How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

Just trying to make it to the next day without feeling down.

Granted, that's hard to do when you're almost 30, yet still live with your parents and with no job, along with blowing funds on trivial things like eating out. It feels like I still haven't matured from where I was over a decade ago.
 
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Wife had a miscarriage this morning. I just feel so hollow still, I know it was early in the pregnancy, and these things are more common than people realize, but I can't sleep and I can't distract myself. She wanted to remain cautious until the first trimester was over and not really tell too many people or get excited just yet just in case anything like this happened, but I promised her that everything would be ok, like I had a thousand times before. She trusted me, and I let her down. I'm angry at myself, and if I'm being honest, there's a part of me upset that she's not angry at me too.
 
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Three months fighting through elbow tendinitis while lifting heavy and what aggravates it so badly that I'm forced to stop making progress and do rehab work?

Painting a fucking fence over the weekend.
 
LightDragonman1 said:
Just trying to make it to the next day without feeling down.

Granted, that's hard to do when you're almost 30, yet still live with your parents and with no job, along with blowing funds on trivial things like eating out. It feels like I still haven't matured from where I was over a decade ago.
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Well, seems like you've identified one change you can make.

So do it, then find another.
 
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My support worker left not too long ago. I had a really bad episode of mental illness, reached out, and ended up with my very own shiny support worker. Right now I'm happy and grateful to have him. The cycle goes that as I get better the less grateful and happy I am, and the more resentful and aggravated at having a caretaker at my age I become, and at the point the resentfulness surpasses the gratitude, that's when I'm well enough to tell the various levels of support to fuck off until my next crash. I'd dearly like to tell them all to fuck off permanently, but the reason I'm plugged into these services is because my family wants me to be. I've also quit work because my family wanted me to, which was one of the most devastating things I've ever endured. I take a horrendous amount of medication and live with the side effects to make my family happy. I've turned my life upside down and torn it to pieces to please my family.

I miss working. Not in some part time low skill pity fuck role where they treat you like shit, but as a full time lab rat in a production lab. Product in, product out. Working in tandem with my fellow rats, the push/pull of the plant operators. Earning respect. Being respected. Making money.

Now instead I have a shiny support worker. He's a very nice man. Helps me in the kitchen, takes me places. Comes twice a week. Talks to me in short, simple sentences so I don't get confused. The family's happy, and that's what's important, right?
 
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I am scared of going to the dentist, it's long story, let's just say former dentists fucked up my trust in dentists completely.

But.

Yesterday I've managed to go to the dentist alone, and pulled through getting a tooth drilled open & filled back up again. I know, it's not much and probably bullshit, but I'm kinda proud of myself. :lol:
 
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soft breathing said:
I am scared of going to the dentist, it's long story, let's just say former dentists fucked up my trust in dentists completely.

But.

Yesterday I've managed to go to the dentist alone, and pulled through getting a tooth drilled open & filled back up again. I know, it's not much and probably bullshit, but I'm kinda proud of myself. :lol:
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Good job! I have a severe dental phobia as well and I know exactly how hard it an be to get yourself in there. Be proud of yourself, you deserve it.

Shitted Scaredless said:
I'm having a panic attack. I'm home alone. No one is online.
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I hope you're feeling better by now but if you need someone to talk to you can message me if you'd like. I've been there and it sucks hard.

Personally I'm doing.. shockingly really good. Finances are incredibly tight right now which is stressful, but I've been doing a lot of work on eating healthier and getting out / exercising more and it's actually really helping me. Today my partner and I took a walk, ~half a mile each way and it was absolutely gorgeous out, came home and she made burgers while I got salad together. I feel better than I have in weeks, guys. Never underestimate the power of sunlight and baby spinach.
 
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Took an 8 hour nap. Had some really bizarre nightmares. Most of what I remember of it was someone screaming loudly in my ear, or just voices screaming in general. Someone beating me up, and flipping me over while I was still in bed. Was blind and couldn't see anything for most of the duration. Also haven't eaten anything at all today since midnight 4/26, still don't feel all that hungry.
 
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Markorian said:
Wife had a miscarriage this morning. I just feel so hollow still, I know it was early in the pregnancy, and these things are more common than people realize, but I can't sleep and I can't distract myself. She wanted to remain cautious until the first trimester was over and not really tell too many people or get excited just yet just in case anything like this happened, but I promised her that everything would be ok, like I had a thousand times before. She trusted me, and I let her down. I'm angry at myself, and if I'm being honest, there's a part of me upset that she's not angry at me too.
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I was in your wife's shoes twice last year. It fucking sucks, I know, but she won't blame you. My partner felt the exact same - he thought it was his fault cause he'd gone and gotten me pregnant. Keep your chin up, and give yourself a few months to recover because you'll need it.
 
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Honestly if I was to sum up a lesson I’m learning this year it’s that a relationship ending is not always my fault and no matter how perfect I am or was it wouldn’t change that person’s mind. It’s hard to not interfere but letting someone I love figure their own shit out has been so freeing. I’ve gained some self-esteem that I used to believe I didn’t deserve. It’s still difficult to accept unfortunately.
 
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I'm being kicked in the face by allergies. I haven't had them this bad in years. I'm not even sure if it IS allergies or a cold, but it seems to get way worse when I'm at home. It's been rainy lately which has probably exacerbated it. Not sure I'd it's pollen or mold, or both.

I'm also just feeling very cooped up. Like I'm repeating the same things o et again but getting nowhere. And being lonely to boot. I feel like it's difficult to find events near me or opportunities to meet people with similar interests.
 
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Coffee Druid said:
I'm being kicked in the face by allergies. I haven't had them this bad in years. I'm not even sure if it IS allergies or a cold, but it seems to get way worse when I'm at home.
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I get allergies but what basically cured it for me was

A. Vacuum regularly
and
B. HEPA air filter in the bedroom

Now even if I go outside I'm fine. I figure if I'm not breathing in dust and pollen all night then my system has more cope for the rest of the day.

Whatever it is, hope you feel better soon.
 
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Completed my W-4 yesterday and officially ended my temporary NEET-dom due to medical/life issues. I still have a long way to go to get back to "normal" but that is a big hurdle for me cleared. It seems like it'll be an awesome place to work too. Formal menswear boutique that is really chill and easy work.
 
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