal island after they asked to be rescued from cannibal island.

They finally acknowledge the zombie in the room, referring to it as "the strange creature who saved us" and right on cue the zombie creeping on them stumbles down the beach towards them causing Ian to randomly fucking tear the motor/propeller off the boat and shred the zombie's skull. This is enough to fully convince him Doctor Butcher is the bad guy and they head back inland, and stumble accross Female Journalist casually playing with her camera....or not. Turning round it is infact a random zombie wearing her cloths and her bloody scalp as a wig, which is downright fucking silly, and we cut to the scalped Female Journalist being operated on by Doctor Butcher in the hospital interior from Zombi 2. Screaming in mild discomfort at the fact she has been scalped and the fact her blood is being pumped out, she then gets her vocal cords....or the tip of her tongue from the looks of it....sliced out. She then gets jabbed with a "stay conscious while I rip out your fuckin brain" injection while Ian and Blonde Surgeon snoop around outside.

Breakin in the back door we get a surprisingly slightly spoopy scene where they silently wander around the dark corpse storage area until a zombie jumps out to spoil it, and when he gets machete'd Doctor Butcher and Nigger Butler jump out with guns to take two hostage. Doctor Butcher spends some time calling Ian a big dumb stupidhead and reveals he tricked the natives into going cannibal for shits and giggles and to get easy volunteers for his "cut peoples brains out to make them immortal" experiments. Voicing his desire to experiment on a glorious white man brain he orders Nigger Butler to restrain him, but this gives Ian the chance to free Blonde Surgeon who runs off.....and is immidiately captured by the cannibals. Doctor Butcher injects Ian to make him get a good nights sleep before the debraining operation tomorrow morning and fucks off to bed.

At cannibal village Blonde Surgeon has been stripped naked and they are painting pretty flowers on her skin. She seems entirely happy with this arrangement, even striking a pose for them, and next day Ian wakes up ready for his noggin to be plundered, although he managed to swipe a scalpel to free himself. Meanwhile Blonde Surgeon is still hanging out with the cannibals, and by allowing herself to lie down in the sacred spread-eagle skank stone and having it fold backwards she wordlessly takes over the tribe who seem to now have the magic dagger from earlier. Seriously she literally just lay down on a stone with a skinny white woman indent and was about to be sacrificed, but the moment it fucking began to rotate that magically made everyone stop the ceremony and elect her queen of the fucking cannibals without her saying or doing anything.

Back in the church and Doctor Butcher feels the need to inform Ian he likes to give scalps out to the natives to use in fertility rituals, as it makes their men doubly potent when wearing them, and that blonde scalp wigs are doubly effective still.....that is such a weird thing to say to a guy you are about to conduct surgery onto, before turning back round to fondle the scalp and allow Ian to continue freeing himself, eventually slitting Nigger Butler's throat and making a run for it....only to immediately be captured by the zombies who briefly take over as orderlies until Ian struggles free and throws a gas lap at the zombies to start a fire just as the cannibal natives attack. The natives proceed to kill and eat both Doctor Butcher and the remaining zombie as the Cannibal Chief formerly known as Blonde Journalist reunites with Ian, the two observing more Zombi 2 footage of the burning hospital. Despite this being explicitly described as morning a few scenes ago, it is now night time outside to make full use of said Zombi 2 footage of the church burning down and out of nowhere the credits start rolling and we are done.

Analysis: I want that Juicy Shaq Meat
  • Cinematography: Mostly adequate but often is messy as all hell and downright confusing at times. I guess they could have reused the Zombi 2 sets worse but that aint exactly high praise.
  • Soundtrack: Forgettable mush that vacillates between imitating Fabio Frizzi and imitating vintage porn tracks
  • Effects: The gore was actually pretty ok, although the way it was shot left much to be desired. The zombies though had pretty pathetic makeup for the most part unfortunately.
  • Story: An inept splice between Zombi 2, a Cannibal Natives flick, and a generic Mad Scientist movie. Nothing makes internal or external sense and the pacing is so hilariously fucking sped up towards the end its almost impressive
  • Characters: The acting was not offensively bad or annoying but nothing really stood out. Ian McCulloch phoned it in but was still probably the best acted, and Doctor Butcher himself had some mildly fun cheese in a few moments, but otherwise just beige.
  • Innovation: None. Setting aside the overt ripping off of Zombi 2 in a variety of ways this shit was as uncreative as it gets. I guess the casual contempt for filthy indonesians was a plus though
  • Scares/Kills: Not competent enough for actual scares or creepy atmosphere, the moment in corpse storage is probably the closet this comes to being mildly spooky. The kills are actually ok with the gore lacking the pink jello aesthetic a lot of cheap italian gore movies of the era had. Best kill was probably Bearded guy who got the whole disembowelment/eyes ripped out package.
Conclusion: Pretty much the beigest movie yet on the list, and yet managed to avoid overt obnoxiousness enough for me not to check the clock too much. While it was largely just a lazy exercise in reusing Zombi 2 assets to get a cheap movie made, and while its story was impressively shit even by the standards we have seen so far, it never actively annoyed me although it really should have just doubled down on the cheese factors inherent in a mashup between zombies, cannibals, and mad scientists. Overall its pretty bad as a movie but not exactly painful or unpleasant to sit through the first viewing.

