How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

Ive met probably tens of young adults wanting to get into art solely for the community (see: attention). They didnt realize art had no value outside porn commissions and if they didn't find it fun to draw, for fun, they'd never stick with it. Spoiler: They didn't.
You can also make money selling commissions for self printed merchandise but other wise you're right. There's artists making decent cash drawing Pikachu dressed as different anime characters for TCG mats.
Matched with a chick who immediately took it to Discord.
Getting them off the dating site onto a 3rd party platform is one of the best ways to keep their attention. If they're checking your messages on a dating site they're seeing other guys too. If you keep her away from it you're more of her focus.
Spoke a bunch, replying in equal measures; one day she goes "wanna mic?" at fucking 11pm, about to head to bed. "Uhh no can't be fucked bro it's late lol" and she just never replied after that
You weren't the only dude she was talking to and once you didn't give her the right attention she dropped you. Not a big loss. And no one wants a chick into borderlands. Who likes Anthony Birch's writing?
 
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Sick as fuck still, but on the bright side, my in-laws picked up the kids because we are incredibly blessed to have such wonderful, thoughtful, and nearby relatives and because we didn't want to reinfect them somehow. My husband was off work, and we cuddled on the couch getting live updates from the entire Rekieta saga from pillstream to now. I've been leisurely tending the self-actualization level of my hierarchy of needs HARD this week.
 
If I can get sleep that lasts longer than 2 hours I will probably be much more stable and level headed and go back to keep on truckin' through it til it stops and I can process some things.
You could try melatonin, it's one of the very few "sleep meds" that actually helps you sleep and doesn't just induce sedation. It's certainly not something that you take and it just knocks you out though, so if your sleep issues are really bad, it might not do much if anything at all.
 
She definitely wasn't expecting to talk to someone who was completely unfazed and she kept laughing maniacally when I asked her, "What's your plan? What are you thinking?" It was like a shitty porno opening with her, barely meeting the legal qualification for being clothed, clearly high, giggling and telling me she's oh so helpless and alone.
Maybe I'm retarded, but was she actually a prostitute or something? I probably would have fallen for whatever she was doing, I'm afraid.
 
I wish everyone in chicago a lovely nuclear hellfire
Same, but for my city.

I went out yesterday and just stepping out of my house it looked like Karachi. It seems like not even the garbage men want to deal with this area anymore. Getting hardcore 3rd World vibes. I hate all the people here so much, even the few germans left are pure gutter trash. Two bus stations away in any direction and it looks like a different world, solid middle class area, all nice with parks and stuff. This fucking hood here needs a culling.
 
Maybe I'm retarded, but was she actually a prostitute or something? I probably would have fallen for whatever she was doing, I'm afraid.
She wasn't like a hooker, but she was telling me that she was "desperate enough to do anything or go anywhere WITH YOU". A certain type of person would have given her money to go away, and another type of person would have wanted to go do drugs, or get sex in exchange for giving her drugs or money and she was hoping I was one of those types of people.
Basically she was going to run around outside until she found a way to get high, whether that was from begging money from people or getting picked up. You're never going to run into people doing this in a random suburban area, but I was literally located between a weed store, a nightclub, the crisis center, a tent city, and the bus depot, so.... I get the John Mulvany "I'm NEW in town" routine every so often.


When you talk to people who are trying to find a way to get/stay high on their vices, they often only say "I need help" and when you start going "here's a bus pass, here's food and clothes, let's brainstorm where you can spend the night" you can see the impatience in them because they don't want THAT help, they need MONEY to get DRUNK like NOW. Even when I worked at the homeless shelter I had a crackhead bring me tools he stole from his employer and beg me to buy them off him for "any amount, a great deal" and when I said no, he offered to sell me his foodstamps. Next he flashed a (fake) gun to try to intimidate me and I said gtfo. He ran around telling everyone this same thing until eventually he got money for that rock. Pretty much every week a woman would offer sex for money or to "come home with me" because there's a real variety of homeless woman that stays housed by "going home" with random men.

Yes, it is a great way to get human trafficked.

It was a big policy argument at my shelter. We used to require people to get prior approval from their case worker to spend the night out. The new uberliberal boss thought that wasn't right and changed it so they merely had to call in and automatically were allowed to be out for the night: any amount of times.

