I am sorry to read that your ex-husband is still a complete cunt. I already had that figured out when i read your first post about him and the not-paying-for-college shit but to back out of it once again is really just the lowest of the low. Shows exactly how important your kids and their future are to him. What a fucking deadbeat.
Thank you for this.
Doing the same routine that many times? It's a loop that repeats without any breaks or pauses.
Routine? Personally, my jobs have never been routine. Sure, there are certain things that have to be done on some cadence, but no, every damn day is some new crisis or need or twist. ...which is good, if a pita.
I am not personally naturally inclined to routine. I have (with specific and dedicated effort) LEARNED not to resent having to have some routine. But tbh there's a certain freedom in the routine things. You just have to...do it, and it's done.
But in my work life the routine things are just background. Everyday is different. Working itself is a drag of a routine, I suppose, but the work itself is not. Why? Partly that's just the kind of work I do. But also in part because I seek out more than the bare minimum of my job requirements. A person could phone it in, do the 8-5/5, meet the basic deadlines, perform the tasks, slip in and out, and not get fired. But a person could also choose to take risks, turn over stones, push forward and up. That kind of push can create a headache sometimes (a lot), but it's stimulating, and it means the person gets better and better, knows more and more, and knows/is known by more and more people...which means new opportunities. Or at the very least, an active mind at work, so a good part of the day.
And if you don't have a pension then how do you ever stop working?
You save your money out of what you earn. Contribute to 401ks and IRAs (those are tax-friendly) and other investments, plus save to buy something that hopefully appreciates. It’s DIY for most of us.
The truth is that we all try to avoid looking at our lives like this because it's too much to take in at once. We distract ourselves from reality.
He wasn’t the first to say it, but famously (and yes, now tritely), John Lennon (in “Beautiful Boy”) wrote, “Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.”
The point is, there is no use in looking at life in the way you're describing, if doing so prevents you from fully living in the now, or if your "now" has nothing to it. Maybe those numbers are interesting ("wow, that's a lot of days/hours"), but if that calculation doesn't spur you to action, there's no point.
It's not a distraction from reality to grab life and live it.
If your job is a slog and killing you, start looking at what would be a better fit, and how you make that happen. Or if the job is unfulfilling, put some spice in the rest of your life. And if you're not willing to or interested in doing either of those things, then de-emphasize your job's role (actual, but more relevantly, mentally) in your life, and find your fulfillment and quality elsewhere.
And if there's something between you and finding some verve, address that. Take a minor risk and try it.
You have two paths: 1) spin in misery, and 2) take some action to try to live differently. If you put all your energy into proving that you have reason to be miserable rather than using that energy to find things that might improve your lot or perspective, or if you insist on starting from the conclusion and merely looking for justification, that seems...like you're creating the loop yourself. Sure, do that, but if you already know where you'll wind up, why bother even making the effort to prove your case? The other option requires openness, hopefulness, and humility...but it's the only one of the two that has potential upside.
infinity and eternity
a lot lately and I have been wondering if there really is any difference between temporal and forever from our mortal perspectives.