As of now the rankings are

Zombi 4: Nightmare City
Zombi 5: Hell of the Living Dead
Zombi 3: Zombi Holocaust/Doctor Butcher
Zombi 3: Burial Ground
Zombi 6: Monster Hunter/Absurd
Zombi 5: Killing Birds
Zombi 6: Dawn of the Mummy
Zombi 4: After Death
Zombi 4: Panic
Zombi 6: Oasis of the Zombies

Next up is the actual Zombi 3 and after that I can finally rewatch Zombi 2 after like a year
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Erm.....ok so I might be a teeny bit late here but I think I am finally ready to finish this shit and close the book on the Zombi franchise forever.


Premise: a biological weapon is stolen and accidentally released, infecting the local population of a tropical military base and forcing a small group of soldiers and tourists to fight for survival.

After a ever so slightly extended dive into the Zombi franchise I finally reach some actual fuckin Fulci turf....kinda....slightly. TLDR An aged fulci was wheeled in to direct initially but the script was written by the same writer as the previously discussed Zombi 5: Hell of the Living Dead who also wrote Troll 2 and once Fulci fucked off due to illness/disgust he was replaced by Bruno Mattei midway through...
1761907105968.png
...no, the cheap 80s wop-slop director, not the (probably...maybe...who the fuck even cares) dead pedophile edgetard who used to get pissy at me for horror wrongthink.

That aside, this was anuddah of the "literal fetus holden saw a trailer back in the early 00s and was kinda curious about the movie ever since" collection as I have yet to actually watch it until today, and yet strangely it has always occupied the spot in my mind for archetypical 'cheap crappy 80s zombie movie' due to how much the cartoonish trailer and clips seemed to be like the perfect refinement of this shit to me with the big splosions and fog machines and everything looking green as hell from the lighting to the zombie makeup. Given the creative team behind it was the same as Hell of the Living Dead only this was made a decade later I wonder if this will effectively be a refinement of that movie given how similar the plot seems.

Execution: Immediately opens on a corpse in an observation tank being injected with "Death One". Immediately the freaky ass lighting I memba from the trailer becomes apparent as its green as hell for some reason. Also the music slowly kicks in and I swear this soundtrack was used for a dozen zombie flash games in the mid 00s. The one doctor and nurse observing say it failed because nothing happened after like two seconds....but then something does happen and the corpse wakes up and starts overacting...also its a completely hairless asian for some reason. He then starts puking more green which makes the nurse burst into tears, and now his face is melting and his skull is bulging. Makeup kinda looks overdone but not bad, although the green lighting aint helping. The doctor and nurse stand there for a while screaming and reacting in horror as the zombie continues to vomit and flail its melting head until finally it escapes the observation tank and....cut to the doctor politely but firmly tendering his resignation over the phone and warning his employers to be careful with the zombie which uh...I guess didn't really do anything after it escaped.

We cut to opening credits on some military base which IIRC is in the Philippines which brings it to like 4 of these movies shot/set in Southeast Asia. Probably some tax reason or something. Anyway a cheap looking van casually infiltrates the base and a bunch of randos jump out to steal the zombie virus as it was about to be handed off to what looks like a news helicopter, the last one just fucking legging it on foot with the half dozen or so soldiers not bothering to shoot at him despite the doctor telling them calmly "it will be the end of everything" if he escapes. The guy who stole the virus is then hunted down by said helicopter who takes like an hour and several hundred thousand rounds of ammunition to hit him and the sealed zombie virus briefcase, thus giving us the pretext for the outbreak as the now infected thief/terrorist/whatever runs into a hotel...which is randomly in walking distance of the top secret zombie virus military base which also doesn't seem to have fences....and then books a room, the helicopter and pursuing soldiers having clearly lost interest.

