How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Cow-Chan]

Really really bored to be honest. I have nothing to do.

 

[McMitch]

Learned today that a friend of mine died this week. I’ve been shifting between feeling numb and crying until my eyes hurt. It’s unreal, like he’s going to just show up tomorrow, but at the same time it feels like I’ve missed him for a long time.

 

[Dysnomia]

I tripped over a bike and dislocated my knee, aggravating a lifelong congenital problem. I haven't had a dislocation in years. So now I have to go to physical therapy again.

I literally have no clothes suitable for that. I had to go buy them. I feel so awkward in workout wear. Everything I own is dresses, skirts, fitted tops and a couple pairs of pants. Even my loose tees aren't that loose and the best I have is a size small Nirvana shirt. I had to buy stuff. And since I'm stuck like this for more than a month I have to go shopping for clothes I will inevitably use as pajamas. I can't wait to get back so I can put on my real clothes.

 

[verygayFrogs]

Why do I even bother wasting what little energy I have anymore. My mom yelled at me about getting a full time job when I just said “the bed is too comfy I don’t want to get up.” And then switched gears when I told her that I can’t do it anymore. That “I’m 19 I can’t give up. Don’t you think if your brother is on you then somethings wrong?” Yeah it’s called genetic depression combined with trauma and an isolating pandemic. Nothings making me happy anymore, I have no energy so I feel wiped after stairs, and I keep seeing some dude in my dreams who keeps comforting me in them and wants to comfort me in real life and my mom tells me “I cant bring fiction into reality and it’s not realistic.” Just when I feel comfortable enough to tell her about him, that’s the response I get.

Life sucks and then you die I suppose.

 

[Dysnomia]

I was early for the appointment and went into Wawa for something to drink. Some guy says hello to me by name and I didn't recognise him. At all. So I asked if I knew him and needless to say I was utterly shocked. It was my sister's boyfriend. He's in his 40s but looked 70. No teeth and emaciated. Really mellow and out of it too. He's definitely a dead man walking. And he talked about my sister in a past tense in a sentimental way that made me uneasy. I just walked away because I was too shocked to say anything and I didn't really want to know. I didn't want to ruin my PT appointment with something like that.

Essentially I think my sister is dead. I haven't seen her since May 2019 and she was homeless and really bad then. She was placed under police protection as a Jane Doe in the hospital that November and released to some other guy she was dating. She had been the victim of some kind of trafficking and ended up in the hospital due to a severe leg infection. The guy who was responsible is now in maximum security prison. This guy was at my old house multiple times. I was horrified to learn how dangerous he was and really angry that my sister put me in possible danger like that. He was involved in all kinds of heavy duty sex and drug stuff.

The last I heard she was in the hospital again in very bad shape. This was in early March. From what I have no clue. The boyfriend I saw in Wawa was the one who contacted me then and due to the verbal and psychological abuse I suffered and the fear I lived under because of dangerous actions I blew up at him immediately after receiving the text. I did ask him to have my sister contact me or have the hospital staff do so. But nothing ever happened.

These people destroyed my life and almost cracked my mind so I was not up for any contact. The day before that a "male feminist" relative berated me and told me the whole thing was my fault. And that led to my less than rational blow up at the text I got the following day.

I am going to have to look into how I find out if a relative has died. If she died it's likely due to the ravages she put her body through. I can't imagine how bad she looked and I don't want to know.

I'm having a hard time with the whole incident.

 

[Jason Wynn]

I was early for the appointment and went into Wawa for something to drink. Some guy says hello to me by name and I didn't recognise him. At all. So I asked if I knew him and needless to say I was utterly shocked. It was my sister's boyfriend. He's in his 40s but looked 70. No teeth and emaciated. Really mellow and out of it too. He's definitely a dead man walking. And he talked about my sister in a past tense in a sentimental way that made me uneasy. I just walked away because I was too shocked to say anything and I didn't really want to know. I didn't want to ruin my PT appointment with something like that.

Essentially I think my sister is dead. I haven't seen her since May 2019 and she was homeless and really bad then. She was placed under police protection as a Jane Doe in the hospital that November and released to some other guy she was dating. She had been the victim of some kind of trafficking and ended up in the hospital due to a severe leg infection. The guy who was responsible is now in maximum security prison. This guy was at my old house multiple times. I was horrified to learn how dangerous he was and really angry that my sister put me in possible danger like that. He was involved in all kinds of heavy duty sex and drug stuff.

The last I heard she was in the hospital again in very bad shape. This was in early March. From what I have no clue. The boyfriend I saw in Wawa was the one who contacted me then and due to the verbal and psychological abuse I suffered and the fear I lived under because of dangerous actions I blew up at him immediately after receiving the text. I did ask him to have my sister contact me or have the hospital staff do so. But nothing ever happened.

