@Friend of Dorothy Parker
How can it be that your job feels different everyday when you over work yourself and do long hours 5 days a week. Is it really that different? Maybe the minor details of each task change but the overall work remains the same processes over and over again.
I do long hours more than 5/week.
And not sure how to explain it, but though I have some "tasks" not set by me, my work is - by my decision and design - largely self-set. I could do the basics only, do X each month, review these things, get this report in on time, etc. Or I could make sure those things are covered, take care of them, and spend the bulk of my time investigating, looking for potential concerns, reaching out to people (and thereby widening my sphere of connection and influence, which indirectly broadens my scope), getting engaged in bigger and broader things. And when I do that? I get more and different projects and scopes of responsibility. Which means my day has variety, and that I'm driving a good part of it.
My point is - my work isn't the same thing over and over bc a) I turn over stones and go beyond the basics, and b) that (so far) has led to completely new spheres.
I'm not going to pretend that is available in every job/position. I'm in a certain world, which does have opportunity to grow and move. And I've been working a long time and bring "a certain set of skills" (hard and soft) that - along with ridiculous amounts of effort - gives me good visibility for taking on new things. But tbvh, I work my ass off to make the day-to-day more challenging and more rewarding than it might otherwise be. I don't just go through the motions. I actively seek to go beyond (and if anything, executing the basics, on time and as required, is sometimes my weakest spot).
So: Tl; dr: sometimes life (or work) really is what you make it.
And if work is a repetitive thing, no opportunities for or interest in monkeying up the ladder, that works, too. In that case, care less and build your life outside the workplace.
I don't have the time to find something outside of work to give me meaning in life. Work is my life.
Why?
The brief time I have outside of work is just to eat, do chores and to sleep. There is no chance to do more than that. And even if I did somehow slot something in I'm still spending most of the week doing something I hate.
That thing you hate pays the bills. You don't have to love it. It is a means to an end. It only owns you as much as you let it.
And if you have things you love, it takes the sting and power over you out of a job you don't.
Practically how do I do option 2? How do I escape purgatory? Does it require going off the deep end and becoming a skitzo living in my car? I can't see how to get out if this hell without breaking the normal guidelines of society, and if I do that then I have to be ready to risk losing it all. It does sound appealing but it also gives me extreme anxiety. And it will make everyone dislike me more than they already do.
You know my answer. And it involves 1) a doctor and some patient work to find some chemical balancing and mitigation, and 2) potentially other support figures (such as a therapist) to help cope or address anxiety or even reconfigure negative thought patterns and tendencies.
"The" answer of what brings contentment and flourishing may vary by person - some will find a way to work the standard job, some may adopt the nomad life...some may find a hybrid or something completely different. But if you're well and truly frozen (you are), then the first step is looking at supportive tools so you can maybe start to see that there are pathways to explore.
