How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

I'm doing as well as I can. My mood has been fluctuating between cocky and insecure; insecurity being the main mood I've been in over the years. Whatever I do, no matter what I do, I feel inferior and an utter idiot. I'll have people state the contrary, but it just seems like a way to placate my fragile ego. I try to study new topics, only to find myself eventually half-assing; basking in depression and belittling myself. It's nerve-wracking to communicate to new people or in front of people in fear of being a fool. I just have to bite the bullet.

On the bright side, I got off my ass and signed up for community college. I start on the 6th, and I hope to eventually transfer to a university. I've no idea on what to major in, though engineering is enticing. I want to prove my worth to the world and that I'm capable.
 
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Doing pretty good today all things considered. Just got home from picking up my brother at the airport. It wasn't as crazy as I thought it would be. I've been up since 3am and it's time for a nap before trying to survive Christmas Eve with friends and family.
 
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Not great, it was a year ago my friend died in his condo and wasn't found for a week, I can't have my mom's Christmas Eve tourtiere because I'm unvaccinated and can't fly to see them and my rabbit has an infection behind her eye and medications have made her a little better but she won't eat or drink
 
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I have this friend, I've probably vented about before. She is childish, and reacts like everything I say is stupid or the dumbest thing she's ever heard. I don't know entirely how to describe the tone. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around her when talking. But no one else in my close friend circle seems to feel similarly. "That's just how she is." But when I get miffed or upset I never get that excuse. I'm just a bad person. And she and her bf (which I feel bad for, because she bickers and yells at him) are over at our place all the time because she's bffs with my boyfriend. I don't act bitchy to her in return, I just avoid her if I can.

I admit I was a sketchy prick the other day. I made a vague post on social media about being annoyed with a recent interaction. No personal details. I didn't call her rude names or say I hated her or anything. I even set the privacy so she couldn't see it because I didn't want ro hurt her feelings. That was low of me. But she found out and sent me a verrrry long message that looks like an angry vent. I haven't read it but my anxiety is through the roof. I deleted the original post but that's probably cowardly too.

I don't want drama. I just want to live my life without having to interact with someone with an abrasive personality and feel like shit. It'd also be nice to have a best friend, especially one I can talk to about my worries but I got none of those either.

I'm also dead from working Christmas eve but that's not a problem now I'm home in bed. With anxiety.
 
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Coffee Druid said:
I have this friend, I've probably vented about before. She is childish, and reacts like everything I say is stupid or the dumbest thing she's ever heard. I don't know entirely how to describe the tone. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around her when talking. But no one else in my close friend circle seems to feel similarly. "That's just how she is." But when I get miffed or upset I never get that excuse. I'm just a bad person. And she and her bf (which I feel bad for, because she bickers and yells at him) are over at our place all the time because she's bffs
with my boyfriend. I don't act bitchy to her in return, I just avoid her if I can.

I admit I was a sketchy prick the other day. I made a vague post on social media about being annoyed with a recent interaction. No personal details. I didn't call her rude names or say I hated her or anything. I even set the privacy so she couldn't see it because I didn't want ro hurt her feelings. That was low of me. But she found out and sent me a verrrry long message that looks like an angry vent. I haven't read it but my anxiety is through the roof. I deleted the original post but that's probably cowardly too.

I don't want drama. I just want to live my life without having to interact with someone with an abrasive personality and feel like shit. It'd also be nice to have a best friend, especially one I can talk to about my worries but I got none of those either.

I'm also dead from working Christmas eve but that's not a problem now I'm home in bed. With anxiety.
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Cut that bitch out of your life. The amount of shitty, toxic fucks that people expend energy and sanity on will never cease to amaze me. I blame social media for mutating friendship into a meaningless commodity. If you have a tumor, you get it removed. Sometimes it can be hard and dramatic, but the rewards of a peaceful, stress free social circle make it entirely worthwhile.


Myself, I'm having a nice, chill xmas eve. Had lunch with my friends, made Brinner (breakfast for dinner is the tits, made a breakfast casserole, leftovers for breakfast on xmas day!) for my mom and I, browsed kiwi farms and watched die hard while my food was in the oven. Just took my dogs out and its still like 55 degrees (not without precedent in my neck of the woods but still a welcome occurance for sure) so I sat outside and had a couple bowls from my big water pipe I never use anymore. Now I plan to watch Die Hard 2, then Natl. Lampoons Xmas Vacation before a nice nights rest, because tomorrow we go visit family, and thats always the stressful part.

God bless us, every one, and Merry Christmas ya filthy animals.
 
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Coffee Druid said:
I have this friend, I've probably vented about before. She is childish, and reacts like everything I say is stupid or the dumbest thing she's ever heard. I don't know entirely how to describe the tone. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around her when talking. But no one else in my close friend circle seems to feel similarly. "That's just how she is." But when I get miffed or upset I never get that excuse. I'm just a bad person. And she and her bf (which I feel bad for, because she bickers and yells at him) are over at our place all the time because she's bffs with my boyfriend. I don't act bitchy to her in return, I just avoid her if I can.

