How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Michellandin']

Suicidal, just like the last 2 years.

 

[MARlNA]

My mother had her double mastectomy today and while it sucks that I couldn't be there for her, my dad told me everything went as perfect as it could get. So I'm happy and relieved knowing she's gonna be ok. It does get tough sometimes trying to hold it together, especially because I live 1,000 miles away from her, but I know she'll be ok. Breast cancer has a high survival rate when it's caught early on (which hers was). So I'm doing pretty good, all things considered. Proud of her for being so strong during this.

 

[Wish I knew]

My sleep clock is all fucked up. Instead of sleeping at 11 pm-9 am like I should I’m sleeping at 4 am to 9 and 2 or 3 pm to 6. Right now I’m focusing on resetting it so I can get the proper hours again. Other than that not much, I finished most of the things I wanted to finish.

 

[ForgedBlades]

For the last two months I've been having issues with extremely cold hands and feet, I mean they seriously feel like I'm constantly holding onto block of ice while walking barefoot in the snow. I didn't think much about it until I woke up one day last week and noticed that I could suddenly very clearly see the veins in my palms, almost like my skin was becoming transparent. I was also having intermittent heart palpitations.

I don't have a regular doctor, so I went to a prompt care clinic. They checked my vitals and seemed to think that my heart was fine. The doctor then felt around and told me that I had a big lump on my thyroid which could be creating hormone imbalances that could be fucking with my body temp. She topped it off with this spiel about how when men in their 30s have nodules on their thyroid there's a good chance it could be cancerous. Great. So they took blood which had to be sent to Mayo and scheduled me for an ultrasound. I got a call from them today and they told me the bloodwork came back normal and that the radiologist didn't see anything wrong with my thyroid. So basically I spent the last week shitting bricks about having cancer, and they were just like "Yeah, we don't know what's wrong with you, you should probably go to a real doctor and not a prompt care clinic."

Seriously, I don't know what the fuck's wrong with me. I still think I have a blood clot somewhere, but they were pretty sure that I didn't. I'm heading home in a couple weeks to see my mom's doctor who actually knows what he's talking about. Also, if I suddenly stop posting it's because I probably died of a pulmonary embolism or some shit.

 

[A Grey Cat]

For the last two months I've been having issues with extremely cold hands and feet, I mean they seriously feel like I'm constantly holding onto block of ice while walking barefoot in the snow. I didn't think much about it until I woke up one day last week and noticed that I could suddenly very clearly see the veins in my palms, almost like my skin was becoming transparent. I was also having intermittent heart palpitations.

I don't have a regular doctor, so I went to a prompt care clinic. They checked my vitals and seemed to think that my heart was fine. The doctor then felt around and told me that I had a big lump on my thyroid which could be creating hormone imbalances that could be fucking with my body temp. She topped it off with this spiel about how when men in their 30s have nodules on their thyroid there's a good chance it could be cancerous. Great. So they took blood which had to be sent to Mayo and scheduled me for an ultrasound. I got a call from them today and they told me the bloodwork came back normal and that the radiologist didn't see anything wrong with my thyroid. So basically I spent the last week shitting bricks about having cancer, and they were just like "Yeah, we don't know what's wrong with you, you should probably go to a real doctor and not a prompt care clinic."

Seriously, I don't know what the fuck's wrong with me. I still think I have a blood clot somewhere, but they were pretty sure that I didn't. I'm heading home in a couple weeks to see my mom's doctor who actually knows what he's talking about. Also, if I suddenly stop posting it's because I probably died of a pulmonary embolism or some shit.

