How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

I am in grief over the death of a coworker/friend. He was 65 sure, but he was a laid back dude and if you'd known him you could have sworn he'd have 5-10 at least years on him. He was a good man, had a conversation nearly everyday with him and this other guy since the past two years. So it feels a little devastating. There's going to be a funeral at the local Legion club.

I also nearly died tonight. Some idiot stopped their car on the oncoming lane in a construction zone right next to a off ramp. Had to slam on the breaks and swerve at the last second. Had my mind blanked out right there or if there been a car in that other lane I would probably have been a dead man.
 
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Had a shit night. I was out doordashing for extra cash and right as I was pulling up to the address, I could hear that sound you just love to hear - a flat tire. No biggie, I'm in my 40s and have changed dozens of flat tires over the years. Except my jack broke while I was trying to get it up. The dude who I just delivered food to came out and tried to help, but his jack was too small. So, had to call for roadside assistance which took 2.5 hours to show up. Fortunately my Jeep comes with a full size spare so I don't have to worry about driving on a donut. There was a hole the size of a dime in the bad tire, have no idea what did that. I'm just glad to be home with plenty of cold beer.
 
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Forgive the powerleveling and sappy shit here:
Had a rough last month.
I had recently cut off a person from my life 5 days before my birthday. This person was someone I used to be close to, but later on realized they were not serving well for my mental state.

Constantly dragging me into problems (messy shit). Around half way through the friendship I was checked out, moved on from wanting to be around her and liking her. Our friends began wanting to associate with her less. We got into a big argument in which I called her out for her behavior and then led to me finally cutting her off after being tired of her crap and lack of respect for me as a friend and individual. Aside from that, she has unresolved/repressed feelings for me that I longer had and insisted I still liked her (essentially projecting). After regaining my spine/backbone and cutting her off, it was too late and 2 days before my birthday decided to harass someone who had nothing to do with our problems as a way to get back at me.

This same friend who got dragged in gave me wise advice to cut off this woman before things would get out of hand. And I should have listened. After this whole predicament, I've reflected on my choices and my morals. It's good that I like to give others a chance at redemption, it's good that I like to see the good in others and that change is possible; but how many times will I allow someone to walk all over my generosity? How many times will I allow someone to use me as a tool? And how many times must I put myself in these kinds of situations until I learn my lesson?
It's this incident and almost losing someone who means a lot to me that made me reflect heavily and realize that things need to change. Not just for the people I care for most to be safe, but to save myself from mental anguish.
 
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I am going to use this as an opportunity to rant about my new neighbors and my city as a whole.
I am born and raised in a ghetto shithole of a city. A dirty, filthy, 1 in 4 residents are illiterate city. Not joking, 1 in 4 adults are either straight illiterate or "functionally illiterate", reading at or below a 5th grade level. This is a dirty, shitty fucking city with shit schools, selfish mentalities, shit infrastructure. It's filled with retarded beaners who bring the worst aspects of their culture to this city. Because of these beaners we have a stray dog problem since they just left their mutts outside to do fuck all in Mexico. Or they keep them chained outside, or they constantly get outside because they're retarded and I have to see 500 posts on nextdoor of "Has anyone seen my shitbull cupcake I don't know how she gets out ??! We miss her sooo much" then when cupcake gets back they continue neglecting her until she gets bored and chews a hole through the fence again.
No one wants any of these fucking dogs either. The shelters are constantly at max capacity, yet because of beaner machismo mental, they never neuter their shitbeasts and project their own feelings of needing to spread their functionally illiterate seed onto their retarded dogs who make 5 more retarded dogs that become 5 more retarded strays. And then we have the retarded white dognutters who enable this behavior of "what did this 3 month old baby do to trigger the shitbull??!"
I wish we would hurry up and do a mass euthanization of all these mutts in the shelters and streets because we don't have the resources to constantly fight against the never ending battle of beaner mentality. Oh we need to just remind residents to spay and neuter? Go tell that to Juan who breeds shitbulls for fighting, or Jose who refuses because "no mames guey thas his manhood he wanna fuck bitches too."
This was inspired by my neighbors who let their mutt bark for 11 hours straight because their most likely got a retarded dog for their little retarded kids and no one ever actually takes care of it.
 
