How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

Embarrassed and unhappy

TRIGGER WARNING: SELF PITY PARTY

It’s a long, autistic, and worthless story, but basically I was going to have a birthday party, first in my life (my old friends never did formal parties, just hung out) because it turned out one of my friends expects that sort of thing and I wasn’t going to let him pass by repeating it to me.

My friends was a huge thing, basically everybody who tangentially knew him was there, owing mostly to a mutual friend that invited them. And he’s kind of a social butterfly type, one of those always wheedling to get people to like him, so he eats that shit up.

I planned to do a smaller thing, I only invited seven people, five of them being people who I considered friends on some level or another, two of them for reasons not worth getting into. And it’s not really a new party, but something I was already planning to do with five of them (different five from my friends, some overlap), just adding two more people on, have a cake and call it the birthday. More convenient for everybody.

But the mutual friend, who i thought I was closer to, he never bothers to respond to my invitation and actually starts kind of snubbing me. And then another guest (of that original five) can’t come, and then the day of it turns out that the two who suggested the event can't come. So I’m left with one person of the original five, and then the two other people. The event is basically in shambles. (It was an event I would have never planned without the original people who should have been there, like, I would rather do something else for my birthday.)

And I had put a lot of effort into preparing (mostly cleaning), and had gotten real excited for it, dedicated my Fall Break to it instead of planning a trip, and then it all just sort of falls apart, so I just called it off. Was a few days ago, but since then I’ve just been real peeved that so many of these people turned out to be unreliable, especially that mutual friend, and yet all of them were at my other friends thing.

I know it’s a super womanly (girlish, really) thing to be upset by. Just hurts to feel like people didn’t care, besides that small group.

 

[Kendall Motor Oil]

I just learned that the sources of my behavioral issues that have destroyed my life and all my romantic relationships are the women from my childhood abusing and medicating me. I am now trying to figure out what to do and how to get my life on track in my mid 30s. I want a wife and kids but every day it seems like my dream was impossible before I was old enough to have it.

 

[Cedric_Eff]

I’ve been physically unwell but fine.

 

[Shitted Scaredless]

Got randomly sick for a bit last night. Sudden onset nausea, awful headache, and overheating. I feel better now. But what the fuck was that about?

 

[Sped Xing]

Got randomly sick for a bit last night. Sudden onset nausea, awful headache, and overheating. I feel better now. But what the fuck was that about?

Malaria is bad.

 

[Shitted Scaredless]

Malaria is bad.

I hate sudden onset Malaria

 

[Info Player Start]

Good. the shitty weather helps me focus on projects.

 

[Coffee Druid]

Got in my car to go to work and my car wouldn't start. I felt awful calling into work but I literally cannot get to work now. My manager was pretty nice about it, and I'm practically never late or absent so hopefully it won't be a big deal. I'm seriously hoping it's just the battery, and I plugged in my trickle charger to see if that helps. My car is super old, but I just need it to survive until I have the money for another one. Whenever that is.

I'm trying to find new jobs that are better than my current retail one. It's not hard to find job openings. But finding one that's not retail/food, imqualified for, AND matches my degree (history, which is um...not in high demand)? Difficult mode. I've thrown out a couple apps but their listings have since closed and so far no word so I assume the answer is no.

 

[IFukYorMom]

i have a big penis and i hate niggers so not bad.

 

[Flavius Claudius Julianus]

Had a nice date. Trying very hard not to get my hopes up. I keep getting stood up, cancelled on and ghosted. I think quitting smoking (it's been like 6-7 months) made my sex drive come back. It was fun for a while, now it's just a nuisance. Honestly I miss post-coital cuddling and watching a movie or playing vidya more than coitus itself.

I can't sleep because I have a massive headache and I have to be at work in 4 hours. Insomnia has been bad lately, only getting 3-4 hours of sleep a night and then sleeping for like 12 hours on my days off. I can't shut my fucking brain off.

I'd recommend a strong antihistamine on the bad nights. I'm exactly the same as you: anxious brain firing every waking moment, yet can't sleep when I need to. The antihistamine I'll typically take once a week, usually mid week to ensure a good 9 - 10 hour sleep. That usually keeps me going until the weekend when I can sleep in without a schedule. It was an absolute godsend when I discovered them a few years back.

Life is good right now. Broke up with the girl I'd been seeing for a year or so, which was precipitated by my fucking a younger, hotter girl behind her back. I'm a cunt, so need to say it. The breakup would have been good for me regardless though. The new job is good, I'm just coasting on petty savings and credit until I get my first mega pay cheque.

My gym schedule has been interrupted somewhat by my new working hours + commute, though I'm enjoying some very intense compound heavy sessions during my lunch hour, and having my usual longer session on the weekend. The combination seems to be working very well, and I enjoy the weekend sessions more because of the weekday rush. Tons of raw, beltless PRs, which can only toughen my core up.