Back at the base and we get badly dubbed overacting from the doctor about how super duper bad the virus is...and then when a bunch of american officer types show up and tell him they found the virus briefcase open he shrugs and says it aint a big deal until its suggested the thief is infected. Cue rant about how pathogens work and officers say they will handle it. Back in the hotel and the infected guy is turning green, and naturally resolves to cut his hand off before he kills a maid by wiping her face on a mirror. A bunch of white NBC clad soldiers show up for a transparent ripoff of The Crazies as they violently detain everyone in the Hotel, finding the maid crucified to the bathroom door and the zombie uh...just kinda chilling in the laundry room. Cut to Officer Guy happily ordering them to kill everyone there and bury them all in a mass grave and then personally oversees the zombie being cremated, just in time for The Doctor to show up and whine at him for doing so due to "the ashes accumulating in the air and falling back to earth again" which indicates this shit will shortly be ripping off Return of the Living Dead and right on cue we cut to smoke from the chimney and then ash floating down.

Whiplash cut to random black DJ talking about traffic as well as shucking and jiving as well as science being bad and stuff, then cut to off duty soldiers listening to him in a jeep as they head for the countryside and the cinematography has changed up significantly which makes me wonder just how much of a frankenstein this movie was in the editing room. Anyway they randomly get cat called by a bunch of chicks in an RV and decide to follow them. Theres also a young couple arguing about ecology n drugs n shit until they come across a bunch of dead birds scattered in the road. The dubbing is really fucking bad but tis to be expected. Naturally they get out their car and stand around the dead bird long enough for one to turn zombie and start biting the guy.

Meanwhile more zombie birds attack the RV until the Soldiers get rid of them...somehow. Couple now pull up to an abandoned gas station and guy has pulsating wounds on his face, which again look just cartoonishly overdone. Going inside the chick sees its completely derelict and randomly starts shouting out for someone to bring them water when something locks the door behind her, resulting in her stumbling round and overacting in a way that frankly reminds me of some old Goosebumps episode until she is randomly bathed in green light....the fuck is with this movie and green....and a zombie jumps out at her as the one and only piece of soundtrack kicks into overdrive. Said zombie swings a machete around like a drunk pirate as she dodges past the point of absurdity until he finally hits a fuel tank, causing gasoline to spray in his face and uh...kill him. She then throws her lighter and burns the whole place down as we get our decent but frankly contrived explosion of the movie. Honestly seems like a waste of a set.

Back in the science lab and scientists are panicking about some unspecified but explicitly "Non radioactive" data increasing. Doctor once again whines at Officer guy about an "enormous radioactive cloud in the air" despite what was said five seconds ago...also this being a virus or bacteria or...whatever. Another officer decides nows the time to let the class know everyone is apparently killing and eating eachother in the area. Officer guy quite reasonably decides to quarantine the area, leading to the worst dubbed whining yet from the Doctor who because people will die and stuff and...jesus this acting is Oasis of the Zombies bad...declares the only solution is for him to magic an antidote out his ass. Officer guy is fine with him trying but states until a cure is found he is gonna quarantine the area, leading to an even more whiny freakout from the Doctor.

The Soldiers and assholes from the RV now arrive at the hotel from earlier which for some reason is now overgrown as if its been abandoned for decades. One of the soldiers hears something upstairs and goes to check it out, finding the place green lit which I guess means the zombies are nearby. Surprisingly he doesn't die and downstairs they find a convenient crate of M16s that are handed round. The chick who was infected in the RV is now bleeding green with pulsating wounds, and Blonde Soldier and one of the RV chicks take the jeep to find a doctor and start making smalltalk. Cut to Officer guy ordering someone on the phone to kill anyone who moves in the area, and the jeep breaks down in the middle of a n infected town. Chick goes to find water for the radiator and naturally starts shouting for attention as the fog machine is turned on. A zombie promptly shows up and pushes her into a pond, forcing Blonde Soldier to jump in and pull her out and...uh I guess in the five seconds she was in the water her legs were eaten clean off by zombie piranhas or something and she promptly turns and attacks him, with him now running off as more zombies randomly and literally jump out of nowhere to stagger after him, seriously this happens like four times.