These people destroyed my life and almost cracked my mind so I was not up for any contact. The day before that a "male feminist" relative berated me and told me the whole thing was my fault. And that led to my less than rational blow up at the text I got the following day.

I am going to have to look into how I find out if a relative has died. If she died it's likely due to the ravages she put her body through. I can't imagine how bad she looked and I don't want to know.

I'm having a hard time with the whole incident.

Holy shit, I’m sorry you’re going through that.

 

[Kornula]

Learned today that a friend of mine died this week. I’ve been shifting between feeling numb and crying until my eyes hurt. It’s unreal, like he’s going to just show up tomorrow, but at the same time it feels like I’ve missed him for a long time.

I have a good friend like that who died of AIDS 30 years ago. Once In a while, I still expect him to show up...

 

[KiwiFuzz]

Why do I even bother wasting what little energy I have anymore. My mom yelled at me about getting a full time job when I just said “the bed is too comfy I don’t want to get up.” And then switched gears when I told her that I can’t do it anymore. That “I’m 19 I can’t give up. Don’t you think if your brother is on you then somethings wrong?” Yeah it’s called genetic depression combined with trauma and an isolating pandemic. Nothings making me happy anymore, I have no energy so I feel wiped after stairs, and I keep seeing some dude in my dreams who keeps comforting me in them and wants to comfort me in real life and my mom tells me “I cant bring fiction into reality and it’s not realistic.” Just when I feel comfortable enough to tell her about him, that’s the response I get.

Life sucks and then you die I suppose.

Have you tried meds?

Meds have kept a lot of people alive who would otherwise be dead today.

Because I would have murdered them.

Meds are your friends.

 

[glow]

I did a test and was found to be seriously deficient in vitamin D. I got a booster dose of vit-D and after a few days I felt better, leading to feeling comparatively unstoppable by the next week. I'm hitting PRs in the gym - focus and discipline are at levels from years ago. I've got a few booster shots planned over the summer. Feels good man.

Note: Might not work for others but get your levels checked, most people are deficient unless they live in an area with good sun.

 

[Vingle]

These people destroyed my life and almost cracked my mind so I was not up for any contact. The day before that a "male feminist" relative berated me and told me the whole thing was my fault.

I am going to have to look into how I find out if a relative has died. If she died it's likely due to the ravages she put her body through. I can't imagine how bad she looked and I don't want to know.

I'm having a hard time with the whole incident.

She likely has it better dead, she did just suffer when being alive. And your male relative is retarded. You have to be very special to think this is your fault. If you bother, notify his future gf's. Because that's a major flag, and he should not reproduce.
You were in the same location as a dangerous man, of course you're afraid and angry. Your feelings are valid and rational.

My suggestion is to just not bother with this anymore. It doesn't have anything with you. She was a grown woman, and it was not your responsibility to lead her on the right path. You are making them wreak havoc on you, because you let them.
Just cut ties with it all.

I did a test and was found to be seriously deficient in vitamin D. I got a booster dose of vit-D and after a few days I felt better, leading to feeling comparatively unstoppable by the next week. I'm hitting PRs in the gym - focus and discipline are at levels from years ago. I've got a few booster shots planned over the summer. Feels good man.

Note: Might not work for others but get your levels checked, most people are deficient unless they live in an area with good sun.

If you're not taking supplements, you're likely deficient. The sun isn't a safe way to get vitamin D anyway.

 

[Spunt]

I did a test and was found to be seriously deficient in vitamin D. I got a booster dose of vit-D and after a few days I felt better, leading to feeling comparatively unstoppable by the next week. I'm hitting PRs in the gym - focus and discipline are at levels from years ago. I've got a few booster shots planned over the summer. Feels good man.

Note: Might not work for others but get your levels checked, most people are deficient unless they live in an area with good sun.

I'm connected to the medical community, and here in the UK the NHS recommendation is that 50nm/l is enough vitamin D. That's bullshit and any doctor who knows anything about nutrition or endochrinology (a depressingly small number, sadly) will tell you that 150 is a more realistic number - the NHS just don't want to have to fund Vit D supplementation for 50 million people (even though Sweden does exactly that) so they pretend that "enough Vit D to not create obvious Rickets" is enough. I don't know where you are, but be aware that if your Vit D levels are under 150 you are deficient. If you live in a cold country, especially if you have darker skin, then you almost certainly deficient. You don't necessarily need shots, you can buy Vitamin D oral spray from Amazon and basically chug that shit. You basically can't have enough Vit D, if you tried to raise your blood Vit D concentrations to dangerous levels you'd go broke buying supplements before you did yourself any damage.