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I'm finally home from my contract, and it seems I won't have another one for six months even though they like me, as this is the slow period for this line of work.

But I should still have income support as I've been mostly lying on my claims, so that plus the amount I saved should tide me over until at least halfway. Honestly I should've saved more, there was a real backlog of day to day necessities I needed but that doesn't account for all that I spent. I did put two grand down on my student loan which knocks it down a bit. Today I'm going to get my car looked at to assess what needs to be repaired within the year, then I'll start looking for work again and trying to keep my expenses down.
 
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In all seriousness, to those that are having severe health issues or are having family, friends or co workers suddenly die, you should consider thinking about what has changed about the state of our bodies in the last couple of years. I'm not saying this to be callous, it deeply saddens me that such cruelty has been unleashed on so many innocent souls and nobody seems to acknowledge it.


I have finally had a weekday off of work where I sat on the couch and rested because I'm very tired. With the sudden absence of stress and running around I've just realized how nihilistic and dead inside I am, I have absolutely no thoughts or feelings or want to do anything, it's like I passed on along time ago and I've not realized it yet. How do you fix this and become a complete person?
 
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Dad just pulled up to the house and started throwing punches with moms boyfriend. Cops were called. Dad's now going to jail for a DUI

I know that's massively powerleveling but I want to share the trash TV show this is. And yes, I, my brother, mom, and the cats are okay.
 
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Betonhaus said:
When I came back I found my roommate has started babysitting one of his friend's dog, though it's starting to feel like an adoption of the dog. So now I have a blue heeler I guess, she's sweet tho.
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Show dog.(if you have permission)
 
I absolutely detest college. I'm at my peak. It isn't difficult. It's wasting my time.

I feel like pig with its throat slit and hung upside-down to drain it of its blood.

That's the whole point of this bullshit system is to dash any ambitions and passions you had into pieces and I'm fed up with it.

I absolutely detest this collectivist shithole I threw myself into.

Top hats.
 
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Shitted Scaredless said:
Show dog.(if you have permission)
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I've felt good enough to take a short walk outside the house today, I likely could have done it a few days ago but the Mrs an the rest of my family have begged me to not push it so I aquiassed, but wow it was glorious just be be able to walk around normally for a bit, while this was my Veg garden I've barley got established what I'd call a feral pumpkin patch at one end of the garden an there is some magic going on there because there is one that's 3ft wide but 6in tall but it's growing Purple carrots 13in long.

WebExplorer said:
Well as of late I've been experiencing health issues to where I can no longer leave the house, I've become completely homebound, so not great.
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I had a cyst burst on my spine so I know what it's like going from fully normal to invalid in a short time and nothing I can say will sooth your angst but if you need to vent or just talk etc feel free to DM me, it's hard adjusting and I hope your able to have recovery some day but if you need it I am all ears.

Betonhaus said:
When I came back I found my roommate has started babysitting one of his friend's dog, though it's starting to feel like an adoption of the dog. So now I have a blue heeler I guess, she's sweet tho.
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Betonhaus said:
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My Mrs is trying to make our hounds 6 rather than 5 and it's a heeler and I really want to but i also know the one she wants will be a propper Daddys boy, and I will happily accept this and he'd become my shadow rather than hers, and I already have a few shadows following me if i let them, but they are propper personalities Healers, honestly if you can have one have one.
 
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Got a long term project done today, long term in that it took 2 years for me to spend $40 and do 45 mins of work. Came out good.

Otherwise got back into golfing after 10 years and Ive gotten way fucking better in 2 weeks, feels good.

3 paycheck month so I can stop being broke, just need to be patient.
 
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Betonhaus said:
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Heelers are such great dogs. I had one for 14 years and she was the absolute best dog I could have asked for. She saw me through a lot of bad times in my teens and was my true shadow. I could walk that dog around the neighborhood off leash and she wouldn't leave my side. Had to put her down in January 2020 after her body just gave out. Carrying her into the vet was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I'm glad I could return the favor for everything she did for me. Miss that dog.
 
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