 

[Spamton]

I don't really want to go to work tomorrow since i'm worried about them changing my position due to my injury, but i need the money.
My wrist still hurts but i don't have money for a doctors appointment and i can't just stop using my dominant hand.
so all and all, things have been very frustrating.

 

[guntigo]

ok, i guess. i'm figuring out all the ins and outs of networking. just trying to get through these weird times!

 

[Shitted Scaredless]

Max updates, max updates

So, he's at the vet again because he'd been limping off and on. It wasn't interfering with him much, but still.

So it look like he might have a joint issue that only little dogs get? Something about his knee cap occasionally dislocating. So, it's either thousands of dollars to pin the knee in place, or pirate-ifying him. Which is sad to think about, but we also don't have the money really for the proper surgery. So it's either go broke or. Three legged cat. I know cats get on just fine with three legs, but it's not favorable in my mind.

How the hell did he get a DOG condition??

 

[Vingle]

So, it's either thousands of dollars to pin the knee in place, or pirate-ifying him. Which is sad to think about, but we also don't have the money really for the proper surgery. So it's either go broke or. Three legged cat. I know cats get on just fine with three legs, but it's not favorable in my mind.

This is hard, but a third option is to put him down. Does a three legged cat sound more desirable now?

 

[keyboredsm4shthe2nd]

some moral busybody karen cunt threatened to call the cops on me because i pushed my dog off me with my knee because she BIT me. Fucking cunt wouldn't even come out and face me, yelled it to me from the safety of her living room and said "even if you're roughhousing, if you kick that dog again I'm reporting you." Yeah because my dog with all her dopey lab behavior and zero fear towards me is CLEARLY being abused.
At the very least if she did, the cops would take one look at my dog and tell her to shut her mouth for wasting police time. COME OUT AND FACE ME LIKE A MAN YOU CUNT
Edit: Cunt also conveniently only noticed me kneeing my dog in the chest, not the part where in her hyperactivity nearly BIT A CHUNK OF MY FUCKING NOSE OFF AND OVERTOOK ME lol of course bitch. You'll be in the ground in five years anyway.

 

[Shitted Scaredless]

This is hard, but a third option is to put him down. Does a three legged cat sound more desirable now?

Yea. I'd think he'd do fine with just three legs, if heart failure of all things didn't stop him that sure as he'll wouldn't. Though we don't know for sure yet as the X rays have gone for a second opinion

 

[Sped Xing]

I just put my house under contract to sell for three times what I spent on it in 2013. I didn't even have to sell to a yankee!

Victorylap.mpg

 

[glass_houses]

I just put my house under contract to sell for three times what I spent on it in 2013. I didn't even have to sell to a yankee!

Victorylap.mpg

Yes, but do you have somewhere to live when it sells?

 

[Sped Xing]

Yes, but do you have somewhere to live when it sells?

Yes, my new, better house on my new, much bigger farm, which cost less than the property I just sold somehow.

 

[Overcast]

Just feeling a bit jaded and pessimistic about things.

Work has been dragging their feet regarding the mask policy despite saying that they would decide what to do about it by the beginning of this month. Meanwhile, we had a "National Coming Out Day" where people went online and most likely circlejerked over how progressive and inclusive they were. I wouldn't know, I didn't participate.

Earlier in the month, I tried requesting to transfer to a different position in the store because I'm tired of my current position and when I asked my current supervisor, who from day one has been nothing but a nuisance that made things harder on my department, constantly flip flopping on her policies and being passive aggressive towards me basically tells me I'm not ready for that and that I don't do a good enough job in my current position. I argue with her for a while and eventually found myself finally losing patience with her, losing my cool and raising my voice at her and telling her I was qualified for the position. She then replied, "Then I failed you as a leader."

She's transferring to a different store in a couple months and so far, her replacement is so much nicer.

Also just been jumping between feeling angry and depressed over the whole vaccine mandate thing. I decided that if my store decides to force a mandate on people, that I would quit. Which makes me sad because I like working there and the people I work with are for the most part fantastic. At the same time, it breaks my heart seeing the same store start to become more and more woke ever since the pandemic started. Particularly when George Floyd died, to which the company responded by donating a million dollars to a black charity.

I feel like I've spent so much of my life trying to be "normal", be a functioning member of society and hopefully become someone who would provide for a family. And now it feels like what it means to be "normal" has changed and the world I know is slowly dying around me. I don't regret all the time spent bettering myself as a person, but I can't help but feel disillusioned.

At the very least, one of my coworkers tried to set me up with a cute girl. Although I stupidly assumed he was referring to someone else and declined his offer. I did ask out said girl later and got her number. I'm not getting my hopes up, but at least it's getting easier putting myself out there. Plus, I'm slowly but surely getting over my fear of driving.