- Joined
- Oct 19, 2021
Got my paycheck. Feels amazing to know I won't struggle anymore. Life is good.
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(((I am NOT a jew)))
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2022
Just wanted to real quick say thanks to everyone. I've overshared on here a couple times and it's embarrassing, especially for this site. But thanks to everyone for the advice and help over the last two years.
I can say that for the first time in several years I'm in a very nice place, among good company with very little worries. And it's... terrifying.
I can say that for the first time in several years I'm in a very nice place, among good company with very little worries. And it's... terrifying.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
I wish you the absolute best, and facing numerous nearly inevitable deaths in my own family, find the "falling asleep watching a western and just not waking up" really enviable.
- Joined
- Nov 26, 2018
Had what you'd call a real bad day today. Stay tuned after the break!
Go to work and I get an HR final warning because I yanked the big fat autistic guy by the arm a few weeks ago. Literally that's why I got written up, I pulled his arm too hard when he wouldn't stop rummaging through a bag of stuff I'd already scanned. Even though I've been here longer he outranks me so I'm supposed to go along with whatever he says even when my manager and my manager's manager acknowledge that he's a retard. I got that on my mind all day, the district manager shows up and points out I'm not wearing my name tag, so I look like a real alabaster solid gold employee with those two feathers in my cap.
One more "aggressive" pass at that guy and I'm shit canned. He's someone I find incredibly slow and grating on a good day so I now I have the possibility of termination hanging over my head every time I'm around him, I'm sure that will improve my attitude.
Plumber shows up to fix the sink, it starts leaking and spraying raw grease and sewage EVERYWHERE, it's leaking from underneath the drawers, and it smells like death, it can't be endured for more than 10 seconds. His happy ass leaves, it's still leaking, no matter how many times I mop it up. I'm only at work for six hours but it feels like 14.
Get off work, get some Baskin Robins. Solace, tranquility, hot fudge. Spirits lifted for a little while.
I go home, laze about, decide to go out and drink, cause you know, it's Friday. Drinking by yourself is an incredibly miserable experience. I go in and out of this same bar like 3 times hoping my friends will be there, and they aren't. Finally I'm aimlessly wondering around main street when I run into them, the entire time they've been in the only bar that takes a cover charge, go figure. Turns out one of my only local friends is moving back home, so that's a shame. Even though I'm really sad with the news all I can muster to him is "well, if I never see you again, it's been real" with a handshake, right after his girlfriend told me to hug him.
His girlfriend is on a team for a project I really want to design for, she said she'd bring me up when she meets with her group. I hear nothing about it for 2-3 weeks, turns out she's met with them twice already this month. Hasn't said a word to me about it, I bring it up and she says "Yeah we had dinner." Nothing else. I assume she's probably too tipsy to realize I'm asking if I can help or not. Obviously she doesn't owe me anything but I feel desperate enough asking her for help I don't know how it will look if I go to the other two people I know and beg them to let me on.
I have no idea what god forsaken hiring sites most studios use, or when internships or opportunities open up. And wouldn't you know it, LinkedIn is all scams and grifters. So I figure one of my only hopes for having any worthwhile experience is to worm my way into a small project like this.
Miss that shot and wander off into the night by myself. Sooo so much hardship could be avoided if I just stopped worrying about being awkward or looking desperate and communicated with people. For some reason I can never show my cards, I couldn't show my two friends how upset I was but I wouldn't have BEEN upset if I'd just reached out and talked to them sooner, instead of doing my usual routine of lurking and hoping I intercept them somewhere. And now one of my only regular friends is gone, I got no one to drink and play smash with.
I have these two wonderful bits of news along with the psychic damage of knowing I have five more fun filled days at my job before I can have a day off (I work 7 days in a row but thankfully I get the 4th off). Five more days of putting up with my frustrating coworker who can get me fired, and a sink that sprays sewage everywhere.
TL;DR: Mind numbing stress and tedium, bad news, and depressing self-reflection all in one day. Does it get worse?
Go to work and I get an HR final warning because I yanked the big fat autistic guy by the arm a few weeks ago. Literally that's why I got written up, I pulled his arm too hard when he wouldn't stop rummaging through a bag of stuff I'd already scanned. Even though I've been here longer he outranks me so I'm supposed to go along with whatever he says even when my manager and my manager's manager acknowledge that he's a retard. I got that on my mind all day, the district manager shows up and points out I'm not wearing my name tag, so I look like a real alabaster solid gold employee with those two feathers in my cap.
One more "aggressive" pass at that guy and I'm shit canned. He's someone I find incredibly slow and grating on a good day so I now I have the possibility of termination hanging over my head every time I'm around him, I'm sure that will improve my attitude.