The result was that we basically were providing free accomodations to prostitutes. Women that formerly were NOT going out at night because they would have had to face their social worker about it, now were going out at night. In general everyone started going out, sometimes a big cluster, and the policy was that we weren't even allowed to press them on it, couldn't say anything like "You guys are clearly all going out go do drugs together". It went from 1 or 2 people out per night to 20-30. And imagine you're sleeping outside on the waitlist for the shelter beds, and then at night half the shelter beds are actually empty because all those people are crashing at a trap house and only actually live in the shelter as a back up plan.

This only became an issue to my boss when, in 6 months time, our stats became abysmal as half the shelter was just bums with 0 intention of trying to get out of the shelter because they had thriving careers as drug dealers and hookers. So she changed to policy to be a strict 8 week stay and you had to apply for extensions every two weeks. This is very rough because 8 weeks is not enough time to get out of the gutter (our average successful stay [they got housed] was 5 months) and the extension process introduces a TON of bias as it boiled down to "does your social worker like you/believe in you?" A lot of people will discount it entirely and just assume from the get-go "This is an 8 week stay and then I'll have another shelter lined up afterward." In contrast our old policy was that you set measurable goals and had to show proof at each appointment you were actively trying to get housing/a job/sober/etc, no proof would start a 2 week clock until you had to go (or start showing change). I used to tell people at intake, "Wanting to improve is a condition of staying here and we all expect you to try to make good decisions." and my boss told me to no longer say this because it was "judgmental" and that it was, like, totally racist to expect black people to even be capable of change. That's really what it boiled down to at the end of the day, even though she was black. Her idea of helping was gimmedats and she didn't think it was morally just for the shelter to try to install its views. Views like "try to avoid selling your body for money" and "don't steal." It was all "how can we judge when 'they gotta do what they gotta do?' Society is already holding these people down- are we going to be another oppressor???" Ma'am he's selling fent in our parking lot.


There are shelters that try to change people, and there are shelters that merely keep people off the street for a few weeks as some sort of performance. I felt like my boss' policies changed the place towards the later. Also they paid me less than I would have made at McDonald's and when they hired new people, the new people that I had to train were hired on with higher wages than I made after a year. I felt like they spat on me.
 
You could try melatonin, it's one of the very few "sleep meds" that actually helps you sleep and doesn't just induce sedation. It's certainly not something that you take and it just knocks you out though, so if your sleep issues are really bad, it might not do much if anything at all.
I do use melatonin, but I'm probably going to try stronger than a children's dose. I did manage to get 5 hours instead of 2 so improvement.
 
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Things have gotten really bad this last week. I’ve been neglecting myself, I feel extremely paranoid and alone and I’m honestly just scared, I’m scared and I don’t know what I might do to myself. I may get put in the psych ward again before I see my psych/therapist in a week if it keeps going on like this, there’s very few people who I can talk to in the first place and I highly doubt any of them would want to entertain my current thoughts.
I’ve tried distracting myself from my thoughts but every time I do they just come back stronger. I want to make them stop
 
There are shelters that try to change people, and there are shelters that merely keep people off the street for a few weeks as some sort of performance. I felt like my boss' policies changed the place towards the later. Also they paid me less than I would have made at McDonald's and when they hired new people, the new people that I had to train were hired on with higher wages than I made after a year. I felt like they spat on me.
Not sure if it would work like this at a homeless shelter, but at least in some parts of the corporate world, that is a way of driving out the old guard after a change of management. It is supposed to feel like they are spitting on you because they want to get rid of you ASAP since you do not fully support the new management. It's a not-so-subtle "fuck-off, we know better and don't need you holding us back anymore". Check with your old co-workers from before the new boss came in whether their pay is also lower overall if you want to be certain.
 
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It’s a mixed bag. My apologies if I posted it earlier and forgot.

Had a huge trade show all weekend for my MRB and I broke a tooth on Friday night during setup. Couldn’t even deal with it until Monday. Got in on Tuesday and got the tooth extracted, will get a fake one installed once it heals.

They tried to give me opiates but I passed and have been pain free with just some RSO and 4:4:2:2 tinctures. Literally not a drop of pain and I love it.

My meds are finally really helping, and I am making strides in other aspects of my life. My housekeeper is helping guide me through organization while she cleans so I am making a LOT of free space through simple planning and organizing. As a result finding a lot of cool stuff I forgot I owned.

It’s still far from a perfectly healthy brain but it’s trying.

I’ve got some real hope atm.
 
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