Please get well soon and hopefully it's nothing serious,


on a lighter not I just got back from my first day at a new job! Only been unemployed for two weeks, you kiwis are looking at the new dishwasher at REDACTED in the lovley city of REDACTED. Hopefully I made enough of a good first impression my first day and I'm due back on Monday. Hopefully I'll get my first paycheck soon, apparently unlike Chick fil-a they pay every Sunday instead of every two week so hopefully I can get my paycheck and it's enough to pay off my Verizon bills before the service is interupted.

sorry to sperg there but yeah you won't believe how relieved I am to back on the workforce so soon

 

[queerape]

I feel like I'm spending too much time on News Stories these days, especially because I voted this week and am trying to use the recent correction to build positions. I want to do a week long media blackout because I feel like it's adding too much unnecessary stress on me and I want to be a bit more productive. The thing is I grew up very connected to everything and very engaged, long before social media was a thing. I never really lived under a rock, so to speak. A bit of a break would be welcome, though I feel a lot of my lifestyle depends on engagement.

 

[Leonard Helplessness]

I feel like I'm spending too much time on News Stories these days, especially because I voted this week and am trying to use the recent correction to build positions. I want to do a week long media blackout because I feel like it's adding too much unnecessary stress on me and I want to be a bit more productive. The thing is I grew up very connected to everything and very engaged, long before social media was a thing. I never really lived under a rock, so to speak. A bit of a break would be welcome, though I feel a lot of my lifestyle depends on engagement.

Media is a strange widget. It gives you a dopamine hit by making you feel informed and aware of the world beyond your immediate surroundings, like you're part of something greater. The problem is that this dopamine hit is addictive, and loses its potency overtime, making you scrounge ever harder for more and more information about annoying orange men or killer microbes or the latest mass shooting. The end result is that you lose track of your immediate surroundings altogether and become this guy:

Stay informed, but find joy in the tangible world, in the people that you actually meet and talk to. Don't pre-judge the person standing in front of you based on what Twitter or whatever else says about that person's likely behaviors and thoughts. Even if you happen across a known lolcow, be good to him -- you might just be pleasantly surprised, and if he's an asshole to you in response, well, just don't talk to him again.

Love life, love the day, and love the places you go to. That's all you can do. If you ever find yourself getting angry at the news, or at your Discord pals, or at WoW tradechat, that's a sign that you need to step back and take a good, long breather from the digital world. That shit will fuck your head up if you let it.



I had a wake-up call this week, about this kind of thing. I'd noticed that one of my friends was becoming increasingly distant as the months went by, and he was making literally everything -- every bit of news, every detail of his personal life, every social interaction -- be connected in some way to politics. I'd warned him down repeatedly, but he was convinced that he needed to be angry, because his "gay and trans friends on Discord" were scared of the world political situation and if he didn't get scared and angry on their behalf, he was a bad person. A few days ago, he started ranting that coronavirus was killing everyone in China because of capitalism, and it was going to kill everyone elsewhere too because of the same thing. I lost that friend today. That's never a fun feeling.

 

[Dysnomia]

I have lupus. It seems to run on the Polish side of the family and my mom had it too. It used to mainly affect my skin. But in the past couple of years it has gotten worse and I am getting more and more symptoms. Last June I had a flare so bad I had to go o the ER. My doctor told me they should have admitted me. But you have to be half dead these days for that.

Recently I can't taste anything. I might just be getting sick but I am not so sure because it has been spiraling for months anyway. Everything is bland. And that is a symptom of lupus. Your sense of taste goes south. I can't taste my coffee. I am putting way too many spices in things in an attempt to taste them better. I am sure if anyone else tasted them they would be grossed out. I even started using hot sauce and I hate the smell of that stuff.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

In the middle of my master's thesis. Awaiting a reasonable house offer due June. Generally don't socialize with anyone and struggle with finding a game to truly invest myself into, knowing I likely won't be playing multiplayer anytime soon. Wouldn't say depressed but certainly not a positive existence.

 

[CashMoney!]

My wise ass thought a degree in business majoring in marketing would be a good idea. It was not. I'm two weeks in, spent 120 on textbooks, and I hate it. I'm dropping a paper and changing my degree to a BA w/ defence/security studies and/or something more technical in IT.

Ugh. I really should have followed my heart the first time but I didn't know I could do either of those subjects via distance learning. I have an appointment with an advisor on Friday.

Feeling a bit directionless, I guess. Weird limbo.