Plumber shows up to fix the sink, it starts leaking and spraying raw grease and sewage EVERYWHERE, it's leaking from underneath the drawers, and it smells like death, it can't be endured for more than 10 seconds. His happy ass leaves, it's still leaking, no matter how many times I mop it up. I'm only at work for six hours but it feels like 14.
Get off work, get some Baskin Robins. Solace, tranquility, hot fudge. Spirits lifted for a little while.
I go home, laze about, decide to go out and drink, cause you know, it's Friday. Drinking by yourself is an incredibly miserable experience. I go in and out of this same bar like 3 times hoping my friends will be there, and they aren't. Finally I'm aimlessly wondering around main street when I run into them, the entire time they've been in the only bar that takes a cover charge, go figure. Turns out one of my only local friends is moving back home, so that's a shame. Even though I'm really sad with the news all I can muster to him is "well, if I never see you again, it's been real" with a handshake, right after his girlfriend told me to hug him.
His girlfriend is on a team for a project I really want to design for, she said she'd bring me up when she meets with her group. I hear nothing about it for 2-3 weeks, turns out she's met with them twice already this month. Hasn't said a word to me about it, I bring it up and she says "Yeah we had dinner." Nothing else. I assume she's probably too tipsy to realize I'm asking if I can help or not. Obviously she doesn't owe me anything but I feel desperate enough asking her for help I don't know how it will look if I go to the other two people I know and beg them to let me on.
I have no idea what god forsaken hiring sites most studios use, or when internships or opportunities open up. And wouldn't you know it, LinkedIn is all scams and grifters. So I figure one of my only hopes for having any worthwhile experience is to worm my way into a small project like this.
Miss that shot and wander off into the night by myself. Sooo so much hardship could be avoided if I just stopped worrying about being awkward or looking desperate and communicated with people. For some reason I can never show my cards, I couldn't show my two friends how upset I was but I wouldn't have BEEN upset if I'd just reached out and talked to them sooner, instead of doing my usual routine of lurking and hoping I intercept them somewhere. And now one of my only regular friends is gone, I got no one to drink and play smash with.
I have these two wonderful bits of news along with the psychic damage of knowing I have five more fun filled days at my job before I can have a day off (I work 7 days in a row but thankfully I get the 4th off). Five more days of putting up with my frustrating coworker who can get me fired, and a sink that sprays sewage everywhere.
TL;DR: Mind numbing stress and tedium, bad news, and depressing self-reflection all in one day. Does it get worse?
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2025
Woke up real early today to help my great uncle pack his bags for another trip and drive him to the airport, sad I couldn't go along as getting long vacation time approved by work, despite having good benefits, is a pain to go through. Hope he has fun in Romania and the other two European countries I forgot.
- Joined
- Jul 2, 2021
I ate an ounce and a half of psilocybin last weekend and tripped harder than I ever have in my life, and ever since I've felt haunted.
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2019
I have an aunt visiting as of late from California. I had lunch with an old childhood friend a few days ago which went well (both me and him had a good time eating a pizza; haven't had a conversation with him really since high school), though my aunt was alarmed when I came back home and tried to get on me about "Facebook strangers" even though I had explained to her thrice (as well as another relative) where I would be and who I would be having lunch with Thursday afternoon. It seems as if she hasn't been paying attention to half of what I tell her. Grown adults don't talk to other grown adults about "Facebook strangers".
Have been having a rough time as of late since quitting caffeine for good, though I tried to wean myself off of it earlier this week. Fatigue is horrid, and it's not helped by things my aunt has done; another example being watering the back porch by indiscriminately spraying the area with the hose while I had a charging solar-powered bug zapper outside. I saw this and opened a window and screamed at her to stop. I brought the zapper inside and turned it off, though it was fine aside from a light whining noise coming from the device (there is no noise now). Things are fine between us now over this, though she told me in the immediate aftermath she was more upset that I put the phone down when I was talking to someone to call out to her. She didn't even think she could have actually started a fire.
I should've figured there were other puzzle pieces in my early childhood that were red flags about her behavior, those being when she wanted to take me skiing as a toddler arguing that "some kids that age can do it" and take me to Colorado alone with her in the process (this never wound up happening), or when she took me to the beach for several hours with no sunscreen years later because "you live in Florida, you should be used to it!" - On a lighter note, my friend and I are considering having lunch again in July, and I've gotten some theology and Biblical history books in the mail lately, so those should be interesting.
Have been having a rough time as of late since quitting caffeine for good, though I tried to wean myself off of it earlier this week. Fatigue is horrid, and it's not helped by things my aunt has done; another example being watering the back porch by indiscriminately spraying the area with the hose while I had a charging solar-powered bug zapper outside. I saw this and opened a window and screamed at her to stop. I brought the zapper inside and turned it off, though it was fine aside from a light whining noise coming from the device (there is no noise now). Things are fine between us now over this, though she told me in the immediate aftermath she was more upset that I put the phone down when I was talking to someone to call out to her. She didn't even think she could have actually started a fire.