Cut to footage of NBC guys walking around killing zombies with black DJ talking in the background about how zombies are going around killing and uh...raping people as he rips off Night of the Living Dead's rescue station broadcast. Blonde Soldier runs across Couple's car and they drive off to the hospital. Back at the hotel and infected chick is still infected, other two RV chicks either weep annoyingly or recite badly dubbed lines about her medical condition. Rest of the soldiers and RV assholes are huddled together listening to black DJ talk about the zombie outbreak, and two of said RV assholes decide they hangry so head to the kitchen. Opening the fridge they are attacked by green light and a flying zombie head that's probably the most famous part of the movie who eats the guys throat while another zombie tickles the chick to death. Back in the Couple's car, Couple guy turns and tries to eat Couple chick while babbling about being thirsty for her blood. Car stops on a bridge and she somehow injures her leg rolling out of it while zombified Couple Guy and Blonde Soldier have a fistfight that Blonde Soldier wins....and is then eaten by a bunch of other zombies. Fog Machine is turned on again as Couple Chick jumps off the bridge into the river.

Back at the hotel and other two Soldiers are keeping watch...being completely oblivious to infected chick from before turning and eating one of the other RV chicks before trying to body slam the last one to death. Oh and this zombie can talk I guess. Anyway zombie is tricked into jumping out the window, landing dead in front of the soldiers who have absolutely no reaction and instead mutter about someone being in the RV they are looking at which has also been hit by the Fog Machine. Couple Chick stumbles out the fog, followed by a fairly anaemic army of zombies...seriously there are like four of them. Naturally instead of shooting them the survivors decide to barricade up as the green light reappears to show the zombies breaking in. Cue disappointing fight scene as the one and only track blares away and haunted house ride tier zombies stumble around, occasionally being shot or burned by a conveniently placed flame thrower. One RV asshole instantly gets jumped and eaten and everyone runs upstairs before jumping off a balcony and running off into the woods.

They enter a village and we get another disappointing fight scene, this time with running and jumping zombies and some truly terrible pacing/editing and they wind up paddling off in canoes. Oh and I guess the movie remembered Doctor and Officer Guy. Doctor smugly declares his antidote will save everyone unlike Officer Guy's weapons and Officer Guy brushes him off as he frankly should. Survivors paddle away as black DJ proclaims the outbreak over and tells everyone to let the NBC guys totally-not-kill them as we get more B roll footage of them killing zombies. Survivors land on shore and lone remaining RV guy has some kind of autistic episode as he chases a chicken right into a squad of NBC troops who gun him down and start chasing the survivors.

Officer Guy is holding some kind of conference with science retards about how the outbreak has been contained, and the Doctor goes on yet another whiny rant about how burning the bodies caused the virus to become oxygen resistant and how muh antidote will solve everything. The Doctor is straight up Troll 2 bad acting for a while until Officer guy loses interest and goes to play golf or something. The Survivors who now consist of the two remaining Soldiers, a wounded Couple chick, and the last remaining RV chick come across some Military base or hospital and they naturally split up. As the fog machine rolls RV chick and Couple chick randomly come accross a pregnant lady about to give birth, and Couple Chick gets jumped as she leaves the room. Both Soldiers then get ambushed by NBC guys, and after throwing away their guns to surrender they start a fistfight with them and win...despite having been held at gunp...whatever this shits nearly over.

RV chick is full on midwifing the pregnant lady until a zombie rips her face off from behind, and then a full adult sized zombie arm rips out of pregnant lady's stomach to massage her to death. Couple Chick who was jumped like 5 minutes ago is apparently not dead but still in the process of being jumped and it turns out its the zombified Couple Guy who jumped her. She lightly taps his shoulder with a length of wood which hurls him into the opposite wall and causes him to convulse on the floor, allowing her to finish him off with an entrenchment tool. Meanwhile the soldiers take out the NBC guys and physically pick up Couple Chick to escape...like they are just carrying her around like a rolled up carpet. Outside they casually mow down a couple dozen zombies, set a fire, blow up a hut with a grenade and then find a conveniently abandoned helicopter. One soldier randomly sticks around to beat up some zombies with the stock of his rifle, long enough for the other one to get the copter moving and partially take off without him, forcing him to hang off the skid for frankly no reason at all. Naturally there were a bunch of zombies hiding under conveniently placed piles of hay who jump out and drag him to his death which goes on for a frankly silly amount of time as he then proceeds to fistfight a dozen zombies off and then run into another mob of NBC guys who kill him in slow-mo.