Vit D also protects against viruses, but again NHS doctors are literally banned from saying that on pain of losing their jobs. But if you read between the lines of what any competent GP tells you on the subject, they know and are trying to tell you as subtly as they can. That's why black and Asian people in Europe are getting clobbered extra hard by the coof, it's nothing to do with racism, it's to do with having dark skin in a country with no fucking sun.

Take vitamin D. Lots of it.

 

[Sped Xing]

Vitamin D-- I work outside in the daytime in Texas. I haven't even had a sniffle since I started this job more than two years ago. It never occurred to me that the sun might be part of that equation.

Have you tried meds?

Meds have kept a lot of people alive who would otherwise be dead today.

Because I would have murdered them.

Meds are your friends.

When you put it that way, maybe meds are MY friends, too.

 

[The Fraggle Queen]

Exhausted, in a load of pain, isolating because of my surgery in 2 weeks. Dreading the operation, and the recovery period.

 

[Blamo]

I am struggling with anxiety and learned helplessness.

 

[verygayFrogs]

Have you tried meds?

Meds have kept a lot of people alive who would otherwise be dead today.

Because I would have murdered them.

Meds are your friends.

I’ve been on them since high school

 

[Vingle]

I'm connected to the medical community, and here in the UK the NHS recommendation is that 50nm/l is enough vitamin D. That's bullshit and any doctor who knows anything about nutrition or endochrinology (a depressingly small number, sadly) will tell you that 150 is a more realistic number

Just checked an old blood work of mine, it was 131 nmol/l (guessing it's the same measuring system). Just a slight deficiency then.
Taking 5000 I.E (125 µg) with 200 µg K2, every other day for reference.

I’ve been on them since high school

Maybe time to talk to your doctor, and demand new meds. At this point, I feel like members of KF are better guardians than your actual parents. When we should be this evil daxing website

 

[Sped Xing]

Eight hours of sleep, ten cups of coffee and two diet doctors pepper so far today, and I'm still exhausted.

Do I have worms?

 

[Vingle]

Eight hours of sleep, ten cups of coffee and two diet doctors pepper so far today, and I'm still exhausted.

Do I have worms?

If you regularly consume caffeine, it might be caffeine tolerance.

Caffeine Tolerance: Fact or Fiction?

It's thought that caffeine's stimulating effects become less noticeable over time because your body becomes tolerant or less responsive to its effects. This article reviews whether it's possible to develop a caffeine tolerance.

www.healthline.com

Look into L-Theanine ("caffeine" in tea).

I've tried nootropics like reishi, lions mane, cordyceps. Taste absolutely horrible and made me more tired.
Maybe look at your diet, and start working out. If you don't, don't do running, it actually lowers test slightly. Do heavy compound lifts, don't skip leg day. The biggest muscles is on the lower half, which produce more test.

 

[Sped Xing]

My diet and exercise program is perfect. 100 kegels for every pint of Soylent.

 

[SalmaoneSlaamper]

I have only failed one class this year and I am making up credits through another program (it will affect my final grade in that class), I have significantly more free time now that Chinese is over and I will go to the gym again to fix my mile time and get rid of small beer belly I have gained over covid.

Why do I even bother wasting what little energy I have anymore. My mom yelled at me about getting a full time job when I just said “the bed is too comfy I don’t want to get up.” And then switched gears when I told her that I can’t do it anymore. That “I’m 19 I can’t give up. Don’t you think if your brother is on you then somethings wrong?” Yeah it’s called genetic depression combined with trauma and an isolating pandemic. Nothings making me happy anymore, I have no energy so I feel wiped after stairs, and I keep seeing some dude in my dreams who keeps comforting me in them and wants to comfort me in real life and my mom tells me “I cant bring fiction into reality and it’s not realistic.” Just when I feel comfortable enough to tell her about him, that’s the response I get.

Life sucks and then you die I suppose.

I know a Canadian man who was kicked out at 16 and spent the rest of his life partying till he was 25 than his girlfriend at the time had a child, and she went completely crazy (the girlfriend), he is 40ish now with the child and they're both happy people, your mother shouldn't be so hard on you, you're still somewhat a child, from personal experience I can only recommend doing something crazy that you know you probably shouldn't do, when I was 15 I made my own alcohol, got super drunk and admitted my suicidal thoughts to my mothers best friend I got help and I am doing well and happy now. My old world geo teacher was in a rock band till he was 24 than settled down and has a family.

I apologize for not being able to help everyone but I only know this one situation well enough to warrant a response.