 

[Molester Stallone]

Not so great honestly, have had a rough several months. I'll eventually get over it. Probably just in time to contract Covid-19 given my current run of luck.

 

[awoo]

I have mental illness. I guess I am lucky in that most of the time I am fine. Occasionally like right now I think too much about my future or my human condition and I feel depressive. Meds help a lot in controlling it and getting me back on my feet but ideally I would find therapy is effective.

 

[Midlife Sperglord]

I have the flu. I am ill and trying to snap out of my self pity party. At least it is not coronavirus.

 

[CashMoney!]

I have mental illness. I guess I am lucky in that most of the time I am fine. Occasionally like right now I think too much about my future or my human condition and I feel depressive. Meds help a lot in controlling it and getting me back on my feet but ideally I would find therapy is effective.

I started running recently and that's helped like... A shit ton. Look up the None To Run program if you think it's not for you and prove yourself wrong. I feel so good after I finish when half an hour earlier I could barely climb out of bed. I never thought I'd enjoy the gym or going outside because I'm a boring shut in tbh but it's really helped me.

 

[Lady Round Buns]

Not great. Turns out the husband was lying about money again, the beautiful car he'd bought me last year just got repossessed. We've got the money to get it back, but it will be about 1350 out of savings and I'm REALLY not happy about it. This isn't the first time in the past 11 years that he's done God knows what with thousands of dollars, I'm just the fucking moron that keeps him around because the kids love him so much. He's a good dad, just a stupid ass other than that.

I just feel stuck.

 

[Roast Chicken]

I was informed on Monday by my neurologist what the antibodies in my blood could be an indicator of. I'm currently waiting to have a lot more tests but it feels like it's all moving so slowly.

 

[Molester Stallone]

I was informed on Monday by my neurologist what the antibodies in my blood could be an indicator of. I'm currently waiting to have a lot more tests but it feels like it's all moving so slowly.

I can empathize. I went through something similar. Damn doctor took days to get back to me even after having the results. "Oh you'll be fine. Just try to work less and relax more" is what I was told. What a prick.

 

[jonathanlowry]

Spoiler: silly stuff in my mind

For a week now I have been absolutely positively done with reading politics/news and anything from 4chan and similar imageboards (save for wizchan but there is sneering and hatred to watch out for there too) as I have been filled with dread and fear of imminent death, it looks as though the conspiracy theory-fueled paranoia has gotten worse from reading such persuasive rhetoric now my mind is distraught, disquiet and overloaded from all that stuff. It really does not help living in a hot and large city in the southwest desert crowded with millions of people that are hustling and bustling in traffic all the time nonstop every time I leave the house. To hell with the overt political people and fearmongers of any kind of course, I will not let those guys (of any political viewpoint) dictate what i think anymore. I want to go back to not thinking everything in the world is trying to murder or enslave me. Very hard to snap out of it and it's killed my appetite as of late.

The good things however, I got in touch with some of my family members after a long period of not speaking to them after some months making sure they're okay. Better progress on fixing the RV I own although the slow pace is frustrating and it is getting slightly pricey, at least we have a far better idea of what needs to be done to it that I can narrow those things down to three at this point. Installed a new battery over an hour ago and just put together one of the rear breaks last night. I'm very proud of how clean I made the interior and beds, bathroom and how I put together that bathroom sink with a new faucet and countertop to discover absolutely no problems in the plumbing on this rig at all. Been watching a bunch of old films/shows from when i was a child just to ease my mind because of how the sneering and hatred and dread in a lot of media I've consumed as a young man is just totally nonexistent from those old things.

Tldr; warning this may come off as a post looking for a pity party so I apologize if i seem preachy or whiny here, just want to get it off my chest.

 

[Cat Menagerie]

I have bronchitis from all the tree pollen that's been kicked out recently (already been to my doctor to confirm this). I'm coughing a lot and people are actively avoiding me in public. It's great.

 

[Molester Stallone]

I may have jury duty on Monday. I'll make sure to "cough" a lot while waiting to be called. Could make for an interesting social experiment.