Back in the helicopter the last two hear that the black DJ is now a fully sapient and sentient zombie announcing the new zombie world order, and declare they will turn the helicopter back around to go fight them or some shit

Analysis: As disappointing as it was green.
  • Cinematography: Kinda competent at best, but shots and sets that could have been reasonably decent were rendered into looking like cheap haunted house attractions by overuse of fog machines and green light
  • Soundtrack: The one and only track they use is memorable I guess but not exactly good, and its overuse further wears down its welcome.
  • Effects: Cheesy as all hell and sadly not in a good way. Makeup on zombies is overdone to hell and back that makes them look like cheap Halloween costumes and their acting/movement is even worse. Some of the gore was passable but nothing to write home about.
  • Story: Bout as generic as they come. Generic outbreak of generic zombies in a generic place with generic survivors trying to escape generically.
  • Characters: Almost entirely interchangeable and bereft of any personality or even names. Doctor character is the most insufferable for obvious reasons, and Officer Guy is probably the best character by virtue of mild mannered competence in the face of a whiny bitch. Dubbing and lines were consistently terrible but with little amusing cheese to make it tolerable
  • Innovation: Effectively zero. The containment shit it lifted wholesale from the Crazies, the talking and occasionally fast zombies as well as the excuse for the infection spreading it lifted from Return of the Living Dead, and much of the rest could have been lifted out of Hell of the Living Dead
  • Scares/Kills: Like absolutely zero scares of any kind, and I am unsure if any were even attempted. In terms of kills they were mostly just boilerplate zombies swarming and biting or ripping playdough faces open
Conclusion: Honestly I feel like this was just a waste of time even if I am glad I finally sat and watched it. It was exactly how I thought it would be way back in the early 00s when I first saw the trailer on IMDB. There were no scenes that were interesting or enjoyable either as legitimate horror/gore/whatever or for cheese and schlock value. I mean it didn't suck quite as bad as the worst movies in the Zombi not-series but it also lacked any of the charm or cheese of some of the better entries.

As of now the rankings are

Zombi 3: Nightmare City
Zombi 3: Zombi Holocaust/Doctor Butcher
Zombi 5: Hell of the Living Dead
Zombi 3: Burial Ground
Zombi 6: Monster Hunter/Absurd
Zombi 3: The actual Zombi 3
Zombi 5: Killing Birds
Zombi 6: Dawn of the Mummy
Zombi 4: After Death
Zombi 4: Panic
Zombi 6: Oasis of the Zombies

Next up....after I have my fuckin food and some time to chill out....I finally fucking finish this shit with Zombi 2, and spoiler warning this shit is getting the tippy top spot so hard it's not even fucking funny.
 
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Saw a few more new horror movies or at least those part of horror franchises lately and my thoughts on them

Black Phone 2 - Not as good as the first one, a bit too long, but I like a lot of the visual effects and cinematography for this one.

Shelby Oaks - The Chris Stuckmann movie which is okay, but honestly I felt it should've just been a found footage movie because Chris clearly does better in that format. The story itself really doesn't do any favors, but overall it's not the worst movie made by a youtube critic, but that's a low bar when there's the Channel Autism movies, Space Cop, and the Drinker movie.

Predator: Killer of Killers - Had a lot of fun with this one, really loved how it is taking advantage of putting the Predator in different time periods. Really loved the Sword Segment, given the lack of dialogue really helped tell a pretty compelling story where you can understand the stakes and weight of the actions. Bullet is a decent segment as I like the creativity of fighting a predator in the skies, but the lead can be a bit annoying at times, and the Norse one is a perfectly serviceable introduction. The finale is weaker than the individual segments since it feels like it kinda takes away from what makes the Predator a hunter by doing the gladiator battle, but still the creativity with this one helps keep it overall from being mid.
 
I finally watched both The Shining and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre last night. I gotta admit, I was highly impressed by just how intense they both were, and without making much use of blood and gore.
 
I can check the Spanish-speaking Dracula off my horror watch list. Both versions of the 1931 film are on par with one another.
 
Tonight I'm watching Halloween 3: Season of the Witch, which is one of those films where its undeniably flawed and doesn't make much sense, but I can overlook and watch repeatedly just because of the atmosphere and the fantastic John Carpenter synth soundtrack.
 
The Penultimate Warrior said:
Tonight I'm watching Halloween 3: Season of the Witch, which is one of those films where its undeniably flawed and doesn't make much sense, but I can overlook and watch repeatedly just because of the atmosphere and the fantastic John Carpenter synth soundtrack.
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I some times dream of the world where Halloween is the anthology series that Carpenter wanted, and we get a new one every year. It really is one of the few horror movies that just drips Halloween, that and Trick or Treat.

Happy Halloween Go scream Nick or Treat at random people
 
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