How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Dysnomia]

I have diverticulitis. A lot of it. I have to give up seeds. I fucking love seeds.

I don't understand. I had a good diet. It might be genetic. The pain on my left side is almost constant. Maybe that's why my hemoglobin went down to 7.9. I haven't had my iron in a week because I forgot to buy it. Walgreens is too expensive and when I got to Walmart I forgot the iron. My appointment with the hematologist is on the 2nd. I gotta let them know I haven't been taking my iron. And now I won't know if my hemoglobin is down because of that or something else.

The only places I can afford are in West Philly. My hipster vegan cousin lives there. He tells me it's great and totally safe. I let him know I ain't #woke because as a single white woman I fear being targeting by Jamaal because I am a single white woman. But I ain't getting back to the Far Northeast at this rate. My sister sunk my battleship with all the drugs and stealing from me. I lost my home because of her shenanigans and I'm stuck back in the old neighborhood again. Now she is in serious trouble and I cannot be involved. She is probably going to die. I don't even give her two years. But there is nothing I can do for her. She's on her own. I tried to help and she and her boyfriend ended up torpedoing my life. So forget it. She dies she dies. I know that sounds cold but I am done.

I really want to leave Pennsylvania entirely. But I don't know how to go about it. It seems too monumental. Like moving to another country.

 

[Higgins]

I haven't been doing well for a while now. I've been dealing with my personal turmoil for the past 5 or so years. Through some bad advice, I'm dealing with credit card debt and personal loan repayments. I have no friend circle, no possible romantic prospects, and am working 40+ hour work weeks with little off time and am just getting by.

Recently, I've been struggling with the realization of how toxic and damaging my childhood and as well as my mother was. It ruined me and only now am I really seeing how its affecting me. I've been having a few crying fits and even little things like being unable to fix my own laptop sets off every negative emotion in my head about my inadequacies. It's only been getting worse and worse the older I get and I don't know what to do. I dont look forward to the future and I dont know what to do.

This post is more of a power level than this thread is asking for, but I can't speak about others. Either I get their story, which tends to be more extreme and I feel worse for talking about my story or I get empty platitudes about how 'it gets better' and you have to 'fake it till you make it'.

 

[RatedTardSuperstar]

I hate myself and I want to die. Keep putting off going to Greenland til next year, since I have solid work and living in my means. All the other shit is just what life is.

 

[TaimuRadiu]

I'm still fat

 

[Raging Capybara]

This Steam Sale has only shit. But I don't play games anyway because I'm too depressed to do that, but I wanted to spend the money anyway, motherfuckers. Give me something to lose money at least.

 

[LordofTendons]

This Steam Sale has only shit. But I don't play games anyway because I'm too depressed to do that, but I wanted to spend the money anyway, motherfuckers. Give me something to lose money at least.

I forgot about the Steam sale. I should kill myself.

 

[Duncan Hills Coffee]

Feeling really burnt out with this semester. I'm at that point where I feel dead inside and just waiting for it to fucking end already. I've got papers to do but no will to do them.

I also built a gaming PC which really didn't help because I just want to play around with it instead of doing schoolwork since I can actually play the shit I can't on my laptop. Probably wasn't a good idea building it so close to the end of the semester.

 

[Foltest]

Feeling pretty great. Moving abroad seems to have finally put some discipline into me. Got a decent work and a lot of friends from work.

 

[war has changed]

Melancholic.
It's a cliche, but it really feels like with the end of the year, a lot that had come to be is slowly disappearing.

For example, I'd forged a number of social groups based on WoW circlejerking that had evolved into close friendships (including a guild on a private server), and within the course of a few months, they seemed to have outlived themselves. Honestly saddening to have lost so many contacts that I'd hoped would go on for a long while, but it was not to be...
My relationship is also greatly strained at the moment, doubtful it'll outlast December.

Looking back to January 2019, it's absolutely amazing how many things, people and hobbies I used to be into just poofed completely.

It's like with each day New Year's closes in, a final crescendo akin to those that orchestras play near the end is rising, with stuff dissipating with it. I'm fearful of what the future holds, since I despise loss and having to bear it.

