How American are you?

[Roger Rabbit]

I shoot freedom fries out of a machine gun.

 

[Marvin]

I wish I was more American like you guys - you seem to have it all figured out. I've been brainwashed by "liberal" commies far too much - but I don't want to be like those "conservatives" mentioned on TV who are, in reality, ruining things for everyone worldwide. What should I do?

Being an American means being the best at everything ever. Either because we're already the best, or we'll make ourselves the best. And not just in lolmurca stereotype shit like being fat or blowing things up. I mean in everything. The best food, the best culture, the best science, the best engineering, the best freedom, the best democracy. Anything you can think of, we're either currently the best at, or we're working on being the best at it. And we'll succeed.

America is a great combination of optimism (we're the best) and science (this is how we are the best).

Anyone can become an American. Whether your family's been here for five generations or if you're fresh off the boat, you can be an American. We'll love you regardless. This is part of why we're so great, our tremendous diversity. We all came from somewhere else at some point. We brought (and continue to bring) the best of the world here and we make it ours.

If anyone wants to be an American, c'mon over! And if something in America is not the best yet, well then, let's fix it!

Spoiler: USA! USA! USA! (weed)

I get pretty happy when I read news talking about how legal weed in the US is outcompeting shitty Mexican brickweed. Nobody wants to smoke that shit, and now that we've got awesome, legal weed in the US, what's the point?

This is where I get patriotic.

I start thinking, well damn, why stop at Mexico? We should aim for the real leaders in weed: Canada. Everyone knows that in the past, Canada has had the most dank shit out there. But I bet that's changing as legalization goes through in the US. Sure, Canada has, in the past, been pretty lax on cannabis law enforcement, thus permitting their big hold on the market for quality. But I bet they're going to have trouble competing with complete legalization.

Next time I find myself out in the Pacific Northwest, I'm going to need to sample some weed from both sides of the border...

 

[Jumpin Jenkins]

Being an American means being the best at everything ever. Either because we're already the best, or we'll make ourselves the best. And not just in lolmurca stereotype shit like being fat or blowing things up. I mean in everything. The best food, the best culture, the best science, the best engineering, the best freedom, the best democracy. Anything you can think of, we're either currently the best at, or we're working on being the best at it. And we'll succeed.

America is a great combination of optimism (we're the best) and science (this is how we are the best).

Anyone can become an American. Whether your family's been here for five generations or if you're fresh off the boat, you can be an American. We'll love you regardless. This is part of why we're so great, our tremendous diversity. We all came from somewhere else at some point. We brought (and continue to bring) the best of the world here and we make it ours.

If anyone wants to be an American, c'mon over! And if something in America is not the best yet, well then, let's fix it!

Spoiler: USA! USA! USA! (weed)

I get pretty happy when I read news talking about how legal weed in the US is outcompeting shitty Mexican brickweed. Nobody wants to smoke that shit, and now that we've got awesome, legal weed in the US, what's the point?

This is where I get patriotic.

I start thinking, well damn, why stop at Mexico? We should aim for the real leaders in weed: Canada. Everyone knows that in the past, Canada has had the most dank shit out there. But I bet that's changing as legalization goes through in the US. Sure, Canada has, in the past, been pretty lax on cannabis law enforcement, thus permitting their big hold on the market for quality. But I bet they're going to have trouble competing with complete legalization.

Next time I find myself out in the Pacific Northwest, I'm going to need to sample some weed from both sides of the border...

That was beautiful. Like, not even joking, that brought a tear to my eye.

 

[Dr. Tremolo]

Commie sympathizers on the internet constantly call me an Amerifat pretending to be Polish I guess (because God forbid someone from a country that actually experienced the system firsthand have a negative stance on communism)

 

[drtoboggan]

I am America and so can you.

 

[ProRosen]

I was born on the day that Abraham Lincoln gave the Gettysburg Address.

 

[TopperHay]

Take this quiz to see how American you really are.

Spoiler: Big ass muthafuckin' image 'yall