I should've figured there were other puzzle pieces in my early childhood that were red flags about her behavior, those being when she wanted to take me skiing as a toddler arguing that "some kids that age can do it" and take me to Colorado alone with her in the process (this never wound up happening), or when she took me to the beach for several hours with no sunscreen years later because "you live in Florida, you should be used to it!" - On a lighter note, my friend and I are considering having lunch again in July, and I've gotten some theology and Biblical history books in the mail lately, so those should be interesting.
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2021
Briefly considered vomiting out my worries and woes here then remembered where I am. So I'll just say I'm tired of living on the razor-edge of worry all the time.
So I'll share some quotes, some for me, and some maybe for others:
Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything - anger, anxiety, or possessions - we cannot be free.
~ Thich Nhat Hanh
There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called Yesterday and the other is called Tomorrow. Today is the right day to Love, Believe, Do and mostly Live.
~ Dalai Lama
Leave behind the passive dreaming of a rose-tinted future. The energy of happiness exists in living today with roots sunk firmly in reality's soil.
~ Daisaku Ikeda
We often feel miserable and our world seems upside-down because we believe that external things will work out exactly as we plan and expect them to.
~ Lama Zopa Rinpoche
When you think everything is someone else's fault, you will suffer a lot. When you realize that everything springs only from yourself, you will learn both peace and joy.
~ Dalai Lama
We are not going in circles, we are going upwards. The path is a spiral; we have already climbed many steps.
~ Hermann Hesse
Try to eliminate the negative attitudes, which bring suffering, and increase the positive attitudes, which bring happiness.
~ Lama Zopa Rinpoche
A disciplined mind brings happiness.
~ The Buddha
(Dhammapada, verse 35)
So I'll share some quotes, some for me, and some maybe for others:
Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything - anger, anxiety, or possessions - we cannot be free.
~ Thich Nhat Hanh
There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called Yesterday and the other is called Tomorrow. Today is the right day to Love, Believe, Do and mostly Live.
~ Dalai Lama
Leave behind the passive dreaming of a rose-tinted future. The energy of happiness exists in living today with roots sunk firmly in reality's soil.
~ Daisaku Ikeda
We often feel miserable and our world seems upside-down because we believe that external things will work out exactly as we plan and expect them to.
~ Lama Zopa Rinpoche
When you think everything is someone else's fault, you will suffer a lot. When you realize that everything springs only from yourself, you will learn both peace and joy.
~ Dalai Lama
We are not going in circles, we are going upwards. The path is a spiral; we have already climbed many steps.
~ Hermann Hesse
Try to eliminate the negative attitudes, which bring suffering, and increase the positive attitudes, which bring happiness.
~ Lama Zopa Rinpoche
A disciplined mind brings happiness.
~ The Buddha
(Dhammapada, verse 35)
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2019
I talked about an internship at a hardware store. It ended in a complete nightmare after that bitch that gave me it treated me like shit and turned out to be a complete narcissistic cunt, and it's a fucking miracle I haven't laid a finger on her given the level of hatred I had towards her at that moment.
Anyways, now I'm once again jobless and aimless, no idea what to do next or where to go or any drive to act. Back in the vegetative state with occasional thoughts about suicide and general depressive mood swings. Fun.
Anyways, now I'm once again jobless and aimless, no idea what to do next or where to go or any drive to act. Back in the vegetative state with occasional thoughts about suicide and general depressive mood swings. Fun.
- Joined
- Jul 13, 2018
I believe I have made a very foolish decision on the assumption that things would entirely work out in my favor. Current signs are pointing towards it not. I have not been seriously stressed in a long while so its an interesting feeling.
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2019
Fresh or dry shrooms? An ounce and a half though, brother man, you’re a stronger soul than I.
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2017
I promised myself I'd start grooming my hair and put some effort into myself, but I don't even know what I want to do with my hair. I've started looking at other men's hair and often it's so short they don't do anything but soap, or it's big and poofy and too much of a statement that I'd want to do that. Unless I can achieve it? Not sure. I should start moisturizing too etc but man, I don't wanna spend hours a week just looking slightly better. I got the job, I don't need to dress up other than for my own sake.. Hm.
Nobody is gonna pat your back for setting this fatso straight. Unless his interference directly affects your livelihood, stop caring. Realize it's a job and not one you're rewarded for putting in more effort than necessary. Put in the amount of extra effort you personally benefit from. I do extra IT and scheduling work at my current workplace cause else I'd go crazy, and lo behold, having half my job description be computer wizzing got me my next job.
