I spent yesterday with a coworker who has managed to specifically join a running club to snatch an elite runner; he did. He pumped 9 successful kids out of her; he worked for a millionaire having company parties on a yacht drinking $800 wines; he owned his own company, and now he's here, working a menial job. Absolutely does not care about having 'fallen' from grace cause he got a family and experiences and all manner of shit to care about other than the job. Which I envy. I don't wanna achieve great things but at least working in an office would be nice.
We always get a chance to apply for positions internally here before they're posted online. 5-6 of us wanted to move to the porter function (generic male duty so makes sense). Then they put it public and now the tally is at 90 applicants. It really reminds me how fucking dogshit the job market is. How fucked and lucky and completely random it all has to be for you to get a job. But once you're inside, especially in the public sector? You can go through a cancer treatment plan and not get fired for it cause the unions would eat the ass of whoever's responsible.
If I can just land an office gig in the public sector, I'd be set up for a few years. Can I get one? Nope, cause it's such a middle-aged mother dominated field that applications sometimes slip up and say "she" about the future employee. And my job isn't tied to any such office jobs, so I can't nudge-nudge my way into a transfer like we can to become security guards or handymen. I've signed up for emails about office jobs but other than 2-3 at once, once a year, there's just none of them. These women grow fucking roots cause they're paid above their skills and get to say "Oh I work in the mental health sector, oh sweet angel I".
I'm scared of the private sector cause I got fired from the one job I finally landed, which was somehow worse paid than this one, but nonetheless marketing in a warm office. I can grow confident real quickly if I master my tasks only for them to get shattered by a poor boss going "Uhh step it up?". Granted, plenty of smalltime public sectors have cozy municipality gigs out in buttfuck nowhere, so I can apply for some of those. Sounds cool as hell to be in charge of forests and shores but the work itself is still just applications and mails.
I thought I was going somewhere in this job until a few months ago. I think my boss just confirmed for me that I wasn't really doing all that great, it was just the soft bigotry of low expectations.
I'm at a point where I feel confident in what I say and do at work, and all was going well in my new team, being affirmed in whatever small things I said based on experiences. Then I sent a mail to the new head nurse in my department and she basically just replied "Who the fuck are you and why are you assuming these things". You know, the physicality of "Hey could you not leave used containers in this corridor that you literally all walk past and do nothing about?". So either I need to be stoic and realize everyone in the entire fucking hospital hate that one ward she controls, for good reasons, or go "Oh right I'm unnoteworthy and have bad people skills". In these situations I usually just think of an exchange I read about; someone being declined at all their interviews until they found their new workplace where the chief just said "Of course you were declined, you were meant to be here instead". Guess it's a mental switch sorta thing.
Hope you feel better soon I was ill for weeks.