 

[stupid moron]

i am extremely constipated and have no motivation to do anything

 

[(((Obar Lazcano Kamz)))]

my head hurts, gonna go buy some cookies and chocolate milk

 

[glittercum]

pretty shitty, but idk

 

[Pitere pit]

I just finished my exam's week this Friday and I feel good. Compared to the last year I am doing great with my grades, by far I have passed all my classes and I have a 9 out of 10 on some project I did. Classmates are kinda shitty but I don't care, I am doing fine on school.
Christmas time is coming, and is going to be the first one without my grandpa, despite being sad, he would scream at me from the sky that he is now in a better place. I will dedicate my christmas drinking and eating on his honour while cooking some bombass meal.

 

[Leonard Helplessness]

Auto accident on the way back from visiting family. I’m okay and no one was hurt, but feeling shaken up. Minnesota fucking sucks right now, roads are iced to hell.

 

[Pina Colada]

Nervous because I have three final oral presentations this week. Thankfully, two of them are with groups but they run longer than the individual one.

 

[symantec]

 

[RainbowFart]

I feel like I am at my absolute breaking point.
Around September I got this absolutely horrible anxiety regarding immigration and migrants in my country.
Other things that brings me heavy grief is normalization of trans stuff and restriction of freedom of speech.

Since then for the life of me I haven't been able to not to think about these things, often
ruining my sleep and messing my days. Even having fun during birthday didn't remove the nagging feeling.

Increasing meds intake didn't help either.

Tried some anxiety relieve videos on Youtube, but the thoughts kept coming through and obliviously these
aren't a replacement for professional help.
Then tried avoiding subjects and sites regarding these things, but of course you can't escape reality.
Mother's friend works at day care, explains how half of the children currently there are foreigners and there's one
absolute dumbfuck of a muslim boy who doesn't know how to do the most simple tasks ever, like being in line,
either not following the line or just continuosly walking past it and being a shit head in general.
I'm just sitting there in silence, having a fear filled storm brewing in my head, while others talk.

Am I just overthinkin and worrying, making things way bigger than what they are in reality?
Things around Finland are still relatively peaceful, but I shouldn't be surprised either if one day I can't walk
the streets safely or places start to blow up like in Sweden. At least we don't have no-go-zones.. yet.
Even when people voted for anti-immigration political group, things just don't seem to advance there even
tought they try to bring it up often in the parlament. Then there's others who don't give an absolute fuck about
peoples safety and are for immigration and restriction of freedom of speech.

It certainly doesn't help my sanity for not having any friends and living alone.

I wish I had friends to chat, shitpost with and sometimes play online games.


Sorry about the rant, but I just didn't have any other outlets.
Shit's fucked and I'm depressed because of that. Thanks clown world.

So.. How do you fellow people and Finns cope with this shit?
Any advice would be nice.

 

[Leonard Helplessness]

Auto accident on the way back from visiting family. I’m okay and no one was hurt, but feeling shaken up. Minnesota fucking sucks right now, roads are iced to hell.

Things are better now. I'm lucky in that the accident occurred right next to an extremely friendly small town. The cop who picked me up and drove me to a hotel for the night said that the locals have been trying to get Google Maps to stop recommending people drive through that town, because the roads aren't well-maintained. The tow truck driver mentioned that all his employer's vehicles were busy that night too.

I'm home now, safe and sound.

I wish I had friends to chat, shitpost with and sometimes play online games.


Sorry about the rant, but I just didn't have any other outlets.
Shit's fucked and I'm depressed because of that. Thanks clown world.

So.. How do you fellow people and Finns cope with this shit?
Any advice would be nice.

Sounds like you're reading too much negative news, not enough positive. Disengage from A&H and unpleasant news sources for awhile.

Also, if you need friends to play online games with, put yourself out there when playing. Say hi to people, be friendly. Shit, even shoot me a PM and let me know what games you play.

 

[Autisimodo]

*snipped for length*

If it helps, there is the Nordic Resistance Movement. If you need others to talk to my PMs are open.
Clown World shit has gotten to me these past few years, but I've found catharsis in talking about it and making fun of the really insane shit like Yaniv, its how I've begun to cope with it.

 

[Brain Power]

How much crap is my grandma going to bring here? Always with the excuse "oh this girl that looked your age was buying it, and she thought you might like it too, so I bought it ". So now the house is a mess, AGAIN. 20 years of this shit... I miss my grandpa...