I work in a place with a lot of time buffer cause of security concerns. We just got a new team member and she's used to working basically 24/7 and having to react alarms at night. We're trying to hammer it into her head that nobody is gonna reward her for pushing her limits, her efforts, or trying to make things work with other employees when nobody stand to gain from it. It's difficult for her, and I know the rest of us seem careless in the way we.. don't care. But nothing comes of it.
Nobody is gonna pat your back for setting this fatso straight. Unless his interference directly affects your livelihood, stop caring. Realize it's a job and not one you're rewarded for putting in more effort than necessary. Put in the amount of extra effort you personally benefit from. I do extra IT and scheduling work at my current workplace cause else I'd go crazy, and lo behold, having half my job description be computer wizzing got me my next job.
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2019
I should go to the gym today but I don't feel like it since it's Sunday and they're open from 14:00 to 17:00. At the same time I've only been there once this week and I'm falling into the mental trap of "I'll do it tomorrow I swear". I have no idea how to kick myself in the ass to just get up and go. I was planning on cleaning up my room for the entire week as well so maybe at least I'll force myself to do that.
- Joined
- Jun 6, 2020
I've been reading some of the current politics threads here, both ones that skew to the Left and the Right. What I'm getting at is that I am very tired in a way that sleep can't fix.
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2022
Yesterday I was in a restaurant and there's a large commotion outside with a few ambulances pulling up, so I asked around and they said someone had a seizure.
I walk out of the restaurant into the mall to see the person who is being carried out. The song playing over the mall speakers is coincidentally SOS by Rihanna. I think it's pretty funny.
I walk out of the restaurant into the mall to see the person who is being carried out. The song playing over the mall speakers is coincidentally SOS by Rihanna. I think it's pretty funny.
Are you trying to see God
- Joined
- Jun 21, 2021
So that goth-adjacent girlfriend I've been seeing and I decided that yesterday was the day for me to meet her kids. I know - single mom and all that, but such is life - I really like this one so let's see how it goes, right?
Turns out that her kids are fucking hilarious and absolute shitposters-in-training and we all had a blast just chatting and joking while driving to the museum we were headed to for the day. On top of that, they were models of decorum while in public and were super fun to talk to about the exhibits we were walking past.
We all finished up with a trip to eat at one of my favorite local places (which was a hit with everyone involved) and then just hanging out/walking around/shooting the shit at a local park and continuing to get to know these hilariously precocious small humans. Seeing how her kids are turning out has made me respect my girlfriend more, especially since she had to go it largely alone re: raising them.
Is all of this what I envisioned as what I'd be doing at my current age back when I was 18? No, but not much about my life is. Is it actually pretty good? Surprisingly, yes. Hit me with them scouters.
Turns out that her kids are fucking hilarious and absolute shitposters-in-training and we all had a blast just chatting and joking while driving to the museum we were headed to for the day. On top of that, they were models of decorum while in public and were super fun to talk to about the exhibits we were walking past.
We all finished up with a trip to eat at one of my favorite local places (which was a hit with everyone involved) and then just hanging out/walking around/shooting the shit at a local park and continuing to get to know these hilariously precocious small humans. Seeing how her kids are turning out has made me respect my girlfriend more, especially since she had to go it largely alone re: raising them.
Is all of this what I envisioned as what I'd be doing at my current age back when I was 18? No, but not much about my life is. Is it actually pretty good? Surprisingly, yes. Hit me with them scouters.
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- Joined
- Jul 6, 2024
Last time I saw her were the New Year celebrations because I live far from my family. I don't feel that sad because of it but I know that I'll never have any other pet unless I get married and have kids and I also know that she was one of her kind and there will be no other cat like her. Farewell, Lesia.
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2017
Think of the donut, not the hole. Were there something you enjoyed? Helping customers? Working with tech? Being around people? Think about it and use it as a starting point for your next move.
That's because you're pushing yourself, get more and more stressed so you have less capacity to do something. Let it go, don't try. Tell yourself "you know what? If I skip gym today, it won't be a tragedy" and go on about your day. Then when you feel bored go on and hit the gym. Don't try to do your workout routine 100% at a time, start first and work from there.
Looks like she was a sweetie. RIP
- Joined
- Dec 24, 2022
I have finally found some sense of normalcy after so long. It's so not over kiwi bros.
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2022
I lost sight of what I want to accomplish in life and don't know how to get back on. It happened while I hardly noticed. I'm a shell of my former self and not the person I want to be for my husband and baby. I'm becoming useless and infantilized. I'm where I want to be in life but have regressed as a person and don't even know how to start fixing it. I used to be strong.