I admit I was a sketchy prick the other day. I made a vague post on social media about being annoyed with a recent interaction. No personal details. I didn't call her rude names or say I hated her or anything. I even set the privacy so she couldn't see it because I didn't want ro hurt her feelings. That was low of me. But she found out and sent me a verrrry long message that looks like an angry vent. I haven't read it but my anxiety is through the roof. I deleted the original post but that's probably cowardly too.

I don't want drama. I just want to live my life without having to interact with someone with an abrasive personality and feel like shit. It'd also be nice to have a best friend, especially one I can talk to about my worries but I got none of those either.

I'm also dead from working Christmas eve but that's not a problem now I'm home in bed. With anxiety.
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First thing I imagined while reading this was Ethan Ralph. How long have you known this person? She sounds like someone you should try distancing yourself from lest you suffer a perpetual headache.

AnOminous said:
Faggot! Nigger! Shitcock!

That's how well I'm doing.
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haha sneed
 
We've had a good deal of rain this week. Badly needed, indeed. For the first time in who knows how long saw puddles on the dirt. This storm's providing rain or snow over just about all the state. Little rain today, much more projected for the weekend,

Today being Friday, went to Costco and the commissary. All the Christmas stuff had been removed from Costco. Guess they figured it was cheaper to do that during the work week than have people come in on Christmas Day.

Commissary was pretty quiet, will be that way until after the New Year. Place was out of some things but found just about everything needed. On Sunday all the Christmas stuff will be on sale at half price but didn't see anything I'd want.

My 2022 World Radio and TV Handbook showed up today. Will be reading it over the holidays. Gave my 2021 edition to a little buddy a while back, had also gotten him a small shortwave radio.. Trying to get him interested in something besides gaming, rapping, and skateboarding.

I wish everyone a Merry Christmas. 👍
 
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My first Christmas without my mom. I'm in some kind of numb phase. I haven't cried at all today. I'm currently making deviled eggs (my Dad's favorite) and attempting to bake some homemade rolls because hubby forgot to buy some yesterday. I dread going to my in-laws for Christmas. I would rather claw out my eyes than do that, but when you have kids, you have to suck it up and pretend to be okay and an actual adult about things. Plus MIL is getting up there in years and who knows how many more Christmases we have with her, so it would be selfish to fuck that up for everyone else just because I feel shitty. Thank God for xanax, though.

My family is so devastated that I'm just packing up leftovers and handing them out to my dad and brother so they at least have some decent food on Christmas.

I picked up my mom's ashes day before yesterday, so I guess in some way I am spending it with her. I don't normally drink, but I think today might be a good day to get shit faced.
 
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I don't celebrate Christmas being a Slav and living alone in an apartment decided to hang up some shelves to keep me busy. I didn't realise how much of a racket I was making until one of the neighbors came to my door and shouted at me.

She was right I guess, most people want some peace and quite today and I didn't even think of it. That said, calling me all kinds of names (I've never spoken to this person before) was a bit much. Put me in a bad mood all day (:_(
 
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Stasi said:
I don't celebrate Christmas being a Slav and living alone in an apartment decided to hang up some shelves to keep me busy. I didn't realise how much of a racket I was making until one of the neighbors came to my door and shouted at me.

She was right I guess, most people want some peace and quite today and I didn't even think of it. That said, calling me all kinds of names (I've never spoken to this person before) was a bit much. Put me in a bad mood all day (:_(
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idk who that cunt is but he can kill himself. have a merry daymas.
 
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Can't see fam today due to them being quarantine (as a precaution don't think anyone's infected) but i'm giving them calls in a bit, wanted to wait when they'd be awake. Might see them for new years. Watching Christmas movies in the meantime, and just enjoying finally having a day off. Could be better, but I know for some like the above poster it could always be worse. Merry Christmas kiwifarms.
 
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For the past 7 years, I had been stuck with extremely toxic people who made an already shit holiday even shittier for me everytime without fail.

This was the first one I got to spend alone and it was great. Knowing everyone else is occupied was actually not a bummer - it made me feel like there's no one with the time or care to ruin my day and thats just fine with me.

I watched movies, did yoga, worked on some hobbies- I was expecting to just want to kill myself so I feel this was a great day for me and I'm grateful to still have a home and food and my pets (who all got extra treats and the cat a can of tuna because we are poor this year but I don't think he realized the difference).
 
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Had a good Christmas! My roommate got me a sketchbook and a keychain, and I tried ghost pepper hot sauce today. Ended up getting sick from it but otherwise okay. Lots of Death in June. Oh! I made a friend, too, so that was neat. ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ Wishing all of you guys a Merry Christmas! I hope you got what you wanted for presents!
 
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