How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

Turns out it's not the Big Cough. Which is a shame because I was looking forward to the kiwi funeral.
Instead its the most melodramatic shit my bodies ever pulled. Fuck this.
 
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Vingle said:
I was upset at a friend that berated me about being negative. The fucking audacity, when he flaked on me last Friday.
Reason as to why I got upset. He hate niggers and is the kind you really can talk to about anything without being afraid of upsetting. So just thought I have actually found a friend.

But he seemed kinda flustered and promised meeting up with me tomorrow. We live really near each other, so that's okay.
I feel like a dramaqueen, but seriously don't flake on me!:'(
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What's the story?

I had some jerkoffs that had to cancel the day of an important (for me) party, and I sulked about it a bit, but I didn't say anything hateful to them or anything. But then when I did start being chatty again, they were pissy towards me and gave me the cold shoulder. Fuck me for not being 100% happy with them for a while, right?

Have had problems with people being real late too. Not the exact same as flaking, but basically the same in that it shows disrespect for the other person's time. Some people just feel entitled that they think people should do things for them and they don't even have to show up on time for the favor you're doing.
 
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I’m slowly (and sadly) making my way back to California, I’m out of Washington and I’m spending the night in a motel in Oregon.

But after talking it over with the family member I’m driving back with we decided to possibly delay our arrival by a day, we’re carrying a LOT of shit back with us from Canada and we don’t want to wear ourselves out. I just pray to God we don’t end up stopping in Sacramento for the night.
 
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Going over an old hard drive I hadn't touched in like ten years. The thing still worked. I was surprised. I thought the magnetic domains would be fucked after like a decade of not being powered on, but the data was all there.

As I perused old Armored Core OSTs, cracked late 00s games, saved LiveLeak vids, flash games (ooo, Motherload Goldium Edition), and fansubbed episodes of Soul Eater, I began to wonder how things got so bad in the first place.

 
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My bestie laughs her ass off to some troons ridiculous nsfl vids and just had to show me. And even tho I'm a quite lurker of the amhole/frankendick thread and have seen a lot of shit (sometimes quite literally)...

I'm NOT doing well!
 
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Threw out an application to a job that makes more than my current one, and is full time. I could probably go full time at my current one but it pays crap. Plus the one I'm looking at not only is M-F (weekends off would be nice), but more relevant to my interests. Here's hoping. Part of me would feel guilty about leaving my current job but its my life and that's how jobs go. They're not super understaffed or anything, but i work hard enough so they'll probably do the whole "awww, are you sure"? bit.

I also started getting into my old habit of sitting outside enjoying nature before bed. It helps calm me down (especially from job and car troubles), though it's a bit cold this time of year. But im in a small town so i can actually enjoy the stars and trees. A bee sting (hard cider and mead) also helps a bit. I'm not religious or anything, but nature makes me feel more comforted than anything else. I just wish I had friends to enjoy it with.
 
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Yesterday, for the first time since late February 2021, before the sciatica hit, walked the four-mile route from my house and back. Been building up to it since July. Felt very good. Plan to do that twice a week. Now walk different routes, as well, keeps things interesting and fun. Tomorrow morning we're going up the big sand dune hill, as we've been doing the last several Fridays. Get to the top, enjoy the views of the ocean, Monterey, Santa Cruz Mountains before we "sand-surf" down the hill. Head home, do the back exercises, started with doing 20 reps of three different exercises, now up to 70, next week 75, goal 80. Mighty grateful for the progress. At the start of June wondered if I'd ever be able to even walk more than 20 yards without pain again. Been quite an odyssey.

On the aggravating side, a certain weed that flowers this time of year is emitting pollen that's highly irritating. Using eye drops plus the daily pills. Fighting the allergies takes a lot out of me as the day goes on. Can't even leave windows and doors open due to pollen, hit about 75 today before the wind started coming off the ocean. We have no winter here as many of you know it. Things grow and bloom here all year long. This particular pollen will be around for a couple of weeks, will have a few more rough days.
 
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Depressed. I got wrongfully arrested for Shadman charges(the aggravated assault charges except domestic) after I called the police on myself because I was in mental distress and was arguing with my kids dad. Now the state is trying to destroy my life and take my kids. But they can’t because…neither of us are unfit parents. We just have mental problems we have to work on and I have been working on mine.

I better get a section 8 voucher or something for this stupid shit so I can finally leave LIKE I WANTED TO BEFORE THE PANDEMIC, and finally grow as my own person. I haven’t been on my own since I was 22.
 
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I'm not good with cloudy days. Winter's dragging on.
Walked for a few miles out to the barren forest - all the leaves still stripped and spring nowhere in sight.
Found a squirrel. The squirrel seems undeterred. Maybe it knows it ain't gonna be winter forever.
Watching it made my day a little brighter. Perhaps it can brighten yours as well.
 
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I slipped on a patch of ice and fucked my (already fucked) knee up pretty good while playing with my dogs. At least we were having fun, I guess. Time for ice packs and nsaids. Ironically, I still haven't bought a new knee brace from my husky destroying my old one, back when he was going through his chew everything phase, otherwise it may not have happened at all. Such is life.
 
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Coof going through each member of my family, now it has reached me– Woke up feeling like shit and it's gotten worse through the day. Honestly somehow expected worse but this feels like H1N1 again, which is still not good but I can still do things that need getting done. Winter doesn't help with it either..

Just hoping our youngest doesn't get it because I hate seeing kids sick, period, but especially the little ones. It's giving me a bit of anxiety. (:_(
 
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Angry. I finally told a BPD-diagnosed friend that I didn't want to hear about his issues with his abusive husband because he never does anything to improve things a few days ago. Today he gave me a rebuttal to a distorted BPD version of my arguments that literally had no correlation with reality. When pressed for a response I just said that I had nothing to say about it

I know that no argument I make would get through to him, and that the best way to deal is to not engage but I'm still pissed about it.

Sorry, I just had to vent for a bit.
 
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